Starting Chemo March 2015

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited June 2015

    Beautiful! Glad you aren't letting the shitsandwich get in the way of THAT! Well done!

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  • Meme117
    Meme117 Member Posts: 194
    edited June 2015

    Whitney love the journey quote - so true! Love the beach even more, where is they? Sooo beautiful!

    One week from 4th treatment and my GI tract is a mess. Went thrifting with a friend and hit KFC for late lunch, made it home just in time for the bathroom otherwise it would have been a dup of Es adventure. Been in bed since . 😝 feeling a bit down with this cancer shit, can't stand looking in the mirror. One of my sisters said I looked like gained some weight, wtf! I'm not running marathons, she's the second person to say so now I'm dreading the scale. I'd like to throw on a mumu grab a plane to a deserted island and become a beached whale till this shit is over.

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  • IndyGal35
    IndyGal35 Member Posts: 340
    edited June 2015

    Whitney, I love the meme. I'm sorry you have been feeling so crappy. I'm in the chair for round #5 tomorrow, and I could just about cry. Bleh. I'm just praying that the nausea lets up this time. I'll be so glad when this phase of treatment is over.

    Mysunshine, I seem to get a hodgepodge of SE's each round, so I never know what to expect. The fatigue sets in a bit faster and harder each round, but other things (rash, runny nose, diarrhea/constipation) have been very consistent. The further along I've gotten, the more prophylactic treatments I have received (fluids, extra IV nausea drugs). That has helped a lot. Don't be afraid to ask for stuff like that! I think that the mental barrier is the hardest thing for me to overcome as I near my last chemo in 3 weeks. Yes, chemo is doable, but it sucks, and I'm ready to be done. Still - cancer can steal my happiness, but I will not let it rob me of my joy!

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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited June 2015

    wpmoon, I am not on a journey either, but that is so funny! I cracked up. But the beach is beautiful. That looks like a happy place for sure.

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  • Italychick
    Italychick Member Posts: 2,343
    edited June 2015

    Man, I really got the burning digestive tract this time. Had to sleep sitting up three nights and also take Pepcid every stinking day. Felt like somebody stuffed my esophagus and stomach with hot peppers. At one point I was ready to just take a Valium and knock myself out. Seems to be a bit better today. Only two bikes rides this week instead of three, but lots of walking and hauling grandkids around since my brother was here. But I am one slow ass rider right now. Probably slowed down like 4 miles an hour.

    Taste buds, blech. However, tonight I figured out that Italian truffle cheese from Trader Joes with crackers, olives and cherry tomatoes rock. I could taste everything. I think I ate 30 olives!

    Oh and yeah, I am a fat ass, think I am up 12 pounds. Not wearing a mumu, but pretty much long elastic waist skirts because the thought of buttoning pants makes me want to hurl.

    This cancer shit sandwich is definitely made with rotten meat!

    And yeah, I've had the underwear squirts a couple of times too. How demeaning is that? Once just standing up from sitting, with no warning.

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  • BeatIt2015
    BeatIt2015 Member Posts: 45
    edited June 2015

    hi all

    I am now 5 days PFC. I havent been on the site much cuz round 3 pretty much knocked me out physically and emotionally. But now after round 4, my final round, I am bouncing back. Yay! So this is just a quick note to say YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I had some off the worst, most depressing moments/days of my life after round 3 but I made it. My only advice is sometimes you have to just ride it out, forget doing what's expected or "normal" and curl up in bed and cry and just wait to feel better. You will feel better, but probably not as soon as you want.

    BIG HUGS TO ALL AND LOTS OF LOVE

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  • wpmoon
    wpmoon Member Posts: 270
    edited June 2015

    Maryellen - it's moss beach, near half moon bay in the Bay Area. We saw a bunch of seals sunbathing on the beach, and a few swimming along. That was so nice to see! A few uplifting hours during the shit sandwich.

    I'm joining everyone with the butt issues and weight gain too. I'm up 12 lbs and only look in the mirror long enough to put on makeup. I've had the D three times today. My ass hurts! I can't even attempt to eat healthy because I'm not digesting anything.

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  • so-she-did
    so-she-did Member Posts: 202
    edited June 2015

    Loved the beach picture wpmoon! Makes me want to drive out to the coast. Weekend trips are all I have going on this summer due to rads so maybe I'll do the drive a few times on the weekends and dip my toes in the Pacific.

    E - I have to admit that your story made me laugh but only because I've made the desperate run to the bathroom with clenched cheeks several times only to have to go change.

    Theresa - I finally got to the point where I had to take Tums on top of the extra strength Pepcid to put out the fire.

    Katy - you always know just what to say. I really appreciate that about you. You are such a loving person.

    I think I have you all beat on the weight gain. Just call me the Goodyear blimp.

    It is a return to anxiety for me. I thought that was all behind me when I started chemo but now it seems to be rearing its ugly head again. I'm not sure if this is due to the transition from chemo to rads and tamoxifen or feelings being dredged up now that a friend (not a really close friend) has been diagnosed with bc and she has asked about my experience.

    I'm doing some last minute party planning since my 5 year old turns 6 soon. A friend of mine is sending cleaners over on Saturday so I'm thinking I'll plan the party for Sunday since the house will be clean. I don't think I really have the stamina for this yet but my DH says he'll help out. He's kind of clueless about throwing birthday parties so this could be very interesting - lol!

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  • Meme117
    Meme117 Member Posts: 194
    edited June 2015

    Amy let me know if u need ideas tips for party, I was a kids party planner for 8 years,miss it. Wish I was there to help ya!

    Off to take kid to ortho for braces. Gonna try to stick to bland food today. Rainy and chilly in P A.

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited June 2015

    Beatl: Congrats on finishing chemo!!

    Whitney: Loved the quote….and the beach picture.

    BB: I hope all is well with you after your surgery. Please check in when you can and let us know how you are doing.

    I am going to the spa today. At least it's not 40 and rainy and gloomy like EVERY single other spa day so far.

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  • IndyGal35
    IndyGal35 Member Posts: 340
    edited June 2015

    My platelets were 57 this morning, so I can't get my chemo today. Bummer. I'm glad that I'll have another week to feel better, but I'm very devastated about the delay. My 21 day countdown just turned into 28, and my surgery will now be delayed too. "It's just a week," comments from the staff here bring me no comfort whatsoever right now. I just want this sh*t to be over with. 😩


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  • molly1976
    molly1976 Member Posts: 403
    edited June 2015

    Twelve must be the magic number - I have also gained 12 lbs. Since I finished last week I decided this week would be the beginning of getting back on track, but then yesterday I ate a Twix and a giant shortbread cookie. So, maybe today will be the day...

    IndyGal, I'm so sorry about the delay. That is the pits.

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited June 2015

    Indy: I am so sorry. My first one was delayed a week so I get how you feel. The flippant 'it's only a week' comments don't help.

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  • Leighrh
    Leighrh Member Posts: 317
    edited June 2015


    Ok.. I'll join in on the woa is me train today.........  I am sure this has been discussed before but is anyone else so sick of ppl asking "How are you doing?"  Do they REALLY wanna know... NO they do not!!!  I have my standard answer..." I am good"  I have several ppl who know my schedule and check on me the week after tx and I always say I am fine... it takes a cpl days and I 'll be good again.... What I really wanna say is .. This is the worst shit ever!! I am tired of putting on a happy freaking face and what feels like a f'ing flower arrangement on my head everyday.  I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy!  I am tired of ppl telling me how great I am doing and how they are amazed by my strength.... I have ZERO strength... It takes everything I have to act like this is not chipping away at who I am or was... I haven't had sex, or a beer or a glass of wine in 4 or more months, I was a youngish, active,happy gal before all this and now I am just acting all of those things!!! Today is not a good day... Can you tell??

    I was looking forward to my last AC.  Now that it's over it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I still have 12 freaking weeks of poison to get through.

    rant over..............

    :)

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  • molly1976
    molly1976 Member Posts: 403
    edited June 2015

    Right there with you, Leigh. I was just telling my mom over the weekend that I will never again in my life ask a sick person "how are you feeling" because 90% of the time the people don't want to know the truth. They want to hear you say, "I'm great!" and move on.

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  • IndyGal35
    IndyGal35 Member Posts: 340
    edited June 2015

    I knew you gals would understand. I felt so good today, so the delay really shocked me. The bruising has been much less, and even the blood in my stool has been better. I guess you never can tell!

    The silver lining is that my taste is coming back a bit this week, and I have a vanilla java porter in the fridge with my name on it. It'll be my 2nd alcoholic beverage since chemo started. I may even drink that thing before noon.

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited June 2015

    Leighr: OMG!!! YES, YES!!! My MIL called me the other day and said how are you and I said pretty good and started to talk. She interrupted me to tell me how awful she felt. Seriously? She just wants me to say I am fine so she can talk about herself. Ugh.

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  • Trvler
    Trvler Member Posts: 3,159
    edited June 2015

    I hope you guys don't hate me when I say I have lost weight..about 6-7 pounds, which in a normal world I would be thrilled about but this might change my surgical plans if it keeps up. Fortunately, the stuff I don't want much of is carbs and sugar with the exception of spaghetti…but I am just generally not wanting much to eat. It doesn't taste bad, just blah.

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  • BBwithBC45
    BBwithBC45 Member Posts: 727
    edited June 2015

    Hi Ladies, you all are so very sweet with sending me your support. I was reading almost up until they wheeled me into the OR. It went well, in fact they were done early with previous cases, so I got to go 1 1/2 hours earlier! I had general anesthesia, even though the surgery was rather short. The PS gave me a brand new TE and filled it up to 250 ccs. I'm supposed to go to see the PS tomorrow for the follow up. Until then I'm sitting bandaged up in my pajamas, on the couch and enjoy being lazy. I'm drugged too, I decided I don't want to feel any pain this time.

    I agree regarding being asked how I'm doing. If it's a friend doing the asking, I usually tell the truth. If they don't ask again, they didn't want to really hear it. Otherwise they'll ask again and I will tell them the truth again. I don't like being told to "be strong" and "think positive". I've been told many times that I look good and I want to scream that I don't feel as good as I look (make up can do wonders). Most of the time I try to let it roll off of my back. Majority of people mean well, they just don't know what to say. I wouldn't know either.

    Since we were swapping poop stories earlier, I will share mine. Don't read if you're eating now.... Somehow I sharted yesterday at the hospital while asleep. I'm just hoping it was already in the recovery room, and not on the OR table, horror of horrors, especially since most of those people there know my husband from the time when he was used to operate there, too. Anyway, after I woke up for good in the recovery, I got up to use the restroom. When I got back to my bed, I saw skid marks on the sheets. Yikes. And I didn't even have D on that day. Very embarrassed. Maybe next time they'll let me leave my underwear on.

    IndyGal, sorry your chemo got delayed. Every week I was going I had that fear that my blood results would be bad and I'd have to wait another week. For me it would have been financial damage too, because I was doing the cold capping and had 80 pounds of dry ice with me, which would go to waste. I feel for you. I hope you get to enjoy food and your drink better.


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  • Leighrh
    Leighrh Member Posts: 317
    edited June 2015


    Allison, I too have not really gained weight... I sort of lose and gain the same 5 or so pounds week to week.  The week after chemo I lose.. then gain it back on my weeks off.  Who knows what will happen on Taxol. Food is really blah for me to.  I think I want something so I get it or fix it and then after one bite its not what I wanted....

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  • BBwithBC45
    BBwithBC45 Member Posts: 727
    edited June 2015

    After the diagnosis and mastectomy I lost 6 pounds. But then my Mom came for a long visit and was cooking all my favorite dishes - mostly starches, which was the only thing that passed my taste test. So I gained it all back and then some. Even after she left, nothing tasted as it should so I kept searching for something satisfying, constantly stuffing my face. Also, they told me to eat lots of small dishes to combat the nausea. When I was eating, nausea was easing up, but when I stopped eating, it was coming back quickly. So all in all, I gained.

    I'm afraid to think what will happen when I start on Tamoxifen.

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  • molly1976
    molly1976 Member Posts: 403
    edited June 2015

    I'm also afraid of Tamoxifen, and trying to get a good start on losing what I've gained before I start it. I was talking with a friend about it the other day, though, and she said she knows someone who just finished her Tamoxifen course and didn't have any weight problems. I'm trying to take the view that the people you see complaining are probably a minority and that most people are out there just living their lives without serious side effects. Fingers crossed.

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited June 2015

    oh my dear ladies. I'm here reading all, laughing and crying. Indy so sorry about the delay. Sorry to say I know how you feel. I think my body has enjoyed the week off but the implications of it scare me to death.

    I can't respond in any more detail as I'm busy with my landlords maintenance guy who just found 2 MORE rats. One big one in the attic above where I sleep. A bigger female in the basement. They've plugged every hole. This has been going on for months. I really do NOT need this. This is why I'm looking for a place to buy. Not a good time to move but I am melting down..... He told me to take down my bird feeders and get rid of everything. Breaking my heart. The birds and Jack are my only joy.

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited June 2015

    PS- BB- thinking of you

    Allison- of course we don't hate you

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  • IndyGal35
    IndyGal35 Member Posts: 340
    edited June 2015

    Oh, I don't think you should have to give up those feeders. Those birds ARE such a joy! They need to send out a new professional pest guy to do some more exclusionary work, find out exactly how they are still getting in, and set several types of traps. :( It's their property. They should really try to make it right - especially knowing what you are going through.

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  • ninjamary
    ninjamary Member Posts: 306
    edited June 2015

    Katy....A cat works wonders...but I think with everything going on it wouldn't be a wise idea. My dog loves our cats.

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited June 2015

    I've actually thought of getting a cat. Jack is a terrier and he thinks he hates them. Chases them. I'd hate to do something that disturbed our bond also.

    But I'm getting quite desperate. I've been crying all day. Including at my first appt. with my new pcp.

    I feel like I'm finally cracking. I know I've done pretty well so far but I just can't take much more. Gained another 5 lbs. I feel like giving up. Actually, I have written the rest if the day off I just got back in bed. At least Jsck is here. I don't think you want to know what would happen if not for him.

    Oh. PS. Found out just now that chemo is not a definite this Thursday. It came up when I realized there's no appt for my Neulasta shot on Friday. I asked and they said because they don't know yet if I'm doing chemo this Thursday.

    Really. How much more shit am I expected to take? It's limitless. Isn't it?

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  • Meme117
    Meme117 Member Posts: 194
    edited June 2015

    Katy sorry about the bird feeders, but just temporary?? Rats yikes, I've had little mice which I can't stand. How is jack today?

    Leigh I totally agree, people are only being polite, I watch their eyes glaze over if I start with the side effects. OMG same with the food, nothing seems right. I'm trying to find something right now😛

    BB so glad your surgery went well and your home recouping.


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  • Beachbum1023
    Beachbum1023 Member Posts: 1,417
    edited June 2015

    Jackbirdie, oh no you don't go there! We have your back, and you are going to get all the support you can handle from everyone. I lived on a farm, and had rats, they ate the spilled feed from the horses and cows and goats. Big deal. Trap the little suckers. I had wild raccoon, wild turkeys, deer, field mice, snakes, snapping turtles, I can't chase the world of nature away all together. I say glue boards, rat traps, and farm stores have rat poison that is safe for farm use. Have you tried a hummingbird feeder? Suet feeders? I used all of that and did not have a problem. There is more than one way to get rid of them.


    I am so sorry that you are having the large shit sandwich today. Snuggle up with darling Jack, and don't forget that puppy kisses are the best medicine ever. What can I do to help you?? Wishing you well ASAP with much love and many hugs, Cheryl

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  • Jackbirdie
    Jackbirdie Member Posts: 4,693
    edited June 2015

    thank you Cheryl- on so many levels-

    I have 3 hummingbird feeders/ don't think they're the problem. I'll stop the suet and the stuff that spills on the ground.

    It's just one more thing being taken away and I am a weakling today. And thinking about these foot long monsters triggered my gag reflux and I puked.


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