Starting Chemo March 2015

Carrie37

Katy, I'm sorry you're experiencing another layer of the sandwich. We are all here with you..hugs.

My blood work came back normal so no issues there. The MRI of my brain? Yea... Can't have that with tissue expanders. I could tell my RO felt stupid for forgetting that I have TE's. Now I'll have a brain CT instead. Went for Herceptin today. Damn blood draws. One of my veins blew and still hurts. The other one hurt like an SOB and I bled all over the pillow, floor, nurses gloved hands. I started bawling....because it hurt and then I just kept saying I was sick of this shit. My mom was with me. I hate that she has to see me in pain. Then MO and I talked about my nausea and headaches. She was reassuring me and said she will know more with the CT. It's next Wednesday and I will have results Thursday or Friday. shr talked to me very nicely about stress and fatigue from rads. I'm thankful that she sites studies and relates them to what I am experiencing. Makes me feel normal. She said my memory will come back and I should quit worrying about my memory because that makes it worse. Ya think?

I also hate the word journey in reference to the shit sandwich. A "friend" called me today (long story) and said she saw my positive posts on FB and knows I must be doing great. "I hope you have been journaling this journey." Really? Why? Why do you hope that? I have been but still.. Seemed like a weird thing to say. My journal is titled; time to write this shit down. Good thing I did cuz I forget things. I like Little Blue's idea of singing 'don't stop believing' doing a ninja shin kick and running away lo

shaz101

dumb F¤ck for the day.

Him..."I just went around and visited a mate. His daughter isn't well. She's in hospital with terminal cancer. She is only 40!"

Me...staring at him.

Him..."oh sorry, that probably wasn't helpful"

Me..."no it wasnt"

shaz101

but what is helpful is a package that I'm going to open very shortly! We all know what is in there 😂

I'm packing Van Gogh and heading away for the weekend.

Pics will come xxx

Jackbirdie

Carrie- that is unbelievable when we have to remind them of what is in your chart. But I'm glad you got sensible CARE from your MO. Sounds like a rotten day. Will be thinking of you next week and hopefully you'll have the all clear before the weekend.

Sharon- uh..no..not helpful.

But regarding the post: I'm so excited it's there! Can't wait for pics. Glad you and Van are getting away and the bracelet is going to the OUTBACK!!! Haha.

littleblueflowers

Katy, my darling. Kbeee. Everyone who is experiencing another heave of bad luck. Oi. The ledge is really the place to be, let me tell you! I'm not sure if it's really more of a hanging valley or just a tiny crack where we hammer in anchors and bivy in those scary little nest hammocks on the side of a cliff like swallows. Maybe some days it's both. Let me tell you this, though. You ladies here are all both the anchors to our lines and the population. It's like magic. Just the same way we can be in multiple pockets at once.

Why is it that dying from cancer is such a damn plot device in every stinking movie? I just want to stand up and scream that not everyone dies, dammit. Fuck. Sometimes its ugly, terrifying life, not romantic wistful death.

Well, got me a little knot in my line here too. Sore place on my neck under my jaw by my ear. No swelling. Doctor said it's from my sinus infection, but of course.....hoping the antibiotics take care of it. Cheerio!

Jackbirdie

Jen- so eloquently put. Sniff. Thanks. Thanks to everybody. Feeling buoyed by all y'all.

KBeee

Sounds like Wednesday is the big day for so many of us hanging out on the cliff. DH is out of town all next week. I have not decided if I am taking a friend to the appointment or not. I usually go alone, but I may need a reinforcement !!!

Looking forward to pictures, Sharon!

Italychick

littleblue, that's totally where stuff swells with a sinus infection or a cold. Tie a big knot and hang on! And have a shot of Jameson while you're at it.

I also had to mention to my surgeon that I am delaying my MRI because I'm not sure if my port has metal in it, and my understanding is you don't go near an MRI with anything metal. My daughter sent me a video, an MRI machine disintegrated an office chair in a few minutes.

Mom is home from hospital, I called today to see how she is doing. Which ended up with this sorrowful monologue on her part about how special I am, and how we never know if today could be our last day of life. Yeah, so totally didn't need that crap! Why is it everybody feels compelled to delve into the dying thing? Don't they think we already go there enough on our own? Felt like popping her over the phone. But I didn't.

And if one more person asks me if I am feeling stronger, I may just haul off and pop them and say how strong do I feel lol.

Herceptin tomorrow. After that, four more to go. Kind of happy about it, but also anxious to have it stop at the same time

Still agree with the woman on that video, the bread does look like a penis haha.

KBeee

Theresa, they should have given you information and a card with your specific brand and model of port and that will tell you if it has metal. Mine did not

littleblueflowers

Thanks T. I know it's from my sinus infection but ugh, this is the world we live in now. Your mom. Oh my. I'm so glad she's feeling better! I cant help but dwell on something my mom said right after my uncle died last year. She said she found out he had nodules I his lung and was going in for a CT scan, so maybe his death from a heart attack was for the best. Mind you, not diagnosed with cancer, just imaging for nodules. Then, bam. I was diagnosed. Keep wondering if she wishes I had died. Oh well. Screw her. See how strong we are! Always strong enough to lift my middle finger lol.

Italychick

from what I can tell by reading, it has some metal, but not metal that is reactive with an MRI. I'm still investigating the ABUS thing Sharon found, pondering doing that, even if I have to pay for it. I've learned though that it is all about the quality of the people reading test results, so I don't want to do an ultrasound at a facility I don't know and have them scare me unnecessarily. The technicians and doctors doing and reading all my scans, etc. right now have been spot on with everything, and I'm superstitious enough to not want to mess with a good thing. But my facility doesn't have the ABUS ultrasound scanning technology, big bummer. I am going to talk to them about doing a whole breast ultrasound, even if I pay out of pocket. But for now, I am going to enjoy December and the holidays and focus on all that in January. Already had mammogram and good feel up by breast Doctor, all seemed fine, no changes or anything to be concerned about.

I sent breast doctors office one of those edible arrangements, and they thanked me for it, the doctor got on the phone herself, which was really nice. She said the chocolate covered strawberries went first! Just an idea if anybody is looking for a gift for the treatment facilities over the holidays

ksusan

Reframing the ledge:

littleblueflowers

The ledge The cliff

littleblueflowers

The beauty Keep fighting Keep living

shaz101

love you guys xxx

Look what I've got!😁

Italychick

Awesome! If you can, lay it out and take a picture. I would love to see what new charms have been added

shaz101

How awesome is it! I'm going to wear it close to my heart while it is with me. I feel you all. I've been looking at each charm and remembering the thoughts behind each one. Boy we've been through a lot together.

shaz101

here's my set up for the weekend. 7 minute bike ride to the middle of the city and 10 minute bike ride to the lymphatic clinic for my 9 am appointment. It's close to 40 degrees here... it is hot!!!

IndyGal35

Wow, Sharon! That's over 100 degrees Farenheit. Take a lot of water on your rides!

My heart swelled up when I saw the pic of you wearing the bracelet. It brings so much love with it. I can't wait to watch its adventures with you!

For anyone that needs a rewatch of the video, here it is. I forget who originally posted it, but it still cracks me up. You'll meet our dear Theresa right out of the gate.

http://youtu.be/UVyhE3-_lCM

eheinrich

Wow - the bracelet looks great! I'm so glad it's there with you Sharon.

So sorry the ledge is full. Everyone hang in there.

I had my MO appt yesterday. She walked in and said "how're you doing?" and of course I burst into tears. I felt like such a dork. She's super sweet though. We talked about life etc. I never ever feel rushed when I'm in her office, even though we spent 20 min on not cancer. Probably why she's always running late. All my stuff came back normal. My leg pain hasn't really come back since I went back on Tamox but we are keeping an eye on it.

Today will be a happy day. One of my friends is coming over to help me pick out (and carry) a Christmas tree. Tonight I'm having people over to help me decorate. I'm so glad to end the week on a happy note. I spent yesterday opening my own checking acct, etc. Looking forward to laughing.

eheinrich

If you want to PM me your address & email address I will put together a spreadsheet & email it to everyone.

Beachbum1023

Hi Ladies, I've been lurking, while everyone has been busy here. I was thinking about that special Christmas gift, and all I can think of is another Christmas. I hope everyone finds that gift under their tree this year. Much love and lots of hugs, Cheryl

avmom

good morning, all.

Beach, it's nice to hear from you! I'm glad all of your results are normal, E.

I'm inching toward the edge of the ledge today. I had some bloodwork done this week, and my liver enzymes are elevated, so I'm back to the lab later today for more tests. Uric acid, too, which is a bit hard to fathom, considering the vast amounts of water I consume. Just another thing to fret over for the weekend.

On a more positive note, my satellite cancer clinic had a soirée last night, with dinner and musical entertainment. It was a lovely evening, and one of the musicians is near and dear, I that he's been a patient for the past year, and had a stem cell transplant in June. I did see him in passing in June, just as they were scheduling the "big zap" to take his immune system down to zero just before the transplant. The procedure went well, and he is doing fine.

Here's a link:

The link shows up when I edit, but not on the post after submission. Try this in YouTube:

watch?v=uRexH05-UM8

Gentle hugs to all

Italychick

Sitting at Herceptin infusion, blood is so funny and says so much. After going all year not being sick one time, darling granddaughter #2 finally gave me her cold, sore throat, cough, the whole enchilada. So today bloodwork shows elevated white blood count, confirming I am indeed fighting a cold. It's kind of amazing how much our bloodwork shows.

Eileen, I want to come to your Christmas decorating party! Trying to figure out how far away from me you actually are since I'm in Carlsbad. Looks like 110 miles. So probably too far to invite myself there on a Friday, but one of these days, arrowhead is gonna be on! I love the holidays, there aren't enough parties during the season for me. One of my favorite Christmas trips was doing a week in London and then flying to Florence, Italy on Christmas Eve. Totally loved the lights, hustle bustle, little ice skating rinks, and all the pubs

Jackbirdie

Sharon- tears on the iPad screen....

E- glad you had a good appt and just wonderful you are going to have a happy time.

I'll pm you my email

T- sorry about the cold. Glad they could keep you on schedule though.

Avmom- in your pocket for the rest of the labs. What a worry. So sorry about the liver enzymes. I started my lemon water cleanse again to help my liver. I thought my MO would want to isolate the variables, but they are quite confident it was the Tamoxifen, and said anything else healthy I could do for it is good.

Tutti changed up her routine this morning and brought me a rat instead of a bird. Ugh. Bloodthirsty! And she looks so innocent and feminine! Jack showed no interest whatsoever.

Everybody have a good day.

Ks- thanks for reframing the ledge. I'll try to go there from "here" today

ksusan

Good news, Eileen!

Jackbirdie

Cheryl/Beach- so great you dropped in! Glad to see you and hope you have a good holiday!

avmom

thanks, Katy. Honestly, I don't wanna be dealing with this shit sandwich. I already had an MRI scan of my liver earlier this year (following up on my staging ultrasound) and at that time they said there was an incidental finding of a benign spot on my liver. I can't believe how quickly my mind goes to a very dark place. I know I don't have much choice and just have to savour the delectable feces flavour of this sandwich, but I DON'T WANNA! Can you hear me stamping my virtual feet? I'm so done, I hope no one has to deal with me for the rest of then day. I'm usually pretty good at compartmentalization, which lets me at least appear serene, but the walls are crumbling today.

I'll probably just lurk for a while - even posting this is making me more crazy

Trvler

I went to a physical therapy appointment today to deal with some tension and tightness on my shoulder and get my sleeve info and I was filling out the health history. It was so odd because really the only thing I even said was 'finished cancer treatment'. It was bizarre. How can you be so healthy and have cancer? Argghhhh.

Katy: Yikes, that Tutti! Didn't she get fixed already?

Jackbirdie

Allison- yes fixed months ago?

Just saying thanks I guess.