STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Moderators

runor,

We agree -- enough said. As we stated, the Stage IV ONLY forum will continue on as it has been, effectively remaining the safe space that was requested by Stage IV members, implemented by the "ONLY" and the blurb explaining the purpose of the forum in the forum description, and respectively adhered to by many, many members over the years.

We respect your opinion, but we will not be implementing your suggestion.

We thank you all for getting this thread back on track and moving along.

--The Mods

Artista928

runor, have you read each response in here? It's like you're saying yeah but. But what? Stage 4 people should have the say on if they want that thread under lock and key or not. And they have said then and again now, no. I've been pmd by mods before. Never thrilling even if you feel you did nothing wrong. I'd think after this it'd be ingrained in everyone that it's stage 4 only that only is in caps. Future people may blunder and post there like I've done before. I get their point and agree as do most if not all of us. This fix this so I won't post there again is selfish. We all want to be able to read that thread. The posts you made there were full of advice. They don't want our advice, just people in the same boat. Not everyone has the guts to speak up against someone but many thank you pms are going around from folks who can't voice themselves. Time to move on. Mel's thread and this one are great for everyone to talk about anything.

Artista928

sorry mods. Was typing so didn't see your post. Glad this is over.

Yogatyme

Frisky, DH and I have been where you are for quite a while and love the freedom and peace of mind. We have a rule with others about gifts: no stuff that will not have a limited life. Initially got a lot of pushback but it's working well and we have gotten really nice wines, lovely food, beautiful flowers, etc. The one exception is any old family photo they want to share and recently my FIL gave my husband a delegate pin from the 1936 RNC that belonged to my husband's great uncle. The irony is my husband has been a democrat his whole life but thinks it's cool that his great uncle was a delegate from NC. Thank your friends for being teachers!!

Frisky

Yogatyme, I totally get the joy of getting simple useful gifts, I also place immense value on being able to retrieve old family photographs, and other meaningful memorabilia...

that's what I enjoy the most when I visit my family in Italy...and a few containers of stuffed figs, and fresh olive oil...of course....

I have a priceless black and white photo of my first elementary school class, with my beloved teacher standing in the center. She used to dress and look exactly like Tippy Hedren did in The Birds...perfectly fitted tailleurs and hair in a French twist. I loved her so much!

Anonymous

jaycee - Thank you for inviting me to post on the Ibrance thread. I actually may be stage 4, but the scans aren't clear. My MO wants me to switch due to having a high TM for over a year. At the moment I am not taking it, mainly due to me not getting the drug authorization forms to the insurance company as soon as I got them. My husband faxed them last week, and I found out today the insurance company didn't receive them. Now they have them, and a reply takes 7 business days. I really don't mind the delay.

Yogatyme

Frisky, I can taste those fresh figs and wonderful olive oil!! Yum, yum!! Believe it or not, I had never eaten a fresh fig until I moved to NC. A friend had a tree in her yard and we would stand out there chatting and eating those decadent figs right off the tree!

I have a mental image of that teacher. She obviously was important to you. One of DH’s fav school picture of mine was 1st grade w no front teeth and a huge smile. It is truly ridiculous....a face only a mother could love

mara51506

Frisky, those figs do sound good for sure. Almost makes me want to try them out myself.

Frisky

okay ladies...get this...in Puglia, where I was born, we have at least a dozen type figs, from the big one that are ready in may to the purple one's that last all the way into the end of the summer...

what I'm about to share is something very special that's been passed on and been adapted throughout history, since the Greeks civilized southern Italy 5000 years ago.

okay, so you pick these very small figs at the end of the season that are already yellow and dried up...

You wash the dust off and than you place them in an oven to slowly roast...they contain a lot of natural sugar which start to caramelize...at the same time you roast some almonds and strip the skin off those neopolitan aromatic lemons....in additional you get a good quality cocoa powder container and a bottle of cognac...

When the figs are cooled off, you stick one of the roasted almonds inside the fig, then you stuff a jar with the figs alternating layers of chocolate and some of that lemon peel.

you fill the jar to the brim while pushing the figs down as much as possible...then you pour the cognac to the top, close the jar and you let the figs soak all that goodness till Christmas time...

Now, I'm sure, you can all imagine what those roasted, chocolaty, drunken figs smell and most taste like right?
So what say ye now?

mara51506

That sounds heavenly Frisky. You had me at chocolate let alone everything else.

Spookiesmom

I’m coming to your house!!!!!

Yogatyme

Heavenly!!! I’m coming to Italy with you!! .

Frisky

okay...one more thing...I'll leave you with the first figs of the season...they are called FIORONI..and they are out of this world...well worth going to Italy for!

kathindc

Oh, yums! Sounds decadent.

Yogatyme

I can almost taste them!

bcincolorado

ME TOO!! Sounds yummy!!!

mebmarj

Been around here since 2003. I check in occasionally. It’s helpful to know others have my same concerns/issues and it’s my place to be among those who understand some of the same frustration.

I’ve encountered a few people over the years in person who say “I’d just cut ‘em off” about their breasts, if they had cancer. (They don’t know my history of bilateral mastectomy, recon and then implant removal. Depending on my posture and clothing- it may not be apparent that I don’t have breasts.) The statements- so readily made- make me pause.

In hindsight I realize we change over time due to life experiences. Some people don’t have an opinion on an issue until it personally affects them. For instance, pink ribbons didn’t make me think of anyone I knew before I had breast cancer, I didn’t seek out items to purchase or attend events. Then I had cancer and the pink gifts rolled in from well intentioned people. Made me sad to think that I was now brought to mind when they saw something pink ribboned at the store. Then I was diagnosed a second time and the pink ribbon items just pissed me off- an annual insult to the senses and marketing done at the expense of someone else’s disease. I like pink. I don’t like feeling used or being taken advantage of emotionally.

Ultimately people may think they know what they’d do in the event of an event happening to them like they’d just “cut ‘em off...” But it’s so much more complicated than that. I’ve known women who were cool as a cucumber going through treatment, while others were shocked to have a diagnostic callback when they had no personal or family history of breast cancer. For each of them that was normal as one had time to adjust and plan, while the other was entering a potential new reality. There is no right way to cope. We’re all different in history, diagnosis, treatment and life paths. The unknown is scary. We try to support each other here, I really appreciate it.

Everyday I work with people facing a potential diagnosis. Some days I’m not sure I’m enough for them, but I get where they’re at and how they feel. I’ll admit it here that I still get scared after 16 years because the threat of a recurrence is something I can’t control. I’m flummoxed these days by people’s reactions to normal non health related issues, seem to be more inconveniences to their time and schedules, not life threatening. Right? While I’m over here wondering if I should book a trip or wait on my CT results.

Perspective.

Yogatyme

mebmarj, people are pretty cavalier about what they think they would do in most situations, medical and others. I spent 37 yrs as a clinical social worker and when people would say, “ If I, then I would”, and I always responded that most of us think we know what we would do but it’s all hypothetical.......the reality is none of know what we’ll do until we’re facing it. Ever notice the exception: never heard a man say if he got prostrate ca, he would just cut his penis off. I knew I was BRCA1+, so had time to consider the what if’s, but the reality is, I truly didn’t know until I was dxed and was forced to decide. It pisses me off to hear others telling pts what they think they should do. SHUT UP!!! Pts don’t care what you think. They will do what is right for them. I have had to get pretty stern w a few folks who ride me about refusing an AI and they act like they’re the offended one. F them!! They say, but it puts you at greater risk of recurrence, etc. Yes, thank you for educating me about that......you must think I’m an idiot. Really, you don’t think I did any research on this....despite knowing I’m a nerd and oh yeah, I’m the one with bc dx. So, unfortunately we will probably continue getting these stupid comments, but if we do nothing more than say, people don’t really know what they would do till they’re facing it, maybe we can have a small impact......we’ll, at least it makes me feel better! :

mebmarj

The comments have become awkward backpedaling when I revealed my own history. So, it that truly what they would do or just blowing hot air for effect in the heat of the moment?

I was separated from my breasts, tried to replace them and that wasn’t working out. Oh,and comparing augmentation to recon? Please stop. Don’t go there. No comparison- different circumstances and mindset for the procedures.

Yep- we have to make choices other people can't fathom, and other choices are made for us because of our circumstances.

Yogatyme

Don’t you know it!! I didn’t have reconstruction but my niece did and she feels exactly the same as you when people want to compare augmentation. It so pisses her off but she has a lot of grace and tells them the procedures are nothing alike so they can’t be compared.

M0mmyof3

In need of some serious venting so please hang with me everyone. Early on Monday morning, my step-Grampa died. I let my husband know as soon as I got the notification about it. Told my husband to let his boss know that we had a death in the family and as soon as we got any details, we would let him know. Well my jerk of a husband waited to tell his boss until I was given the information for the day and times of both the wake and the funeral! Today is the wake and it’s a 3 hr trip from our house to where the wake and funeral are being held! By the time we would get to the wake after he gets off work, it would be over and it is another 3 hrs back to our house! So the wake is a no go! And tomorrow’s probably the same as his boss hasn’t gotten back to him and probably won’t either, about giving him the day off to go to the funeral! I am so hurt and angry with having to miss having to be there at the funeral, especially since my Grampa was being buried with military honors as he was a veteran! My husband is being so blasé about the whole thing that I feel like pulling this on him when it comes to his family!

mara51506

I am so sorry about your Grampa Mommyof2. I am also sorry your husband did not tell his boss about the death sooner so you could plan for the wake. You are correct, he could have at least called saying there has been a death in the family and that he would update them when plans for the wake or funeral etc were made. You have every right to be really upset with him not taking it seriously. I do hope he knows what he did to you, if not, make sure to tell him. Don't let it slide. He needs to know to take things more seriously.

jaycee49

Anyway to get there yourself? That's what I would do. Get in the car and go.

Artista928

Agree with jaycee. I would get there for tomorrow's service.

M0mmyof3

Well it seems like hubby's boss grew not only a brain, but a heart! He waited until my hubby was getting ready to leave for the day to tell him that he has tomorrow off for the funeral! The boss’s excuse was he got busy and forgot to tell hubby it was okay to go.

edj3

I am so glad you can get to the funeral--and I'm truly sorry for your loss.

edj3

You know what I hate? Having to even think about any niggling pain that lasts for a while as something I need to report to my oncologist. That's not how I've lived my life and I deeply resent that I have to do it now.

I hate that I had a benign tumor (not a cyst) on my arm that's linked to renal cancer. I hate that the ultrasound of my kidneys showed two "almost certainly" benign tumors on my right kidney so now I have to have a CT scan with and without contrast dye to rule out kidney cancer.

BTW I'm allergic to contrast dye so now I have to get drugged up ahead of time.

I hate that I've had pain in my left ribs for five weeks that sort of feels like a side stitch only not quite, so now that has to be checked out.

I fucking hate ALL of this.

bcincolorado

edj3 totally understand. I was never a complainer about anything. ......until I was told I needed to make sure complaints were on record in my medical files for disability claims. Then of course I felt stupid all of a sudden saying oh yea, by the way I have blah, blah, blah going on and it has been bad for a long time or gotten worse and then of course the doctor at that point thinks you are making it up. I know it is a pain to complain but if you look at is as "reporting" then it is not as bad I guess.

edj3

I have a track record of not paying attention, sometimes to my detriment. But ye GODS it's hard, you're right bcincolorado, it's just not how I'm wired.

SeektheGood

edj3,

Right there with you, I HATE ALL OF THIS FUCKING TOO! Feels better to say that.