Starting Chemo May 2008

Okay, ladies I finally have my poem done.  It was my assignment of love.  I tried a limerick, but that just seemed too trite and I tried Haiku but there just weren't enough syllables to say all that I wanted.

Our Fabric of Friendship

Our fabric of friendship was woven

From this cyber "thread".

I made it into covers

That I wore upon my head.

I made a soft, warm blanket

That I take with me to bed.

Our fabric of friendship

Will never fade or shred.

I twisted it into a rope

To get across the river

You pulled me along

And gave me hope

I will be grateful - forever.

Every scrap of fabric

Was made by all of you

From the spirit of the women

Who continue to pull me through.

Some days it's soft and silky

Some days it's starched and stiff

No matter where I am in life

I will always take you with

Thank you to all May '08 chemo warriors and to Kristy for starting the "thread".

The spacing isn't quite the way I want it and sorry to end with a preposition.

Don't ask me why but today I felt the need to go through the notebooks I had been given during my cancer year.  Catharsis I guess. Read through the paper copies of my pathology reports, reviewing the statistics from my onco re: recurrance, looking back over the list of options given me then and wondering what I would do differently.  But in things like thing there are no do overs and I am satisfied that each decision I made was the best for ME at the time. Anyway, during the reread of my 2008 cancer notebooks many thought flooded my mind on many levels.  One rambling thought is below.

 See you next year. Sorry -You need to come back for a diagnostic- I don't like the way it looks- It's cancer. The MRI can't be done for at least two weeks- Stop using your HRT immediately; Call this doctor ASAP;  Breast Cancer is not an emergency - you have time to think through your decisions rationally.I'm sorry ma'am we can't see you for two weeks; The surgery went well...I think I got it all.  Mom - I have to talk to you - I have breast cancer, too. You need another surgery; It's like you're pregnant with cancers waiting to be born. Oncotype; Hormone Therapy; Chemotherapy; Lumpectomy; Breast Reduction; Physical - emotional - spiritual pain.  Mom, isn't there another way? Mastectomy; Only one drain; Misshapen and bruised;  Portacath; Infusion Center; Taxotere; Cytoxan; FMLA; LOA;  Call Center Closing; You're not protected anymore; Zofran; Decadron; Compazine; Ambien; Ativan;  Mouth Sores; Magic Mouth Wash; Germophobic; Don't stand to close; Don't shake my hand; Hair on pillow; Hair in hand; Wig on a stand; Headcovers.com; Dangling earrings; Why did she cut her hair so short and dye her hair gray?; Looks of pity; Looks of relief; You remind me of my mother and it is hard to look at you;  Chemo Brain; Fatigue; Muscle and Joint Pain; Out of control emotions; Unable to feel emotions; Blood counts good; Why do I feel so crappy?; Aromatase Inhibitors: Hot Flashes, Old lady skin, Thinning hair -I just got it back, muscle and joint pain, fatigue, it's only for 5 years; 1st mammogram looks clear- See you next year.

So far the 6th looks clear for me. There is a cracker barrel right off the springfield exit. I'll have to look up which exit it was for ya... <big grin>

Thanks, Eddie.

Robin - are you driving or flying to Ohio?  If driving, what route will you take?  You might not be too far from me.  Loved your thoughts on the past year.

RanD - sleeping bag: check . . . chocolate cake: check  . . . breath mints: check . . .  invisibility cloak (from Harry Potter so we can get past the nurses): check . . . bag full of happy, healing thoughts and prayers: CHECK!  We'll be there tomorrow night so we can get you all tucked in for a good night's rest.  We have a busy day on Tuesday!

Toodles - Julie

Oh ya... I'll being an extra bean bag chair thingy, it's big enough for 2 or 3 of us, about 6 feet long... I bought this last spring b4 chemo started ..I think, can't remember exactly.. I bought it for a reason other than sitting... it has never been used.....It is currently covered in clothes and shoes and stuff in the spare room...( this link not for the faint of heart)

http://www.liberator.com/products.php?id=198 

 xoN

Aw...you are making me cry...I will make sure that i get the room at the end next to the lougne so we can sneak out and stretch,

My bff and chemo buddy has offered to spend a couple of nights with me....with the panic attacks coming at night, it would be nice to have a warm body to shake awake...lol

ok, loading the thermoses for lots of coffee to go with the cake and bob says to make sure all your planes land at sacramento international so he can pick you up and deliver you straigh to the hopsital!!!

Seriously,

i have packed my slippers, two quilts, my own pillowcases, undies, socks, mp3, movies, books, bible, laptop,

what am I forgetting??????

randie

Good Morning!

Randie-I'm here with you too!!  I just want to tell you how much I admire you-your strength, your sense of humor-everything!  I love ya!!

Been a busy weekend-loved the weather--it was 90 here yesterday and I had to turn on the air conditioner.  (Hot flashes & heat don't mix)  Spent Sat. with youngest DD and the kids--jumped on the trampoline with Jacob-he thought it was great that Nana could bounce!  

Follow up today with the vascular surgeon.  Hoping to get to see the before & after pics.  DD said that I was triangle shaped from shoulders up.  

Everyone have a great day!!

It all started back in may 08,

the year so far had been just great.

Then came the bad news

we weren't sure what to do.

Doctor visits back to back

so many, it was hard to keep track.

Looking for support, I came to the forum

and do you know the site had nice decorum

Here I found my ladies so wise and so strong

they let me know fast I had not chose wrong.

we chatted and cried,

we laughed so much we were fit to be tied.

I knew these women would be my guide.

These were the women in which I could confide.

So much has happened since may 08

I will never forget that fateful date.

Or these beautiful woman who made it turn out great.

*sidenote.... I'm horrible with words. Sorry if that was painful to read LOL.

I think I'll materialize outside the door... I can be scary first thing in the morning :O)

Julie~ how far are you from dayton? I now nancy is about 4 hours-ish from me.

Gracie~ You ain't a kidding about the hot air and flashes. Lord have mercy thought I was gonna croak on saturday. I hid in the house yesterday trying to stay cool. We have window units and are trying to not put them in till the real hot weather happens. That was miserable. I started counting how many I had yesterday..... it was a slow HF day and I had 13. I hate this so much. My gf had her hysterectomy on friday and is going to have hormone patches.... I'm jealous.

Kerry~ So glad to see you again! I hope everything goes wonderfully for you tomorrow!!!!

RanD~ Love ya daul! This will be the thing that works, I just know it!

Another day for me sitting around the house, most likely all week. Out of work .. yet again. If this keeps up I may have to look for another job in the evenings where in case work does pick up a bit I can work both. I just hate the thought of working at a lesser pay and more hours trying to make up the difference.

3 out of my 4 baby birdies have flown away this weekend. I was surprised at how fast they had feathers pop up and out they went. The last one is stretching its wings real good this morning, so I'm sure it will be gone soon. Then I am tossing the wreath away they lived in. I made it out of pinecones several years back and have used it for cmas each year. At least it went out with a bang.

This morning cooled down a tad from the 85+ degrees the past 2 days. Gonna be a high of 60 tomorrow. With these hot flashes I may have to move to alaska for the next 5 years.

L/S Jen :O)

Why Miss Noelle, I do declare! I beleive you made me blush! LOL That wave looking one looks awesome to read in actually.

The poems are great....keep them coming. I'll give it some thought. I packed some wd40 for the squeeky doors in Randie's room so nurse Rachit doesn't catch us. 

RanD - where's the pool?  I bet Otter is already in there.

Hey all, just peeking in RanD's room making sure your all comfy and not partying to loud! Thought I'd bring you all some famous canadian coffee from Tim"s to get you all through the morning while waiting. Hope you all get some rest and Otter keeps the splashing in check!

Okay, Ran, we're coming, one by one.  For those of us that like to meditate or have a moment of quiet, our word for tomorrow (Tuesday) is "Comfort".  And for those of us that are more unruly (you know who you are!), fasten your seatbelts, it may be a bumpy ride!

Jen - I think one of your hotflashes wandered out of Ohio last weekend.  Can you keep them in check, please?   And your poem was perfectly you.

Katie's better tonight - it is NOT swine flu.  However, the house has been lysol-ed thoroughly.  If I could spray it on myself, I would.  I will not be sick, I will not be sick, I will not be sick...

Yoo-hoo? Randie? Jen? Adrienne? Karin?  Helloooooooooo??? Anybody there? 

Ummm, do these malted milk balls belong to anybody? Do you mind if I just have a few?

Candy rhymes with Randie.  And dandy.  I'm just sayin'.