Starting Chemo May 2008

Me too. I actually got a compliment on my hair cut at the grocery store. I think my mouth dropped. Maybe she was flirting. Personally, I would never cut my hair this short but the style is growing (no pun intended) on me.

Thanks Otter, I'll ask about it tomorrow. I was freaking out that it was neurapathy or nerve damage. My expander has been pretty painful too and I thought perhaps they could be related. Thank god for tylenol. 

Jean - So sorry you spent Monday in ER.  I am very glad that it wasn't anything serious!  102 temp is scary and ER's even more horrible.  I hope you're feeling better.

I've been complimented on my hair style several times.  But interestingly enough..I've had a few women approach me who know because they've been THERE say something like "My hair was that short last winter"....they get it.  Somehow they know the difference between an intentional style and a "forced" style.  I have been calling my hair my "old lady hair".  Irritates my DH who doesn't think it is.  I see gray and wavy and just makes me think old lady.  Am I bitching about having hair?  woah...I guess I need to do a little timewarp back a few months. 

I have a get together with some very dear longtime friends this weekend, that I haven't seen in 5 years, so maybe I'm just a touch nervous/agitated about that.  A company Christmas party Friday with the group my DH works with...an awesome bunch who have seen me with just my skull cap so I'm not worried about them.  A great bunch of guys.  Although, only one wife has approached me (it was a summer event).  I think the others were afraid they'd catch it.  Their husbands however (the guys) have been awesome.

I hope everyone is staying warm with so little hair.  We've had a very mild Fall so far and I have been very grateful.

OHHHHH I got cmas cards today~! From Rock, linda and jackie... thank you so much ladies! Rock, I have my little star on my tree right now. After the holidays it will go in my special card pile to eventually go in my scrapbook of this summer. :O)

I got cards today too!!  From Jen and Rock!  Love the star Rock!

Been a quiet day--lots of rain--won't complain because it could be snow.

Has anybody heard from rock yet?  She was supposed to have some of that GI testing today...

otter 

I got cards today as well and it made my day!!  I also received a wonderful surprise from Kristy - thank you!!  I am still smiling!  Writing the cards out this weekend. 

Rock - hope everything went well today!

Jean

The weekend is apon us again ...I dont know where the days go in between!

Got a few things on the go...tonight we are getting cultural and going to the theatre. There is a production of My Fair Lady, so looking forward to that, hubby is even going, surprising as it's not really his cup of tea.

Tomorrow is our business christmas party, we take over a restraunt and get a good meal and have some laughs. Had to trim the bonuses this year so hope everyone understands..times are so uncertain and the sales were really down this year.

On Sunday we will attempt to at least get the tree in the stand and then i can just poke away at the decorations. Its not like it used to be when the kids would get all excited and want to be part of the tree trimming..two are no longer home and our daughter 13 on Dec. 27 will help with a couple ornaments then lose interest and wander away. It' makes me feel kinda sad in a way....sigh . Time marches on even though we try to hold onto the way things were.

Got my bone density test back and according to them I am in the normal range of denseness.(not sure if that is a word) Oh it's so nice to be considered "normal " again !  So that should be the last test this year....but already have something lined up for Jan.7 getting a vaginal polyp removed, ouch! Knew i had it just before chemo started but put it off till now. I have had an endiometreal biopsy so shouldn't be any harder than that. "they" say that these things usually aren't canceruous so will keep thinking those good thoughts !

We are supposed to get a dump of snow today, so will try and get things done in the morning, feel a cold coming on so an afternoon nap might be in order.

A collective happy weekend to all us May Gals !

Morning ladies!

Has anyone trimmed up their hair yet to make it even all over? I have some odd spots and have thought once or twice about trimming it up. Those parts stay under a hat most of the time and it kills me to even think about cutting a single, long awaited hair. Hubs said it might be best to wait till my thinner spots fill in a bit better.

That's about all that is going thru my head today, well besides a cold/sinus infection that is brewing up. Might go see santa at the mall, who knows, he may bring me more hair for the holidays. lol

Kerry, hon, you really do need to tone it down for so early in the morning (here in the U.S.).  It's a good thing my dh left for town a few hours ago, 'cause I'm laughing and snorting coffee through my nose (even with the nose hairs returned), and now there is something nasty-looking on my computer screen... 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There.  It's all wiped off.

Okay, so has anybody heard from rock lately?  My iCal says she had some GI testing on Thursday, including TWO enemas.  (Why two?  Didn't they expect ONE to be degrading enough???)  Yes, she had her book party, which I missed--but that was on Wednesday, wasn't it?  I sure hope they didn't find anything troublesome while they were poking around inside her (or looking at her insides on a computer screen).

Kerry, I would be thrilled with a virtual, "poof" card from you, under the circumstances.  Truth is, mine to you isn't likely to arrive until after the holidays anyway.  I don't know how long it takes for mail to get halfway around the world.  Do they put it in the holds of ships sailing back that direction to pick up more Nike tennis shoes (from China)?

If I don't put enough postage on your card, it will take even longer.  Then there's the problem of the geographically-challenged people handling the mail along the way.  I really did once send a (work-related) letter to someone in "Austria".   It was returned to me by the U.S. Postal Service as undeliverable, with a notation on it that no such address could be found in .... (drum roll) ... Australia.

<sigh>

Nope.  I am not going to get my hair trimmed.  As with my plan for the chemo-induced hair fallout, I'm going to let my hair do whatever it wants to do, at least for another few months.  I really have to post a pic of it here (someday).  It looks so interesting, and it is so different from any hairstyle I've ever had.  Even my dh is getting used to it being short, I think.  Plus, it really is turning brown again.  My dh keeps saying there is less gray in there than there was pre-chemo.  I don't know about that--it's still too short to tell what it's going to be.

I am sorry, but I am sooo liking retirement.  Today is Saturday, but so was yesterday, and the day before that, etc.  OTOH, I do have lots of stuff I have to get done today, so I'll sign off for now...

ROCK?  Are you okay?

otter 

I have given up on the idea of sending anyone Christmas cards.  I'm now shooting for New Years cards.  I think we did that once before, it works out.  Otter, glad you got my virtual one!

The older dh has 2 birthday parties this weekend!  We are off to Hallmark to buy various cards and their yearly ornaments.

I'm here, peeps!  Mad-busy. But generally, very very happy. (I still have to follow up on that stupid CT scan where the radiologist overlooked the fact that I actually DO have a primary malignancy.)

 Party was a smashing success -- I met a friend of Noelle's (she sent the special delivery of packing supplies!!) WHO -- because we live in the tiniest world of all times, sends her daughter to the same school as my friend who owns the bar where the party was held! 

Noelle, seeing Rachel.  Well, this is going to sound so very strange, but -- it was just very good to have someone from my "cancer life" there.  I can't tell you how much that meant to me.  As you can see from the pics, I have so many wonderful friends in my life. But there are still parts of my life that only you guys can really "get."  

Here's a link to the pictures from the party.  About 50 or 60 people showed up; I got home around 3 am.  I still have a couple crazy (work and doc) days ahead, but hopefully things will free up by the end of next week.  

Book Party Pictures

Rock-the pictures are fantastic and you look absolutely gorgeous!  Looks like everyone was having a great time!

Crashing in. I posted this over on "I bitch, I moan." But it is actually more serious than that.  I'm going to try to be very honest with you guys, and with myself.

Last Wednesday (a few hours before the party), I was reviewing my CT scan report, trying to understand better the two abnormal findings, i.e., "A sclerotic focus in the medial wall of the acetabulum of the right hip appears to be a bone island in this patient without known primary malignancy. There appears to be a small focus of fibrous dysplasia in the left iliac bone. No other osseous abnormalities are seen." I'd chalked these findings up to arthritis . But then a few words jumped out at me:

"Without known primary malignancy"?

So I called the radiology practice and said, "Excuse me, but I just finished treatment for breast cancer and the CT report doesn't mention that as part of my history."  Upshot is that now I'm supposed to make more calls and have this CT scan compared with my old PET scan (which made no mention of anything), etc.

This was on wednesday. I haven't done jack about it yet. I just can't. I just cannot deal with one more thing, even if this one more thing turns out to be nothing. I have simply maxed out on calling doctors and scheduling appointments and having one doctor's appointment turn into 3 others when ALL I AM TRYING TO DO IS LIVE MY LIFE.

It's probably only going to turn out to be arthritis, anyway, not bone mets.  So can I please, please, please just DO NOTHING and move on with my life? At this point, I don't even CARE if it's something serious.  I just want a break. I do NOT want to make 3 phone calls to track down my old scan and another 3 phone calls and trips back and forth across town to pick up the damn scans . . . I am so very tired of all of this. 

And my Mom is calling right now and I cannot talk to her because what am I going to say? I just don't have the energy tonight to keep up the positive front.

I am grateful for everything I have. There is so very much for me to be happy about.  But I am so tired of doing everything on my own and having to make room for @#($*&amp; cancer.

PS Kerry, The post-chemo facial hair DOES go away.  I'm not sure when that happened but it DID happen.

PS #2. I love you guys. Thank you for listening to this. You don't need to fix it. You don't need to give me advice. Though if you know anything about "sclerotic focus", I'm all freaking ears.

Rocko, you' been on my mind all week... I cannot tell you how much fun it is to see you in a photo with my bestiest bestest best friend on the earth (In Rock's pics there is a pic with just Jean and Rachel ..the girl with the multicoloured curls and a nametag that says Rachel from Noelle) you look totally lovely and happy and smarty pants smart in all those pics... 

Yes Rock, you deserve a break from tests and all that garbage..and I wish I could be there to help. 

My closest childhood friend Kerry's mom died this week, and since the funeral was 3 hours away I could not leave the store to go. Kerry was my mothers other daughter and my other sister, she was raised by a single mom and only had brothers and spent a lot of time in our home. It was normal for Kerry to stop at our house on the way home for lunch on a school day for a few minutes and never get home to her own house because we were talking or playing or something.... so she just shared Peanut Butter and Jam sandwiches and soup with us.  I now live in a house 5 doors from the one she lived in.  It breaks my heart that I could not get there today to support Kerry and her twin brothers( who I share the same birthday with...there were some years our families were so poor we had the same birthday party)  My dad got to the funeral but I should have been there....

 I have a day off tomorrow. The first since the 24th of Nov. I plan to sleep for a looong time. 

 Love to all. 

 xoN

Noelle -- Meeting Rachel. And THEN learning that Rachel knows Meghan (the bar owner).  Well, it was one of those wonderful tiny planet moments.

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"I will stab out my own eyes if it is something more . . . "

"The Rock Otter, a particularly attractive and hardy creature, known for changeable termperament, loyal nature, and resilience."

(Is there anyone among us who does not feel better when mentioned in the same sentence with Otter? Anyone?  I didn't think so.)

May women. If I wind up bedridden at some point, I am going to marshal our forces and we're all going to write a book. 

Sooooooo.... I spoke to Mom.  I waited until I was in a cheerful if cranky mood instead of the depressed mood that I was in when I wrote to you guys.  I casually mentioned that I was thinking about ditching the colonoscopy and just following up on the bone thang, but not both.  Long pause. 

Mom: Well, when was your last colonoscopy?

Me: I've never had one.

Mom:  Then you should have one.

Me: But I'm sure that I'm fine.  And since we don't have a family history . . . or . . . ummmm.... oh dear.

Mom:  Gramma [mom's mom] died of colon cancer.

Me: Oh, SH*T. Sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.  Oh sorry, Mom. I didn't mean to swear. Fudge.  Fudge.  (My family does not swear.)

Mom (good-naturedly):  I believe our preferred term these days is "crap."  ["Cr*p", I might add is a BIG DEAL for my mom.]