I need a mentor

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited February 2009

    I have a bumper sticker that has been of great value to me, on more than one occaision.

    "When all else fails, lower your expectations."

    So you've tried having 'expectations' that your family would literally 'walk' the walk.

    So how about this time you lower your expectations.

    Decide to walk for yourself!! Get together a team of buddies/neighbors/girl-friends/bowling league whoever and if you want, mention it in passing.......

    Best of luck as you sort thru it all.

    Wishing you well.

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited February 2009

    Held,

    Families are a funny thing, some times they can't be explained. I think everyone reacts to a dx of cancer very differently, this just may be their way of dealing (or not) with cancer and being around LOTS of cancer people.

    prayers and hugs

    Elaine

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited February 2009

    Hugs Held!

    Maybe you just do such a great job surviving that they don't think of you as needing their support! It sux-but so many ppl here have had the same issue--ALL families are dysfunctional on some level! 

    I agree with F&F--create your own team & focus on that..mention it in passing--or ask them for $ !!!! Tell them to make it a big, fat check so it can soothe the guilt they should be carrying! 

    The best lesson I have learned about ppl who disappoint us is: don't expect much & then you won't be hurt----once in a while you MAY be pleasantly surprised! I need one of those bumper stickers!!!

    Prayers & hugs-be well & stay strong 

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited February 2009

    Saint- I think you might have hit on something- we manage so well that ppl forget we're ill; I would certainly say thats true in my case, and I would guess for all of you as well!

    Held, where are you in Pa and when is the walk? I'd love to be part of your team if the date is conflicting with college visits etc for my dd. Give me details so I can check and hold date and raise some $$.

    Elaine

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited February 2009

    what a great idea---when & where is your walk? We might all join your team...........

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  • PinkyLee
    PinkyLee Member Posts: 648
    edited February 2009

    I haven't been on this link for awhile, but tonight I need all the prayer and encouragement I can get.  I am having my exchange tomorrow and I am very afraid of surgery.  I always have some issue with the anesthesia.  Once my oxygen didn't come back correctly, once I was throwing up as I woke up.  I know this will only be about 3 hours according to the PS, but I hate being under.

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited February 2009

    Pinky -

    Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and praying for you.  Please let us know how you are!

    PS - I have 2 new friends joining my Komen team.  We have raised a little over $500 so far!

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited February 2009

    Saint -

    I don't know how, but I missed your comment

    My walk is on Mother's Day in philly.  Anyone who would like to be a part of it, just let me know.  I will be happy to send you the link.

    Love and kisses to all.

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited February 2009

    OMG. Held. I was in Phillie today!! We could have had breakfast together! Fly outta the Phillie airport..... after having spent a couple of days in Atlantic City. Didn't realize where you were: duh.

    Pinkie. adding my prayers for you.

    It's the weekend!!

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009

    Quiet thread these days.............

    Held, know that I continue to send up prayers for you -- on your behalf.

    xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx00xx

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited March 2009

    Yes, quiet thread lately.  I had lunch with some ladies from this site/chat room on Friday.  It was nice, funny, crazy.  I wish I did have to go back to work.  They were there for 2 hours after I left.

    It is snowing here.  I am going to have to pray for wisdom about what to do about work today.  I feel guilty about calling out.  I have never called out (since I became a nurse) for snow. 

    I could use all the prayers I can get about what to do with my dog.  He is close to the end of his journey with us.  The vet told us what to look for as far as signs it is time to put him down.  We are seeing them more and more often.  My daughter has told us she want to be a part of the decision as to when it is time, but right now she really is in denial about it.  She doesn't want to see the negative signs.  Pretty soon, we are going to have no choice.  I don't know if I am going to be able to handle this.  Crap!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

    I really want to know why God can't be merciful and take this decision away from us.

    I didn't get to church AGAIN yesterday.  I think I am too embarrassed to go since it has been so long  since I have been there. 

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  • mumito
    mumito Member Posts: 4,562
    edited March 2009

    I feel exactly the same way.  My  kitty has cancer and i too was hoping he would pass at home in peace. The family has decided to take him in to be put down this morning. I just can't do it.He has been my best friend for 15yrs.

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited March 2009

    Held,

    I have been away from church for so long I too am a bit embarrassed, especially since I am a deacon.  I had been ordained many yrs ago, and shortly before my dx, I had agreed to serve on the bd again. Minister didn't want me to drop out so I agreed to stay; in 2 yrs I attended only a few meetings and rarely got to services. Just didn't have the energy. Now I don't know how to go back, I know it sounds silly but....

    Found a poem I wanted to share by Ralph Waldo Emerson (sorry spread out, can't seen to correct spacing)

    Finish every day and be done with it

    You have done what you could,

    Some blunders and absurdities

    no doubt have crept in

    forget then as soon as you can

    Tomorrow is a new day

    begin it well and serenely

    and with too high a spirit

    to be cumbered with

    your old nonsense.

    This day is all that is

    good and fair

    it is too dear

    with its hopes and invitations

    to waste a moment on yesterdays.

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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited March 2009

    Sorry to hear about cat and dog concerns, not too long ago I had to put down the last of our elderly kitties. I am always surprised how hard it is, even tho I know its the right thing.

    My thoughts are with you both.

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009

    Great sentiment, EWB. Thanks for the poem.

    I'll see if I can conjure up Saint, as she is so connected to our four legged brethern.... maybe she'll have some good insight -- words of wisdom, comfort.

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited March 2009
    Got a serious case of the blues tonight ladies. Frown
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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009

    awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Held.

    so sorry i didn't see this last night.

    hoping that the serious blues were just temporary & that you're back to the regular roller coaster of emotions that comes with this ride around the sun.

    know that we're here for ya -- in every emotional state.

    big prayers, friend, big prayers.

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009

    This quote came into my in-box today...... seemed fitting:

    "There are years that ask questions, and years that answer."

    -Zora Neale Hurston

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    Hugs all! I have been absent due to spending more & more time as a volunteer at our county animal shelter.

    Wish our fur-buddies lived longer life spans than they do! When my sis & I lost our old goldens within months of each other we felt guilty cuz we cried more for our dogs than we did for our father---then we realized why: we hadn't lived with Daddy day-to-day for over 30 years, but our pets are part of every hour we spend at home!!! It is so hard to loose the furry family members....BUT----I say God's mercy is in giving them to us for the years of comfort & love we get. It is a hard decision to make, but I once put it off TOO long & the passing at home taught me that my waiting to take her in was selfish. As hard as it is to take that last trip, I will never put it off again........

    Since I volunteer at the humane society I strongly suggest considering a new friend. They NEVER replace the lost friend, but they fill the hole left behind with lots of the same love....the sooner the better. There are so many animals waiting for forever homes.

    When I had to put down my favorite dog the vet called a few days later to see how I was doing. Her words gave me comfort, "What the bible tells us we must do to gain heaven, our pets do every day of their lives." I believe when I die they will be romping thru the pearly gates as my FIRST greeting party!

    HUGS Be well & stay strong 

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  • Roya
    Roya Member Posts: 346
    edited March 2009

    Saint, I am sending you a PM

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited March 2009

    All of our animals have been rescues, so our time with them can sometimes be brief.  We are a part (I guess you could call us volunteers) for a Boxer Rescue group.  Sometimes we just foster or transport but we have also adopted. Jake had been kept in a mud room for over a year when we got him.  I don't know if I can handle getting another  dog right away.   I dont know.  He had a good day today (only one accident in the house, and this morning he wanted to play with my husband)  He is sitting next to my bed right now whining to get in to bed with me.  I will eventually give in and lift him up (he weighs  about 90 pounds).  My husband will not be happy.

    My blues have not improved much.  I think I am over-tired.  Work is getting on my nerves..... would be very happy to win the lottery!!!!!

    Thank you for all your prayers.

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Held))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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  • EWB
    EWB Member Posts: 2,927
    edited March 2009

    hugs, hugs, hugs. So sorry to hear you are so tired, that really makes everything else harder. I hope you have time this weekend to soak in the tub, nap, get a foot rub from dh, maybe sit in the sun a bit (here in Jersey its expected to hit 60s this weekend).

    Remember that this too shall pass, prayers for a good, quiet relaxing weekend!

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    Hugs all & ditto EWB's post---have a good weekend....

    It was near 60 here today in Wis --actually sat outside in the sun between scans today--prayers for rresults next Fri! THANX!

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009

    Hey Mentors & mentee's.........

    I just finished a project & I think it's just a hoot of silliness.

    If you need a giggle go check it out:

    www.rainbowswithinreach.blogspot.com

    Hugs for a weekend of restorative fun for everyone.

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  • Held
    Held Member Posts: 506
    edited March 2009

    LOVE it Faith!!  I haven't an artisitic gene in my body.  My cousin got it ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (she designed a China pattern for Dansk).  You are so creative.

    I am going to a party to night where I will see a bunch of people I have not seen since I was 18.  I am getting nervous.

    My husband just informed me that my car needs to have some very expensive routine maint.  He wants to know if I want him to go thru with the "surgery" or if I want to get another car....  My car is a 1997, but I haven't even thought about it.

    My PS is FAMOUS now.  He was featured on the local new about a reconstuction surgery that he is doing - it is called a SGAP flap.  He is so stinkin' cute! (and wonderful, and blessed and talented.......................

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    F&F is da BOMB!!! Y'all should SEE & HEAR her in person---what lucky grandbaybeez she has!!!!!!

    Held----Have a ball at that party!!! & look for a new car--nothing like shopping for a new car to lift your spirits---you don't even have to BUY it! LOL 

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  • badboob67
    badboob67 Member Posts: 2,780
    edited March 2009

    Wow...I can't believe how long it's been since I visited this thread! Is it not showing up in "active topics" or something?

    Anyway, held, I am sorry to hear about your dog. I have an aging boxer who is my best buddy.  I know you posted about forgiveness and the Komen race thing a while back, but I hadn't seen it. This is what popped into my head when I read about it today:

    Sometimes, we have to just suspend the idea that we can expect things from the people that love us. Sure, YOU wouldn't think of doing to anyone what your dad & brother did to you, but that's YOU.  I had an extremely difficult time with my MIL the first several years of my marriage. I was constantly dealing with hurt feelings and felt like my dh didn't care that his family was running roughshod over my heart. There were some very ugly things that happened that I never would have imagined ANYONE would do to anyone else, let alone someone they claimed to "love". I found it easier to forgive these things once I accepted the fact that I can HOPE to be treated the way that I treat others but cannot EXPECT to be treated that way, it helped. I have since let go of any expectations of these people whatsoever and it's really helped. That way, if there is any kindness shown to me, it's a "bonus".  It's sad and things really shouldn't be that way, but it does help me get past the hurt and stay in a place of forgiveness.

    Did that make sense?  I hope so!!

    ((((HUGS)))
    Diane

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  • faithandfifty
    faithandfifty Member Posts: 10,007
    edited March 2009

    Hey Mentors/Menteeeees:

    Tomorrow is our Saint's birthday!!

    We need to send her some joy, to last the whole day thru................

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  • saint
    saint Member Posts: 1,877
    edited March 2009

    F&F-Thank YOU!

    God sure blessed me when he put me smack-dab in the middle of your route to the summer place! Can't wait til we SEE each other again-----hugs! It has been a wonderful birthday!

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