Starting Chemo May 2008

Tex, Karin is the keeper of the master list of real addresses, phone numbers, email, etc.  She collected them and sent them to the rest of us.

If Karin doesn't stop in pretty soon with instructions for you, let us know and most any of us can send you the stuff.

BTW, what a great post!

otter 

EYES>>>Welcome back...

This is a fast happy post.  I am going in Monday afternoon for the procedure.  They will do the right side on Tuesday, then wait and do the  left side afterwards.  Should be in hopsital for 10-14 days.  But it has wi fi and my phone works so who hooooo oh hoooo..you will all be there.

love ya randie

EyesOTex! EyesOTex! EyesOTex!!!!!!

sorry guys.  i just saw that EyesOTEx has posted. I haven't read anything else. I'm just so freaking happy about this!!!!

Lovely women,

It is a pleasure to listen to you talk. Sometimes I can actually hear the voices as I read through the posts. Dana, that post was beautiful. Noelle, how are you feeling? Inquiring minds are wondering. Randie, extra big smoochies to you as you go on your "vacation." Hope all goes well. We are thinking of you. Glad the rest who were down with little illnesses are up and moving again. The photo of Otter and Jean is scrumpdili-icious. I believe that there is a common thread other than the "same haircut" common thread and that is that each of us, sadly but still with dignity, has wisdom in her eyes that very likely was not there before we were diagnosed with cancer. There is a resilience in those eyes that really resonates with me. I am in awe of all of you. Crush, crush, crush. WHAT HAPPENED? Robin, you need to talk to you onc as there are other drugs that can do the same thing femara is supposed to do that is not femara and that does not have the femara side effects. I am currently on my fourth month of femara and just about ready to kick it out as well, but I will do that by switching to another drug. I am not a drug girl. I hate them and I know that when I dump femara, it is likely the next drug will have a different SE but you need to discuss this with your onc. You may be able to take something else and have very little problems. Here is what I believe....we did chemo to kill any free wheeling radical cancer cells running around. We put poison in our bodies to dump the free radicals. We removed lumps and breasts to dump the actual cancer that was visible. Now, we are in the next stage...we want to keep cancer at bay for five years...the further we get from our original diagnoses, the less likely the cancer will return. Not to say it won't...as we know that sometimes it returns sooner (and we fight those fucking alligators) and sometimes it returns seven or eight years out and sometimes it takes 20 and sometimes it doesn't come back until we are 86 or we die of something else. I care about you deeply and I want you to consider having a chat with the onc. There are two or three other options to femara. Femara is the one that supposedly blocks or inhibits cells from feeding cells that could start the cancer again. I encourage and implore you to talk to your doc. OR, find a new doc. When I told my onc that femara was blechy, he said, okay, let's do something different. I chose to stay on it because I believe I am a masochist and I wanted to try everything before dumping out. For me, femara kills my joints -- one that was injured years ago in particular. So I can be moving along but the pain in those couple of joints (shoulders) takes 45 seconds to subside. Please reconsider dear Robin. You should feel well and you should not have to "hide this" from your onc. You are supposed to be on the same team. Blah, blah, blah. I love you. Angels, you are just across the water in Victoria. We wish you a wonderful time and wish I could fly like a heron over to see you. This afternoon, my cancer-bully friend, Dottie, and I head to the Napolitan Salon for Jeremy to do a full makeover on both of us. I expect hair color and maybe a cut. Dottie will get both for sure. I will get waxing (woo hoo...it'll be free) and I am hoping they throw in a left breast for me and a right one for her. Oh...wait....is that NOT part of the makeover? Anyway, we get to go back to our fancy store, Via Lago, on Sunday and pick out second outfits because we do not want to wear on TV on Monday what we are set to wear on Tuesday at the Gida's Club Surviving in Style Fashion show. Yes, there will be photos. At this point, I am so NOT married to my hair they can do anything except SHAVE IT OFF. Noelle, so sorry business is bad. I hope you can hang on as your products are high quality and unique and much loved in my household and with anyone else with whom I have shared them. Karin, big teacher and para layoffs coming in Washington state. Our Washington Education Association ESP of the year just won the national award and I shot a video of her. She is something....para with special ed but, at this point, started some amazing training programs for other paras who work with special ed kids. You'd love her. Anyway, we are hoping most of the layoffs (I hate when people call them RIFS...that is so bullshitty when, in fact, they are LAYOFFS) come through attrition. My DH is waking up. I hear him stirring. Spring is being glorious in Seattle.We go from wonderful days to rainy and cold ones to lucious breezes to everything in between. Mary, am thinking of your daughter and of you.

I chatted with my team about my port which is still scheduled to be in my body through to August. I told them it scared me...oh oh gotta' run. Going to work ... my ride is here.

I know I haven't posted since Saturday but I have been reading everyday. It has been really busy on my end. I have spent more time checking in on FB trying to get news on a co-worker taking this journey.

You might have remembered me mentioning her before. She had a bi-lateral mastectomy with implants on Tuesday. They did find some in the nodes so she will be following with chemo and rads.

I will play catch up with you all later.

God thank you for this group. Love to all.

Forgot to mention that today I met the mild side of Mr. Hyde. Nothing physical but I did get the F word thrown at me a few times along with death threats. We managed to start the day over when I introduced him to the Trouble Pole (we don't have a tree in front of the school). If not familiar with the trouble tree here is a link: http://www.karinya.com/ttree.htm I do believe I got through to him because we did have a great rest of the morning. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

Hello ladies!  My long work hours and the significant drop in my prednisone has left me beyond DAT this week. 

The highlight of my week, month and year was having the opportunity to have coffee with Otter.  She truly is the charming, genuine and brilliant person that we have all come to know and love.  Reading the May 2009 posts on our boards was quite the flashback  . . . to that scary time that I turned to all of you.  As I told Otter over coffee . . . I am so incredibly thankful to have found all of you.  Thanks Otter for taking time out of your trip - it was a treat to meet you in person!

I have sent a CD to everyone except Dana and Rock (as soon as I get addresses, I will get them out).  For some reason if you did not receive one, please let me know. 

Lot of love to all!

Jean

I am ok. Still a little sick. I also may have an ear infection and something that resembles PMS and my period all at once.

Taking tomorrow away from the store as much as I can. I am mentally weary sitting around a store for hours on end with too few customers and too many bills. I need to hide. I shouldn't, I should be marketing and making products and on and on... but I may start throwing things at the people if I don't take a break. The fake smile while answering endless idiotic questions is about to crack....me and my sore throat are going to bed.

Love to all!

 xxoN 

Rock - You are too cute to listen to!!  I LOVE it.

Kristy - YAY!!!  YAY to no more herceptin or pokes!!

Noelle - Yes, take a break.  You remind me of the girls on the team who get an injury but don't really stop long enough to let it heal and then re-injure themselves!!  Heal, sweetie.  Then go back.

Eddie - Love it when you check in, long and rambling (rambling is perfectly fine!) but I do hope you'll come back and finish that last sentence before you ran off to work. 

So I had to help Katie finish a report that is due for school tomorrow.  She had done a good job on Tuesday of typing up 3 paragraphs and only had one more to finish this afternoon.  I got to my mom's and she showed me the latest paragraph, but now we can't find the 3 from Tuesday.  But the file name is the same one I saved it in.  Turns out when she saved the new one, she accidently replaced it and lost the others - AAAARRRGGGHH.  I know there is a way to recover it, but it would have taken me longer than the 20 minutes it took to re-type it.  (Yes, I retyped it rather than have her hunt and peck for 3 hours).  Oh well, it's done now.

Karin, loved the trouble tree.  I know I'd heard that before, but chemobrain, you know...  Hope Jeremy has a better day today, and give gentle hugs to your co-worker from us.

Noelle, I am so glad you're giving yourself a day off...take two, they're small.

Jean, looking forward to my CD; you are so sweet to do that!  Do I owe you $?

Randie, do please make sure there's room for us in your hospital room, because I have not lost any of the steroid weight plus the ps who did MY recon made me a DDD or G (maybe he was planning to fix that on Stage II but he left the clinic before he could do that).  I was happy with the measly B I was before...!  So everyone, be sure you specify what size you want to end up as.

Mary/Roxi, glad your MUGA was ok.  Please heed above advice .  Your surgeons look great & explained well.

Cris, OH NO!  Good thing she had a hard copy.  Paperless society, my eye!

Rock, thank you for saving our lives, but PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE do not delete because I won't be able to remember what you said.  Also:

1. Cut off her stretchy arms.

2. Become her FB friend so you can spy on her.

3. Sexy Interesting Man was saying, "He is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO into you!"

4. I, of course, am too wimpy to do or assume any of the above, BUT....I am not the beautiful, thin, sexy, adorable, fabulous, sparkling, witty, empathetic, MENSA member Rock!

OK, Robin, off the top of my head and on my way to a funeral (how fun is that?)...

A year ago in May

We started on our way.

Our minds were almost numb

With thoughts of what's to come.

Fears and grief and pain,

We shared again and again.

But now?  No need to grovel.

We beat it with a shovel!

love,

eyes

[Warning:  filled with emotional rants and waaaayyy too long]... 

Dammit, women, I'm sitting here crying, and it's all your fault! [Edited:  I've reconsidered. It's not all your fault. It's just partly your fault.]  How can I possibly feel so deeply attached to people I've never met face-to-face, except for wonderful, funny, dynamic Jean???

Part of the problem is that I've been listening to the May '08 CD for the past hour.  Now I realize that I picked the wrong song.  All the rest are so upbeat, so, ...  powerful.  So healing.  I feel really good after hearing those other songs.

Mine ("Where've You Been") is just terribly sad.  I love it, but for various reasons, it's the wrong song for me to listen to today.

My dh and I spent the past 10 days visiting with my family.  My poor dad ... his Alzheimer's is progressing, and he's now dealing with almost-daily (or nightly) incontinence.  Actually, it's my mom who's having to deal with it, and she's not managing well at all (as if anyone could).  She hates everything about that disease (who wouldn't?), and what it's doing to her life.  That, in turn, makes her angry at my dad.  I tried to console her, and to point out that Dad can't help what's happening to him.  A couple of times I suggested some approaches that I thought might make things easier.  But, she's pretty stubborn, and she needs to do things her way.  She really wasn't interested in my advice.

My sister was there for part of the time.  She is very close to my mom; so when mom gets upset, my sister strikes out (figuratively, so far) at whatever is upsetting my mom.  During the past week, that usually turned out to be me.  I felt like a punching bag.  dh got so upset at all the verbal abuse that he said we should just pack up and leave.  I talked him out of it, and things did settle down for the last couple of days.

So, "Where've You Been," makes me think a lot about my dad.  That would be sad enough, if it weren't for what happened here at home this morning.  dh was getting all dressed up (an extremely rare thing) to attend a ceremony at which he will be receiving an award.... and he had trouble tying his necktie.  He tied it once, but I said it was too short; so he pulled it out and started over ... but he couldn't figure out how to re-do it.  I thought, heck, that's not surprising--he doesn't wear a tie except maybe once every 3 or 4 years.  But, he became more and more frustrated, to the point that he seemed scared.  All I could think of was the fact that his dad died of Alzheimer's a few years ago, and we'd spent the past 10 days with my dad ...  The mind goes to some awfully dark places sometimes.  I felt as if the whole middle of my body had been sucked into a vacuum.

I searched on-line for a step-by-step illustration of how to tie a tie (since I'd never tied one before), and we figured out how to re-do it.  He was still upset when he left, though.  "How can I have forgotten how to do something I've been doing all my life???"

The event was a "sons of" thing, so I'm not a member and couldn't go with him.  I sat down to listen to our CD (which I really do like a lot!), and along comes, "Where've You Been."

I haven't sobbed that hard in more than a year.

I promise I will come back and re-read everybody's posts, and do them justice.  I have all kinds of thoughts about overtly sexy women; and plastic surgeons who automatically assume we would all like to be double-D; and Noelle, who really needs to take some "personal days"; and ranD's upcoming pleurodesis (how many points for that word?); and the perils of unrequited love.

<sigh>

Hugs to each and every one of you...  I wish we were all sitting on my porch (it's not big enough to be called a "verandah"), sipping sweet tea and swapping tales on this beautiful, sunny day.

otter

Otter and Jean - I love love love the pic.  You are both beautiful and I love that you were able to get together.

ranD - Your spirit constantly amazes me.  You know we'll all be with you next week.

Karin - You have the patience and tolerance of a saint.  I remember you mentioned that you hadn't seen Mr. Hyde yet.  This was a mild Mr. Hyde? Wow!

Rock - I love how you write and put us right there with you.  I can picture it all.  I like your plan...play it cool for a few days.

Gracie - so glad to see you doing so well.  YAY! to getting outside and playing in the yard.

Kristy - Last Herceptin!!  WOOHOOHOOHOO!!!!

Eyes - Loved you post.  It is so good to see you.  Who knew you were an alligator wrestler   Love it.

Noelle - I hope you are getting a much needed break today.

Sue - So glad to see you doing well.  

Otter - I am so sorry you and your family are going through such a rough time.  It breaks my heart that you are all going through this.  That song makes me ball on the best of days.  I can only imagine how it impacts you right now.  You and your family are in my thoughts.

I know I haven't begun to touch on many of the posts over the last several days.  To every single one of you  ((((May 2008))))

I love you Otter.

It's okay to cry. It's healing. It's a good thing.

Love you all.

Have to fill you in on my new haircut and do soon. Adrienne, watch KONG TV morning show on Monday if you have time. Dottie and I are both getting TV makeovers. Hilarious as they want Adam to come back as well. 

Have a great weekend. Oh, yah, my poem...

A year ago, you came into my life -- you quietly bolstered my spirits; you tenderly allowed me to be my full self -- my whole me. 

A year ago, you gently drew me nearer though the miles separated each of us.

A year ago you taught me what it means to live with dignity and to laugh with every episode...you taught me to cry and to rant and to just "be."

A year ago, my life changed dramatically and there is no going back, but I thank God (whomever she is) to walk this path with you.

We have scaled mountains (high on this mountain, the clouds down below...)

We swam across tumutuous currents.

We have loved; we have learned; we have leaned; we have lamented. we have one another.

I cannot put into words the feelings I have for you as words take away the value of the emotion. Therefore, please know, you are forever in my heart.

I love you all...