Starting Chemo May 2008
Comments
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I didn't realize how long it has been since I posted. I think it will take me a few hours to read through all the posts to catch up. I have been busy with my daughter since her passing the BRC. She didn't feel comfortable on my motorcycle (yeah, I don't have to share) so we went cycle shopping. She bought a Honda Rebel
and we have been riding together. I will post pictures on FB when I get a chance. After not riding all last summer because of the chemo it feels really great to be back on the bike. I am going to start riding it to work. I was afraid of helmet head but it actually makes my chemo curls look better. Who would have thought?Besides riding I have been prepping myself for a job interview by doing some research. Things look really GOOD for me filling a spot for a full time paraprofessional in the Autism program. At my request I took autism training 2 summers ago so Nora (women in charge) knows me well not to mention that my principal thinks very highly of me. The autism program is located in our school.
They will be interviewing last of May or beginning of June. I feel really good about this. I have always believed that God would open the door for me with a full time job I love when I needed one. Since Curt's cut back I didn't look for the job with my Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde, it came to me. I know I can do this and believe it is mine. Please add this to your prayers.
Speaking of Mr. Hyde I met the dark side of him last week. He called me a fat a$$, threw a ball at me, told me to shut the F*ck up, snatched my glasses off my face and threw them across the room and finished by saying he had a knife in his pocket and was going to cut my neck off. I managed to talk him back to Dr. Jeckle so we are ok. What has me ticked off is after filling out the report the supervisor of the program for the district told me that, that was his last draw and he was now expelled from the program. She was going to let him finish out the week so his parents could make other arrangements. Guess who showed up today. Yep you got it. When I called the main supervisor she said since he had a good rest of the week he could stay. The only reprimand he has gotten for his actions are from me not allowing him to do the things he loves like going to the computer room or going to talk to his aunt that works in the kitchen. Good news is that I still have another month with him. Maybe there is still time for me to help him change.
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Pictures of my meeting with Roxi are up on Facebook! We found some nice folks waiting for the hotel shuttle to take the picture for us. There is something really special about meeting in person after knowing one another virtually, and going through so much of the same stuff, over the course of more than a year. (Especially when the person you're meeting is as warm and beautiful as Mary.)
Karin, you are amazing with kids. I'm sure you're amazing on your bike, too, but it's the kids that really blow me away. I'm crossing all my fingers and toes for your interview.
Sue, welcome home!
Linda
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Karin,
You know I'll be thinking of you during your interview. Maybe we should all stay at home for this one. You so deserve this. I admire you for the work you do. It must be so rewarding.
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Karin -- your post gave me goosebumps.
If every kid who struggled had an adult in their life who was as concerned about them as you are for "your" kids . . . the world would be a much kinder, gentler place.
Things are busy over here. Okay, but busy. I should get results of the biopsies on wednesday. Did I say this already? That they removed a couple small masses and some "pre-cancerous" tissue from the cervix but are optimistic that there is no cancer. I'm recovering pretty well.
Randie? Dana? yoohoooooooooo...??
(PS I thought I had deleted my earlier post. I'm going to do so now! It came across as crass when what I was trying to say was "I am following the discussion but have nothing useful to offer since I had a lumpectomy.")
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Karin - You are truly amazing . . . . wow! Wishing you all the best in your interview.
RanD - Prayers to you my dear. Loved the J&J e-mail!!
I had scans today and met with my Pulmonary doc (who is fantastic)! Basically all of the radiation scarring in the lungs in gone - great news.
Running out to facebook to check out the photos!
Jean
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Jean, I just realized I never congratulated you on your Race for the Cure performance!! I'm betting that next year, with all the radiation scarring gone, you're going to take the top spot.
The Detroit RFTC is a week from Saturday. I'm going to run it, but with my mileage drastically reduced because of this $#$&* plantar fasciitis -- and boy, does it ever feel like a luxury to be cursing plantar fasciitis, don't think I don't realize that -- I don't know what kind of time I'm capable of. But it'll still be fun.
Rock, I'll be hoping for clear biopsy results. Let us know, OK?
Linda
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Welp day 2 of doc appts is over.... apparently my right ovary has gone awol. So if anyone sees it, don't step on it.
Rock, rand, dana?? you ladies doing ok??
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Oops, sorry Jen, stepped on the right ovary....but good news, it was nice and squishy!! (Talk about coming across as crass)..
It's so good to be home.
RanD, Dana--prayers for youse both and stay in touch.
Rock, benign biopsy! Im-mee-jut-ly, please!
Saw the PS today, all good. Small area of abdominal incision "under stress" but no infection and it is healing, just slowly. Off all pain meds except Tylenol. Have started to actually use my abs again, such as they are. I actually have time to keep my house clean, instead of catching up on the weekends! My hubby is out mowing and I am doing laundry, he goes out on a 3-day trip tomorrow. So it will just be me and the girl dogs. Life is just feeling so, so good.
We visited the land we want to buy while we were in Georgia, it's beside a 4,000 foot grass runway. I thought we were just getting in early on what was going to be a fly-in community, and we are, but it turns out the owner wants to build a house on one side of the runway and us to build on the other side, and all the "development" will be on the other end of the airport. This is a man that my husband taught to fly 25 years ago when he was flight instructing, just a really nice person, and it's a high compliment for him to ask us this. We've met his wife and we all get along well. I just need this house in Texas to sell! Can we add that to our prayers and good wishes?
Karin, I am very impressed (but not surprised) to hear the passion in your words when you speak of your work. I've decided I 'm going with you to the interview, but I'll be very quiet and well-behaved and my job will be to give you strong confidence....because this is your job, already!
Linda, thanks for the welcome home, and I get you about being grateful to complain about fascitis..(I'm jealous you got to meet Mary) Love, loveSue
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Reading, reading, reading...
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They have the biopsy results in the office but won't give them to me until tomorrow. I'm okay with that. But I am going to rip the head off the next person who says "I'm sure it will be fine." (My blog has some white hot rage, and a picture of a kitten. www.rockthebald.blogspot.com)
I like this George Eliot quote, though I had to read it really slowly to get what she was saying. Then I liked it so much, and I had to share it with you guys. You are very dear.
I like not only to be loved, but also to be told that I am loved.
I am not sure that you are of the same mind.
But the realm of silence is large enough beyond the grave.
This is the world of light and speech, and I shall take
leave to tell you that you are very dear
--George Eliot -
Rock,
We'll all be there tomorrow for you. I love the quote by the way.
Had my pre-op today. Pretty scary stuff they have to disclose. I wasn't aware that I wouldn't eat for 3 days. I'm okay with that though cuz maybe I'll lose a few of these pounds. I'll probably be gone for 4-5 days. I'll keep you posted. I'm gonna try to get a laptop so I can chat.
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Rock - Count me in tomorrow as well! (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))) my dear!!!
Mary - I had my pre-op yesterday and the disclosure stuff was a bit scary. I now sit here hoping I made the right decision for recon. I learned from the implant board that my PS will tell me AFTER the surgery that I cannot run for 6 weeks. Knowing I am a runner, could he have shared that with me??? I feel like a revenue stream. Hoping that changes.
Linda - plantar fasciitis is a nasty running injury. Hoping you are on the healing side of that. Good luck in the R4C. Your finish last year is what put the idea in my head that I wanted to be the 1st finishing survivor this year. I thought about it every day during chemo. Hoping that you have a pain free run. I am running the Bolder Boulder 10k in Colorado on Memorial Day. Next big race I plan to run is the PF Chang Rock -n- Roll marathon in Scottsdale in January. Any interest?
Love to you all!
Jean
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Rock - I'm available ANY time you need me. We'll see you tomorrow!
Hugs - Julie
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Rock - I typed out a response on your blog but then didn't send it. Basically my response is WTF?! How is it these doctors don't understand that those of us who have been dealing with this disease (especially as recently as we have) need those results NOW. Not when you feel like taking the time to read them and talk to me. Not when I'm sitting here worrying and knowing that you could give me the info if you would take the time for me, a cancer patient who worries enough as it is every time I have to go to a doctor, feel achy, run a fever, have -oscopies, etc. Why can't they understand that we need a little extra from them? This just frustrates the hell out of me.
I'll be waiting with you anxiously. Shovel in hand, mind you.
Much love.
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Thinking about you all, especially Rock and Randie (and Dana...yooo hooo?!)
I'm feeling down because the situation is very bleak for the state of California. There was a vote yesterday on some propositions to relieve some of the cuts/budget deficit by borrowing money from already-designated areas that can't be touched without voter approval. They all failed and this means a great deal more cuts, to education in particular, but many, many programs. I think people see the word "tax" right now and want nothing to do with it. But it's frustrating because if they actually READ what it was about, they would understand. Sorry for the rant - just feeling the anxiety of the teachers and schools.
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Cris, I heard a spot on the radio yesterday about California's budget crisis, and immediately thought of you. It's scary and frustrating at the same time. (It also justifies my feeling that setting up special funds and designated funding streams is just plain bad policy).
Squeezing your hand, Rock.
Mary and Jean: good luck with your surgeries. I'll eat and run for the two of you, how about that?!? (Though these days, I'm better at the eating part than the running part.)
Linda
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Morning Ladies,
Have made it home, safe and sound. DD had a good showing at the Nationals, lots of ribbons and medals to show for it, that will be the last hoorah for the competitions this year. Looking forward to staying at home for awhile.
Rock sending good vibes your way......Randie how are you doing lately ?
Mary & Jean best wishes for speedy recovery from your upcoming surgeries !
Gotta go for my yearly poke and prod. This doc i aquirred during chemo and really like him, but have only had female docs do the pap before, so feel a little weird about it. Know i shouldn't as all modesty went out the window a long time ago !
Have a good day !
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I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!! I will see ya'll in a few days!
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Linda - Thanks for the thoughts - we'll need all the positive energy we can get.
Jen - Have a great weekend, hope the trip is good!
Rock - Let us know how it went please.
Not feeling to well this evening...I think I need to sleep.
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uterus ok. cervix had the (expected) precancerous cells. lesion removed with clean margins. there will be follow up in three months to make sure that the problem isn't returning and if it is, then there will probably be more involved surgery.
Pardon the TMI, but: i'm bleeding bright red blood. Not a huge amount but steady and I can actually feel myself bleeding. The doctor says that I shouldn't be bleeding but the internet suggests this is not unheard of. My question to you guys: Is this what is wiping me out? Am I losing enough blood to make my slightly anemic body feel wasted?
A dear friend just got a HUGE promotion and while I am so proud for her (and happy for my school!), I also feel like an under-achiever. Even though I would suck at being an administrator. Also, a junior colleague just got tenure and is making plans to buy a home. (I rent.) I feel like an adolescent.
I am so happy with my life. But there are these moments that I think, "Why didn't I grow up? What's wrong with me?"
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rock, I think the things we keep around us--the "trappings" of our lives--should be like the clothes we choose to wear. They should be comfortable, they should make us feel good, and they should suit our lifestyle. Who gives a rat's a** what everyone else thinks? (Maybe it's like deciding to go bald-bald when you've been chemo-ed. Do what makes you feel satisfied.)
I bought a house (by myself, unmarried) even before I got tenure. I bought it because I wanted the privacy, and I had grown to hate landlords and the vulnerability of being someone's tenant. Oh, and I really wanted the "land"--even if it was just a large back yard with half a dozen trees.
Compared to the terrific apartment I'd left behind when I relocated, though, the house made me feel silly. It was a cookie-cutter 3-bedroom, 1300-sf house on a lot in a stereotypical subdivision filled with nosey neighbors. My apartment had been half the 2nd floor of a classic 3-story walk-up that was built in 1916 in an old, established neighborhood of St. Paul, MN.
So, owning a home can be highly overrated. It all depends on why you do it, and how you handle it.
Oh, and about your friend's promotion and your sense of under-achievement... You are a much more accomplished college prof than I was--I show you the reviews of your latest book and your Fulbright documents as evidence. I was tenured and promoted to Associate Prof., but only with some uncomfortable difficulties that I would be glad to tell you privately over an alcoholic beverage (or two). <sigh>
[Some of you who logged on before lunch today might have read an earlier, much longer version of this. I've edited it because the earlier version sounded too much like a personal diary.]
I guess the moral of the story is that you should do things that you find gratifying, and that make you feel fulfilled--things that make your life seem fun and important, no matter what anyone else thinks of them. Look at where you are, woman. Imagine how many of your co-workers and NYC friends will have an opportunity to do what you've done, and meet the people you've met!
Great news about the uterus. The cervix has been remodeled and will be fine. I don't know about the bleeding--could it be from the uterine trauma? Or is it from the cervical snipping? Yes, I think it could make you feel weak and yucky. If it continues, well, ... you know what to do.
Huge hugs to rock, and ranD, and EyesOTex, and Cristine, and everybody else here...
otter
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Did I kill our thread???
otter
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Nope - I'm here hanging on every word. I just love to listen to you write. Everything you said makes so much sense.
We have a lot going on. One more day and 1.5 hours of school left. Riley had an event every day this week. The weather is finally nice and I'm trying to get stuff done.
Still thinking of RanD, Rock and Eyes. Cris - hope you get to feeling better. I've had a headache a few days this week and really puffy eyes which I guess is from the allergies.
We will be with everyone next week just like we are with Jen this week on her trip. Someone remind me where in Virginia we are going and who we are going to visit. But if we are with Jen, you know we are going to have a good time.
Have a happy Memorial Day weekend.
Hugs to all - Julie
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funny Otter! I don't any one of us could kill it.
I is here. back after what seems like forever. That funeral last week took 3 days and lots of hours of sleep from me. For those who read my blog post about it learned about some of it. Worst of all were the photos of the girl( who I barely knew) in the last days before she died. I have seen cancer deaths before and this one looked horrific.
I have been playing catch up all week... the store is slow, but we are working hard to generate sales and prep for two huge summer festivals in June. I am going to my 20 year college reunion in early June and the staff have to run the local street fest without me or Tim. We have plane tix and rooms booked. I wish one of you lived in Vermont...
The garden is keeping me busy, and I am on a diet and workout program. Texas in Oct is still the plan, but you are all welcome to crawl up here anytime...Linda, I imagine I will get to Detroit sometime soon.
I am crazy tired and off to bed after watching a special about a local reporter who died today from throat cancer. He was 47.
Dumb cancer thing of the week? an old employee who I was friends with waved at us while we were waiting for DS's takeout at the roadhouse next to my store. I went over and said hi( I totally forget I have short hair sometimes) and she said "you cut all your hair off!?" so I told her I had cancer last year blah blah blah... chemo, bald etc... I told her she could see the bald pics in the store... she said "oh I haven't been in for awhile.... but I should come soon 'cause I need some lip gloss!".. and that was it. ...
Oh well, i should be happy she wants to spend money at the store..
Love to all...!
xoN
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Oh, Otter. You always do know what to say. I am going to go to an internet cafe and print out your post and haul it around with me today. It was that kind of reassuring, and note-perfect. (THough I do wish I had seen the longer version. More otter is always a good thing.)
I almost forgot: THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR GOOD-NATURED NAGGING ME TO MAKE THE APPOINTMENT FOR THESE PROCEDURES. It helped. And of course, all the well wishes.
Noelle, I am slow to tell you that your post on the funeral was quite moving. And slow to tell Cris how much I appreciated the note.
Finally: If Randie ever surfaces (please re-surface Randie!!), I will happily (??) regale her with an update on my love life. Which continues to get interesting even though it remains a distinctly G-rated enterprise.
Over and out, and lots of love.
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Reading, reading, reading. Happy Memorial Day...love you. We've been raising bucks for our team and for Adam for SUsan G. He's in the top 11 in the state. We've had a good time. His letter he wrote about me made me cry. Thinking of all of you. Lots to do this weekend. More soon. Hope you're all well.
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Wishing everyone a safe and wonderful weekend. I am headed to Boulder to run a 10k. I will be able to catch up on the posts via the blackberry . . . but unable to post. Know that I am thinking of you all!
Rock - I have sooooo many things that I would like to say in response to what you wrote. First, your amazing! Most important - your passion for what you do and how you live can be sensed through a message board! No title or possession is more important than that. There are lots of folks with big houses and empty lives. After my diagnosis, I have re-discovered some of kid in me and could not be happier. Off to catch a plane.
Love you all!
Jean
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Hunny I'm hoooooooome! Got home just a bit ago. We changed our plans a bit and ended up staying at the cabin overnite after the wedding. It was wonderful! The drive both ways wasn't too horrible either. We went to the mountain lake resort...... the same place where they filmed dirty dancing, in virginia. WAAAAYYY up on top of a mountain. 4000 ft elevation. Seemed like we drove straight up forever to get there up a teeny windy road. It's fun to travel but better to be back home :O)
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Back home after a weekend of softball in Dallas area- 2 nights at a hotel (had a hottub so its OK) with 3 of the kids- it was a Vitamin D enriching weekend!
Picked the first two cucumbers, one zuchini and 5 squash from the garden today - veggie and meat spaghetti for dinner tonight.
Hope everyone is doing well- life is crazy busy right now and Im just so glad I get to participate this year!
Kristy
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Hey gals! I was home today with the heebeejeebees...this time on Thursday I will have TWO boobs again....gawd..I said it out loud again! I've been freaked out all day, but I keep remembering that I ALSO got a swag of tickets to the AC/DC concert in February. I'm going to have my belated family 50th that weekend (I had a hot date with chemo last year when I turned 50) so that will be cool. Roxi!! did you get your recon date?? Do YOU have the heebeejeebees?? Jeano, how did your run go? I envy your fitness
!! XXXXXXXXX to y'all
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