Just got the call from my doctor and she told me I have cancer

Moderators

Turquoise, sorry you are here, but wanted to say welcome! We're glad you've found this amazing community.

The following article from our main site offers some tips for talking about breast cancer with children: Talking to Older Children and Teens

We hope it helps! Let us know how you're doing, we're thinking of you!

The Mods

Anonymous

Dear all, to our newly dx--it's just a bump in the road, temporary, and you will get on with life after you're through this. I understand the shock and fear for sure.

I believe that not everyone needs to know everything about our personal lives. I didn't tell my university students while I went through chemo-just wore my short wig and they couldn't tell. When I had my last tx, I took off my wig and my students just thought I had gotten a super shave on my head. Then I told them what I had been through. Not telling them helped them respond to me as they normally would--and gave me a place to go where I didn't have to think about what was happening or explain anything (or update anyone).

It helped me to keep a lot of what I went through for those select few who wouldn't tx me differently because of a dx. I wanted to be treated normally (and not the "sad face-how are YOU doing"? kind of response, which, when I was feeling good and not thinking about what was happening to me,actually MADE me think about how scared I was. Not helpful although I understood the concern from others).

It wasn't that I was ashamed. It was that I wanted to go through my daily life and be treated like I didn't have that disease. It's scary enough for us, and worse when well-meaning people keep reminding us of it.

Tell children what they can handle--mom has to take some medicine for a while that is going to make her have these basic side effects--but she will still play with you, etc. etc. I think there are some books written for age-appropriate groups that you can also read to them to help them understand.

Hugs

Claire

Klee311

I was diagnosed in December 2016 with IDC in my left breast. I had a lumpectomy on Dec 27th and then a re-excision 1 week later where they removed several DCIS. Also had the sentinel node removed. My future, as of now, includes 6 weeks of radiation and hormone therapy. I didn't tell anyone in my family until the pathology report was complete. Because my mother and brother died withn 3 weeks of each other, I had to delay testing. I told my adult children but not my grandchildren. They would be too upset which would be hard for me to deal with. Does anyone else feel like this isjust a bad dream

Moderators

Welcome, Klee311. We're sorry for what you're going through. We encourage you to stick around with all these amazing women and we'll try to guide you through it all here at BCO!

Best wishes,

The Mods

kae_md99

minus two- yes,if i tell them,it will spread. one day,out of the blue my son told me , ( the one with ASD)"if you die mom,i wanna die also so i could be with you in heaven".at 8 years old,my twins' concept of dying has something to do with getting old. so they always ask me how old i was and i tell them 44 yrs ols and then they say, "oh you will live 40 more years!". they think people die in their eighties.. .. i pray toGod that i will survive this. my twins need me

Dafne

Girls, I feel for you, all of you!

Not so long ago I was in your shoes. It's a scary time, no one can be prepared to hear such news. Try to keep calm as much as you can, although don't be afraid to cry if you need to. You are not alone.

We are all here. I'll be facing dmx soon, so there are days I'm doing mostly ok, like today, and others when I'm completely down and I need all the support I can get. Thank God for my dh and bc.org

Good luck to all of us.

mi85vette

The initial you have cancer is a hard pill to swallow but just wait until they tell you what their plan is for you and in what stage your cancer is in before you panic. Always remember Cancer is fightable but that's up to you what and how you take care of it .My doctor called me while I was working and told me I had cancer in my right breast. I went to see that surgeon to see what my plan was to take care of it. I then asked if I could get a second opinion. VERY IMPORTANT !!! The results may be the same but atleast you have other options and the care plan may be different and might mean saving your life...I was given a book called Breast caner treatment by one of my doctors and ill tell you that book was my bible, I recommend that to EVERYONE !! It has everything you need to know about treatments and the options, all the medicines they use for Chemotherapy and what they do with side effects if any. All the treatments they use or options are explained with pictures, Every step I went through with my care was in this book and explained all of it, I was so informed I knew exactly what was coming and how it would go down, made it much more do able for me. I am now 1 year cancer free and on my arimidex for hormone therapy. After I was told I had cancer on 1 side my second opinion doctor recommended a MRI and glad she did because they found 2 tumors on my left side that the mammo gram did not pick up, so I had a double lumpectomy and I chose to keep my breast because I was told either way I had a 50 - 50 chance of it not coming back so I stayed conservative and decided not to remove them. Good choice I believe and after radiation my scars look really good and the chemo wasn't as bad as I thought it would be...They give you medicine so you don't get sick which helps a lot.. You will lose your hair but that's about all that happened to me.. I forget sometimes but that will go away they said, cant wait for that to happen..lol Hold your head up and be strong, you can do this and make sure you have a good set of doctors cause you will have many and listen to them, they are there to help you. The drugs they have out there now days are so different then way back when and they help make this ride much easier for most !!!! It sucks having to spend so much time at the doctors but in the end it will be worth it.....My 1st year flew by so fast I had 111 doctor visits and now its every 6 months...Hang in there and be STRONG !!!!!! You can do this !!!!!!

JanisStonier

Hugs and prayers for the journey you are about to embark on. It is a tough one made for women to stay strong and positive. I am 5 years out and am here to assure you that breast cancer was the best-worst thing that ever happened to me because it made me stay focused on taking care of myself instead of everyone else. Please take care of yourself through this.

GAGA615

Claire I know exactly what you mean, I have told a few close friends and in the midst of trying to do my job I get phone calls asking how are you, while I understand their concern, I am trying my best to keep my mind on my job (I also have ADHD). I have only just begun, haven't even got a plan together yet, going to see the breast surgeon on Thursday and still don't feel sick (except for these damn markers they put in my breast hurt). Thanks for the advice.

snowsogal

Hi Gaga:

So sorry you have to be here. I leaned on my faith, because I had little support. You are right you have to stay positive and keep strong. PM if I can help you or encourage you in any way.

My church family was a support to.

kae_md99

mi85vette- may i know the complete title and author of the book

Klee311

Thank you

MinusTwo

And speaking of taking care of yourself - I gave my self permission to stop vacuuming & dusting, and obsessing about the kitchen floor. I still cleaned sinks & toliets, but that was it.

Angelaw69

Klee311, Yes I think I ask myself if this is really happening everyday. I was dx on jan 12th and I have my lumpectomy this next Monday the 13th and I can not wait. I think the hardest part has been the waiting. I just want to get started with everything, I feel like I'm in a hold mode, which I guess I am. It has just made me very irritable and I at times just want to be left alone and times I don't, then times I want to talk about it and times I don't', only problem is, no one else knows what time I'm in. I feel bad because I know they mean well. I still can't believe I have breast cancer. I'm thinking of ya.

...and this to shall pass. (as my mother always said to me)

ChiSandy

As one new member in our BC support group said tonight, you are not your cancer—any more than you are your diabetes, your arthritis, your obesity, your asthma, and whatever else may afflict you. You are you.

The world will not stop and open the door (or part the waters) for you because you have cancer. You still have to make your way in this world as yourself. You are alive and will continue to live until the fates (or whatever deity in which you believe) decide it's your time. Develop something else to occupy your time and attention other than your employment, your cancer and your treatments. Savor whatever pleasures in life come your way that you can afford and will harm neither you nor others. Nobody ever said on their deathbeds, “Dang—I should have paid less attention to my life, the people, and the pleasures in it."

fleur-de-lis

I don't know if anyone has mentioned this to you, but CanCare is an organization that will put you in touch with another member in your geographical area who shares your DX. And typically with similar circumstances. When I first moved to Texas, 15 yrs ago, my senior citizen neighbor Yvonne, lived alone. Being a recent transplant to the area, she had not made any friends nor contacts at the time of her DX., and the gal they matched her up with was a real lifesaver with her knowledge of the area and such...they also carpooled for treatments down to MD Anderson. While you are not alone and live with different circumstances, it still might be nice to contact with a real voice on the phone ( at least) who shares your situation. If you get a chance to attend an actual support group in your area, it might help also.

No man is an island.....

msphil

sorry u had to join us here but we have been where u are i was making wedding plans for our 2nd marriage man i prayed for n now i find at 42 a lump in left breast in shower my life changed sooo much. But my Faith n Family got me thru i got my cry out then Positive thoughts n Hope entered my heart and fought. This yr Praise God i Am a 23yr SURVIVOR.Keep Hope sweetie. msphil idc stage2 Lmast 0\3nodes chemo 3 monrhs before and after surgery got married after chem and before 7wks rads. Days wk and 5yrs on tamoxifen.