Starting Chemo March 2015

Trvler

One thing I have been doing to give me a lift is finding songs from my youth that are upbeat like disco to listen to while in the car or doing work around the house. It's hard to be in a bad mood and it takes your mind to a place before you even knew cancer existed.

ksusan

Thanks for the metformin info, avmom.

KBeee

Thanks for the info on the Metformin. I remember my MO mentioning it before chemo. I'll ask him in January. For now he has me taking a baby aspirin each day because there's some evidence it prevents some cancers, and it really has few risks.

Allison, I hope the itching goes away. Yay for visiting the hair salon. I know I should get my shaggy edges trimmed one of these days.........

I got a decent night sleep last night so I am feeling a bit better today. I have worked a lot of hours which is a nice distraction. I am holding onto the fact that this is my 4th lump and my gut was spot on the first 3 times (2013...gut said cancer...it was. 2014, gut said not cancer, but would hide a later cancer...it wasn't and it did, 2015 gut said cancer...it was.). My initial gut reaction this time was scar tissue. My mind is playing games so I don't know what my gut tells me anymore, but I am trying to hold onto my initial reaction!!! Thankfully, my week is going fast. Hoping everyone else on this ledge gets good news, so we can all climb down before the new year and start fresh in 2016. I think we need to have a virtual New Year's party and all burn out 2015 calendars at midnight nad post pictures. Because of time changes, they'll come up all day!!!

SpecialK

Hi ladies - just wanted you to know I am still here and reading along daily to stay current with all of you.  I am so sorry that some of you are having challenges, and I know so soon after treatment it can be particularly frightening.  Finishing active treatment is one of the worst times - when first diagnosed you are up for the fight, but once you are finished with those treatments it is hard to gather yourself in a way to move forward without being overcome with fear and uncertainty.  Just as in the beginning, time helps - it does get easier, so hang in there.  Glad to see some bright spots too - yay for finishing rads, getting back to work, trips, etc.  I am having surgery next week so maybe missing for a bit, but I will be thinking of all of you!

BBwithBC45

Good luck with your surgery, SpecialK.

Trvler

And we'll be thinking of you too, Special! What day?

Italychick

Allison, I do the same thing with music. Biggest fight my husband and I have had this year involved him turning the radio off in our car whenever we are together lol! Don't mess with my music.

On a silly note, yesterday we had a locksmith come to change our locks because we weren't sure if the criminals that broke into our vehicle got a house key. As soon as the locksmith walked in the house, Ella, my 2 and 1/2 year old granddaughter, starts sniffing and says "what's that smell, grandma?" I about died in embarrassment and laughter. She didn't like the guy's after shave. She kept saying it, and finally I had to take her outside and distract her. Little blunt thing - not that she's my granddaughter or anything haha!

I thought his after shave stunk too - burned my eyes. Out of the mouths of babes! First thing I thought about when this happened was that video Linda posted visualizing me as the blunt old Italian woman. Yep, guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree!

On a more sober note, yesterday my boss got the boot, so I'm sitting here today at work wondering what that's going to mean for me. I'm not freaking - will just deal with whatever happens. After breast cancer, hard to push my adrenaline button anymore. And my mom is back in the hospital, they can't get her UTI under control. She's on her second antibiotic now.

I guess somebody out there wanted to add a few layers to the shit sandwich these past few weeks!

greenae

Hi All

Checking in from the ledge. I am still working on reaching higher ground with the help of meds and an LCSW. It seems this time after treatment is finished is a Huge adjustment for me. Still looking at more surgery ahead, but that seems easy compared to getting my head straight.

I am on here reading and thinking of all of you every day. Sometimes I wonder if that makes getting back to life harder for me? I am so happy to see so many are finishing up! Congratulations to all!

I am sorry so many of us are struggling with our different bodies, and lumps that show up to frighten us. My two lumps are being "watched"... no tests. Ugh. Cancerversaries looming not helping. My first mammo and US after Christmas. So, I will think about them ---Later!

Specialk, good luck with your surgery, heal quickly! And I know some have exchange surgeries soon...I know you will find it so much better to ditch the TEs

Katy, thank you for Always being here!

Kbee and Sharon, I am willing your lumps/indents to be scar tissue, as anyone else finding new abnormals as we fight for "normal. " I am trying to stop researching/googling, as it rarely helps my mindset. Kbee, I Love the idea of Burning the 2015 calendar!

To all of you,I am sorry I don't keep up well, I wish for backing offf the ledge, entering 2016 healthy and stronger than ever. Thank you all for always being here...and I agree, let the new C be Christmas!-- or whatever holidays we are all about to prepare for and CELEBRATE! ---another Good C!

We Are Tough Women!

Arlene

SpecialK

Thanks!  I am having a tissue expander placed after the loss of the left implant 18 months ago  - on December 10th, my 32nd wedding anniversary!  Leaving early this Friday morning for a visit with my in-laws in South Carolina, then returning and getting the last few holiday things done in prep for not being able to do much.  My DS is coming down from Virginia on the 23rd and staying until the 26th - it will be good to see him.  He and DH went on vacation together to Colorado in Aug to hike, backpack and camp (that is what he requested for Christmas last year, gotta love that kid!) but I have not seen him in a while.  He is super busy - full-time school, full-time work in the emergency room, and a firefighter two nights a week, so he doesn't get much time off.  I am excited to have the fam together for a few days.

Trvler

That sounds great, Special. I am glad you have your family with you for Christmas.

Theresa: My BIL gives us those White House ornaments every year. We never use them. Not really my thing. But they went to see him at my MIL's on Sunday. My younger daughter WHO IS 10 said my mom never puts them on the tree. Ugh. At least I wasn't there. That was the first time he has taken them without me. Out of the mouths of babes is no excuse for a 10 year old.

rleepac

Will be thinking of you SpecialK!

What does everyone have on their Christmas wish list? Any cool new gadgets or 'must haves'? I can't think of anything but DH and DD keep asking me what I want. I feel so numb from everything that's happened this year that I really don't have any material wants. But on the other hand, it would be nice to unwrap something Christams morning...

Bekah

pboi

Allison...I understand about being on the fence with the Tamoxifen, I was so scared to start my Arimidex after all the se I had heard about. But someone reminded me not to jump ahead and expect the worst. Lots of people take these meds and tolerate them well, they just don't always come to post about it. I'm doing well with the Arimidex and other than my insomnia (which may not be related) I have so far had very little problems. I hope the same for you too.

So happy to hear about you enjoying your time with your girls!

Katy...when is your cataract surgery this month?

SpecialK...thanks for coming here to post. It helps to see from someone whose been through this that these after treatment fears and uncertainties are normal and more importantly that in time it can get easier. I find it hard to believe now that it will ever get easier, but you give me hope. Good luck to you on your surgery.

Theresa...sorry to hear about your job and hoping your job stays safe. Positive thoughts too for your mom for a quick recovery from her UTI. Hang in there...you've been through so much lately!

Thanks everyone for the input about the eye docs!

PB

SpecialK

Thanks guys!  On the gift front, maybe ask for a special piece of jewelry, if that is something you would wear.  I have a ring from when I finished chemo - when I wear it I reflect on how much I have been through, how much love surrounds me, and how lucky I feel. 

Trvler

That's nice, K.

I don't want anything and I told my husband that. I don't want one shred of extra stuff to clean up or something I have to wrap. Often my family asks me to tell them what to get for my kids. Some years I buy it and wrap it and then I spend all year cleaning it up because my kids don't ever put anything away. I have been trying to teach them to take care of their things. I am buying gifts for them but trying to figure out how to tell his family I am not doing gifts this year. My husband is the worst gift recipient of all time. He just says 'thanks' and puts it aside and then I have to bug him to put it away, etc. I am not stressing myself out this year.

rleepac

Thanks for the gift idea SpecialK. Jewelry is always a good go-to gift for me!

Jackbirdie

SpecialK- you really are like an angel who has hovered above us and mingled among us! I so appreciate that you pop in always when we need it the most! Wishing you well on your surgery. I'm glad you will have family there. And Happy Anniversary. Your husband is a very lucky man.

Allison- I was so happy to hear about your visit to the salon, and doing great stuff with your girls. I lol'd about the Christmas ornaments and had a very nice image of you rocking around your house to music. I am so inspired that you feel well and you are "in" your life.

T- yes, the shit is piling on for you right now. It is ridiculous the amount of stuff that has happened. It's like someone is just slinging mud and trying to see what will stick! I am chanting Towanda for you. You are strong. Nothing will stick! I hope your mom gets that UTI under control soon. And so sorry about your boss. Not only because it's unsettling for your future, but I know he was kind and sensitive to you this year and you trusted him. He sounded like a good guy.

PB- I have one cataract surgery in Dec 18th. The second is Jan 15. In addition to the surgeries themselves (though I have been told they are very easy) I am concerned about the vast difference in vision between the two surgeries causing headaches/migraines. My doctor is a good one, youngish, so up on latest practices, but not wet behind the ears. She did a laser surgery on me on a partially detached retina a couple of years ago. She's nice, but very strong and brooks no bullshit. These procedures will be done at the hospital. In fact, the first one is on the anniversary of my BMX. That's a whole "nother" post conjuring up a surgery on that anniversary. It is just amazing to me that a year has gone by. Thanks for asking.

I Skyped with Sharon yesterday. What a beautiful lady, inside and out. I am so grateful she brought us all together. I absolutely cannot conceive of what this year would have been like without all of you. It seems we may still be needing each other a bit in 2016. It cannot be a coincidence that we are (many of us) here on the ledge at the same time. Knowing how painful and scary and depressing it is here, I am so sorry those of you here on this ledge have to be here with me. But I am so glad I am not alone, and that you understand. And I believe we will all be dancing to our favorite music, even when, especially when, nobody is watching. Soon. Putting my trust in Specialk's words once again. 💞💗💞💗💞💗

Hugs to all.

KBeee

Katy, hope the cataract surgery goes well

Special, hope your surgery goes well also

Bekah, I asked for running tights and a girls weekend away

Teresa, hope your job stays stable!

Allison, I think older kids don't have much of a filter about what they say either!!!!!

ksusan

SpecialK, best wishes for your surgery.

My wife and I are giving each other small gifts this year, but also giving each other spending money to use during a vacation.

eheinrich

My girls always get or make me really sweet things - I always look forward to their gifts. Alan is a terrible gift giver in some ways. Holidays and birthdays aren't as big a deal to him as they are to me. Since we separated he has b'dayed and Christmased me with random stuff from Brookstone. I told my girls not to let him go there this year.

IndyGal35

Good luck, K! I hope that this last TE placement brings about a perfectly sculpted recon and that this is the next to last of your surgeries!

T, I remember that video so well. It still makes me laugh!

For those of you that have been deported, was your discomfort the same as when you got the port installed? I'm getting deported during recon, and they'll let me finish up my last few Herceptin doses through an IV. (Hooray!!!) I'm not sure if the deportation is a drop in the bucket or if I'm going to be really sore from that too.

IndyGal35

Jackbirdie

Lee- I had barely any discomfort associated with deportation. And compared to it going in, nothing at all! I think since it's being done during another procedure, by comparison you may not even notice after the fact. Good luck. Have no fear. Towanda!

avmom

Indy, I found that the discomfort associated with being deported to be less than when it went in. The incision site was tender for a couple of days, but the wierd feeling in my neck from having the tube in there was gone immediately. Overall, it was a nothingburger

KBeee

I also found deportation to be easy. The "path" the port took fills with fluid, so it looks like they left s tube in there. BS warned me of that and I was glad he did. Hoping you have a successful surgery and a quick, easy recovery

pboi

Deportation was easy for me too. I had it done along with my mastectomy and didn't even really notice any discomfort from it.

PB

Italychick

ToWanda! After much talking today, I think my job is fine. They were worried that because I have a 28 year relationship my boss i wouldn't want to stay. I said no, I'm perfectly happy. So I get a new boss, who knows nothing about what I do, which means he will leave me alone, and I'm totally fine with that. Most of my work comes from a patent attorney in Australia anyway.

My mom, on the other hand, ugh. She started feeling a bit better so she checked herself out of the hospital. I'm seriously glad I'm 2,000 miles away and my two brothers have to deal with her, I couldn't handle all her drama right now.

I'm with Allison, I don't want another thing to clean, take care of, anything. Plus my husband gets me stuff randomly, and we don't wait for special days to get things we want. I just want to finish Herceptin and press on and live life! And get to a point where I stop feeling myself up all the time.

And yes, I still laugh about that video too.

IndyGal35

Thanks for the warning about the fluid collecting where they remove the port! I would've seen that and worried

Carrie37

I was deported at the same time as my BMX so I didn't really notice anything. Ha! I have noticed that I too have very little specific memories from these last 10 months. I keep thinking about my upcoming one year "anniversary" of when I found the lump..and all the dates that followed..the hell. I know time will heal because I know survivors and I believe we start thinking less about cancer and more about life and moving on...letting go of the lost time. I'm here. And thanks to the magic of the internet we have all been connected and truly know what it feel like to be dealt the shit sandwich.

I saw the RO today and he thinks my skin is better than he expected at this point. Only 10 more!! Then I complained about my nausea that I've had for several days. "Radiation shouldn't cause that." Said the nurse...by my doctor wants to rule things out after talking with me. My sleep is awful right now. I wake up with headaches. Now he ordered a blood draw and a brain MRI. Whoa! I am sure it is nothing. My gut says that. I would be surprised if something else is happening.

Thinking of you all

slothabouttown

Carrie, go with your gut and sail through the MRI. I read on my rads board that more than a few women experienced nausea during treatment. And I'd say most of us struggle with shitty sleep since during and after chemo.

Also, it makes my day when I learn a new word and can't wait to use it in real life. Nothingburger!!

Special glad to hear from you, best wishes for that surgery.

slothabouttown

Also, someone mentioned putting an address list together for holiday cards. Is there enough interest in this? Would we just start a pm going?