Starting Chemo May 2008

familyroks

Dammit Rock.  Dammit dammit dammit.  How much is a person expected to take?  How many more curveballs does one have to have thrown at them before they get a freaking break?   I'm so sorry that you have this new worry.  I wish I could give you a big warm hug.  I'll be thinking of you. 

kerry_lamb

Feck it Rock! Just..feck it! What the hell??? I'll be glad when The Year of One More Fecking Thng is over. I pray that it is..oh, I don't know...diverticula??? A hernia?? I understand your numbness..when the bladder-doc told me there appeared to be cyst of some kind on my remaining ovary, I took the news as though he had told me he had run out of milk. I'm glad you are acting on it. And I hope it's a mere... whatsaname...How is your friend doing? I think about her every single day. XXX

Sable

Well shit rock! I think you are about to the limit of how much a person can take aren't you? My prayers for you my sweet rock. <squish>

Adrianne~ :OP (that's me blowing raspberries at you) LOL. If you need... swing by and grab some, you can claim them as your own. If it makes you feel any better... I scaled back this year on how much I made.

rock

I'm doing okay.  It's all a bit much.  My friend (and my other friend who will prob head down the same road as friend #1) is recovering well but feeling kind of beat up by friend #2's news.  i'm not telling either friend my news yet.  not till i know more.

i love you guys. thank you for letting me lean on you.  and not asking me to make much sense.

xoxoxox 

otter

OMG, rock ... what next? 

Okay, you know the routine.  Get a big room tomorrow for your imaging/biopsy stuff, 'cause we're all going to be there right next to you.  If it's too crowded, there won't be space for the MSKCC medical students to be there.  (Maybe that's a good thing.)

There's no need for you to worry about making sense.  We've long ago learned to translate the words and feelings into something we all understand, though no one else might.

Can you feel the emotional energy coming your way?  There should be a blanket of warmth and caring, coming from us and enveloping you already.  We'll re-charge it constantly, for as long as you need it.

Big hugs, rock.  We'll be there, and here, for you.

otter 

rock

I DO feel it. I feel it and I am buoyed by it.

Unnecessarily complicated brain dump: Tomorrow's appointment will not be at MSKCC.  I'm seeing a non-MSKCC surgeon that my non-onco OB/GYN recommended for all the tests. (This guy could see me tomorrow; he's in my n'hood and I need to go chair a board meeting afterwards; I have lots of friends in his n'hood so it was a piece of cake to find someone to meet me there and hang out w/ me for a little while; I couldn't reach my MSKCC oncos in time to get their recommendation and I didn't want to choose an MSKCC surgeon w/o consulting my MSKCC oncos first).  I'm having the tests sent to my MSKCC oncos.  

I feel like I'm "using" this surgeon tomorrow.  I'm sure he's a decent guy. But I just want him to order the u/s, the transvag, the biopsy or whatever and then I'll take that info to MSKCC to sort out what happens next. I'm just very happy to be seeing someone before the weekend.

I think it is going to be okay no matter what turns up.  Just like the whole breast cancer thing turned out okay. 

One step at a time. One step, one minute, one breath at a time.

xoxoxo 

 

sueper13

One step. one minute, one breath, wise woman, you are right.  Can I just say that this is not lovely, this fecking SUCKS and I wish you the best of everything tomorrow---and that you will not be alone...love you muchly

Sue

Roxi65229

Oh Rock, how I wish the very best for you tomorrow. Otter is right, we'll all be there for you. We can do this together, one step, one minute, one deep breath. Extra prayers tonight....oh ya, did I say...FECK! Love ya, Mary

lewing

My god, Rock, I just read these last couple of pages.  Whatever this is, it's too much - no way should you have to be thinking about ultrasounds and biopsies and whatever.  It just plain sucks.  I feel like throwing a wrench into the works of this fecking merry-go-round.

Thinking about you.  There for you.  Love you.

Linda

KristyAnn

Adrienne,

Day 1 with the foob went well - it still feels a little awkward and I still have some itchy spots from the rads BUT my clothes fit a lot better and it looks nice (not my top priority but the clothes fitting was nice)- I have missed my real clothes and I was sick of wearing all huge tops with only a camisole underneath- and I was only wearing the camisoles the last week since I was braless all through rads and for 3 weeks after.......... I did change out of it the minute I got home!

I still havent decided about reconstruction- I really dont want to do it because they will have to do a lift on the non BC side to get them to match (remember 5 children, all breast fed for at least a year)- and I have heard that the lift basically makes you lose sensation on that side too- sounds exciting huh? I also dont know whether I will ever have a voluntary surgery after this year with the Mastectomy and hysterectomy coming on Jan 8

I think I am going to work from home tomorrow- Adam (age 12) is sick and a little too bad feeling to stay alone all day- that means a no bra and sweatshirt day!

Jeanne- seems like it never ends for some of us but keep hanging in there- I will be hanging on the next branch over!

Rice Krispy treats for all tonight- if you get one from Joe's side of the pan it will be covered in sprinkles!

Roses, Chocolate and sweet perfume for everyone on this hump day!

Kristy

rock

KristyAnn -- I have no foob experience.  But I am very very glad that Day 1 went okay.  All I want for all of us is to feel good in our own skin.  And I think a good day with a foob is more in keeping with our celebrating of the wonderfulness of the May 2008 sisters.  May there be many other good foob days where this one came from... 

Am getting ready to call it a night. Had dinner with a former professor of mine tonight. It was a good night; a pleasant distraction and I think I spent 45 minutes or so just waxing poetic about you guys.

RanD:  I am thinking of you.  (Does anyone know when she last posted or logged in?)  And Karin has been quiet for awhile too.  

Thank you, people. I prob won't get home till super-late tomorrow  (I am chairing a board meeting. Something I DO want to do.)  No news does not necessarily mean bad news!

otter

The last time Randie (RanD) logged in was October 29.  Her last post was October 28; she said she was having her rads sim the next day.  No sign of her after that... 

Karin (MsKarin) last logged in on November 14.  Her last posts (there were several) were on November 12.  She sounded really upbeat at the time, complaining only about facial hair and post-chemo smell aversions!  She had finished rads a month earlier and had been on Femara for 3-1/2 weeks.

I am hoping they are both too busy to hang out here.   On October 11, Randie posted that her drains had been pulled and she was recovering from her surgery, but she had learned that 15 of 15 nodes were positive (remember the "fecking 15"?).  That meant rads for sure.  Worrisome, especially with no news since late October....

Well I have foob experience and it's kind of funny (or pathetic).  After 9 months of going around as cyclops, I finally went to a mast specialty store and was fitted for a prosthesis last month.  (I think it was last month...?)  I got a nice, lightweight Amoena Natura foob and 2 fairly decent mast bras, all billed to my insurance.  The foob and one of the bras cost extra $$ beyond what my insurance would cover, but that was okay.

The foob is still in its protective plastic box, and the bras are still in the pretty, pink sack from the store.  I am just so comfortable in my $9 stretchy, cotton K-Mart Bestform bras and my size 3 fiber-fil puffy/comfy.  I look "even" under T-shirts and tank tops, I don't sag (much), there is no pressure on my mast site, I don't sweat under the puffy/comfy, etc.   It's just too easy.  (It helps to be a size 34A/B, I know...)

Okay, rock--time for us to get some sleep.  Remember, we'll all be thinking of you tomorrow.  And, you know we're going to worry anyway...

otter 

ellenoire

I'll talk you y'all about my foob later, I wear mine3-5 days a week and have since May. I still hate it.

I am tired and have lots of non cancer shit to bitch about. Now, all I am thinking about is Rock. 

I rub your belly in my mind and tell it "belly, you better be ok, 'cause the May girls will be kicking your ass if you aren't"

bed.... 

Prayers to all. 

RanD... hope u are ok. 

N

drcrisc

Glad I check in tonight - the pulled muscle is really putting a cramp on my computer time (haha) along with the dog. ass. tired. (thanks for reminding me, Sue) leftovers from rads.  I also think that my probable slight lymphedema is afftecting the muscle or vice-versa - I'm having way too many weird sensations in the surgery/arm side than what a pulled muscle accounts for.  Otter - any thoughts on that...? 

Thank you all for the wonderful comments - I read them all!!  And it is lovely to be done!!  I don't have a doctor's appointment for a whole 2 weeks!!

Gracie - So very glad you are done-done with chemo.  Hope the se's are not too bad.

Rock - Oh, my friend.  Well, shite.  I hope you check in before your appointment tomorrow because I really want you to know that I am sending you super-positive thoughts and energy.  We are like helicopters - we will be hovering around, supporting you and waiting to hear from you.  (Apparently no one told our bodies that it was MsDCOW month and that we are supposed to feel great.  We need to find the memo...) 

sueper13

Rock,

Just in case you check in this early morning, have you noticed how much you are loved here?  Just hoping you have a great day and get good news.

I love you.

xo

Gracie713

Rock, I am thinking about you this morning!  Just another bump in the road-we can handle anything!

familyroks

Rock - You were my first thought when I opened my eyes this morning.  You will remain in my thoughts all day.  As you can see....we will all be with you today.

Roxi65229

Rock,

Me too, sending lots of prayers and and hugs.

Kristy, I love my recon side. I still have full sensation and I nursed two. Tough decision to make, I know.

Love all. 

rock

If you'll excuse a little extra dorkiness this morning...I woke up this morning and I swear on my mother that before I even opened my eyes I felt like we were all standing in a huddle, kind of like a rugby scrum (see below), only nicer and cleaner. I'm feeling pretty good, I honestly am. (I'll post again as soon as I get to a computer, but that may not be until late tonight. Lets assume this lump is a toy car I swallowed as a child or something, or a wayward earring.) Love back atcha.

angelsaboveus

Rock,

Sending you warm hugs and positve thoughts your way...we will all be there with you !

"May the Force be with You"  (Meaning... all of us!)     

KristyAnn

Rock, Thoughts and prayers are with you today! You have a HUGE cheering section and you can come by for broccoli cheese soup tonight- then we will go grab fudge from Jen.

Kristy

sueper13

Rock,

I love a good scrum.

You are a lovely chum.

That's all I got.

Love,

Sue

rock

Went to the surgeon. He sent me straight over for a CT scan (abdominal and pelvic).  My insides are rebelling but I am otherwise fine.  May have some news by the end of today . . . or tomorrow.  I don't know why, but I am feeling really perky and confident.  Even though my insides are not happy with the 8 gallons of "slurry" I had to drink!

Dear Sue

Though it sounds dumb

Your poem makes me hum

with happiness.

love, rock

sueper13

Rock,

Will the slurry

Make you hurry?

Will you hum,

My lovely chum?

Your words for months

Have made me smile

We surround you now

And make a big pile.

So now we're back to the rugby scrum

And you are still a lovely chum.

Burma Shave.

Love,

Sue

rock

WHOLE LOAD OF NOTHING!!! All-clear! No idea what's causing the "twinge"! No signs of anything out of the ordinary!  Even yesterday's "cork" that my OB/GYN was palpating was nowhere to be found.  I have a "sclerotic focus in the medial wall of the acetabulum of the right hip"  -- but hey, who doesn't?

Still not sure what's causing the twinge but frankly, I don't care.  Probably some chemo leftover.  

I will now resume our regularly scheduled programming. (Board meeting in a few minutes.)

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO TO ALL OF YOUSE!

sueper13

You are the best...................

YEAY!!

familyroks

Fabulous news Rock!!!  I am so happy to see this.  What a relief!

Sable

WOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY Rock! I've been sending you good vibes all day (even while sleeping thru herceptin). I'm glad it worked! :O)

Roxi65229

It's time to celebrate!!!! Thank goodness, great news, all the prayers worked.

otter

I know what it was.  It was granola.  

otter 

P.S. rock I am so extremely happy for you.  I even went out in this frickin' cold weather and did some somersaults and flips in the pond, just in your honor.