Starting Chemo May 2008

I don't have much today, ladies.  I guess that's a good thing.  Sorry about all the swelling and sweating, although, you would think they would cancel each other out...lol.

Jen - So glad you 1) you had a visit and 2) that it was good!  I'm hoping to see my sis when she's in CA next week. 

Here's the list for the week, so far:

Monday - Nada.

Tuesday - Nobody.

Wednesday - Gracie (FEC #5); Roxi/Mary (last Taxol - Wheeeee!!!!!)

Thursday - Sable/Jen (T#3); Eddie (Tx #7)

OK wrote this in my June group - hoping you more experienced May group can help - since I gave birth to my 7 pound bowel movement - I haven't been able to regulate my bowels - so for like 5 to 6 weeks I have been first living off Pepto Bismal then went to immodian as every time I ate it went right through!  Since I have gone so much  sometimes 8 time a day - my behind is not happy - to the point of not allowing me to sleep - as in tonite it is 2:21 am.  It is itchy and sore - hemmeroids not happy!  I started using creams but think they may have hindered more than help - I am about to scratch me a new #$$%hole if I can't get this itching to stop!  Now I have other sores down yonder and have also now added a couple canker sores to the mix.  I normally use a mouth wash and drink lemon water for the mouth sores but that isn't working this time - any suggestions!?

I have an appointment with the onc this morning - but know he will have no words of wisdom!

2 treatments left!!!

SueP -- I'm thinking . . . get thee to a specialist, a gasterinterologist (GI) guy, perhaps.  Cancer or no cancer, chemo or no cancer, there is no reason for you to be this uncomfortable for this long. I think our oncos are often very reluctant to deal with any parts of our body other than our breasts.  But that is no reason for you to continue to suffer.

I tend to use flushable wipes in the first few days after chemo to prevent some of the irritation and sores that come from urinating all those chemicals. But what you are describing  sounds like you would benefit from medical attention to treat the source of the diarrhea and to heal your poor backside.

I know that the last thing you want is to visit another doctor, but I'm thinking that might be what's called for. 

PS There might be a couple mouth sore "home remedies" and cocktails mentioned on the "Tips for Going through Chemo"  thread.That is something your onco (or his/her nurse) should DEFINITELY be helping you deal with.  Jeez, but my heart goes out to you.

Rock - First thing you need to "wrap you head around" is that we (here we) GET IT.  I, for one, completely understand and it is hard to put into words how it makes you feel.

Here we don't try to sympathize with you...we are with you.  Here you don't feel like you have to protect those around you from the hell of cancer and treatment...we are with you.  Here you don't have to worry about whining (or appearing to be whining)...we're all whining with you.  Here you don't have to put up a brave front...we are all scared with you.  Here you don't have to pretend to be happy all of the time...we are angry, sad, happy, pissed off, hurting with you.  Only the people here can really get some of the humor that rises from some of the strangest situations.  Only the people here can band together to find a solution to some of the SE's (both physical and emotional).

I understand your sadness.  This is our safe little haven...our corner of this sometimes cruel world.  It isn't that you don't love your family and friends....but honestly, they just can't fully understand.  They just can't...as much as they think they might.

Except for my DH...no one else around me truly knows what I am going through.  The emotional swings, the pain, the fear...you name it.  Whether it be the kids that are still at home or the one in Nebraska or my parents or my DH's parents or friends.  I protect them, and probably myself to some degree, from everything surrounding this crap.  Here though....you all get it.  No matter how trivial it may seem.  I've thought so many times how amazing it is that we in the May group have found each other. 

Dang when the eyebrows decide its time to jump ship they don't hesitate to go.....*pout*

I have to chuckle at myself.  In a normal world this would be odd...I found myself thinking of Noelle as I am exfoliating my head in the shower.  OY!

My eyebrows are still hanging on.  Thin but there.  I know they can still depart this face but I will cling on to the hope that they will remain intact.  As I was putting on my makeup this morning (something I never did pre-chemo...except for eyeliner) I was thinking how funny it was that I was spending so much effort trying to make 10 eyelashes look like 60.

Rock,

i totally get where you are coming from,  when i put the avatar up that had my pic i felt really vulnerable .....thinking what if somebody comes on this site i know (from my other life outside the cybre world ) then they will recognize me and read all my stuff.( Not that I'm writing anything that they shouldn't read so it doesn't make much sense )   Yet somehow it's ok for me to share with all you , it just feels safer like talking to a close friend only it's a whole posse of close friends   

yes and yes, angels. Yes and yes.

Hey -- do you think maybe some of us are blue because the summer is winding down? i had a really good summer, chemo notwithstanding. But it seems like things (treatment, seasons, my reproductive/menopausal life, appearance) are ending, moving, shifting, closing, resuming and i'm not sure how I feel about all of it.  anybody? (eddie?)

Been checking all day to hear from Sue. Staying positive, no news is good news as the saying goes.

Enjoy the day, Karin

Somebody has to! Other then trying to stay positive for Sue, for me has been a day from Hello (take away the o) but don't want to go there.

Sue, did you go out to dinner and forget to check in? Maybe you're exfoliating or googling the lyrics to your favorite song,,,,we're all thinking of you.

Jen, so glad you had a chance to catch up with your sister.

Rock, I know exactly what you mean. This is your place to talk about whatever is on your mind and not give a hoot about what is said. We've all been there (and trust me, I've said a bunch of crap and could care less about it, it was on my mind and made me feel much better to get it off!) and have each other to share this experience with. It's hard for friends and family to know exactly what we're going through and having our close circle of friends here brings us all comfort, no matter how difficult the day...love ya! 

I can see the mountains of the swiss alps ahead.... 

Hi, all-- 

There have been times in the past 7 months when I leaned heavily on my virtual friends on these BCO boards because you were the only people who could possibly understand what I was feeling.  I occasionally revealed facts and emotions I would only show to a close, personal friend--someone I could trust beyond any doubt.

Even so, I've been concerned enough about being "outed" (discovered here) that I've gone back and severely edited some of my posts.  It is still possible that someone I know, or someone to whom I'm related, could find me here.

One thing we all need to realize is that Google picks up our posts on the BCO boards very quickly.  I was surprised to discover a post as a Google hit just a few minutes after the BCO member had posted it.

So, yes, I truly understand the uneasiness about the "merged" worlds, and the awakened sense of vulnerability.  That's the last thing we need to be feeling.  I loved this place when I thought it was a private world. I'm more cautious, because it isn't as private and secure as I imagined it might be.

OTOH, we really ought to figure out a way to get together.  Some hugs are in order.

otter 

I stayed away all day hoping to get on and get news from Sue...nothing, eh? Maybe she'll post late tonight.

Rock and the rest of you discussing this haven; this space, etc....my cancer friend, Dottie, turned me on to all of you to begin with. Her group met two years ago and several are still in touch. She said she was a voyeur for a long time before posting herself. I told people about you all on my blog but never mentioned the name ...Rock...I have NO idea how someone could find you here unless someone lead them here, but here is my question....wouldn't you rather say whatever you want how you want, when you want and hope that others would respect your space here? Don't know how your friend found us, but maybe she did it accidentally or maybe she was looking for more information from you? Who knows? I hope you continue to post as your posts are important and valid and valued and poignant and safe with us. As for the rest of the world, who cares? We gotta' get through this right now. Sue, where are you? Sable, good song. Love Landslide, too, Rock. Angels, glad you are with us on Thursday. Bon Nuit. 

What should we be taking? Multivitamins, Omega -3, Calcium D3? My onc had me quit my multivitamin prior to treatment but I feel I can do more to combat the risk of reoccurance. Ladies???

"No one else"

It came out of nowhere and shot through my heart
Time stood still as my world fell apart
Four simple words, turned me upside down
As my life was spinning, I reached for steady ground

With an army in my soul, soldiers of love, warriors of faith
Fighting a battle against the enemy with no face

I am breathing once again
Time has shown me the power of my strength
This journey is an ever- winding road
I will walk it proud, tall and strong
And as I'm standing face to face with myself
I thank the Lord I'm no one else

There were days filled with anger, and nights lost in tears
I searched for courage in spite of the fear
In the midst of the madness, I found a quiet space
simple moments, a tender embrace

I am breathing once again
Time has shown me the power of my strength
This journey is an ever- winding road
I will walk it proud, tall and strong
And as I'm standing face to face with myself
I thank the Lord I'm no one else

From a drop of compassion, flowed a river of love
I drank from its waters and swam through the flood
In my darkest hour, when I could barely see
I found the essence of a woman I never dreamed I could be

I am breathing once again
Time has shown me the power of my strength
This journey is an ever- winding road
I will walk it proud, tall and strong
And as I'm standing face to face with myself
As I'm standing face to face with myself, with myself. . .
I thank the Lord I'm no one else

Written by Soraya