Starting Chemo March 2015

Trvler

Ativan doesn't last long enough for me. I take it at bedtime and am wide awake by 4 am. It says to take it every 6 hours so that makes sense.

ninjamary

Sleep - I took .50 of xanax last night and slept like a baby. I usually only resort to meds after a few days of sleep issues. THOUGH....my issues may stem from the humidity on the East Coast and BC head sweat. The head sweat is my biggest bother right now. Last night I was walking around with a "chill towel" on my head. It was delightful.

Nails - I noticed today that my nails (under the bed) are changing colors. It's darker up by the top of the nail and more white at the bottom. I seriously hope I don't lose my nails. The eyebrows are bad enough

Trvler

My nails have had the white stuff for a while now but I don't see any other issues at all yet.

I guess the head sweats are your version of hot flashes. I had quite a lot of them yesterday but they seem to have eased off today. I think the steroid makes them worse but I am not sure.

eheinrich

Congrats to everyone finishing up! Katy so glad you are feeling better. I'm about 3 weeks pfc and feel pretty good. My hair is slowly coming in, eyes are feeling better except for the twitch in my left eye. So far so good on tamoxifen. Once I get home I'm going to start exercising - I'm up 10+ pounds which makes me sad 😕

Love seeing everyone on fb

😃e

Trvler

Went to LGFB. It was a bit useless and there was this one annoying lady who kept going on and on about her skin and her stuff and her problems. The instructor just sat there letting her drone on and on. Didn't get much out of it but I liked the eyebrow powder. I was looking for tips for cancer patients and she didn't really give them. I did meet a nice lady and we swapped info. She wanted to know about NOLA.

Italychick

Trvler, there is always a person like that in those types of group situations. Either there is a completely self-centered person, or there is the one who wants to make sure she points out every stupidly obvious thing because the rest of us are a bunch of morons who couldn't get dressed in the morning unless they teach us how to put our arm in a sleeve. I always want to tell them to shut up for five minutes lol.

I use Clinique and I wasn't interested in a bunch of free stuff (I spent years figuring out what would work on my skin and not break me out, etc.), so I just went to the Clinique makeup counter at Ulta and had them show me what all to do. I had about 5 people helping me, one showing me brows, another helping with blush, etc. They brought over their person who was the "brow expert" and she helped me. I haven't lost all my eyebrows (please leave what I have, hope I didn't just jinx myself!), just enough to look completely goofy without any assistance, and what she showed me to do makes my brows still look natural. I walked out of there with pretty much a complete set of tips, and I only had to buy that Brow Power pencil because I have never used eyebrow pencil before and didn't have one. I wasn't interested in changing any of my makeup, just figuring out how to maximize brows and lashes.

As for all their wig, scarf, etc. tips, I will pass. I got a wig expert, wore that damn thing for a little over 2 months, and said screw it, now I live in my do rags and am loving it. I'm sure it is valuable for a lot of people, but I am too picky and difficult. And let's be honest, whether I wear a do rag or an elaborate scarf configuration made to look like hair draping down my back or shoulder with the scarf fabric, the message is still the same - CHEMO AND CANCER VICTIM, so I know I wouldn't be fooling anybody.

I can't wait for this fracking hair to grow back.

ninjamary

Allison- and that is why I rarely leave my house. People. End of story. I skipped my LGFB after my experience at my cancer support group. I was scared that lady would make a repeat visit at LGFB. I have no patience for narcissists and idiots.

Theresa I have my favorite make-up too. I just go on you tube and watch the instructional videos. Last time I went to Ulta for help I ended up leaving because the nice employee was too busy looking for lip gloss for some girl and the other employee (let's call her a bitch) couldn't be bothered helping me with false eyelash tips and suggestions. She just pointed out where the false eyelashes were and dismissed me. It was the one time I wished I had the do-rag on my head. I feel I get treated much better when I'm wearing that.

Trvler

There's ALWAYS one of those people in every group like that. WHY? lol

I left when they started showing how to tie scarves. I am not going to wear them. I look goofy in them and I needed to get home in time for my kids to get off the bus.

Italychick

I totally get the flaky, dumbass girls who can't be bothered with "older women" that work at the makeup counters. I am fortunate that the main woman running the Clinique counter at my Ulta is my age, and super nice. That's why I went there.

There were a couple of the women trying to convince me to try what they thought was better and I was like no, I can't stand Lancomme, the underlying taste and smell of that makeup is disgusting. Then a couple were advocating for Benefit, and I'm like no, don't like their crap either, breaks me out. They were shocked lol.

Whatever, I have no patience for that stuff anymore.

ksusan

CHEMO AND CANCER VICTIM

If you lived where I do, people would just think, "Oh, one of those people from the university." I've mostly been out with no head covering and as long as I stand up straight, smile, and wear big earrings, I get none of that cancer victim response.

pboi

Sleep - on the 1mg of Ativan I was able to get nearly 6 hrs of sleep without being too drowsy in the am. I took about 3/4 mg last night and woke a few times, but was able to fall back asleep, so hopefully I can wean off of it soon.

Katy - Maybe you know this already, but are your nails painted? I use a nail strengthening coat (Opi Nail Envy) and then on top black polish (or some other dark opaque) color. Not sure if it's true, but have heard that UV light that gets on your nails can damage them, and the dark polish prevents the UV light from getting through. So far my nails are ok

PB

Italychick

Yeah, no, unfortunately I live in Southern California where it is almost a crime to not have big boobs, barbie doll hair, etc. The only women here who shave their heads are the edgy tattooed chicks. Although I have always admired them.

ksusan

I'll bet you could pull it off. After all, your tattoos might be under cover

Trvler

The make up people drive me crazy because they expect you to get all excited over whatever product they are trying to sell you and talk in high pitched excited squeals. I confuse them when I turn down the endless samples they try to give me that just end up cluttering up a drawer somewhere and never get used.

Italychick

So far, honestly, I haven't gotten any crazy responses from people. Most people are in shock that I hid it for 4 and 1/2 months and still did bike rides, etc. They expect all chemo people to be sickly and weak, and so they are having trouble putting chemo together with my physical ability right now. Just wish the damn feet and hands would get back to normal, that's my biggest concern.

When I am honest with myself, I hung on to my long hair too long. Half of it was broken, dead, and not the healthiest. So my hope is (1) my hair will come back after chemo, and (2) once the chemo curl part is over, it will be shiny and healthy. Given how much I ride my bike, I should probably go to a short, edgy cut anyways. The long hair is tough to maintain. At least that is what I am telling myself right now to avoid being distraught over looking like a dog with a serious case of the mange.

ksusan

I think you'd rock short hair. You have beautiful facial structure.

pboi

I posted this over in the hormonal therapy thread, but am wondering are any of you premenopausal and considering OS + AI? My MO suggested Tamoxifen, but I'm considering the SOFT study results and am having a hard time making a decision.

So awesome that some of you go out with no head covering, I'm not brave enough to do that! I use to wear make-up daily, but now weirdly I don't wear any, even though I have no eyebrows or eyelashes!

PB

Trvler

I know what you mean. I spent so much time drying my hair and it didn't look that great. I was hoping it would come in better. Every so often, I would lose a bunch of it and had tiny little hairs growing all over my head. I might let it go curly when it grows back. I think I look awful in short hair though.

Italychick

So sweet of you, hugs and kisses for that! Although honestly, if I get to live to be an old lady at the cost of losing my hair, I'm okay with that. I've seen other women without hair who just tattoo their heads, some of them look pretty cool.

Last infusion tomorrow - I can't believe it!

Trvler

Yeah, Theresa!!!!

SpecialK

Don't assume your hair will come back curly - it does for many, but not all.

I had a less than ideal experience at the LGFB I went to. The facilitator didn't cover any makeup tips, didn't bring wigs or scarves, and spent most of her time making a turban out of a t-shirt.

The makeup discussion is interesting. Once many are done with treatment they start thinking moreabout what they use on their skin/hair and cleaning products. Many switch to organic, or less carcinogenic, cosmetics, lotions, and hair products.

Italychick

Katy, you have been conspicuously absent today lol! What are you doing? Nosy minds want to know haha.

Seriously, hope all is well.

Whitney, doing okay after round 6?

pboi

I was a Clinique and MAC girl. Since Special mentioned it, I have been thinking about trying a more organic, less carcinogenic products. Recommendations?

Theresa - hooray for last infusion tomorrow!!

PB

Jackbirdie

Ksusan- I loved your response. I know it is different for people who have to deal with work people, or their kids who they don't want to confuse, but I quite absentmindedly walk and drive around hatless, scarfless and dorag-less these days. I couldn't care less if people feel sorry for me, are nice to me, pity me, etc. fuck them. I am so totally self-centered at this pointthe only things that matters to me is my own comfort.

pboi- I had to laugh. Well over a month ago I tried to paint my nails a dark color then posted the results. I made such a mess out of my left hand I gave up. I posted the picture. I then realized I had no remover and didn't have the energy to go get any. So I left them like that and gradually the tea tree oil got rid of the polish. So I ran my own one-person trial. I do think my left fingernails fared better, looking at them both now. But they are all slightly tender. I am just trying to prepare myself for losing them. For some reason, I am more sensitive about this issue than the hair. I think, looking at them, it's too late to intervene. I'll just keep tea tree oil treatment going, as I use that as much for a general proactive anti-fungal and anti-bacterial. One that I don't think I have to worry about being cancer causing. I'm honestly not sure nail polish is completely safe. I don't know.

Theresa, I am thrilled to hear tomorrow is your last. CONGRATULATIONS IN ADVANCE. I think I hear bells ringing in the distance.

As for me, I got up this morning late, did a few things, and just felt so tired I went back to bed and slept all day. It has been an emotional week. My divorce was final yesterday, (he asked for it 3 days after my dx) and I finally found a house to buy and after senselessly energy-wasting negotiations, I am under contract to buy my best puppy the biggest yard he's ever had to play in.

I don't know why I didn't mention any of this. I guess I myself felt overwhelmed by it all, was too tired, and didn't want to seem attention grabbing. Who knows, we all know I'm a whack job.

DavisD

I haven't been brave enough to go out without a scarf or hat either. I gave up trying to put on a face when most of my lashes went.  I don't even like looking at myself in the mirror at home...ugh, just reminds me of chemo which makes me feel nauseous. I know, I'm weird. I am SUPER grateful to meet all of you, you've made this whole shit show doable.

Saw the RO yesterday and she's recommending six weeks of rads, five days a week. Said with chemo only, I have about a 25% chance of recurrence and having radiation will change that to 3-5%. I couldn't rationalize not doing it even though I'm not looking forward to taking the time out of every day at work to get zapped. I won't start until a month after my last chemo which is two weeks from yesterday!  I can do this....

 

Jackbirdie

you can indeed do it, Diane. You could do it even without all of us here rooting you on. You are that strong. Fortunately, you won't have to. We will be there every step of the way.

I just read something on another thread that is a mostly very good read about how c changes you. It is honest, and not too preachy. It only used the term "new normal," once. How I hate that phrase. But still, very worthwhile reading. If the link isn't hot, it's in active topics under Things I Wish I'd Been Told When I was DXd, or something along those lines,

www.community.breastcancer.org/forum/23/topic/789962#post_4419445

DavisD

Katy you are no whack job by any standards! You are our Queen and we love you!

I'm sorry to hear you've been going through the loss of your marriage and none of us knew. Never feel like you shouldn't talk about it with us. I've been through a divorce when I was just 22 yr old and I thought the world had ended. Went into a major depression that almost ended my life but ultimately brought me to Virginia, my hubby and two fantastic kids.   I admire you for not caring what people think and I'm going to take a test run this weekend (around people I don't know). I think sometimes I am on people overload from dealing with folks all day at work. Sometimes even with a scarf on I want to avoid eye contact toward the end of the day.

Theresa-I can't believe you're almost there! I'll be at work tomorrow so I'll wish you well tonight, you got this girl YEA!!

IndyGal35

Great idea on the Clinique counter! I think I'll try that instead of LGBF. It would make for a fun afternoon with a friend, and I use their stuff religiously as it is.

I've been going commando for about a month now since my favorite hat blew away in the wind. It's been liberating. I feel like I'm not having to fake normalcy for the comfort of others anymore. I've always been so self conscious. I've learned to love myself more lately.

Any of you rads girls care to check in on where you are with your round count and how you are feeling?

Think I'm finally rounding the corner after chemo #5. It has been a bear for sure

Jackbirdie

this is how I feel

Italychick

Katy, I am so sorry about the divorce thing. Never hold back, unless you want to. I don't even know how you coped with the diagnosis, loss of breasts, divorce, uprooting yourself, chemo and everything. My heart goes out to you. I don't have any words, there are none to make it any better. But congratulations on the house, a new beginning, a place all your own!

Wimped out in my bike ride, did 13.5 miles instead of 26, couldn't face the big hills again today, so I only did 2/3rds of them. So what, who cares, right? At least I got out and did a ride. Hard to haul this fat ass up those big long hills, but that is how it is. I can't even explain how hard it is right now, my legs feel like they are encased in concrete. I'm not whining, just bitching.

One more, then recovery and get this weight off.

IndyGal35, rofl about the hat blowing away in the wind. Screw it, you are probably beautiful without it. We all are. Our hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes don't define us, what is inside defines us.

Diane, stay tough, sorry about the rads. I will be thinking about you and hoping or the best. Hugs!