Starting Chemo May 2008

sueper13

Well, it's COB (close of business, before you ask) on Friday and no call about the scan. I guess I get to wait through the weekend.  Do they wait longer if it's bad news?  Possibly the doctor just can't face telling me there is something there?  Don't you love this waiting part?

I don't. 

rock

Sue, m'dear, There is simply no psyching out why we get results when we do.  I put my money on some person deciding to get an early start on the weekend and simply leaving without reading the scan, or reading it but not reporting it, or it got reported but not verified, or it was read, reported and verified but not logged, etc.

Sorry you're stuck without good news to celebrate over the weekend. But happy that you're not stuck with un-good news over the weekend.  Any chance you can put this out of your mind and spend your time doing something sue-per fun instead?

I am a hypocrite; I know if I were in your shoes it would be very hard for me not to book a ticket to Crazy. When my onco suggested that we don't do ANY follow up tests to see if the chemo worked, I was surprised by what a great idea I thought that was! In large part because I'm a fretter.

Sorry you don't have results; hoping you will be able to have some fun or some R & R instead.

big hug, and wishing we were sitting at the same kitchen table.

ranD

Okay, still working on 3 hours of sleep today, but the fam is all at family night at church, so I have 4 quiet hours.  I will be spending them with my 3 berry and banana ice cream sundae.  Yumm!

Sue, sorry about the lack of courteous return calls from so called professionals, don;t they know how quickly we need the results. I go with no news is goodnews theory...k?

I hear a fireplane circuling, guess I should go out and look, huh?

TTFN (ta ta for now)

randie

ellenoire

actually Karin FRS has no protein in it- it is an energy drink http://www.frs.com/

At the end of this hellish working weekend I will have some funny stories I am sure, but now I must off to bed- 13 hours in the ellenoire boutique mines has killed me! I should have had an FRS fer fucks sake!

;p

 Sue! poop on those doctors!  try to have a good weekend! I'd make you go out dancin' if I was there!

Chemoooo! zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

Sable

Whew! I miss an evening of reading posts and work and come back to 3 pages! Ya bunch of chatties! lol

Sue~... no news is good news!

Not sure if any of you remember my deal with a set of wigs a month or so back. Store refused to release them to me unless we paid full price. (insurance covered 100%) Then they refused to take the cash FROM the insurance and insisted we still paid %100 of the wigs and then they would get more money on top of the from the insurance. Long drawn out process, I had hubs just cancel them. Today we find out that they store went against the contract that they signed with the insurance company by withholding the wigs. I should have had them the day I tried them on unless they had to order them in. So their contract is now canceled with the insurance company and possibly more action will be taken against them. We got a call from them here at the house but we were at work. I'm so glad I wasn't here. I'm sure the lady probably would have cussed us out for all the business she is going to lose now. The 2 things I wanted to have hair for have now passed.... our anny and my bday dinner out.... a little late now.

Worked 2 full days past 2 days and I am wiped out. I normally work 5-5.5 hours a day unless I am at home then I can put in more but past 2 I put in 7.5.... Not nearly as many as noelle but I'm still tired.... working in 3d and then metric and converting shit over... urk! First real brain work since all this chemo started. I'm having problems with my left hand... 3 fingers ache pretty bad by the end of each night. I keep waiting for it to fade away and it is only slightly. It's not too bad during the day though. Then today I also notice one ankle all swelled up... so I propped it up to take down the swelling. i just don't want to be put on yet another drug or weekly taxol.... yikes! I'm so close ........

My older sister is (maybe) coming for a visit this weekend. This is about the 4th time she has promised a visit since all of this has started. I keep getting the "I'm too busy", "I have a car show to go to", blah blah blah. Then she gets upset if I don't email her what is going on or call her.... Not like she doesn't have access to either to contact me. I'm quite upset with her about the whole thing... bless her heart. My mom said she thinks my sister is having a hard time dealing with all of it... well hell what about me? I'm the one who is mortified by needles and is going thru my own personal hell on earth... but gee "she is having a rough time". pffffftttttt! Ok I needed to get that out of my system. If she doesn't show on sunday... there is going to be one ticked off chick sitting here.

Exfoiliating~..... nope don't do it here. I did for awhile on my arms but I produce too much keratin in my body and it only makes it worse on my arms. As for my face.. I've never had more gorgeous skin than what I have now. Always had a bad time with blackheads and they are cleared up. Have a touch of roseacea.... that is gone. The excess keratin on my arms is mostly gone. Heck if it wasn't for the se's I'd almost stay on chemo just for these benefits... har har.

My bday went wonderfully this year. Took mom out to eat the nite before. My boss and my gf took us out for lunch the next day. I must have gotten 30-40 cards from my chemo angel mail. It's been awsome all week. Even though we didn't "do" alot of stuff overall, the little things we did do were just all that much more special. Hubby even took me to the mall and he HATES the mall LOL.

Told hubs I needed to get props for my pole dance... he doesn't think I have the nerve to do it cause my infusion room holds about 30 people all at once... big room. Now I have a challenge.

Sweet dreams ladies, see you en la manana! ChemmmmoooooOOOOoooootawandaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

drcrisc

You people are the BEST!  If I have to have cancer, I couldn't ask for a better group go through it with.  Sniff, sniff.

I love the 'roid rambles - I think everyone has done it at least once.  (That's what I keep forgetting to ask them about at the onc's - if I'm gonna have more steroids during Taxotere.  Sue, I love parentheses, too.)

Rock - We can add itchy and tingling to the OW.  I think it's getting better, but I'm just finishing the second day.  Clearly, I have more staph on my body than I ever cared to know about.  Where else can Cristine get an infection before this is over?  (I should probably not ask that question.)

Sue - HATE waiting.  So sorry you have to, but I'm with whoever said no news is good news.  We're gonna go with that.

When I talked to my mom today, she said she missed us.  And I said not as much as we miss you!   Whew!  These girls of mine are a handful.  Separately, they are fairly easy, but together...Yikes! 

Noelle - So I am sadly lacking in the exfoiliating department.  And it's only my face, although I do have a body scrub I use occassionally.  Like Roxi, I want to know about Bath & Body stuff.  We all use it.  Any good? 

Jen - Hope your older sis comes through.  I know I've been missing mine terribly through this.  Ironically, this is the first year we have lived across the country from each other (she's in Maryland right now).  Glad the wig people are getting their due.  And really glad you had a great b-day. 

Good news - The women's Olympic gymnastics team is coming to San Jose next month and I'm taking my dd to see them!  We splurged and got tickets on the floor.  I'm just as excited as she is!!!!  I will be taking her by myself, so I have to feel good.  O.K., Taxotere, we need some cooperation here.

And now, bad news - This week I just heard of two people with serious cancers.  My graduate school roommate's brother has an as-yet undiagnosed primary cancer, but mets to his spine.  He went in to the hospital because of back pain.  Shit.  And the husband of someone I know farily well at work has just been diagnosed with liver cancer.  He is young (early 40's?) and they just got married less than a year ago.  She is pregnant and due in Sept/Oct.  Fuck.  Boy, Noelle, there's some people for that guy's study but I don't think they can afford it.  I really hope this Stand Up To Cancer thing is as good as it reads.  They plan on using the money to fund research and I hope that engineer gets some!

Sorry for the looooonngg post (and I can't even claim steriods as an excuse!)

ewesterman

I will spare you a lot of rambling tonight.

Hood, welcome to our hood.

Sue, your scan will be fine. I hate waiting weekends but you are going to be fine my sister in solidarity.

Jeanne, please don't tell Noelle, but I don't even really know what exfolliate means exactly. I could use lots of help with my skin.

Noelle, I exfolliate, um... well... um... sometimes. I use Ahava a lot and other dead sea products. I will check for sulphate and paraben and get back to you. I suspect my rash from a couple of weeks back was cause I ran out of the good stuff and started using crap from hotels. Spank me. I am going to turn over a new leaf. Right now, my feet are peeling away.

Karin, you are the best.

Mary, I floss too many times a day. BTW, I, too, have a chipped tooth. When I went to the dentist to show (but no touchy as I am in chemoooo) he said my gums and teeth look good. Keep taking care and I will too. 

Kristy, you are my heroine. Hang in there.

Jean, hope your mom is taking a turn for the better.

Cris, I hope your liver lip is receding. How scary. Did you say you were trying to pluck a hair there? If that's true, I may have to make some Rosanne Rosana Dana jokes. Let me know.

Okay, I am starting to ramble. Love you all. good night. 

rock

Eddie -- I have been using a scrub on my feet and moisturizing the heck out of 'em at night (wearing socks sometimes) and they're holding up pretty well.  Re: wig.  YES (with an accompanying hand motion where the arm is extended in front and then brought into the waist, kind of like a martial arts move)

Sable -- I hope your sister shows up for you, I really do.

Cris-dear -- Sorry about the folks in your life with cancer. A colleague/friend's mom has colon cancer and I swear, it affects in a way that it didn't before. Because now, it isn't just the news of cancer that gives me pause, but also the chemo...  Bleah.  

Sue -- I wanted to compose a poem for you but am drawing a blank. Feebly, I offer:

If you think Lou Reed had it hard; "Waiting for the man" 

Try being Sue; Contemplating the results of her scan.

**** Nope, nope. That is just crap.  I am sorry.

("Scanty" that IS quite a word.  Sounds a little prim -- which is another good word!!)

I am generally just a lame-ass this morning. Didn't sleep very well and dealing with some leg pain. Planning to rest A LOT today in hopes of going to a concert tomorrow afternoon in Central Park.  (Speaking of rest -- Noelle and Sable, do you have plans to get some?!) 

sueper13

Morning all,

Woke up weepy today.  Oh, Joy.  I think it helps that it's the last chemo-induced emotional hell.....Not too worried about the scan right now in this moment. I am going with the insensitive professionals theory as it is logical and believable.  Thank you all for being there for me.  I am so grateful and blessed by the connection we have. Both of my sons called me yesterday, and they don't even know about the scan....what fine young men they are turning out to be.  My oldest wants me to help them buy a refrigerator for his birthday--he said' "I can think of any number of toys I  would like and enjoy, but we just have a mini-fridge and it really limits Melissa in her cooking (she's finally learning to cook after four years of living together)...what a grown-up request for a birthday gift! So I told him about the scratch-and-dent place and that I would pay half. My youngest told me about his latest find by the curb "a perfectly good coffee table and leather ottoman!!!"  He was thrilled.  His living room is now furnished from things he was given and found and a tiny bit of money at IKEA.  I tell him he is channeling his late grandmother who was the queen of yard sales.

Sable, if your sister doesn't show up for you, she is missing out, daulink. 

Cris-Couldn't agree more about the good company here and the sniff, sniff.  If I try to talk to people about this site and you guys and start to tear up they look at me funny.  I don't care, I have gotten more real help and loving support here than even I can believe and it is precious to me, you all are.  Hope your lip is becoming less Quasimodish.

Eddie--I "know" you are right about the scan, just really, really need to see it in black and white.  The good thing is I have an appt. for my simulation on Tuesday and can bitch to the doctor about it while it is still fresh.

Rock--I am doing the same foot regimen--gentle scrub, excellent moisturizer...Origins has one called "reinventing the Heel" which is lovely.  I love the names of their products--their doedorant is called "No Offense", they have a moisturizer called "Constant Comforter"..I asked about the names and they have one lady whose job it is to make them up........what a great job!!

"Waiting for results of a look inside my lungs

Is worse than being outside picking up doggy dungs."

Love you guys.  Love you heaps.

Sue 

familyroks

Sue - those "fine young men" you have...well that is a result of their awesome mom!    PooPoo those insensitive scan people.  Here we thought we were past this waiting game crap.  Is it petty to hope those office people are having a horrible weekend?

Jean - continued thoughts for your mom. 

Cris - I sure hope you lips is doing much better today!

Rock - Take it easy today.  Its weird how "on time" the bone ache can be after the Taxol, isn't it?  So far so good for me this morning.  Keeping my fingers crossed and will make sure to be up and moving about to minimize the achiness.  I'm just grateful I didn't have to do the Neulasta this time.  That alone should be an improvement over last tx.

Noticed yesterday that I have that light fluffy hair growing in!  Had to have DH confirm...just to make sure it wasn't wishful thinking.  This morning he is referring to it as my 5:00 shadow.  YAY!

Off to read the ingredients for my facial products..............

ewesterman

Jeanne asks if you all are "getting some"  I assume it's getting some love in bed, but what I know to be true right now is that she means "getting some" as in rest which, at this moment in our lives, is sooooooooooooo much more precious than the other "getting some." Ho hum.

Sue,

Here is my feeble attempt to bail Rock out...

Waiting -----

Waiting for results; waiting to hear; waiting for news; wanting certainty

Waiting for a break; Waiting for clarity; Waiting for what?

Waiting for "you're good to go." Waiting for relief; Waiting for the tears of joy rather than tears of sorrow. Waiting to report you can breathe easy; Waiting to share the news with those you love; Waiting on pins and needles. Waiting. 

Rock...who is singing in Central Park tonight? I might trade you my deck for an evening with James Taylor or Bruce (that would be great) or with Melissa Ethridge.

Sable...so, what's up with the sister?

I have not done any good footcare. help, help...Hey I bought crocs. Check in with you all later. 

ewesterman

A miracle just occurred in my family. I am in tears. See my blog if you feel like wandering, but know this is a very happy day for me. Google Eddie Westerman to get to my blog.

angelsaboveus

Hi Ladies,

Just a quick note, lots goes on in a couple days... just popping in from the cabin to stock up.  Hubby and daughter are heading off with cousins to a theme park Silverwood for a couple of days. Thought I would skip as it will be hot hot hot and lots of people . I just don't want to blow it just before my LAST tx on Thursday, i've done so well up to now!   It works out ok , my favourite aunt and uncle are coming to town for a visit, so will have company. Thought i better stock up the fridge and get rid of the dust bunnies before they come.

Will any one be joining me next Thursday , how about Switzerland, in a lodge up in the Alps overlooking fields of wildflowers ?...

Sue best wishes on your scan results! I hope they come in a timely manner on Monday!!!!  

Hope everyone has a great weekend!

rock

Angels -- CONGRATULATIONS on the forthcoming last infusion!  That is marvelous news!  (Anybody else winding up this week?)

Estepp

Not winding up here.. but dying to see Ellenoire's perfect skin piece?? Where art thou Ellenoire?

Sable

Eddie~ not sure what her deal is... she kinda gets wrapped up how wonderful she is sometimes and forgets others. Still waiting to see if she shows tomorrow. If not... I'll just take a nap instead.

Had a great evening at my gf's house. Sat and played cards all evening and giggled and laughed our butts off. Good for the soul :O)

drcrisc

Eddie - Break out the Rosana stuff!!  "Eet was just a teeny, tiny hair...just sittin' right there."  Love your free association about "getting some"!  And I just got my cotton candy pink crocs a couple of days ago.  I like them but they make my feet sweat when it is hot.  And so happy for your family - what great news!  BTW, as I scanned through some of your other posts on your blog, it reminded me of how much I loved the attitude toward the Sabbath when I went to my undergrad at Loma Linda Univ. (which is a Seventh-Day Adventist school).  I am not SDA, but maybe I should try to incorporate that attitude a little more.  We are so "go, go go" too much of the time. 

Rock - Hope you were rested enough to go to the concert - I'm assuming so, since you are not around.  Was it good?!

Sue - Love the boys!  How cute they are (they never stop being cute, do they?)  And I agree with Adrienne on why they're great!  I'm glad you're holding up and not dwelling on the elusive results.  I go for my first PET scan on Thursday.  That should be interesting,

Noelle - Does scrubing sand off my legs at the beach count as exfoliating?  I hope so...

And that's where we spent our day - at the beach.  The first one of the summer.  It was somewhat foggy, but not too cold.  The girls had a blast...they LOVE the beach!!!  And I got to sit by myself for at least 30 minutes while dh took the girls on a walk.  Inhaled the sea air, watched the birds and the sea otters and the surfers and did absolutely nothing.  It was wonderful.  Here's the lip update:  Looking more normal now but still very infected although I think the Kelfex is starting to work.  It's itchy and tingly (and annoying!) at the same time. 

And you all have reminded me that I need to ask for the Roll Call for this coming week - who's up?  NOT Rock or Adrienne or Karin or Sue or Otter!!!!!!

Roxi65229

Me, me, me....last taxol on Wednesday. 

Gracie713

I am up on Wed. also.  This will be #5 of 6 FEC, then on to Taxotere! 

Roxi, it is great that this will be your last!

Sable

I have taxol #3 on thursday...... 2 more to go. Oh how I want to be done with this so bad!

ellenoire

m'ladies! I have not dropped off the earth, I am just working hard in the ellenoire mines. 39 hours( in 3 days) and counting... 7 or 8 more to go.

 Do I get kicked out of Camp Recovery if I can work this much after 1 month post chemo?

 When the BF asked me how I felt this morning, I said "my legs feel like stumps attached to my hips"... he said "is that retail pain or chemo pain".... I said "Retail pain" 

 Woo hoo for retail pain! 

More later, I am off to make the festival tents look pretty!

 xo and chemooo to y'all N 

Hood1980

Hi Ellenoire,  I'm feeling so good today I wish I could come help you at your fesival!  Chemoooo

ewesterman

Sable, If she (your sis) doesn't show up, it wasn't meant to be. Where shall the two of us infuse on Thursday? Got any ideas?

7th of 8 for me on Thursday. I, too, want to be done, done, done....especially because my last taxol was yukky and my first was too. Still...anyone can do two more of anything, right? 

Roxi, thanks for your comments on my blog. I am so floored and happy for my brother and father.

Noelle, checked for paraben. Some lotions have it. Some don't. I am assuming you are going to tell me to rid myself of all paraben nd sulphate lotions, yes? Hope the festival went well.

Angels, you were pretty close by...we were in Silverwood last year and you are right...it is hot and crowded though fun when not trying to stay well, keep a port in place and stay relaxed. 

My edema makes my left ankle look very balloonish....I keep walking. Hope that's okay.

My big guys are in Portland this weekend (where it is hot, hot, hot). I hung here on our deck with friends and my little guy, Adam, flies home by himself this afternoon. Where I was sad for our older son, because, at 15, this summer at camp was THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE, the little guy will be fine with coming home. Camp is great, but he is a home body as well. 

Rock, you gonna' tell me who you saw in concert? 

Cristine,

So...I had this teeny little piece of hair...but it was sticking out of my lip like a big hunk of spaghetti....so...what was I gonna' do? I PULLED it. I YANKED it. Who wants a big hunk of spaghetti hanging out of their lip?

Sue, hope my poem resonated with you.

Happy Sunday all. I am going walking while the heat is still under control. 

ewesterman

Oooops. Angels, I see you have already chosen a place...Swiss Alps. Sounds good. There is a beautiful place called Interlacken (spelling it wrong I am sure). It is very Sound of Music (ish). Let's get there. Sable, you okay with that?

Also, Cris...cool on the Shabbat stuff. I wish I really did mellow on Shabbat. Years ago, a young man named Steve used to run through both sides of our summer camp yelling, "Shabbat is coming! Shabbat is coming!" He was so funny. He'd wear his bathrobe right before jumping into the shower to prepare...he died very, very, very young of a rare disease and many of our friends took up his "Shabbat is coming!" in his memory. To this day, my dh and I RACE to see who will say it first. It is fair anytime after midnight on Thursday since Shabbat comes in at sunset on Friday. Marty usually wins which is funny since I am way more conscious of time and days. It would do ALL of us good to remember to relax and stop doing the same stuff day after day. It makes sense to make at least ONE day very different....it's a good concept. I wish I did it more. 

drcrisc

Eddie - Your Rosanna stuff made me laugh out loud and my 9 y.o. dd is going "what, what?"  Try to explain that!

I'm starting to keep the Roll Call list - keep it comin'!

Does my PET/CT scan on Thursday count?

And Noelle, you may stay as long as you like (and share your energy!)

MsKarin

Eddie - <<<My edema makes my left ankle look very balloonish....I keep walking. Hope that's okay>>>. Are we not suppose to walk when ankles are swollen? I know to elevate when we can. All during treatments only had one episode around steroid time that ankles got swollen. Now almost three weeks out my ankles are so bad today my daughter called them cankles (can't tell were calves stop and ankle starts.)

Enjoy the day, Karin

rock

Karin: Yikes!  You poor thing! Is it as painful as it sounds?  (Would reducing salt intake to near-zero help? If you elevate, I THINK you might want to put your foot above your heart -- and no, i'm not kidding just to put you into the handstand crocs position!) Seriously, OW.
Eddie -- Alas, no concert. I just lost my interest and tried to write an op-ed instead.   The near-continuous hot flashes are definitely growing very OLD.  Head sweat -- it's just GROSS. 

Noelle -- have been awaiting more skin tips when you are willing to share. It's safe to say I'm pretty clueless.

Sue sue sue sue.  So, maybe tomorrow for the results?  (After all my "Oh, Sue, try not to worry blah blah blah" I've had an empathetic knot in my stomach all weekend.  Serves me frigging right.  Fingers firmly crossed.) 

otter

Karin, mine too!  I mean, the edema.

I really didn't get much swelling during my chemo treatments, and it always disappeared within a day or two.  But, 2-1/2 or 3 wks after my last (4th) dose of Taxotere & Cytoxan, my hands, feet, ankles, and lower legs, got puffy.  It wasn't extreme, so I didn't call my onco's office; but it was very noticeable.

Since then, the swelling comes and goes during the day and is present to some extent every day.  This is almost 11 weeks after my last chemo tx!   I'd heard that Taxotere could cause fluid retention late in the chemo schedule and it would continue even after the treatments ended.  I guess I just hoped it wouldn't happen to me (or anyone else among us).

otter 

Sable

Eddie~ I go where you go daulin'. What time is yours this week? They have me coming in at 1140... gonna make for a looooooooooooooooooooong day.

My baby lost his first tooth today. My hubby kept wanting to pull it and I kept telling him no. He snuck behind me with a tissue and "helped it come out". He claims that it wasn't stuck in there but I saw blood and a upset little kid. Men! I swear. Little one was so upset that it was gone and kept crying. We finally got him calmed down and he got a popsicle... awww the magic of cold sugar to fix anything. He asked me tonight if I would stick it back in LOL.

My sister made it up for a visit! We had such a nice day as well. My mom told me not to let her cry over me. And she didn't. She did say she expected it to be harder to see me than it was. Everyone expects me to be much sicker looking and acting I guess. I'm still me just bald and bitchy. I showed her my foob and then asked if she wanted to see my scar. I think she was surprised when I whipped up my shirt and THEN let her touch the scar. Hell everyone else in dayton ohio has seen it 50 times why not family at this point? I asked her how she liked being the one in the family with all the hair. She hadn't thought of it till I said that. I used to be the one that everyone made the fuss over my hair.... long naturally curly it kinda defined me....now I'm bald and shiny and exfoliated on the top thanks to noelle ROFL!

I read this passage in a magazine and thought of each of you here......

"Good friends are like angels. You don't have to see them to know they are there"

chemoooOOOOooooo ladies!

Sable

Rock~... from earlier post.... no time to rest now... been off work without pay for 4 months. I'm broke! Happy to be doing something normal to be honest. cancer sux!