Starting Chemo March 2015

eheinrich

Sloth, you made me laugh w your minion twin.

Katy, I'm sending you the biggest gentle hug ever. Keep the kitty/puppy pics coming.

I went to a b'day dinner for one of my favorite humans last night - my friend's 15 yr old daughter. Was dreading going. Love the family but the dad is out of town & he's usually my dinner buddy & I was seeing a bunch of people who I haven't seen since before all this bc bs happened. I didn't want to talk about it. My friend's sister was being really annoying & at one part said something about how she hears when your hair grows back after chemo it's so healthy and beautiful it's the best hair ever. Alan said to her - did you know that people are doing elective chemotherapy now because of that fabulous benefit? She looked a bit sheepish. I know how she meant it - but it's still stupid. She also started one of the trite phrase/conversations about this making me stronger or something. I stopped her & said she was getting into my pet peeve territory.

The daughter though is getting dropped off today so she and I can play around w/ an underwater camera we got her for her birthday. Such a fabulous young lady. Her older brother died in a car accident almost 4 years ago. Her dad was driving & has PTSD as a result (tire blew, car flipped, son ejected - btw did you know that if you are reclining at greater than a 45 degree angle your seatbelt is not likely to restrain you in an accident?). Parents are (understandably) a hot mess and Giselle keeps on going. At an age where given all the stuff going on she could easily have gotten off track she is steady, smart, funny, lovely. She is my positive for today.

Jackbirdie

NinjaM- I wish you woulda said it. You make me laugh. Every time you post. You need to know that. I'm so sorry you are sick of it too. The worst is when I start to hate myself for it. Like yesterday.

Ms. Rita Wilson. Hmmmmm. I think she is testing fate. I wish her no ill but cannot properly articulate how troubling that headline is. Especially with ILC.

Sloth- that is NOT your celeb look-alike. Except for the bright eyes and smile. What a wonderful getaway weekend. To not think about it for even a short while and sleep through the night.....deelish.

Peek-A-Boo! Good morning from Tutti Frutti

Oh and PS. They found 3 more rats this morning. Really????

Lovemylab

I feel lik the rest of you guys....sick of this. Only done with one taxol which gave me explosive diarrhea which of course gave me another UTI on top of sinus junk so not so good weekend. My sister wants me to drive 3 hrs this week on Thursday ( taxol Tuesday ) to see her and my disabled mom at the family cottage. I kind of want to go but worry about leaving the comforts of my little house when on chemo. Not sure I am up for it but on the other hand I am so sick of being here mostly by myself. 11 more taxols to go .... Not sure I will live thru the SEs of stage one BC tx!

Have a gd week all and Katy, the kitty is soooo cute!

Maureen

Jackbirdie

Eileen- I hope you have a great day with Giselle. She sounds amazing and I'm sure you are good for each other.

and here are the promised quilt pics. After I finished my pity party last night, I MADE MYSELF do something. Ready to quilt now, but probably someone else will have to do that. Maybe ok, just this one time.

eheinrich

Beautiful Katy!

Trvler

I love you, guys!

Sloth: You made me laugh, too!

Mary: You are my hero! I just keep it all in, except to my sister, who lets me vent (and of course you all).

Beautiful work, Katy.

Oh, I am sure Rita will be fine. After all, her husband loves her more, blah, blah….lol. No seriously, I hope she is fine but I too get irritated by how 'easy' they make it out to be in the press…like having a cavity filled or something.

I play the cancer card with my kids. I know I shouldn't. They are fighting more than ever and over ridiculous BS stuff. I just can't take it. I am seeking a therapist to help. I don't know what else to do. I feel my younger daughter is in a dangerous place. She seeks negative attention and can't seem to form friendships. She eggs on my older daughter who feeds into all the drama. My older daughter doesn't want to play with her because she eggs her on and it makes the younger one egg her on even more. I get the dynamic, just can't stop it. I beg my older daughter to just walk away. I think this stress is part of what caused my cancer in the first place, but of course I will never know.

ninjamary

My oldest helps me with the cancer card. She told my that my excuse for not making dinner is to say "I can't make dinner, because the chemo might get in the food". When I was first diagnosed and my youngest was complaining about something she told me to tell him "you are aggravating the cancer" She cracks me up.I have yet to use either excuse. lol.

Allison--my youngest is my biggest worry too. You pretty much listed his bad traits. Yesterday he was whining that his older brother was taping him being mad by making him mad. Really? Really? They fight all the time. There's a lot of other stuff with the younger one and I can't even begin to delve into it all. I have plans for him once this shit storm is over. Let's just say he won't be home enough to be fighting with is older brother. E.g. He complained so much about winter swim team that I said "enough" and didn't enroll him this past year. Then in Dec 2014 he complained that he WASN'T winter swimming! Guess who is winter swimming 5 days a week next fall....yep. BTW he's 11. Some days I feel like he is 6.

Rita Wilson. Don't even get me started. "I removed my boobs. I'm cured!!" What the fuck kind of cancer is that? Seriously, because I want that cancer. Did she even have cancer? I'm serious here, or was it just some benign growth? Even the other one...Sandra Dee. I removed my boobs and I'm releasing pictures on the internet that I'm all fine. Argh.

eheinrich

Mary & Allison: how old are your kids? Not that it helps currently but mine, both girls, are 16 mos apart (I know, right? What were we thinking?). They fought foreverishly. I hated with a passion the ages of 11-13. WTF goes through their heads? I was at my friend's house yesterday (prior to the dinner w/ the fam w the 15 year old) and her kids are 11 & 13 and I wanted to shoot myself just for a reason to leave early. They were incessant in their quest to piss each other off (I hate going to her house - we usually meet for lunch or happy hour). That said, my girls are now great friends.

I hope things calm down & you guys can get a little stress-free time.

ninjamary

eheinrich,

My kids are 16 (girl) 14 (boy) and 11 (boy). The 11 year old instigates most everything . Not that the other two don't add to it at times. My 11 year old needs structure. He hasn't received it since Jan.(even then it was hard) The DX (pulling the cancer card) just screwed everything up. I was obsessed with me and everything that was happening that I checked out on things. I was tired all the time, SE ........you name it. That's why I want to get back to life before BC. Life wasn't a bowl of cherries back then, but I had control over it.

Trvler

Eileen: Mine are 9 and 11. To further complicate, the older one has major ADD, to the point she can't even brush her teeth without MANY prompts. At least the younger one can ready for bed on her own. My older daughter went to a 2 night camp this weekend and didn't brush her teeth once. Ugh! She is getting braces later this summer and I can't imagine how she will manage and keep her teeth clean.

Mary: My younger daughter needs structure, too. I just haven't had the energy to enroll her in stuff and cart her all around. I have never wanted to be the mom that over scheduled her kids but I am beginning to understand why people do it. I did have her in chorus and this improv class they do at school. I guess I will try some stuff. Maybe soccer so she can burn off some energy.

Thanks for posting your experiences. It seem sometimes my kids are the only ones that fight.

Trvler

Ha. The little devils came in hugging each other today. lol

Ohiotripleplus

Hi! ***Winer alert*****

Sorry, But I am so sick of being sick! Only had 4 good days after last chemo (3 wks apart)! Now I'm 3 days post again and feeling so bad. No taste,except bad metallic, nausea even with meds, continuous headache, weeping eyes. I wonder how any of this helps. Can't believe I willingly let them pump poison into me!

The intellectual part of me knows that this is necessary, but I hate it!

Trvler

I am sorry you are having a hard time, Ohio. How many more treatments do you need?

Ohiotripleplus

I have 3 more , halfway done. It seems like forever tho. Missing a lot of work. PTO used up. Feel guilty just being in bed sick.

Ohiotripleplus

Getting perjeta and herceptin also.

Italychick

I'm about done with this wig. It is 90 degrees where I work, and I have a fan on high right at my face. I want to take it out, cut it into pieces, douse it with gasoline and burn it saying "take that, mothafucka!" Maybe shoot it a couple of times too. I'm ready to out myself at work so I can just wear my do rag.

Eileen, good for your husband for saying what he did. People say the dumbest things. I can't tell you how many times I've heard "oh, post chemo your hair grows back great." I never fucking wanted to grow my hair back, I wanted to keep it from the start. Those types of comments make me want to go all gangster lol.

All of you with kid issues, I totally sympathize. Enroll them all in summer camps, arrange a ride share, etc. If there is a summer to dump them, this is it. We had four kids, two mine, two his, and one summer they were fighting and we sent them all to stay away camps for 4 weeks total. It was bliss!

And where are these Hollywood people getting mastectomies that aren't painful? Sign me up, I want a double, so I can stop worrying. And do they still have feeling in their nipples? Because that is one big complaint I have read about. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way for normal people I guess.

Jackbirdie

welcome Ohio! Sorry we had to meet this way. We all seem to feel like crap this week. But we have some laughs around here too. Pull up a chair

Theresa- I could absolutely not wear a wig in 90 degree weather. Probably any weather. If you do burn it then shoot it please set up video first sowe can all enjoy.

I feel so much better today. Not great, but what a difference. Thanks to everybody that helped pull me out of the dive. That was no ordinary rabbit hole. Geez!

Allison I though that was too cute the little monsters came in hugging each other. I agree with Theresa. If ever there were a time to pack them off, get them involved and give you a chance to breathe and not have to be "on" for them, this is it.

An early best wishes to Diane for tomorrow, back in the chair. Know we are thinking of you and I will try to be there the way you were for me these past weeks. No minor endeavor, that

Ohiotripleplus

Anybody else have problems logging in? Every time I try I have to reset my password!

ksusan

I want to take it out, cut it into pieces, douse it with gasoline and burn it saying "take that, mothafucka!" Maybe shoot it a couple of times too.

I'd pay good money to see this! Especially if you've got a shotgun.

Italychick

Lol, don't tempt me, I might actually do it. My husband said make sure you stomp on it good too. Actually I would like to do that to this whole cancer process. Maybe when we have our meeting in March 2016 we should make up a cancer dummy and then all say what we would say to cancer if it was a person and then whack it with a stick or punch it or something. Fuck you cancer, for taking away a year of my life. Fuck you cancer, for taking away my breast(s). Fuck you cancer for making me live the rest of my life with a fear inside me.

Boy, would that be awesome. Then we can throw the dummy on a bonfire at the end and watch it burn.

Jackbirdie

Theresa- fantastic idea! Like a cancer Guy Fawkes (is that correct spelling?)

Eileen can you start working on getting a burn permit for your Arrowhead place? It'll be early in the year, so we probably won't burn your house down!

I'm thinking here what I'm gonna bring with me to burn. I guess any leftover Depends, if there are any, lol.

eheinrich

Sorry guys - CA drought, in the mountains = no bonfires but we do have a fire place Maybe little cancer voodoo dolls!

Today is my day off from everything. I moved my play date to tomorrow. I turned in my work thing and have been sitting outside reading for a few hours. It is 99 degrees here in Granada Hills....sitting in the shade took a jump in the pool. Pool is still pretty cold but boy did it feel good. With chemo over I feel good. I'm not letting myself feel any guilt over my do nothing day.

I'm still going commando w/ my head. I wore a scarf at my daughter's graduation but other than that it's just me and my fuzzy head & sometimes a do rag if it's super sunny. If I worked I might very well make a different choice, but for now my head is catching breezes - albiet really warm ones.

Jackbirdie

voodoo works for me

😈👿😈

wpmoon

This seems pretty perfect with all the talk of trying to explain how we're feeling to people, and them not wanting to know the REAL answer.

Radiation consultation went well today. I like the doc. I'm signed up for 30 visits - 5/week for 6 weeks. I'm already exhausted thinking about it. He thinks I'll do well with it since I'm young, pale, and thin. Apparently the people with the last two treats respond well to radiation - don't have as much discoloration or burns/blisters.

I'm beyond exhausted today.

Katy - so happy you're feeling better today!

Theresa - I LOL'd about the burning of the wig.

ksusan

I'm glad you like the doc. That matters!

rleepac

I'm so sad today. Damn coyote came into my yard and snatched my mama hen right in front of my eyes. He was too fast for us! All 10 babies are ok but now only a week old without a mama 😒. Do you think any of the other hens will step up to the task? No...chickens aren't typically like that but they might let the babies hang out around them at least.

I've decided I don't love ALL God's creatures! If that coyote shows up again he is toast!

Having trouble finding a positive today...

Bekah

avmom

Katy, I'm so glad you are feeling better. I'm not posting much right now (fatigue and this stupid neuropathy makes typing a chore) but I do follow along. Tutti is a little dear, and I'm so happy Jack is doing well with her. No doubt his service dog training has helped him to adapt to all manner of things.

I have a couple of good things for everyone. As I have said before, I live in a very rural area, and our "yard" is just shy of 4 acres (about 1.5 hectares, for Sharon and ano other metric speakers out there). We have an area with evergreens south of our driveway, and yesterday, my DH came across a beautiful little doe among the trees. She wasn't even terribly startled to see him, and they spentsome time staring at each other before she moved off. Just lovely.

Good thing number 2: my last chemotherapy treatment is tomorrow! I know, who in their right mind would celebrate a chemotherapy appointment? I think it's fair to say that everyone on this board would celebrate, knowing it is the last time. I'm optimistic that my neuropathy is acute, rather than chronic, because it seems to be a bit better this week than last. Just once more, into the breach!

Theresa, I can't imagine wearing a wig in 90 degree heat (that's just over 32 degrees C). As it turns out, that's exactly the temperature here today. I'm at home, and it is lovely, but there is a light breeze, and I'm not wearing a thing on my head, and no foob, either. The base of my skull is doing its usual, sweaty routine. I usually have a breakout of perspiration at least six times a day, sometimes if I eat or drink anything, sometimes for no reason at all. If I had to wear a wig, I might well be considering setting it alight, myself.

Best wishes to all in the chair this week.

Carrie37

Maureen, I went out of town a few weekends ago. I was quite happy to be home after the weekend! Driving in a car and worrying about the D is rather difficult.

Theresa, I haven't been wearing my wig to work. I just returned for a few days after being on medical for the last five weeks of school. Today someone asked me why I am not wearing the wig anymore. Ummmm, because I don't fucking feel like it!! I can't even imagine wearing it in 90 degree weather. Not sure if I told you all but when I first lost my hair my DH thought I should wear the wig everywhere including soccer games. I did that once. Fuck that. I don't care what people think anymore but not having hair sure opens the door to lots of sympathetic looks and questions. Oh well.

I too am tired of the shit sandwich. I want my life back. I want to be in control. I told a co worker today that I am just ready to be done. Her response? I am sure anyone with cancer feels like that. Really?!?! You mean I am not the only cancer patient who hates going through this? No shit? I know I am not alone but it often feels like it.

I too don't understand all these different celebrities. Although one of my college friends was diagnosed with stage 1, had a unilateral mastectomy and no chemo. I didn't want to push the issue...no need to make her paranoid. She is younger than me and will do hormonal therapy for 10 years.

Trvler

Avmom:Congrats on your last chemo! Have you tried magnesium for the hot flashes? I have been taking it and mine aren't too bad yet. I get maybe 3-4 a night.They don't seem to last terribly long.

Ohio: STOP FEELING GUILTY!!

Theresa: I was thinking bonfire, too. Oh well. Voodoo is good, too.

Bekah: I am so sorry about your chicken. We have coyotes in our neighborhood but I don't know if they have ever killed anything.

Whitney: I hope rads are easy on you. You deserve a break.

Carrie37

Whitney, I love the quote! So true! When do you start your rads? Have you had surgery or do you plan to? I have been told all along that I will do rads after my surgery. That confuses me. I meet with my BS in a few weeks.