Starting Chemo March 2015

eheinrich

Oh! Yes everyone come with!!!! Best day ever!!!

Jackbirdie

hey my lovelies!

Did anyone notice we just went over 10,000 posts?

Amazing. And every post full of love and support, (tempered with some well deserved ranting and whining)

Thanks all of you for being here, that is, since you had to be here, thank you for being so present.

There really is no good way to say that. Anyway, a lot of good was said in those 10,000 posts!

Leighrh

Ok Allison. You asked for it... Here is my lovely hair 16 weeks PFC. It's def at the point where when I saw some of you ladies with it this long I said I would ditch the wig. But I just can't it's not me!! I envisioned some cute pixie.... It is def not that!!! Lol

Trvler

Lol, Ksusan!

Yeah, Leigh. I am exactly the same. I know I won't be ditching the wig for a while. My hair is so curly that it just grows and curls more. lol. I do go to Jazzercise without it.

I will try to post a pic. Looks like I am stuck home today with a sick kid. I kissed her good morning (she kisses me on the mouth) and then informs me she doesn't feel good. Do we have an eye roll emoticon somewhere?

Katy: I am glad you had one eye done and it came out well because now you know that when you have the other one done how much better it will be.

Trvler

Ok, here's my latest:

Leighrh

WHAT Allison.... I could work with that!!! You really have some length!!! I haven't even revealed my locks to the gym yet.. i still wear my polly ponytail to the gym. The only place I go without is my house. My boys are finally used to it and don't say i look like a man anymore My hair is coming in pretty straight i guess... is does get wavy but i can slick it straight with just my hands. I just need some more length or at least some thickness before i won't feel like a cancer patient without the wig. I told my hubs last night that i will go out without when I feel like my hair would not cause ppl who didn't know me or my situation to think "why would she do that to her hair"??? LOL!!!

Trvler

As usual, I agree 100%. I might try again to blow dry it. I haven't done that in a couple of weeks. I looked like a scared ostrich the last time I did it.

Jackbirdie

Leigh- patience, my friend. And fake it till you make it? Does that work? Maybe not. We all have our own comfort points and you should do exactly what you feel comfortable doing and when. At least it's cooling off now and the wig will be more comfortable.

Allison your hair looks like a prettier, younger version of mine! Here it is about a week ago:

My last chemo was 6/28/15

pboi

Hurray for hair! I know it's frustrating waiting for the hair to grow... but it's growing! My hair came in like yours Leigh, straight. Unfortunately I think the Arimidex has thinned out my hair cuz I don't seem to have as much hair now. What's frustrating me now is that the hair in the back is growing faster than the top and sides so I have this mullet look going on which I don't like, but I can't bear to cut any of this hair it took me so long to grow! If I cut it to even it out I feel like my head/hair looks like a qtip...if I don't I have the mullet look. Don't like this in-between stage.

PB

ksusan

Now listen, ladies. Speaking as a seasoned* lesbian who normally wears her hair short but ladylike, I can assure you that you all look hot, and whatever you think when you look at your hair, your hair looks good. Big earrings. Stand proud.

*(the seasoning is turmeric)

pboi

Well said ksusan, trying to stand proud. Thankful to even have hair again. But I've had long hair pretty much my entire life, and some of that shaped some of my identity, who I am. It's hard to adjust to seeing myself with such short hair, like I don't know who this person is. But this whole thing has forced me to see myself differently now, not just my hair. I'm hoping though as my hair continues to grow back, it will help me feel more like my old self again...I'm having trouble with moving forward after cancer...it's a struggle but I'm trying.

PB

slothabouttown

I'm a short hair girl too, but I've never had to wrestle with curls, it's a whole different ballgame. I still keep a couple of bald pics on my phone for when I think I'm having a bad hair day.

ksusan

I really get it about self-identity, "old self," and the like. I want to own that part of what happens for me sometimes is that people post about how crappy/unfeminine/ugly their hair is, yet this is how I wear my hair preferentially, so when it's a blanket statement about the ugliness of short hair (rather than clearly a personal reaction to oneself), I think thoughts like "Oh, that's what they really think of my appearance" or I feel indirectly and unintentionally insulted.

Leighrh

Ksue..... just to clarify... IT is ABSOLUTELY a self imagine thing with me..... Even before this lovely cancer I would look at ppl with short hair and think.. wouldn't that be nice to have the courage to cut you hair that short.. looks easy.... I love it on other ppl...Just not a fan of it on me! Having never had short hair, that person in the mirror looking back at me is not ME.....But look... I am very greatful to have actual hair...... so I should stop with the whinning right? LOL!!

Trvler

I think I am just going to go around hoping the lesbians find me hot. My husband has been driving me crazy of late so maybe I will switch teams.

I get how you feel, PB. I have always has a big thick head of hair, too and always thought that was one of my best things so this has been hard for me to accept, too.

Trvler

Cross posting. I don't think short hair is ugly at all. I just always thought I would be ugly in short hair. It is clear seeing the posts of all the growing out that some people look really GOOD in short hair. Theresa for one.

eheinrich

I was mostly a short hair girl. I'm fine w this hair & will play with it, stopping when I find a style I like. I might wind up w/ long, might stay short. What I do know is that it's not there yet. It's definitely the mullet/in between/curly situation that's a problem. I'm getting a trim today. Mostly just to bring the back up a bit while the rest catches up.

pboi

I love short hair on women but am finding that I don't like the way it looks on me...I don't feel like me with short hair...but am having to deal with it now. But like I said before very grateful to even have hair now.

I should like you Eileen get a trim too in the back til the rest of my hair catches up, but am having a hard time going to do that...it took so long to grow out this hair...it's hard to see any of it go...lol

PB

littleblueflowers

Hair is so culturally loaded! Just remember that its all in how you present yourself. Have an attitude that you aren't comfortable with it, and people will notice. Stand tall and own it, and no one will blink lol. I wish I didn't have short hair, because it reminds me of cancer. But, objectively, I look just fine. If you are ready, Just rub a bunch of hair wax in it and spike it up, do your makeup, and spit in the devils eye. No one really notices how anyone looks anyway lol.

eheinrich

I so far liked mine best when it was shorter and could spike - now it's harder to spike because of the curls - I'm not as curly as some of y'all but I didn't used to be curly at all so it's weird.

It's been raining here - sat by the fire dividing assets yesterday. Told youngest daughter (finally) about the divorce. Older daughter has a final tomorrow so she is not in the loop yet. I've been feeling much more at peace with life lately. Excited to see what next year holds. I'll be subbing (getting a paycheck even if small feels so good!), I want to step up my volunteer efforts, and am going to look into foster care. It's something Alan & I talked about for years, but was mostly my idea. I was a good wife, but a great mom (IMHO).

SpecialK

Hello all!  Lost my second drain yesterday so starting to feel human again - will feel more so after a long, hot shower.  Mr. Kittenpants (not his real name - still under discussion) is at the vet being neutered, probably not the gift he was hoping for under the tree, but has to be done.  Our son is flying down tomorrow morning, looking forward to having the fam together for a few days.  My extra fridge picked last week to cease working, taking with it a lot of food - eeesh! Today's tasks include purchasing a new one now that we are back from visiting my in-laws in SC over the weekend and spending a lot of time in the car, so while a new fridge is not the gift I was hoping for under the tree (which was actually Mr. Kittenpants) it's all good.

On the hair thing - I didn't feel myself in shorter hair although others seemed to like it.  I found some empowerment in darker lipstick, bigger earrings, a LOT of hair product, and some attitude.  Mine grew in straight so I looked like a bit Chia Pet-ish unless I slicked and spiked it, but I also found it looked thicker and somewhat more intentional when I regularly had it trimmed into more of a style.  It is a process to grow it out - I had to cut the sides and back shorter while letting the top and front catch up, if that is what you decide to do, try to be patient.  Also, keep reminding yourself how kickass you all are, regardless of what your hair is doing.

Good to see good news and progress among the lovely ladies of this thread - keep on keeping on, and I hope whatever holiday you celebrate, or not, that there is happiness and health for all of you!

Jackbirdie

Special- glad you lost the drain and are feeling more human. Sorry about the fridge.

KP is adorable! Sorry about his bits.

Words cannot express my, (I'm sure all of our) appreciation for the gift of love, support, compassion, experience, and HIGH QUALITY INFO you bolstered us all with this year.

Wishing you the best year ever in 2016!

ksusan

Hooray for drain removal!

I have had two trims (finished chemo in June) to take care of a) mullet-style growth; and b) insane fishing-line wires of enormous length. It looks fuller (and styled) after each cut. I also have never had curly hair, so this is entertaining and I have no idea what to do with it other than let it be a tight little mop. I'll be interested to see what it's like in 6 months.

I think "feeling like myself," for me, has more to do with the quality of my thinking, energy level, and activities. Being able to hold my binoculars up and spot a bird, or reading with good concentration, may be for me what looking in the mirror and looking like you to yourself is for some.

Question: How are all of you feeling about your breasts or torso at this point?

Jackbirdie

I think my body is a monstrosity and it still hurts every day. I don't like to look at myself, touch myself, or have anyone see me. It interferes with a lot of very basic life functions and I know it's not healthy

Sorry to be negative.

I'm definitely going to work on self-acceptance in the new year.

eheinrich

I just had my exchange and my foob looks nothing like a breast. I don't even see how it ever will. That said, I have lost 2/3-ish of my chemo weight so I'm feeling good that way.

Sorry Katy

KBeee

I look at everyone's pictures and think how cute everyone's hair looks, and then I look at myself and lng to see my former self in the mirror. I was always a ponytail girl. I always have had out of control hair, and just thrown it up. Even as short as it is, it's out of control, it looks fine under a ball cap though, and I have amassed quite a collection.

Special K, glad you got a drain out.

Ksusan, my reconstruction looks better than my former breasts, but I can see fibrosis starting which could gomicaye things over the next few months. That would be the ultimate slap in the face since my new chest is the only "good' thing to come out of this, but I trust my PS will do his best if that happens, to get things looking decent again

ksusan

Katy, I'm very sorry for the experience you've had with this.

molly1976

Hi guys, I have been away from the site forever because it was bad for my head but I have missed you!

My hair is short and curly like Katy's and I hate it, but a couple of days ago a guy rolled down his window in the parking lot and pointed at me and said, "hey. that's a good look." HA. I do get a lot of positive feedback but, like you all said, it's not what I would have chosen for myself and it's a constant reminder of the crap this year has been so I don't love it. I did schedule my first haircut for next week to get the sides and back cleaned up, which I think will help.

Nothing much is new with me. I have four Herceptins left. My right hip is sort of achy the past week, leading to me obsessing about 80% of the time I that I have bone mets, but I understand that is not rational.

ksusan

Hi, Molly. Nice to see you! I try only to look at my favorites threads (at night, at least). I have hidden maybe 40 that pop up in active threads and have titles that make me unhappy.

Trvler

Nice to see you, K. Glad to hear you got the drains out. Those things are a PITA.

I am ok with my breasts but I hate the extended abdominal scar and how hard my abdomen is. I have rock hard abs but not the good kind. I am hopping they can do something about it all at Stage 2 but maybe not. I think they will probably want to put implants to give my breast more projection but I am not doing it.

Just doing some baking today.