Starting Chemo March 2015

Italychick

Aw, little cutie!

eheinrich

I think I'm caught up on everyone - but you ladies have been chatty since I left town so know that I have been celebrating your happy days and sending you hugs on your crappy ones.

Maui was great. We had a lot of fun. It was tiring but mostly in a good way. Can I say though that I would really like to get some kudos when I power through things instead of just quizzed when I don't. This round tossed me extra side effects plus being off my psych meds is REALLY challenging - maybe instead of saying "what's wrong?" - to which the answer is I just had chemo - asking "can I do anything for you?" or instead of assuming the long day trips are easy for me because I sucked it up say something positive about that instead of taking it for granted that of course I'm ok - after all I finished chemo (ummm.....2 days ago). Not that I want to get patted on the head or anything.....I'm sure you guys get what I'm trying to say....

That said - I was pleased with myself. I snorkled for 2 hrs, took long walks, climbed stuff, swam, etc. I was tired but made sure I went to sleep early & dealt with it that way. My daughter & her bf are cute & fun. It was great to spend time w/ everyone.

If you read this far you get the TMI portion. This whole cancer thing has removed a lot of my dignity in different ways. I feel like my body/life/appearance aren't really mine anymore, been poked prodded, etc. The kicker however was the new SE (for me) of stealth diarrhea. I lost the first two rounds - the way this game is played is your body sends your brain a signal that says "you are about to make a tiny cute little farty" brain says ok. Body says "just kidding, you just shat yourself." This game should never be played on an airplane. Particularly 1h into a 5.5h flight. sigh.....

Jackbirdie

oh Eileen..... I'm laughing and crying at the same time. Not TMI! We always say, this is the place.

My dear mother RIP used to say " After 40, you just can't trust a fart anymore"..

This can, and WILL be modified to: "After chemo, you just can't trust a fart anymore!"

Baaahahaha!

As far as the rest, I am ever so proud of you grabbing ahold of the talons of life and riding Hawaii for all it was worth! The others msy not get it, but you got it! And we get it. Good for you! BTW, the most important person to impress is yourself. The fact that you got satisfaction and pride from the way you conducted yourself is absolutely AWESOME!!!!

You are dealing with chemo +++, and taking it on like a heroine.

BBwithBC45

So cute. - this is meant for Jack.

The lumpy fart is just hilarious to read about now, but had to be horrifying for the sharter.

rleepac

That sneaky diarrhea is the worst kind! Happened to me the other night - thank God I was at home and alone. Although I did send a text to DH because I thought he would think in was funny - and he did. What a mess

I no longer trust any fart!

Bekah

Jackbirdie

I guess I'm the Chatty Cathy today.

I just watched the best screen production of any kind about breast cancer. It's called Pink Ribbons, Inc. Has anyone seen it? It was hard to find. Netflix used to have it, same with Amazon. Because it was so highly recommended by someone whose taste and judgement I trust, I finally rented it from ITunes for $5. You can buy the DVD from Amazon, and I think so highly of it, I may buy a copy to keep.

It covers a lot of topics, branching out from its main theme of the pink ribbon, or "pink washing" that swirls around breast cancer, in a way that no other illness suffers. They talk about the terminal culture of positivity which leaves women with recurrences and mets feeling like they failed. It was the first time like I felt like at least some people in the general media "get" all the things we have had the misfortune to learn and experience since our dx.

Unlike the Emperor of Maladies, which was also very well done, but far too scary for me to have watched when I did, this documentary felt like a warm, but intelligent hug.

I cannot give this too high a recommendation. If you can make the time to watch it, get a few friends to screen it with you. It will open everyone's eyes, but gently, provocatively. Obviously, produced, written and I think directed all by women.

Trvler

Thanks for the recommendation, Katy. I felt the same way about Emperor.

Eileen: I get what you mean….about all of it…although I haven't had emergency diarrhea yet…..

BBwithBC45

Anxiety before tomorrow's surgery is kicking in.

Jackbirdie

BB- close your eyes. Feel that? It's me, squeezing your hand.

Every time you close your eyes, see all of us here, your sisters, in a protective circle, all around you. No harm will come past us. Italychick will kick its ass.

Italychick

BB, yes we are all in a circle around you filled with positive energy. Hang in there, and keep us posted on how you are doing! After all you have been through, you will get through this

Meme117

BB thinking of you💓

Katy - jack is just too cute! You two are making me sooo hot though, it was 90 here today and I sat outside at soccer, put on a 50 sunscreen which I've never done and sat under an umbrella. I started getting blotchy and swelled up. What am I to do when I go to the beach for a week?? Kinda wish it was winter time which strike me down for saying.....

E totally get what your saying, glad Maui was good, sorry for the D I feel like because I do a few things to basically keep sane then my family thinks I don't feel like shit. I really don't want to lay in f-in bed all day, I know I look better than I feel but wtf!

Does anyone feel like something's stuck in their throat? My teeth really hurt this round, like they were being squeezed😁

IndyGal35

Yes, BB, we are right there alongside you lifting you up. Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Check in when you can.

Eileen, I'm feeling bad for you and laughing all at once. I've had to start carrying a ziploc bag full of butt wipes everywhere for that exact reason. I almost had a Bridesmaids incident the other day. Two words: chocolate lava

Carrie37

We are with you BB!! I hope you get some rest tonight. We will all be thinking of you tomorrow! Hugs!

Meme117

I just read another cancer blog and love her writing, this is what she wrote recently, it's called cancer is the new black.

"I don't want any messages saying 'I'm holding my position.' We're not holding a goddamned thing. We're advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding anything except the enemy's balls. We're going to hold him by his balls and we're going to kick him in the ass; twist his balls and kick the living shit out of him all the time. Our plan of operation is to advance and keep on advancing. We're going to go through the enemy like shit through a tinhorn."

I don't know what a tinhorn is, but in my mind I see a tiny Patton step off the edge of the stage and into my IV tube. As he gets sucked in, another mini general takes his place and does the same. They march into my bloodstream. Kicking cancer's ass.

Trvler

BB: We are with you right there in that OR.

BBwithBC45

Thank you, Allison. My surgery is in the afternoon, so now I will be just sitting hungry, nervous, makeup-less and waiting impatiently.

Jackbirdie

Thinking of you today BB!

Hugs and mojo surrounding you!

Katy

slothabouttown

BB - sending lots of healing energy to you.

so-she-did

BB - Sending out good vibes to you today. You'll be in my thoughts all day long

greenae

good luck, BB!! Thinking of you, and fast, easy healing!

Hugs! Arlene

eheinrich

Good luck BB!

avmom

BB, sending healing thoughts your way. Gentle hugs

eheinrich

Working today. Focus is a bit better than at my last attempt. I think tomorrow I'm going to try going to the local State U to improve focus and use their resources. Science research is hard to do with subscriptions to no data bases. I'm trying in general to pop myself back into life: friends, activities, exercise, cleaning (ooopsie). I'm sure it will take awhile but I need to be mindful of myself and life. Feeling optimistic today. Not so much yesterday - but we all take it as it comes, right?

Jackbirdie

Eileen- so glad you are working! CSUN is your local? I think you have been sounding a lot if things lately. Here are some adjectives I've been thinking about you.

Open, funny, accepting, not accepting, giving, honest, feeling, sharing, smart, generous....that should get you started. I was talking to my niece about my friends here and how.much you all mean to me, and she was very glad I have you all in my life.

I told her especially about you, Eileen. How mature and EVOLVED you have to be to find and be willing to share a self-deprecating story that makes us all laugh and cry. I think I perceived you as quite shy a few months ago. But you have spread your acerbically witty wings and flown.

I'm excited for you as you "pop" your way back into your life. I expect it will be different. I hope in some small ways better. I'm not one of those people (I hope) who say stupid things like you are blessed to have cancer, or that it makes you or your life in any way better. That's just simple bullshit. But I hope you know what I mean. And that you know I want what's truly best in your life. Best for YOU.

mysunshine48

Hi, I am actually on the May chemo group. I have my second treatment on Thursday and I am really scared. Can you share if each treatment is about the same? I got a blood clot after the first and had to get a power line put in. I have 4 treatments and was going to do IV's, but that did not happen. I am just worried about other side effects or surprises that may happen. I had pretty bad bone pain after the first treatment, so I am expecting that again. I just don't want anything new.

ksusan

Let your MO know about the bone pain. You might or might not have something new, but now that you know the basics of the infusion and the side effects you got, there's less that's unknown. Try to breathe deeply and think of the chemo as something positive that you chose to do, even with SEs, to clobber any cancer cells that might be floating around. You are powerful.

Jackbirdie

Hi Lynn- unfortunately we all respond differently and there is no way to predict. Just try to be prepared.

I will tell you two things.

1) my MO told me (anecdotally) that it is unusual for new side effects to occur as you go along. Whatever you have, it will get worse. This had been mostly true for me, but there have been reports in this thread of new SEs happening at any point along the continuum.

2) it seems to be true in my case that SEs get worse with each successive tx. I have been warned by MO office about it and countless women who have been through it here. I had six treatments scheduled. I have completed 4. The first two were pretty doable. Number 3 was quite a bit harder than 1 and/or 2. Number 4 was probably twice as hard as number 3. I am scared to death about 5 and 6. But strangely, there are exceptions (again, anecdotal, not results of studies) to this rule.

It will be whatever it will be. Prepare for the worst. Hope for the best. And lean on your sisters here. So many have managed to complete tx, despite major problems. We are stronger than we know.

wpmoon

This made me laugh so I thought I'd share

This last week after infusion has been hard. Hardly any sleep, nausea, heartburn, bone pain, and restless leg syndrome.

People keep asking me if I'm excited that chemo is almost over. I am, but not ready for the next shit sandwich: radiation. Ugh.

Jackbirdie

Whitney- made me laugh too! Good to "see" you. Sorry it's been so rough lately. One day we will all wake up from this nightmare.

Hugs coming your way.

wpmoon

went to the beach today with a friend. Wanted to share the view with you lovely ladies.