STEAM ROOM FOR ANGER

Meow13

omg, plastic surgeons are the WORST. Mine did a real good job and needless to say I really find it hard to believe he is a human being. That's the one I chose the others I talked with even worse.

Micmel

this is one department I cannot complain about. My plastic surgeon was encouraging, he was kind, he listened to my concerns. I was in ICU for three days and every single morning he was there at 8:00 am. Checking on me. Making sure I was comfortable and he sat with me I asked about future plans for my right breast. He held my hand and said we would talk about it soon , in the future when I was completely healed and more alert. He didn't hurry me at all and he always made sure to take my hand at least once and say. You're doing great, is there anything you want to say or anything you need? Even with follow ups. He would sit with me and listen. He would ask family members questions, especially my DH.... he did a great job. I was very pleased with even my hospital visit. The nurses were great, the hospital was spotless, the attention given was pretty darn good. The only thing I did not like at all was the food. Not too hungry and I have beat up taste buds. I would recommend this plastic surgeon to anyone. I am thrilled with the breast he created for me. With my own abdomen,It matches my other one in shape Perfectly. Just need a lift for the right one. But there are good doctors out there. There really are!!! I wish there were more of them!!! There should be a standard of care that must be followed. Have a good night. Watch for storms. Be safe. Much love ~M~

Meow13

Holy cow, your ps visited you in the hospital. Mine never surfaced he had his students visit me.

Lula73

My PS visited me in the hospital too. Compassionate and positive. Concerned about my wants for recon and gave me the results i desired. I think that’s the difference between going to a big teaching institution and a smaller community or private group/hospital. Less personalization and more of an assembly line feeling. At my MO’s office it’s a cattle call/factory line. A lot of it has as with healthcare being run primarily as a business with passion/compassion for treating their patients coming in way down the line whereasbefore that passion/compassion was primary.

Artista964

my ps saw me too along with my pcp and mo when i was in for infection. That's the great thing about going to a smaller hospital rather than a teaching or bigger assembly line one. It's more personal.

therapygirl18

Thank you Jaycee49 for your understanding words.  I know there are good doctors out there, just haven't met them yet.

LoriCA

Sometimes visiting this thread reminds how much I am grateful for my medical team. I have access to several NCI designated cancer research facilities in the area but chose to go with a smaller private hospital group because I was concerned about the assembly line feeling and knew I would do better with a personal touch. Since the day of my DX I haven't stopped telling people how impressed I've been and how much I love everyone I have come in contact with. Often it's the little things, like when I had my outpatient surgery to have my port put in and mentioned to a nurse that I couldn't wait to have my first cup of coffee of the day, and she had a steaming latte waiting for me as soon as I came out of surgery. I've spent time in multiple departments of the hospital and all of my doctors have been wonderful. Feeling like they care about me as a person has made all of this much easier to deal with.

I'm so sorry for those of you who don't get similar feelings from your medical team. Cancer is hard enough to deal with.

Micmel

basically my medical team got real aggressive and really thorough. It brought me to NEAD. I pray it continues... I am very thankful for my medical team. They saved my life. I know I am stage four, but they got rid of a ton of cancer from my body. Hopefully gave me years more I may not have been able to have. I hear a lot of hospitals do not even contemplate operating, they just begin the treatments. The heavy chemo and treatment kicked my rear end, and aged me ten years, but I did what they said. I am glad I did. Other than extreme fatigue. I can't complain. Other than everyday living with fear. Of every ache and pain. The fear of any doctor saying the word scans. That's is when, I loose my marbles. Everyone should have good care! Not assembly line anything !! Cancer is Maddening enough.

Meow13

Even though it would have been nice to have compassion from the plastic surgeon in the end I was happy with the results. So I am glad I went to the large teaching hospital instead the the local smaller plastic surgeon clinic.

Lita57

My DD's high school friend was in a six car accident last night. Only 2 people survived, the friend was one of them.

Friend was very freaked out over seeing the dead bodies...some of them were small children. She tried to help people get out of their cars.

Here we are worrying about our st 4 shiz when we could all go in the blink of an eye on the freeway.

L

Meow13

sorry to hear Lita. Glad your daughter's friend was ok.

Artista964

lita, is it the 880 one that was on the news? Nasty accident 1 exit from mine (mowry).

I agree. It's easy to forget that we are luckier than some, like those 2 kids who were killed☹

exbrnxgrl

Lita,

Saw reports on the local news this evening . 880 in Fremont, right ? I've driven that way hundreds of times. Horrendous and a sad waste of life. It is always all the more heart wrenching when children are involved. Glad your dd's friend is alright.

Micmel

OMG 💔 why is everything so difficult? Those young children. As I sit for my scans. I am thinking of those poor families. Lita, I am so glad your DD's friend is ok. There really are no words to what people go through. I am deeply saddened and sorry. ~M~

SheliaMarie

What do you do when you want out of your marriage and you’re trapped? I always thought I would make it until my youngest went to college and then I would be gone. Now I’m no longer able to work, have lost all my financial independence and stuck in a loveless miserable situation.

Cpeachymom

Swess honey, I’m sorry you feel trapped. I felt trapped in a bad marriage years ago, with two small children, so I can relate a little. Of course, I wasn’t stage 4, which probably changes everything. I don’t know where you are or what your situation is, but if you really want a divorce, there may be resources to help you. I know there was free legal advice and help when I started looking. There was a lawyer who helped me fill out the paperwork to get the ball rolling. Being stage 4, perhaps you could go on disability? That would be some financial stability. Again, I don’t know your whole situation, but I feel for you.

SheliaMarie

Thanks, cpeachy. The stage 4 was a game changer, definitely. Between treatments and side effects, it’s just not possible for me to work at this time.

I was so angry last night, I said horrible things to him in an attempt to get him to leave. He won’t go. He’ll never leave this house and told me so outright. So this morning I feel a bit of guilt for the things I said, and I’m hoping we find a way to coexist. At least until or unless something changes.

Artista964

he'll never leave this house as in you won't get the house? Coexisting in a marriage isn't right. And you shouldn't feel bad for blasting him. That's how you feel.

Apply for social security disability. There's a thread in the financial employment forum here that gives the best link to a forum on ssdi. Stage 4 are fast tracked through. I'd apply now. Gl

jaycee49

Swess, I'm in a coexisting situation myself. I left DH for three years just before my dx. I was 62. That really woke him up. I moved back into the house we own and we do ok. He does all the housework, shopping, cooking, dishes, cleaning, laundry, everything. I also have MS so him doing it all is required. Recently, we got a dog and it is the first time we have something in common we really care about. That is helping. We don't do anything together except watch TV at night. I don't have any advice really. Just know that you are not alone in this mess. I bet it is pretty common. I have had SSDI since I was 52. Now, I'm 69. When you turn 65, SSDI turns into retirement SS. Amount doesn't change. Unless you made a very good salary, it is not enough to live on. Not even close.

PM me anytime.

DazzlingEagle

First post under the steam room but i've read practically all of yours. After a glorious six weeks, on the roller coaster again. Went to the doctor yesterday and he sent me for another round of herception/perjeta. In the process of making all the doctor appointments, the new biopsy appointment, you know how it goes. My mind is going a million miles an hour. The chemo nurse says to me, you need radiation. That will be what helps you. Get radiation.

Okay, thank you but I didn't ask you.

Then she's going over some medical history and out of nowhere she starts grilling me about why I didn't have both ovaries removed. (I had one ovary removed that had a large cyst. This was planned with my doctor over several months) I don't need her opinion on my ovary.

Okay, at that point I stopped explaining.

I used to be so nice and before would have said something like okay, I'm looking into it or working on that with the doctor but I'm over it.

SheliaMarie

We’ve mostly been coexisting for years. Sometimes it’s just a little overwhelming. And yes, he won’t leave the house meaning I can’t have it. I left him 13 years ago, and he refused to leave the house then, too. So I uprooted my 3 young children and moved out that time. Unfortunately he wouldn’t pay child support and I ultimately sank financially so I went back. He’s always been the breadwinner... until the last few years. I finally got my nursing license and started travel (local travel) nursing. It was my plan. My escape. My secret knowledge that when my youngest graduated high school, I would be able to leave guilt free and independent. Then MBC reared it’s ugly head last year. I’m in the process of applying for SSDI, but it will in no way cover living expenses

He’s not abusive. He is a good provider. But he makes me feel as if he absolutely HATES my oldest child, his step son. He knit picks and tries to control everything my daughters do. And I do mean everything. He mostly leaves me alone. But when he’s on some tangent about the kids, this indescrible fury overtakes me. He’s a very judgemental person, he lies about stupid things (I mean really stupid things!), and I don’t trust him with money. For example, 2 years ago we had a pontoon, 2 jet skis, 2 four wheelers, and a moped. Our toys. He has sold every single one of them and I have no idea where any of the money went. He sold our stuff and his dad bought a new pontoon and a camper. I kinda think he contributed to the cost, but God knows why. His parents are very well off. He says it’s like the boat and camper are “ours”, but they’re not.

I didn’t grow up with much and it was so important to me that my children have all the things I couldn’t. I know it’s cliche, but it’s true. I knew from the beginning (22 years ago) that we were a bad match, but we had children pretty quickly and so hobbled through it. Now they’re grown and I’m an invalid. Ugh. It’s not always bad. Just when it is, it’s really bad for me emotionally, because I did this to myself. I lost myself, I lost my pride and I began to identify with having nice things. So now I get to pay the price of living with nice things, in a coexistent atmosphere for the rest of my days... And I still want to live a long time!

Meow13

Swess, what state do you live in? You could seek legal advice. Sounds like you are entitled to 50% of all assets.

sas-schatzi

If I rant on the ranting thread about censorship, will I be censored by the censors that did the censoring?

Isn't that an interesting question?

I created this space to be a no holds bard talk space.. You asked that it wouldn't be a political space. I gave way to that.

Just want others to know...........what the line is........cross a line they don't like..... and you get deleted

That's my rant

Lula73

wish there was a like button schatzi...👍

sas-schatzi

Lula

masonsmawmaw

Friends-

I was just informed that Bluebird (Diane) passed away yesterday. So sorry to be the bearer of more sad news....

Micmel

oh goodness no..... too much sadness! Enough bad news about loosing sisters. Ty for telling us. I know we were worrying a lot. Fly sister, sweet soul. Kind beautiful woman. Not a good day. At all. Four terrible losses. ~M~no more pain sister.

Kattysmith

No anger, just a bitchy, whiny post about how it looks like I'm about to lose my hair again from my latest chemo. Losing it isn't the problem. The problem is that I'm an intensely private person (even my family isn't 100% privy to everything) and people take hair-loss as an open invitation to "share and care" and offer advice. I am really adept at frosting strangers out, but it honks me off that I have to! I'm generally a nice, friendly person, but I turn feral when my privacy is invaded, even if by well-meaning strangers! Yes, I have a wig, but my Gulf Coast home is one of the hottest and steamiest places on earth...I'd rather have the freedom to go about au natural without being stared at or embraced. I *envy* people with other terminal diseases that don't advertise their presence like a neon sign!

Thank goodness that my friends and family know not ask about something, that I will bring it up if I need them to know. My Rules of Order.

I do freely use humor and/or feigned clueless-ness to deflect comments, sometimes it works. Sigh.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

pajim

I feel your pain. But sometimes a "don't ask me or I'll kill you" attitude helps. I saw a lady at the cancer center on Monday who was rocking the bald look. And I wouldn't have dreamed of saying anything.

Lita57

I'd go bald, but it's still too damn cold out here. I have to wear a scarf or hat or my head freezes.