I need a mentor

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited June 2009

    Held so good to hear from you! Glad you are getting closer and closer to the end of all this stuff. WinkSo glad that you are taking a holiday with the family...time for fun.  Where are you going?

    Hugs Dream.

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2009

    Hugs dream.

    We are going to Long Beach Island in New Jersery.  Do you know it?

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited June 2009
    LBI?  Every one in NJ knows it Cool. Nice place, hope you have a wonderful, relaxing, restful time.
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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2009

    I am going to enjoy my family and try to forget I have ever had breast cancer.....

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited June 2009

    sounds like a plan. this is certainly a milestone and a trip well deserved, earned and needed!

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited June 2009

    Home from vacation.... it was amazing.  I managed to leave work behind and enjoy my family, but leaving BC behind was not that easy.  

    I started reading some novels that the home owner had there.  They are mystery novels, yet they left me asking those same spiritual questions again.  Is anyone familiar with the churches that believe in passing around snakes and if you are bitten and die it is because you did not have enough faith? 

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited June 2009

    wowow. held that one's beyond me..............

    glad to hear you had a great time -- you so deserve it

    big hugs to all the mentors/mentee

    I spoke to Saint on the phone yesterday and she 'sounded' so much better...... I know that she's still plagued with fatigue, but she's making progress

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited June 2009

    Hugs held--those are "fringe" churches & sorta out of the normal walk of life-------in fact in some places they are banned due to the poisonous snakes! NOT within my personal parameters of belief!

    HUGS all--off to light "our" candle & 2 extras for 2 specail friends' intentions for Tues----

    Be well & stay strong

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited July 2009

    Saint - are you doing better?

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited July 2009

    Held- I've been thinking of you, how are you doing? Hoping you enjoyed your holiday/trip with the family. Its so good to get away from all the stuff sometimes.

    Saint- hope you have a great RV trip, hi and hugs to you and Faith.

    I have been really struggling with the church, religion, god, jesus being saved/chosen thing. Not finding anyone (church, minister) so far that I am comfortable talking about this. So I have been thinking and pondering and reading and I think I am coming to the thought that church and religion is a vehicle or path to reach god...sort of the middle man. Many of the holy books seem to be similar on the important points, just the traditions and rituals are different. This makes me feel much better...that there is a universal church, a universal God. It all seems to boil down to some version of the 10 commandments and "the golden rule". 

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited July 2009

    Need prayers urgently ladies.  I saw the surgeon today for a post-op.  Everything looked  good except for a "suspicious" lesion on my back. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I am now scheduled to be cut AGAIN!!!!

    Please pray that this is nothing but a minor inconvience.  

    Everyday is an adventure!

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited July 2009

    Oh Held--You are in my prayers.

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited July 2009

    Hugs Held--prayers are yours! I am feeling much better compared with a few weeks ago! Hang in there & let us know what is happening!

    EWB--I TOTALLY agree that religion is a man-made vehicle to get us to the faith & grace that are personal in nature, but usually bring us to some kind of community to share it! BIg hugs & prayers for you to find some peace & solace with the whole issue.....

    Special love & prayers being sent in thanksgiving for our friends F&F and her dh. They made our trip a memorable one! It was awesome & we NEVER could have had that kind of experience of Door County without them! I thank God for you guys & pray that your generosity & friendship is returned to you 100 fold!

    Hugs--be well & stay strong

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited July 2009

    Held. Sending enormous tons of prayers to get you thru this next chapter. Please report back to us just as soon as you are able.

    EWB: HAPPPPPPPPPPY Birthday. You are such a genuine and deep thinker..... thinking these deep thoughts in the midst of celebrating your birthday.

    We did have a barrel of fun, didn't we?? Saint was granted enough energy so that I did my best to wear her out. We laughed. We explored. We appreciated. We shared. PRICELESS!

    xx00xx00xx00xx

    hugs and encouragement to anyone who might be reading along.

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited August 2009

    I am having a hard day ladies.  I need to vent.  My date for my slice and dice with the surgeon is getting close.  I feel confident that it is nothing to worry about, but once in a while I get a WACK of anxiety.  

    When I am asking for prayers, I feel myself getting angry about those same things I was angry about when we first started this thread.  And  I want  to smack people who think it is a comfort to me to pray for "God's will".  Why can't they just pray that there is nothing to be worried about, that the biopsy will show that it is just a lump of skin?  Is there something wrong with that?  GRRRRRRRR.  I seriously need to go cry.  

    My husband really made my day on Saturday when he told me that he is "dealing with a lot too".  He is "very sad" that he will never again touch a "real" breast, and that is "a bit tough on him".  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  The feeling I have about that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  EXCUSE ME!!!!  BITE ME! UP YOURS!!!  mixed in with "I am so sorry for everything I have put you through".....

    I miss you guys.  

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited August 2009

    Oh sweetie...such a mix of thoughts and feelings. Gentle hugs, kickass prayers that everything will be ok, the lump will be nothing and you heal quickly. I also offer my bopping doll (you hit this blow up thing and it bounces around but does not fall)...we tape on the face of whoever/whatever we're mad at and hit the heck out of it...very good for these kinds of days Yell

    Hang in there and come vent whenever you need!

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited August 2009

    Hugs & prayers Held----the candle continues to burn.......

    Please let us know how it goes!

    Be well & stay strong 

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited August 2009

    Saint- its good to see you, how are you feeling these days?

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2009

    WHOA....Can I join THIS GROUP?

    Held....I have not read every post, but I can sure identify. I had a lesion removed around the same time you are getting yours removed. Not the date...the time lapse..the time line .AHHH Chemo Brain!

    It was dark and scary, it came back negative. They also took one off may back, same thing, negative. I think it is just part of the process. It's funny though, the scary little bumps and moles that worry me the worst are considered to be no threat???

    I joined BC.org in feb. 2007 and then decided to tough things out on my own. I thought I was the only one that had PTSD.....haahahaha...ok not the only one...but I did not make the complete link until I logged back on yesterday.

    I already had somewhat of a PTSD....at this point in my life; I'm 53; I am identifying ptsd in more than just some/most of us. I was diagnosed with it Feb 2008 by a pretty neat analyst, but thought I was a minority.

    I hit a huge bump a couple of weeks ago....A WHOOP DEE DOOP.....just stupid minor things....but they hit me like a brick wall. I expect more from the people I go to church with, but then I have to remind myself they are humans.

    I could sure use a mentor if there are any available. I am fairly knowledgeable have tremendous faith and LOVE GOD.

    As a matter of fact, if anyone wants to hear I have some pretty amazing stories that have led me to my Love for God and the faith I have discovered during this catastrophe.

    Held...I will add you to my prayers. :)

    Sharon

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited August 2009

    Welcome Sharon!

    Held--praying & waiting for an update from you.

    EWB--I get a transfusion, feel better for a few days & then slide back into fatigue I can't even begin to describe, then get another transfusion......waiting to learn why my body is not hanging onto it's own rbc's!! Otherwise---I feel great! LOLOLOL 

    Hugs all--keep the faith! Be well & stay strong! 

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2009

    Held, I hope you get the opportunity to express to the husband how hurtful his missing "real breast" was.

    My husband kept talking to everyone about my behavior, except me! I felt completely betrayed. We have managed to approach this idoisyncrasy in our marriage to some degree, over the last year.

    We were way out in left field with our let's call them misunderstanding....i did not try to run over him with the car...OKAY! LOL

    When we went for professional help.....we really left out the BC....DUH???? We thought we had dealt with that! This is when our doctor told us it was all about the PTSD - post traumatic sterss, we were both feeling. Mine was more escalated...of course.

    But then I thought I was weird. i did not realize the percentage was high in us...on BC recipients.

    So I understand completely your venting and can identify and don't even have a smidge of an issue with it.  LET IT FLOW!

    I made the mistake of letting it flowwww on some folks at work, they did deserve it, and the top dog and hr both prefer me to those jerks. But I did end up getting fired....but that's okay. I am going back to school to be a nurse.

    Hope this helps...if not you can blast me all you want..:).because i am here for YOU! :)

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  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited August 2009

    EWB...your post about the church is exactly why I returned to BCO. I have since realized we are all humans and some of my brothers and sisters don't get it. Me being human and expecting too much from them and them being more concerned with how the pictures hang in the library sometimes.

    I placed on them what I needed to seek in GOD. And feel He led me here! AMEN!

    Saint....I am praying for you.

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited August 2009

    Oh, goodness gracious sakes alive.

    Where on earth have I been lately.

    I'm so embarrassed (that doesn't look like I've spelled it right, but you get the idea.)

    Held please forgive me for going M.I.A. when you needed some support.

    Welcome Sharon. This is such a great place. We wrestle with all sorts of issues & listen to each others fears -- all from a framework of belief & faith and holding each other up -- all while respecting each others needs to search for answers in the unfathomable.

    I just got off the phone with saint. We have been so fortunate to meet in person & develop a friendship in 'real life.' She's really up against it right now & I know she'd appreciate any & all prayers as she awaits info from a myriad of tests regarding her RBCs that she mentioned in her last post here.

    My laptop has been so mucked up & I've been on the road for the last several weeks, but I will attempt to be more 'in-the-loop' in the future.

    Our BIG news is that our youngest daughter is now engaged!!!! We're thrilled. He's an absolutely fantastic fellow & so perfect for her. The celebration is nearly at hand as well....... that's a whole long lovely story. It's allllll really great news & for that we are delighted.

    My best prayers to each & all at this thread.

    xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited August 2009

    Held---what's the news>>>????

    I keep the candle burning....

    be well & stay strong 

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited August 2009

    No news..... I am taking that as a positive Smile!!!  At this point, no news is good news.  The doc told me he would call if the bx showed anything to be concerned about, and I have not heard from him.  He said it would take 7-10 days, and today is day 11.  I get the stitches out Thursday morning, so  I will know def. then.  I can't believe how many stitches I have so such as little spot.  

    How are you saint? 

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited August 2009

    HUGS held!

    Keeping a good thought for Thurs

    I keep on keeping on................ 

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited August 2009

    Held. Sending you some positive thoughts, some hugs & spare encouragement.

    I have plenty so I have enough for you, too Saint and Elaine and Sharon also.

    I'm just filled to the brim with awe for each of you -- who have walked thru the fire & emerged.

    It's great to have the opportunity to bask in your collective shadow(s).

    Big hugs, girlfriends.

    Big hugs.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    Strength and courage.

    xx00xx00xx00xx

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited August 2009

    Ok, I really, really, really need to vent for one second ok??

     My dh came home tonight and decided to have a "beer or two".  He is a complete ASS when he drinks.  He becomes a completely different person.  I have enough stress to deal with right now.  Bx, brother may lose home, problems at job, children having emotional issues related to my illness, problems with my meds..... you guys know my pain. 

    Well he is driving me crazy!!! I want to try to relax and get some sleep tonight (for a change), and he is being such a complete ASS!!!

    I HATE his "beer personality".  I seriously HATE him (the alter ego) when he is drinking.  I hate him, I hate him, I hate him......

    Ahhhh, thanks for letting me let that out

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited August 2009

    Hugs held----now tell him EXACTLY what you told us! When dh & I were dating I learned that I did not like him at all when he drank hard liquor. I made sure he understood how STRONGLY I felt about it (we broke up for about a week) & he has never done it around ME again --it's been over 30 years! TELL him he is an ASS when he drinks & makes you feel your true dh abandoned you to an idiot!!!!

    Be well & stay strong--praying for that app't tomorrow, too! 

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited August 2009

    B9B9B9 B9B9B9  B9B9B9 B9B9B9 B9B9B9 B9B9B9 B9B9B9 SmileSmileSmileSmileSmileSmile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    The lesion is B9 and totally unrelated to my breast cancer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!!  Praise God!!!!

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