A Cure for Cancer... LAUGHTER (Videos & Jokes)

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Smartest?

A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble. In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and then he bailed out.

Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.

The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live." He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.

The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."

The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack!"

Anonymous

Lawyer versus the Little Boy

A lawyer is trying to call his clients. The phone rings and their little boy, in a whisper, says, "Hello."

Lawyer: "Is your mommy there?"

Boy: (whisper) "Yes."

Lawyer: "Can I speak with her?"

Boy: (whisper) "She's busy."

Lawyer: "Is your daddy there?"

Boy: (whisper) "Yes."

Lawyer: "Can I speak with him?"

Boy: (whisper) "He's busy."

Lawyer: "Is there anyone else there?"

Boy: (whisper) "The fire department."

Lawyer: "Can I talk to one of them?"

Boy: (whisper) "They're busy."

Lawyer: "Is there anybody ELSE there?"

Boy: (whisper) "The police department."

Lawyer: "Well, can I talk to one of THEM?"

Boy: (whisper) "They're busy."

Lawyer: "Let me get this straight, your mother, father, the fire department AND the police department are ALL in your house, and they're ALL busy. WHAT are they doing?"

Boy: (whisper) "They're looking for me."

Anonymous

What's the World's Greatest Invention

An engineer, a physicist, a mathematician, and a mystic were asked to name the greatest invention of all time. The engineer chose fire, which gave humanity power over matter. The physicist chose the wheel, which gave humanity the power over space. The mathematician chose the alphabet, which gave humanity power over symbols. The mystic chose the thermos bottle.

"Why a thermos bottle?" the others asked.

"Because the thermos keeps hot liquids hot in winter and cold liquids cold in summer."

"Yes - so what?"

"Think about it." said the mystic reverently. "That little bottle - how does it know?"

Anonymous

The Looks!!!

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Buddy and his wife Edna went to the state fair every year, and every year Buddy would say,

'Edna,I'd like to ride in that helicopter'

Edna always replied,

'I know Buddy, but that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

One year Buddy and Edna went to the fair, and Buddy said,

'Edna, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance'

To this, Edna replied,

"Buddy that helicopter ride is fifty bucks, and fifty bucks is fifty bucks'

The pilot overheard the couple and said,

'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and don't say a word I won't charge you a penny! But if you say one word it's fifty dollars.'

Buddy and Edna agreed and up they went.

The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word...

When they landed, the pilot turned to Buddy and said,

'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Buddy replied,

'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Edna fell out, but you know, Fifty bucks is fifty bucks!'

Anonymous

Married for Thirty Years

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, and then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot."

She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

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ChiSandy

A temple’s popular rabbi had a loving, dutiful and modest wife. Every Friday night she would sit in the front row in temple, gazing adoringly and hanging on every word of his brilliant sermons about various aspects of Scripture. One evening after a study session, the teenage members of the post-confirmation Youth Group approached him apprehensively. “Rabbi,” one said, “we’re really impressed with your scholarly sermons, but would it be possible if once in a while you gave a sermon on a topic that would be more relevant to people our age?” The rabbi asked “Such as?” The teen replied, “Uh…sex?” The rabbi thought for a moment, nodded, and said “Come to services this Friday night and you’ll hear it.”

He worked diligently on the sermon, becoming increasingly apprehensive about how his demure wife might react, fearing she might be embarrassed. So Friday morning at breakfast, he said to her, “Honey, I don’t think you should attend services tonight.” “Why?” she asked. “No offense,” he replied, "but my sermon is going to be on a subject that wouldn’t interest you at all.” She asked, “What would that be?” He replied, “Water skiing.” “Feh,” she answered. “You’re right. I’ll stay home and catch up on my reading.”

Well, he gave the sermon and it was a hit. The next Friday night at the dessert reception after services, people kept coming up to her, saying it was a shame she missed such an amazing and marvelous sermon the week before. After a few such compliments, she asked, puzzled, “How could he possibly give a wonderful sermon on a topic he knows nothing about?”

Gasped one of the women, “What do you mean?” The rabbi’s wife answered, “Well, he told me he tried it only twice, and both times he fell off!"

Anonymous

Thanks for the funny joke ChiSandy.