My Husband, My Life, My Love, My Family, My Cancer

Micmel

Mae~Looks awesome. Makes me want dinner again. I love sherry sauce. Like Marsala sauce. Looks yummy. What it’s stuffed with. ? Stuffing ? Some stuff it with crab. Now I need a snack.

tangandchris

I'm in a low place tonight. I overheard DH on the phone talking to his brother. He was apparently asking DH about me and treatment. I heard dh trying to explain my stage 4 diagnosis and what it meant. I have not been right since hearing him. I'm not even clear why I am so upset. It just hurt my heart to hear him talking about it.

I needed to get this off my chest. Thx for listening.

illimae

Micmel, it’s stuffed with a seasoned butter ball (salt, pepper, garlic & chives) and a slice of Swiss cheese. The sauce really makes it and I’m so full. I make it about once a year, it’s taste is wonderful and made better by its rarity.

Micmel

Mae~SOUNDS LIKE My kinda meal. Funny how suggestions make us hungry.

Tang~ sometimes it just hits us. I sit and say out loud to myself. You have stage four cancer. Because. I still can’t believe it and it’s been five years of dealing with it. It’s just heavy to carry around all the time. Hearing your husband speak of it, makes it even more real. Not to mention you don’t want him to hurt over it or even have to talk about it at all. I’m sorry. I’m sending huge hugs to let you know you’re not alone. I’ve been there. Much love

Elderberry

mae: that meal looks so good with that gorgeous glistening sauce.

To all: mentioning the cold snap. moth and I know what weaklings we West Coasters are when it comes to snow and cold. I have lived in Edmonton, Winnipeg, Ottawa and 170 miles north of Ottawa. I have grown thin blooded in the years since being there but I still laugh at folks who whine when it hits just the freezing point and we get more than 3 inches of snow. I have a friend in Saskatoon who keeps me balanced. Last week the city hit -48 C (I think that is about -54 F) Brrrrr

I had a thin slice of some flourless chocolate cake. It may as well be called fudge. I buy a whole slice then cut it into thinner slices and freeze them. So rich. So yummy. I figure the salad I made with mini greens, strawberries, feta cheese, almonds and red onions might have off-set the other indulgence.

Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we may diet.

emac877

Tangandchris - I get it. I feel like I bear the burden of cancer pretty well myself and I have a few memorized phrases I use when explaining it to people. I crack though when I hear either of my parents try to explain life right now to their friends. This diagnoses has been hard on me physically but I think emotionally it's been equally as hard on my family as it has for me and that just makes me tear up every time. I can be a stoic rock about cancer most of the time until I have to see it involving my family and then I'm done.

I'm sorry, I know I've missed a ton of stuff. I was in a pretty dark place and I had to just shut myself off for a while. I have very few answers, just support and solidarity for those of us struggling. Stupid cancer. I feel slightly guilty hearing about this polar vortex thing. I was complaining the other day that our weather in southern Oregon is boring. Wet and a bit cold (30-40s) but that's the worst of it in the valleys anyway. I would bargain hard for some snow to come our way and break up the rain we've been having. I hope you all are staying warm and have a soft blanket and good soup!

illimae

Welcome back emac.

we got snow! This is a very exciting event for Houston and I’m loving it.

candy-678

Morning all.

tangandchris- This cancer is so crappy. I too get in a bad place sometimes. I just say aloud (I live alone) " I have cancer--Stage 4 cancer". I never thought I would get cancer. We do not have it in our family tree. I thought a bad heart would finally get me, not cancer. I guess it was good that your DH could say it, could talk about it. Not in denial, at least. My family never discusses it, at least around me. They are in denial. If I mention it the response I get is "Oh you will live another 30 years". Not helpful.

Mae- Supper looked yummy. I am not a cook. Wish I was. Miss the foods my mom made as I was growing up--- big pots of homemade stew (with everything but the kitchen sink), homemade chicken pie, pork cutlet meals.

We got another couple of inches of snow overnight and more on the way. Maybe 5 inches total when done. And still cold---yesterday morning 15 below wind chill. Today windy with the snowfall. I have no where to go, thanks to Covid isolation, but still, it will be a week inside due to the snow and bitter cold. But kind of comforting knowing several are homebound with the weather, makes me feel I am not alone. In good weather my friends are out and about and I sit at home-- Covid fears and crappy feelings with the cancer meds. Now, they get a taste of what I live with--homebound.

Any scans or appts for anyone this week???

candy-678

Just heard my forecast. Expecting another 6 inches of snow today-- so 8 inches total. Highs in the single digits today and tomorrow with wind chills 15 below. Then another snow on Wednesday with maybe 6 more inches of snow. We do not usually have this kind of weather, so we are in for some major winter weather this week.

Kittykat9876

Candy, we have the opposite here, it was 98 here today.

I'm finally home and feeling much better thank goodness. I see my oncologist on Thursday to see if we need to delay the next cycle.

Mae, that looks delicious, I bought Chinese takeaway on the way home for my dinner tonight.

Mel, Wentworth is based on an Aussie show called Prisoner that ran from 1979-1986. I loved that show, I haven't seen this new show yet.

Micmel

I have blood work on Wednesday with markers being drawn. Which is a great guide for me. Just want to get it over with. Then I scan March 4th. So here comes all the scariest scanxiety because I feel it creeping. And I can’t stop it. Argghhhhhhhhhh...

Snow for Mae that’s awesome.

mara51506

Mae enjoy the snow, when it is a novelty it is quite enjoyable for sure. Not honestly sure if it snowed here but what they get chicago area usually makes its way to us a day or two later.

Mel, sorry about your scanxiety, it sucks when scans cause such worry for us. Hugs for you.

I am happy to say I am really happy with my clip on bucket washer. Have used it all weekend and getting used to it, bought a back up already. Using the portable washer that does work for the rinse cycle, makes it all go faster, clothes are well cleaned. If the wash side of the working twin tub stops working, I will get another 5 gallon bucket and use that for the rinse and spin. Kept the first broken washer as the spinner works. Fits well in the front closet after a lot of purging junk out and breaking down giant boxes I had.

Might walk to the burger joint for a couple of things. It is sunny here so need to take advantage of that. Have to call first as it is Family Day here in ontario which is a stat holiday, most places are closed.

Hope all have a good day.

Rosie24

Mel, I have to check out the Wentworth show. We’re always looking for something to watch at night. Last night we watched a movie called “I See You” with Helen Hunt. Boy does she look different. She had some kind of “work” done,I guess. Movie was kind of intense but kept us watching.

Candy, we have snow coming overnight tonight too, up to 10 inches they say. I’m glad not to have to be anywhere in the morning.

Mae, Dinner looked and sounded delish. We had my brother over & had lasagna. We don’t do a lot for Valentine’s Day. Enjoy the snow!

Mara, That’s nice that you can walk to the burger joint. For me it would be motivation to get out and walk. Also glad your new washer is working well.

I have a Covid test on Friday before my ablation on Monday. The doc said recovery was minimal but I do have some nervousness about it.

Hello to everyone 👋

Micmel

Rosie~I honestly am addicted to this show. My sister is up until all hours watching it. , I got her hooked also. 8 seasons. Hopefully 9. I’m already on season 6. So I’m slowing down now. Don’t want it to be over . Give it a try you won’t be sorry. It’s a fantastic show. Grabs you right in.

candy-678

So Pocket Duty for Mel's bloods this week, and then scanning March 4. And Pocket Duty for Rosie's Covid test, and then ablation next Monday.

It is brutal out there. I went outside for a second. Snowing hard and blowing around and the cold wind takes your breath away. But Kittykat I would rather have this than your 98 degree weather. I dread summer coming. I just cannot tolerate the heat anymore.

moth

candy - I will get results of my bone scan on Thursday which will hopefully give more insight into whatever shadow they saw on the CT on T10. Also of course hoping for negative results in the rest of the skeleton.

Tomorrow I have a telehealth with the radonc to talk about the lung met he treated. I'm still coughing and sometimes my breathing seems worse so I worry the treatment did not work. I will be asking him when he thinks a scan might tell us if it worked. I worry about this one as there's nothing else regional to do (unless I can convince a surgeon to remove that lobe) so it would likely mean change in systemic therapy

I'm still feeling a bit out of sorts - not sleeping well, not as energetic, mood a bit off. Now I wonder whether I had 4 good weeks in Jan - Feb and that was it, now I'm sliding back down to blah land. Other than appointments this week I have no chemo or immunotherapy so maybe I'll start bouncing back. I'm just suddenly tired of it all but at the same time I was sayng to someone on twitter, I feel the slogan 'we can sleep when we're dead' is really driving me to keep moving as much as I can and not waste a single day.

It's a long weekend here and we still have snow on the ground so I want to go out with Olive for some fun.

hugs everyone

illimae

No scans this week but I do have birthdays on Thursday and Friday, I’ll be turning 46!

candy-678

moth- Pocket duty for you for the bone scan results on Thurs.

What systemic therapy are you on now? The profiles are sometimes hard to read-- Letrozole only? Or Letrozole and Abraxane?

Your "not waste a single day". That is what I think about a lot. Wasting my days. I am on an "easy" treatment now--- Ibrance/Letrozole/Lupron. Not that I feel great, I don't. But being inside isolated all the time I feel I am "wasting my days". I want to be able to at least volunteer again. Do something a few days a week. Now, my days just slide into another and I feel I am "wasting" my time.

candy-678

Mae- Thursday AND Friday??? 2 birthdays???

moth

candy, I'm on atezolizumab (every 2 weeks) + abraxane (every 3 weeks) + letrozole

illimae, are you a midnight baby???

illimae

Yeah, two birthdays 🥳

So, I was born on 2/19 in Seoul, Korea (dad was in the army) but here in the US, that very day is on 2/18 due to the time difference between countries. As soon as I was old enough to realize that, I began celebrating my American and Korean birthdays.

BevJen

Mae,

Good for you for celebrating two birthdays! That's interesting -- never thought of the international dateline and how it could affect birthdays!

Hope you have a lovely celebration on each of "your" days.

illimae

Bevjen, I’m all about birthdays and started celebrating 1/2 birthdays too (8/18 & 8/19)

BevJen

Mae,

I remember that, but I didn't realize you doubled up at your half "birthdays" as well -- hey, go for it!

Hope you are holding up with the snow and the cold temps down in Texas -- some of us are used to getting this, but not so much in your area!

mara51506

Mae, so cool about your dual birthdays.


We are going to be getting all that snow that some of you in the States received. Looks like I will be staying home for a couple of days til they dig us out. Treadmill and elliptical will have to do for exercise.

runor

Running in to say hi. As usual I am out of the loop. Finally got the mamm that was 4 months late. The tech was new to me. As usual I'm sitting there after pics, waiting to get the all clear, to get the 'You can get dressed and go home."  Instead she comes out and says, "I need to get another view, he's going to want a better look at that."  Whaaattt did you just say?!  A better look at what?!  My heart fell in my shoes. Doc called me The Next Day! That NEVER happens and can only mean one thing, bad news. Second time my heart flopped on the floor. But he said everything is all good. I almost passed out with relief. However there is a note of 'extensive involution' and I'm not sure what that means. It was highlighted again that life is the stretch between mamms. Things have never gone back to normal. They can't. Hugs to all!

dutchiris

candy-678

Mae cool to have 2 birthdays!!!! Enjoy. I also celebrate 1/2 birthday. As a child we started doing that. On 1/2 birthday mom made cupcakes. No party, just a cupcake and recognition of the 1/2 birthday. I kept up the tradition thru my adulthood.

I went out and shoveled 3 times today-- continued snowing and also blowing snow. Just my porch, steps, and path to my truck in my driveway. Did not dig out truck or go anywhere. But wanted to have path in case. Measured 9-11 inches. If I would not have shoveled, it would have been against my door and I would have been stuck inside!!!!

Micmel

Chiris~ I don’t love the snow either and I’m so all about the fuzzy anything to be cozy with. We’re getting freezing rain now. So dangerous. Bad winter so far. A month left. Always get something on Presidents’ Day. Every year.

Candy~ I see you’re getting as much snow as we have been dealing with. It’s a monster when there is no place to put it.

Mae~ two birthdays. Now I’ve heard everything, sounds good to me. happy birthdays. Cake yummy. Cup cakes 🧁 yummy. Presents. Twice! Okay!!!

mara51506

Rosie, will be in your pocket for the ablation. You are right, I enjoy the bucket washer. Fun to use.