Starting Chemo March 2015

eheinrich

Jack is the best ! and Tutti is so brave.

Regarding hair I had a grey or two previously. All is good I dyed it a bit before I'll do it again.

DavisD

Neverthought-I watched Pink Ribbons after my diagnosis of DCIS in 2011. It made me so mad and distrusting of the entire "Pink" branding. I wanted to watch again but it wasn't on Netflix anymore. Can I asked where you watched it?

Jumblebamboo-I'm getting Perjeta, Herceptin, Carboplatin and Taxotere. Welcome to this site. You won't find a nicer bunch of ladies.

Allison-I understand completely. I looked at my daughters brush and it made me cry!

Katy-Yea! So glad there's a truce on the home front. That was quicker than I expected too!

My positive thing for the morning is the sun is shining and both of my kids will be here visiting for a few hours today. I won't complain (for now).

Jackbirdie

Diane- not sure where Neverthought found it, but I looked everywhere, and only found it on iTunes. Amazon has a dvd for sale I think $13.50 I was tempted. I'm sure I'll want to watch it again, it was 4.99 to rent it in iTunes. You have 24 hours to watch it. Not easy in these circumstances.

So glad you're getting to see your famous daughter today! I'm guessing she's bringing some laundry? Hehe.

And your other child too. Hope you have a wonderful visit with both.

Things remain dicey here for me. Feel.Just. Awful. Tried to watch the French Open Final. Great match but I couldn't sit for more than a half hour. I haven't suffered much if any nausea so far, but my stomach isn't right this morning, I will be utilizing my entire toolkit this time I think.

My one good thing is the kids are still getting along still. I'm very, very proud of Jack.

Trvler

My positive is that I got to send my daughter to her aunts and my other daughter had a campout so my husband and I got some much needed time together. We went to a movie (Woman in Gold, it was awesome) and out to a fabulous dinner. Got a nosebleed in the bathroom but was able to contain it so all good.

Whitney: Go ahead and cry. It's cathartic. Don't try to hold it in. Hugs to you.

I contacted the Cancer Wellness Center finally. I am going to utilize EVERY destressing thing they have. They have massages, meditation and a host of other stuff. Physically I am feeling pretty good. It's the mental stuff that's killing me.

That Jack is so awesome! Love the picture, Katy.

SC_Coqui

My stomach is a hot mess today. I have friends coming over for a BBQ, hopefully it will settle by then. They're moving to Huntsville, 8 hrs away, so this is our good-bye BBQ.

The good...we're dog sitting for a neighbor. It's so nice to have a couple of furry friends around. That's my son being a goof in the background.

Jackbirdie

Joanna- your son is adorbs. I hope your stomach settles down and you can enjoy your time with friends.

Allison - I know you needed that time. So FANTASTIC you got dinner and a movie and both were good. So happy foryou and your husband. You had probably the only really nice night together in months.

molly1976

Hang in there, peeps! I am 10 days PFC now and still tired but I can tell I'm getting better by inches each day. My husband and I spent the weekend at a luxury hotel and spa in our town and it was so, so lovely. Not the kind of thing I'd have ever dropped the cash on before this but worth every penny!

Jackbirdie

Molly- you little hottie! You look fantastic and I'm so glad you did something nice for yourselves. I fully approve.

And thanks so much for the encouragement coming down the pike. I do badly need to hear that right now.

Here's my little miracle right now. Tutti stole Jack's SPOT! And they are both just chillaxin'. So proud of my young gent. This he was not bred for.

Italychick

Katy, animals seem to figure out how to tolerate other. Jack is such a trooper to be invaded by Tutti the fur ball and handle it so well. What a sweet boy!

27.4 mile ride today, did okay. Glorious but windy day in San Diego, sunshine and beautiful. The wind sucked, but I will take any ride, as long as I can ride.

Bottom of feet feel like I have something stuck on them, but nothing is there. Guts still not perfect so I have to watch what I eat. Woke myself up last night burping disgusting stomach acid. Fingertips still can't feel water temperature. Eyes twitching. This fricking sucks. I hope these issues resolve over time. But at least no more Taxotere for me. Although I think carboplatin can cause some side effects, but hopefully not as many.

Whitney, cry, rant, get mad, do whatever gets you through this. You have a right to feel upset.

Oh, and haven't mentioned half eyebrows gone, but somehow lashes still holding on. I have been looking around at other women, and lots of them have thin or no eyebrows, so not feeling as bad about that one. But I will hate it if the eyelashes go.

Jackbirdie

Theresa- amazing ride today! Words cannot express the inspiration you are to all of us.

I of course hoped these two would be friends, but I never expected any kind of peace for weeks to months. I just could not feel prouder of my boy.

I have nothing else good to say today, so I will continue to lurk. Today is the absolute worst ever chemo day. The worst.

Italychick

Katy, what is making it so bad? Coming down from the steroids? Or other issues? So sorry you are feeling crappy.

eheinrich

Love the picture Molly!

Italychick

if anybody has done round 5 of chemo, did the rest of your hair start falling out? What little you had left?

Carrie37

I'll post my positive for the day. My friend from work walked the Avon 39 Chicago this weekend and did so in my honor. My parents were awesome enough to drive me to the city and we made a whole day of it. It was very nice and I am pooped but I didn't walk the 39 miles! It was great to meet her towards the end of the walk. Here we are!

Jackbirdie

for Allison, I hope you meant it when you said lotsa pics. The board is quiet so I hope nobody minds I post another coupla.

Jackbirdie

Carrie- wonderful pic. So nice to be honored and supported this way.

Theresa- hard question to answer. First, I think after six months of pain every day, I've done a pretty good job, but honestly, how much can one person take? Today was the last steroid day, so I'm not steroid crashing. I got the one day after chemo where I felt a bit better after fighting pneumonia for a month. All that violent coughing flared up the surgery site pain again. My first aware thought when I woke up this morning was that I was smashed under a semi truck and wanted to puke. So I am probably not getting enough fluids. My legs hurt so bad I can barely stand. I'm unsteady on my feet. I've been crying off and in all day and I get so mad because I know it's not helpful to do that..

I feel like a total loser because I was doing well. And now I've just gone to pieces. I have no idea if it's (chemo) helping or not. I'm scared to continue and scared to stop. It's mostly physical lain, but I think I'm just really worn down. Thanks for listening. I thought about just trying to take Jack for a slow walk around the block. But I'm alone, and am developing real fear I will fall, which would make everything so much worse.

I just feel trapped. I have always been able to rely on myself, and I'm doing a lousy job. I can't think. I can't make decisions. It's a living nightmare, today anyway. I don't care about his .i look, my hair, anything like that. I just feel I'm a prisoner in my body and there isno way out.

I'm sorry. I know I've never been this negative. I don't ever want to affect anyone else with my negativity.

Carrie37

I love the pictures of Tutti!

Italychick

Katy, don't feel bad for sharing, we all have our low points. Can your friend come visit you again? Sounds like you need her.

If you think you aren't drinking enough, can you go get more fluids? Just a thought.

And remember, only one more. Then you heal. I think it gets worse at the end. I know I am not looking forward to my last infusion, I want to be done, I am so done. But not, because one more is left

Meme117

Molly great photo! So jealous a spa weekend, massages, facials, what was the best?

Carrie so nice of your friend - great photo!

Katy love the tutti photos! Good boy Jack for becoming friends so soon, next thing you know they'll be spooning😀 sorry you're feeling so bad and please share even your negative stuff, we all do, that's why we're here. When I start into the negative after blubbering a bit. I tell myself just get thru the day, one day at a time - we can do it!

I have to say my SEs have gotten worse this treatment, though my fuzz is still there. My vision is blurry longer, can't even read the paper. I also have eye twitching, just started this week. Have nail pain on my right ring finger, hurts to touch, not black just red. And had the big D for over a week, was going to try the OTC med but says it causes tiredness, really? Like I need to be more tired - wtf

Today I'm grateful for my bed, I love all my pillows and blankets. Bloodwork tomorrow and hopefully echo results.

Whine for today - Cancer sucks!!

SueH58

Katy, DAMN that kitten is cute! I'm so glad Tutti and Jack are getting along so well and I hope they help to make you smile. I'm so sorry you're feeling so bad. Theresa is right, though--one more, and then nothing but healing for you. You're almost there, and with Tutti and Jack by your side, I KNOW you can do it. You are almost done!!!

Theresa, it sounds like you have come to grips with the change in your final regimen and I'm happy for you.

ninjamary

Love, love, love that Jack and Tutti get along. Great pictures.

Molly - awesome that you had a REAL spa day!

Trvler

Katy: I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling. I agree with Theresa. Can your cousin come back at all?

I have to think that once the chemo ends, things will get better. You and Theresa are almost there!

I LOVE the kitten pictures.

Trvler

Bejah: How about a hair update photo? I am following your hair growth closely since I am about 2.5 weeks behind you!

Jackbirdie

thanks everyone-

My friend who came for my first chemo cannot come. One of her daughters came last weekend while they were in process of moving to a city about two hours away. She just graduated college and got a great job producing the news at their TV station. So she can't come again. I begged the other daughter to come again. That's a possibility in a month or so, but, she hurt her back over the weekend and now we don't know.

My beloved but hardworking big shot brother says he may be able to come next month. Maybe.. He's trying to juggle a work trip.

So for now, it's grab the big girl panties and pullemup. I woke up feeling a little better today, mentally at least. A friend might be coming for the day. She's one of those "cheer up you're doing great, it's all going to be ok" friends, but today, I'll be grateful for it.

I may call the center today and see about getting some fluids.

Last night after I'd cried and whined all day I made myself get up and work on that quilt I showed pics of before. I was able to finish a couple is seams and finish the borders. That made me feel good to accomplish something. It was hard, but I did something. Now I either have to send it out to have it quilted or hang on to it for now. I can't do the quilting motion on my machine right now, only the straight seams/piecing part. I made a deal with myself a long time ago that I couldn't start a new project until the last one was finished. I've seen too many friends with dozens of unfinished quilts. Just as I learned then:Finishing is hard.

I'll take a pic later. It's not quite 6am here and I'm still snuggling with thatgoodboyjack. ;-)

Leighrh

Bekah..... Thank you, thank you for posting your beautiful hair pic... gives me some hope that starting Taxol will have some benefit!!

Katy... I am so sorry that you are feeling bad, you are our biggest cheerleader and I hate for you to feel bad.  I love Kitty pics keep them coming.

Italychick.. you are a freaking rockstar!! All the riding you do!! I don't know how you do it.  I really thought I was going to be able to keep up with my Crossfit but in reality I only make it about once a week.  Hoping Taxol brings me a few more days where I feel like going!

I thought my lashes would hold out until after a few Taxol rounds but they are going.  My eyebrows needed some thining so I am not really worried about those and I can draw them in pretty good, but lashes SUCK!  I had really good lashes, lots of them!  I am def going today to get me some good fake ones. That's gonna add 20 minutes to my beauty routine in the a.m.... lol  Everyone says how greatful I should be with this wig... how I can just throw it on and go.... what they don't think about is the pounds of make up and such  I have to pile on to look decent!!  #chemoproblems!

This is my "good week"  No Chemo and start Taxol next week.  So I am feeling pretty good and going to take advantage!

ThePrincess

anyone that says we should be grateful for wigs can shave their own damn heads!

ninjamary

I have to admit that I have been in the dumps lately. I'm so tired of it all. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel (8 more Taxol to go and probably month(s) of rads). I'm just tired of it. Tired of people telling me how good I look. Tired of being tired all the time. Tired of the damn wig. You name it...I'm tired of it. I do look on the positive side of things, but by doing that I'm still looking at the cancer side of things. I can't get away from it. Make sense?

I had a relative (via marriage) ask me about how often I pull the "cancer card". You know what I told him? ALL THE TIME. I would have preferred to say 'ALL THE FUCKING TIME you asshole". but I kept myself in check. I pull it when I'm lazy and don't really think I need to do 10 loads of wash. Pull it some days when I have to run home and cooker dinner when I'm working full time or when I don't want to go to a stupid party and sit there while everyone is drinking and I'm nursing my water that I can barely stomach.

Leighrh

I am with ya Ninja.....  I am TIRED! of all of the above.  I rarely, if ever pull the "C" card.  People tell me all the time how fantastic I am doing and they can't believe I look so good (really??) I just DO IT.  I have to... I have 2 boys who need me to be normal!  I just trudge through.  I feel like SHIT and no one but Hubs or my mom or you ladies ever know it!  I don't have to pull the card at home.  Hubs and my mom and MIL help me as much as they can.  Last week I really wanted to quit... this week is better, who knows what next week will bring.

Anyone else see the Rita Wilson headline... I  Won the Battle..... I think that is CRAZY!  Said she had ILC..... she's very nieve if she thinks she's "won"  I pray she never has a recuurance.

slothabouttown

Ugh to all of it. Almost all of us have been at this shit for 6 months now. HALF A YEAR! No wonder we're at the end of our fuses. It's summer now and we're hot and cranky and unable to fully engage in the things that make summer special.. Summer wants us to run in high gear and we're stuck in first, or second on a good day. Having a hot flash under a hat on a 90 degree day when you're just trying to water the garden and get back inside- it sucks.

But I am thankful for my friends who took me away for a cabin weekend in the woods where the only work we did was eating and movie watching! Even forgot about BC for a bit and slept through the night! And I found my celebrity twin! We have exactly the same hair. And body shape.

KBeee

Leigh, I have had people tell me how great it must be to be able to throw on a wig and go. I got so tired of it, I now I have a new response..."I have a razor to lend you and an extra wig I would be glad to lend you too if you'd like to try out how great it is and shorten your morning routine. " I say it pleasantly, but it definitely makes them stop in their tracks and rethink their words. Or sometimes I just tell them to put on a Davey Crocket raccoon hat and go out in the 80 degrees for a bit to see how the wig feels. I have been wearing my hat more and wig less, so I have not had to put up with that comment as much lately. I know people mean well, but really, to say things like "it must be nice......" before commenting on anything cancer related is really something people need to rethink.

Katy, Sorry you are feeling so rotten. Hopefully fluids will help. If you decide to do round 6, a dosage reduction might be a good compromise.

Have a good week all.