Starting Chemo May 2008
Comments
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Sue,
I just know everything will be fine with your CT scan. Can they tell by the scan if its granulomas or would they have to do another test of some type? It's hard not to think about it, I'll pray twice as long tonight. Good luck tomorrow and let us know what the onc says. I hate those monkeys. They've been keeping me up at night too.
Ya, my tumor was stage 3 and her2+, not to mention PR- and ER- so whatever they say regarding rads, I'm there.
Love ya!
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Ellenoire,
I live in a smaller town in the West Kootenays, Nelson, B.C. Beautiful place built on the side of a mountain.
I am doing rads cause my cancer was 1 mm from chest wall . which isn't much and the pos. nodes, I feel good about the decision.
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Wow, there is some really sucky stuff going on here.
Sue, I think you should believe your onco, because my Nancy Drew superpowers are telling me that he/she is right. It is hard to distinguish a granuloma from a tumor when looking at a plain X-ray film of a lung. It might be easier to tell them apart with a CT scan, which provides lots better detail of soft tissue and displays it in 3 dimensions. Still, it's not a slam-dunk; and the worst thing the radiologist could do at this point is to tell you the areas are granulomas for sure, and then a year from now they turn out to be mets. So, he is being cautious ( = CYA).
It isn't unusual to find lung granulomas "incidentally" on chest radiographs or scans that are taken for some other reason. That's especially true as we age. And, as you noted, the granulomas form when the tissue tries to remove, and eventually walls off, an irritant or an infectious agent (bacteria, fungi, etc.). All sorts of things can trigger formation of a granuloma in the lung. I don't think there is any way to know for sure whether the lesion is a granuloma or a tumor, and if a granuloma, what's causing it ... without doing a lung biopsy. Who was it, who said, "Don't borrow trouble"? Those spots will look just like they did last time--heck, maybe they'll be smaller!
Cris, I understand the ambivalence. It's hard enough to be sympathetic and caring toward someone who behaves in a way that causes harm to him/herself. It's even harder when you are doing everything you can to overcome cancer. Please don't let the guilt stick to you. Feel it, then let it go. Alcohol, like drugs and cigarettes, is addictive; but people have to decide for themselves when it's time to quit. Some people never do.
Karin, I hope you are feeling better today. I've had some days when just about anything could start me crying, and that's just not me. There isn't anything in particular that's bothering me, but sometimes I feel weepy. Fortunately, those feelings haven't lasted very long (per incident), but they're a nuisance. Plus, it's embarrassing to get weepy while eating sesame chicken at a Chinese buffet restaurant! I am so sorry--was it Eddie? I can't remember, and I don't dare go hunting for it, or I'll lose this post. Someone was offering me advice a week or so ago, and she said some people experience a "post-traumatic stress"-type reaction after finishing BC treatment. I am starting to believe that.
OK, I need to stop 'cause it's late. We're on "the boat" this week--just got here this afternoon. This is a work week--already, we've spent 5 hours fixing things and running to Lowe's and WalMart for odds-and-ends. Tomorrow, someone is coming by to take us out and show us how to get this big boat through a lock on the Tennessee River without getting run over by a barge or arrested by the Marine Patrol for stupidity. I need to re-read my booklet of Coast Guard rules of navigation...
otter
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Cris,
Sorry for your loss and your nephew's loss. Addiction is a tough thing in any situation,. Prayers to you and yours.
Oka, on a totally different note. AFter reading all I could from you guys and others, I am assuming that each subsequent tax tx will be either the same amount of pain or worse :{.
So, I decided that this wek before Thursday tx, I will try and be non-chemo mom. Today we went and saw the new mummy movie. It was pretty intense! The kids loved it and even got to have a box of candy each. Me? I indulged and ate a HUGE order of nachos with a cherry coke. YUM!
So, I am sure my weight will be a little higher on Thurs, but who gives a rat's ass!
Other than that, I hate these hot flashes, I can't tell if its the chemicals or lack of them!! But for me, its pretty much my head that gets all sweaty.
So, Happy Birthday and I will make you a cake!
love you all, randie of the aching feet and tingling left fingertips which right now feel like I have been playing guitar for hous!!!!
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Sorry, I hate this system, once you read a page, you can't read a post and keep going back to refresh my poor chemo brain lessness. grrrrr.
Sue,no mets no mets no mets....there, isn;t that the same formula you divorce someone under? shouldn't we be able to divorce the cancer in our life???????
Gracie, am there with you on the sweats, they suck big time, i am tired of changingpillows int he middle of the night.
CHEMOOOO all
on to watch Phelps swim again...ran
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Thank you all for the good thoughts and mental "hugs"! I feel them all. I am realizing that while I am sad for all of them, my biggest feelings are that I can't help anyone. By that, I mean, I can't be there to comfort my brother or my nephew and I can't go with my mom to help her. She still has many ties to Vegas, including several doctors. Of course, because she's going, she wants to see ALL of these doctors and do all these things, but can't really do it by herself without great effort. My other brother does not have very much vacation time (his wife has had major medical problems for the past 2 years) and so can't really take time off to "chauffer" her. So, I think I'm mostly feeling helpless, which is an unusual place for me. So I'll try to do what I can from here. I JUST WANT TO FIX IT - but I can't.
Gracie - Thanks for reminding me as I think I'm really having chemopause. I have deduced this mostly because I'm "late" and since giving birth to the littler one, I have not been "late". 28 days. Exactly. And now I'm about 4 days late. Yup. Chemopause. I cannot wait for that first hotflash...
Good to see some of you that haven't been around (Angels, Karin). And Happy (early!) Birthday, Jen!
Chemoooo to anyone going this week - sorry, I lost the momentum this week for the list.
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My logic is no doubt deeply flawed but would BC really metastawhatchamahoozit (cuz I can't spell it) THAT fast? No. Dr. Rock (not a real doctor, but she plays one on TV) thinks you have granola in your lungs. It's from all those mornings where you shoved down your breakfast and ran out the door to YOUR JOB AS AN AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER. You know how to keep jets from crashing into each other. Which, face it, makes you a ROCK STAR.
(Sue, I can completely understand why you're worried. I had a similar anxiety-producing report early in this adventure where they suggested that the cancer was already growing back, right after the surgery. Yeah, maybe it was/is. But maybe it was just an area of increased circulation as the result of the surgery. Try to block some of that worry.)
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Hello Ladies! Thank you all for the kind words of support - it is very much appreciated. It has truly been a roller coaster of a week. Just as Mom would shows signs of improvement, we would hit another set back. Mom had emergency surgery last Saturday to remove a clot that had gone to her affected arm and having another surgery today. There have been lots of complications that have bubbled up since the stroke and we are still taking things day by day.
Two stories that I need to share. First, we were trying to get a nurse to assist and my sister could not get their help. I told her that some times we had to leverage what we have - step aside. I walked out of Mom's room with my ball cap in hand rubbing my bald head asking is someone could help my Mom. We had 3 nurses in the room immediately. FYI - The were on a shift change - the nursing staff has been providing excellent care. Second, my Mom was incredibly alert last Sunday morning. I walked up to her with my gown on (she has an infection) and reached for her hand. She pulled it back an pushed herself away from me. I asked her if she was running away from me and she nodded yes. I told her that I had cleared it with my onc and her docters - that it was okay for me to visit. She smiled and pulled herself back and grabbed my hand. She is fighting for her life, but yet she is still trying to protect me. I walked out of her room and cried.
Love all the new avs!
Congrats Sue on being done!
I have Taxol #3 tomorrow.
I miss all of you - and wish you all the best!
Jean
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Ah, Jean. Now you got me crying. Moms. I'm glad you can be there with her.
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We are always with you Jean, no need to miss us. Glad mom is still "there"(meaning mentally) Having her alert I hope makes things a teeny bit easier.
What kind of cake does SableJen like? I just made some raspberry jam, we can put that in between the layers.
... what otter said... all of it!
Good post chemo news of the week? I have been losing weight steadily, my body almost feels like mine. I know it is mostly water/ bloat but anything that makes my clothes fit better makes me feel like ME!
Chemoooo! to everyone.
I am off to errands and bloodwork and doc appt for tomorrows herceptin #1.
Noelle
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Jean - After reading that, I too had to cry for you.
. You are both in my thoughts and prays.Sue - Found someone to BEAT your monkey for you. He should getter done because the monkeys not even looking.
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I know not great but I did try.
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Roc you have a PM about tomorrow
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Karin,
Thanks, and you did good! Saw my radiation oncologist this morning. I felt really crappy when I woke up, and we had to drive an hour in traffic to get there. It was like I could feel my entire digestive system, and it was bruised or something, man I just felt like warmed over dog crap. So we get there, and I am trying to figure out why I am feeling so bad and I realize that I am scared. So I told my dh, I'm scared. And he held me and I cried. Silly, I know, maybe, but it helped. Once I saw the doctor and she explained some things and what to expect I felt better. I will have 28 rads, starting about the first of September. I told her about my anxiety about the repeat chest CT scan and she said, "I'll call your insurance and we can work you in today." So I had a CT scan of my chest today and will know the results in a couple of days. I feel better, if a bit anxious about the results of the scan. Thanks for the support and help, it's precious to me!
Sue
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Sue,
Glad you seem to be feeling a little better. Hubby's shoulder helped you release a lot you were holding onto. Tomorrow you won't have time to think about it. We'll be to busy joking around while we wait for Rock to join us from the other side of the river.
We also have a Birthday to celebrate tomorrow. A bit early but while I'm thinking of it and before I forget. Sable this is for you from all of us.
Enjoy the day, Karin
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I'm at an out-of-town meeting, with limited internet access, so I've been kind of scarce on this board . . . only just now getting caught up.
Cris, I'm really sorry about your brother's wife. I think that in some ways the complicated losses, like this one, are especially hard.
SableJenSable, can I wish you a happy birthday now, just in case I don't get a chance tomorrow?
On the drive up here, I got off the freeway and took two-lane country roads for the last 100 miles or so. At one point, I found myself driving through fields of sunflowers. They were in full bloom, whole fields full of big sunflower faces. Just beautiful.
So beautiful, that for a few minutes I totally quit strategizing about how to pass the pickup truck in front of me.
The meeting that I'm at is full of people who haven't seen me since my diagnosis, so there've been lots of hugs (good thing my WBC is OK) . . . and one guy who came up, shook my hand, and introduced himself. Do I really look THAT different??
Linda
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Oh thank you so much for the birthday wishes ladies! This bday is a bit more special because a) I'm coming thru a dark tunnel and seeing the end finally b) I have all of you here to help celebrate.
Took my mom out to eat tonight for a thank you/birthday dinner before she goes home once again tomorrow. Oh it was so yummy. We went to Bravo's... and I drank 4 glasses of raspberry tea... I'm on the verge of floating lol. She picked me up a bday cake today at the store and we will have it a bit later... yes a day early but she is heading home in the morning. Hopefully we won't have to drag her 2.5 hours next treatment to help with my son. She has been here every other week since all this has begun, for all surgeries and treatments. We couldn't have done it without her.
Noelle~... how about some raspberry jam in between 2 slabs of double chocolate cake with a chocolate ganache (sp?) drizzled over it... *drool*
sue~ I pray everything turns out ok for you. I'm with you in spirit sweetie.
rock~ tomorrow is your last??? I'm celebrating with you tomorrow!!!!!
Jean~ your mom is in my prayers as well! Good luck on #3 tomorrow
I love the avs people are posting you are a beautiful bunch of women!
Good luck to those in tx this week.. one more closer ladies! And for those with bone pain... I found so far that 2 aleve in the morning is cutting down on the pain alot for me. I hope it helps somebody else as well.
ChemooooOOOOooooo
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Happy birthday Jen. Celebrate tonight and tomorrow! You deserve it.
Good luck to all with tx this week.
We have our county fair starting tomorrow. My oldest has two dairy cows and 1 pig. She lost one last week. She was pretty upset. He stepped into a pile of beer hops when they were walking him. It was so hot and like quick sand. Her boyfriend pulled him out but it went into shock and died. They called the vet who came right away to the farm but they couldn't save him. He injected antibiotics so the meat couldn't be used either. My youngest has two turkeys, a hen and a tom and two pigs. I'm thankful that my oldest daughters bf lives on a huge dairy farm and that they have an opportunity to experience 4H.
Sue, thinking of you and praying for good news sweetie.
Chemopause....I haven't had a period since March. Hum....will it come back? One thing I will not miss. I will miss the baby soft skin though.
Roxi (Mary)
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Adrienne,
You had said "I know I won't have the guts to pull off a pic as I'm obnoxiously shy". How about if you just stand next to the pole with your back towards us? Oh well I tried.
I found this cute little friend that will stand in for you. So when you're done your last infusion let me know and I will let cute friend stand in for you on the pole dance thing. May tomorrow be SE free.
Enjoy the day, Karin
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Sue,
Try to think of granualomas as a breakfast cereal....or something you put in your coffee. It's going to be okay. MRIs and CT scans always have something. I had a complex right breast (I love that) and something with my thyroid. I flipped out and was calmed by many as ass covering too. Take it easy.
Noelle and Angels, with Adrienne and me in Seattle and Angels...where, Nelson I think but coming to Kelowna (isn't that somewhere around Kamploops? I may be wrong on that) we ought to hang out for a day of leaf peeping in September although I suppose that may be too early. Hmmm...just a thought. Noelle, I just assume you'll fly there from anywhere in Canada as I forgot where you live. Also, the milk letdown thing and the hot flash business resonates for me. I hadn't thought about it, but it has a similar sensation just before coming on....as far as herceptin/taxol, they were administered separately so I could tell which effects were new since I had had taxol before AND, the fluish (Jewish) part came from herceptin cause it matched what others told me what might occur....HOWEVER it only occurs for some and I don't imagine it'll occur for macho mohawk chicks who swim. Seriously, it's a possible side effect and, for me, it was overnight. I had chills and the runs. Am still having the runs a bit, but may be cause of other meds.
NEWSFLASH!!! I have hair sprouting on my lower legs (it never left my thighs and upper area but let's not get me ranting on that one again). I shaved in June but there is definite hair sprouting...and, there is a possible new hair sighting on my head. It is only five weeks after A/C PLUS I am on heavy taxol and my eyelashes are falling out like crazy and my eyebrows are thinning, but could it be? Seems early but last A/C was July 3 so it has been 40 days which is just short of six weeks, eh? Weigh in women. What do you think?
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aaaaaaaaaaaaargh! Jen,
Happy Birthday to you.
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Ladies, sisters, loves,
ROCK--YOU ARE ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!!!!!! You are going to feel sososososso good!!!! Come on up out of that river, sista---let's move on, baby!!!
Karin, you are right, hubby's shoulder is amazing. It caught me so by surprise this morning that what I was feeling was fear--I hate being afraid, it makes me feel like I am weak (I know I am not), somehow just recognizing and acknowledging what we are feeling makes it all just that tiny bit smaller.
Jen, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Hope you enjoy the evening with your Mom.....Moms are so good when you are sick or tired or even just grumpy! Enjoy the birthday cake!!
Roxi, I haven't had a period since March either, which here's the weird thing: I had my mastectomy on April 2nd, my period was due on about the 11th, I started chemo on April 24th--no period. I guess from the surgery? Weird....I, too miss the baby soft skin, but will be perfectly happy if I never have another period...Have to take Tamoxifen for two years, then Femara for five. Need to buy stock in Aveeno as I am slathering with the stuff when I get out of the shower.
Hubby is making a pot of delicious chili---I'm going to enjoy it, even though I will probably pay for it tomorrow! My Aunt Charlotte is going home tomorrow...we have had such a wonderful visit. It's very odd, but the older I get the more I feel sisterly toward her as opposed to feeling like she's the adult and I'm the kid..she was the first person in my life to treat me as an adult and gave me a lot of the confidence I have that I can do hard things, just because they are there and need to be done..she's really a wonderful, caring lovely person and I am so lucky to have her in my life.
Hope everyone has a great evening......CHEMOOOOOOOO!
Love,
Sue
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Rock,
Can you imagine the fun, trouble we would have or get into if I were there with you tomorrow. Know that I'll be there with you in spirit.
P.S. - Will you look at that, my spirit still has hair.
Edited to say I borrowed Sue's heels, Thanks Sue
Enjoy the day, Karin
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KARIN! THAT"S PERFECT!!!!
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Sue, is Rock right? Is it really granola in your lungs? I want to see those CT films, please.
Go, Rock! Go, Rock! (Can you see us over on the far bank, jumping up and down? No, those aren't crocodiles in the river. Those are soft, cushy pillows you can rest on as you make your way across to us.)
otter
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OMG? So much to say to so many of you!
Jennnnn! I am the Queen of Ganache! You and I need to party with cake! Have a great day!
Eddie, I live in Ontario, about an hour to Niagara Falls and Buffalo. It is quite haul from here to BC, but nothing is impossible.
I have had hair growing on and off since A/C finished, but the eyelashes and brows got fucked during Taxol. As for the herceptin, I am hoping for minimal side effects. With a photo shoot for a local mag on Thursday and a 3 day festival on my feet on Friday I need to be in the best shape I can be in.
Rock- we await your pole dance! Have a great one!
Roxi and Sue- what is this about smooth skin and not having your period? I am confused. The skin on my face has changed a bit, but mostly from chemo and steroids. What skin parts are you talking about?
Chemooo to everyone that is up!
I hope I didn't miss anyone or anything!
Night y'all
N
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Rock - I just wanted to say that I'll be thinking of you through my tx tomorrow. CHEMOOOO!! We are so done with this chapterl!!
Going to decline the Aranesp (DUH!)and the Neulasta (if I can). Just want to have the minimals of the Taxol and be done....so done...so ready to be done with this crap.
I'll be with you.
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Adrienne, you're done tomorrow too?!?! EXCELLENT!!! We need to have a cyberparty pole dance regalia.......
PICTURES, LADIES!
CHEMOOOOOOO!
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OMG, Rock!! And Adrienne!! Is it really your last ones?! Are you both done-done?!? If it's true, I'm expecting GREAT things when I check in tomorrow!
Karin - WHERE do you find those things?! Love it!
Sue - You are fine. Just FINE. I'm really glad the appointment helped, because so often we've heard about docs making shit worse.
Jean - Glad to hear from you. Glad to hear your mom is hanging in there and what presence she has. Love the nurse story! You go!!
Noelle - Glad your finding your body and your self again!
Linda - I can see the sunflowers. Wow...
Jen/Sable - Happy, happy birthday!!
Oh, btw, I think I had my first hotflash today...not a good thing when you're teaching your new two male interns in a tiny room...
CHEMOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Sable - HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Cheers to a fabulous day!
Yep Cristine...Rock and I are both DONE DONE DONE with chemo today!! Oncs office called last night and moved my appt from 10:00 to 8:30 (Pacific time)...WOOHOO! That works out nicely since my in-laws arrived last night from New Mexico. This will free up our afternoon. I baked some lemon bars yesterday to take to the staff in the Oncs office.
Jen - I'm thinking about your mom.
Hot flashes! I've had them since I started Taxol. I sleep with the fan directed on me all night. They will probably continue as I move on to Tamoxifen. Oh joy.
CHEMOOOOOOOOO!!!
Rock - I just wanted to say that I'll be thinking of you through my tx tomorrow. CHEMOOOO!! We are so done with this chapterl!!
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