Life does not end with a stage IV diagnosis (really!)

Micmel

Twirp26~I wish I had a magic wand, I know how you feel. I honestly understand how you feel. It's not a safe feeling. It's not what we are used to. It's not who we are used to. It's been a year and four months since diagnosis and everyday I still wake up with that horror of realizing everyday that this is who I am now. It's like being gutted. I am not who I used to be, I have lost some things and gained others. I have many days where I don't even want to look out my window, I have no self esteem and the treatments make me fat. I was always so strong and physically healthy. Now I'm trapped and hear the constant ticking of my life clock. My family is what keeps me going If I am honest. I feel if it wasn't for them I most likely wouldn't even go to the doctor. I hate procedures, I don't like the blood tests, I get intense scanxiety. My hair fell out, then came back, then fell out again. Now it's back and I don't want to have it fall out a third time. I have good days and bad days. I still jog as much as I can, I cleaned my house this week. Including the bathrooms. You just have to pace yourself, I am really just trying to live in the day and be thankful for every moment with my family and my sweet DH. One day at a time. But you're not alone. No you're not alone. Hang in there ~M~

Twirp26

I am starting to at least peel myself off the floor. I met with my pastors parents who were very helpful. I guess knowing that only God knows when he is going to take us home helps. Dr.s can have their opinion but only God has final say. As far as my kids go, they told me to just instill in them that Christ will watch over them no matter what. He is watching over all of us and works for our greater good. It's so hard as you all already know. I just want to get to the point where I don't cry so easily. I guess my faith is what I need to rely on for this. Thank you for responding! It does help never to know I i am not alone

Micmel

Twirp26~. I still cry very easily. It's an emotional Terror. No doubt. I have my strong moments also where I am convinced if I just keep it in my bones I'll Iivea good deal longer. I still jog and I am not bed ridden. So I have to take that as a blessing of some sort. Just take one day at a time. You are in my prayers. And you're not alone. Not by far. Hugs ~M~

exbrnxgrl

Alright ladies, I'm hoping that everyone has started their weekend off with happiness. School is out, for me, this coming Friday. I had a fabulous class this year and hate to let them go, but they've all worked hard to get ready for second grade.

In keeping with the original topic of this thread, here are my two beautiful grandchildren (cousins), tickling each other while holding orange coasters:

Micmel

absolutely precious. Gave me a much needed Smile makes everything worth it. Thank you. Precious little angels 👼 ~M~

Moderators

What an adorable picture Exbrnxgrl,

Very heartwarming

Lita57

exbrn...that's the kind of picture that could win a photo contest! The sheer joy on their faces.

Oh, to be that carefree again, sigh....

babs6287

Exbrn. Such sweetness! Such a joy to see!

Thank you

Bav

50sgirl

Caryn, Thank you for posting the photo. It is heartwarming to see the happiness in your grandchildren's faces. It gave me a sense of calm and peace and made me smile. I hope you have a good summer and that next year's class is as good as this year's. I know that you love teaching, and I have no doubt that you enrich the lives of all your students.

Continuing on the topic of this thread, Monday will mark two years since my MBC diagnosis, and, wow, life sure didn't end that day. So much has happened to me during the past two years. Not all of it has been good, of course, but the good times have outnumbered the bad ones. I certainly am not happy to have MBC, but I still love my life, my wonderfully ordinary life, that somehow feels spectacular to me.

Lynne

DivineMrsM

Very sweet photo of the grandkids, Caryn. Lita, I hear ya about the 'oh to be carefree like that again!'

Twirp, I can say that I relied on faith and yet began to question it deeper as I've dealt with mbc for these 6+ years. In questioning and searching for hope and help on a spiritual level, I have learned to be very, very honest with myself. My path along this way has veered me into directions I never knew I would go. I guess what I am saying is to be openminded and when you ask for what you need emotionally, spiritually and mentally, make sure you get it.

One more thing...despite the praying, meditating, exercising, ect., I was unable to control the anxiety on my own and got on a good antianxiety med. I had to set aside my pride to ask for it, as I was one who soldiered thru things on my own. Looking back, I can see that by hesitating to ask for meds, I was minimizing what I was going thru! And not placing enough value on my emotional well being. Finally asking for and taking the meds helped me and also helped with my relationships with my family as I was calmer and better able to deal with daily life.

Fiddy's girl (my slang for 50sgirl!), you are so right about the ups and downs and how much happens over the course of a year or two....or more. And I love how you say that in the midst of it all, you love your ordinary life.

artistatheart

Bjsmiller, Your daughter is a doll. Congrats on the milestone and good news!

Twirl, great advice from everyone. Try not to stress over things you can't control. It just makes things worse. As Micmel said "One day at a time". Find the joy in each day. YO will still have teary times. That never stops completely at least for me. But most days I just live my ordinary wonderful life despite MBC.

Caryn, you lucky girl. I still have 4 weeks to go as we are making up snow days. Your grandkids are so darn cute!

Today I went to a baby shower for a baby who was in the ICU for 6 weeks, a preemie, and just came home. I got to hold him for quite awhile. So precious. Plus we swam and layed in the sunshine for a solid hour. It was glorious!

Bliss58

Here, here, Lynne! I agree and love your statement as it fits me, too, just hitting the two year mark myself the same weekend my daughter graduated. I was surprised my daughter chose the B&W photo, but glad she did; so retro! haha Thank you all for your kind words and congratulations.

Twirp, you've already gotten some great advice here, now breathe and move forward. You can do this!

Caryn, those kiddos are just too adorable! Smiles and giggles are the best medicine. Thanks for posting their photo.

Artist, sounds like you had a very nice weekend. What a blessing for the parents to finally have that precious little one home. Cheers!

Hugs to you all, Barbara

Nel138281

CAryn - love the photo!

Twirp26 - some medications and a therapist have been very helpful, even with great friends around   I tell people that I live every day with a healthy sense of denial, and a great deal of resilience.  But I did not get there overnight I am 4 years out with stage 4.  It is a process and there will always continue to be difficult days and moments.  I try to appreciate even the disagreements with my children, especially my daughter, 19.   Ah those memories she will always hhave LOL

Nel

Nel138281

And this is how a not for profit director helps to raise funds!   Took 10 for the team with my Board Chair!  Just living and loving life

Lita57

How fun, Nel!

Micmel

Nel that's awesome !!!!! Loving that pic. Way to go!! Went to one of our closest neighbors/ DS best friends family graduation party. I sat and took everything in. Watching my DS dance with his friends and all the laughter I got to see. Really makes all the fighting worth it to see everyone together. I have lived in this neighborhood for eighteen years and we have a very close group. It was one of those things you never forget. Try and do whatever you can! Love those around you. ~M~

DivineMrsM

Nel, great point about even appreciating the disagreements with others. I have sometimes grappled with relationship issues and still felt glad to be around to sort this stuff out. Love your pie in the face photo.

Micmel and Artist, it is great to soak in our surroundings and be mindful of what is going on around us, taking in all the good times with family and friends.

Speaking of soaking in, dh and I are going to the ocean for a few days this summer. The past couple weeks, I got a pedicure, new bathing suit, sneakers and socks, a haircut and touched up my roots. Went to the tanning bed for five short sessions so I dont look like a washed up white whale on the sand. For once, I allowed myself the pleasure of doing things for me to get ready for the trip.

artistatheart

WowDivine! Sounds like a good time for a Glamour Shoot as well!

Nice shot new! Take it for the team!

Have my 22 year old "baby" home for a week. A little shopping, hot tubbing and lots of snuggling,,priceless

babs6287

Artista. Best times are when we're with our children. Enjoy every moment!!!!!

My DD is leaving on Tuesday to spend 6 weeks in Paris with her hubby. I'll miss her like crazy. We had breakfast yesterday and then did a few errands together. They need to decide where they'll live- here or there. I'm trying to be neutral but it's not easy. I guess if they decide upon Paris my dh and I will just have to retire there one day!

Babs

Twirp26

you have all just lifted me up so much! I love hearing all these hopeful and inspirational words!! I am slowly getting out of my rut. I appreciate you all so much

artistatheart

That's a big decision babs! It would be glorious to retire in Paris but hard to think of the here and now! I would like to even rent there for a year. My youngest DD is here for 5 days this week and today is the last day so I called in sick this morning to spend it with her......hehehe.

bigbhome

I hope this will brighten your day. Siesta Key beach , Fl

Micmel

Bighome~ I would like to plop down on that beach and forget all my cancer worries. Absolutely gorgeous! Thank you for sharing. Paradise ~M~

jcb123

Twerp26, I don't have an answer but I hear you-- I'm 44 with an 8 and 9 year old (about to come home on the bus). "Get the most out of every day" is for shit, but spending your time doing what you want with who you want seems key. And yes, get a therapist! I found one who does EMDR-- a simple eye movement technique developed for soldiers and rape survivors with PTSD-- and found that to be incredibly helpful and quick. In general I think anything that involves your body is good for getting the message into the brain-- so anything you can do like yoga too. Sending love and prayers. . . .

Twirp26

thank you jcb! It helps to know I'm not alone. I need to start looking for some therapeutic ideas to help my mind. It's so hard to get a grip on this. I feel like a crazy person half the time. This thread is helping me though! Bigbehome, love the picture! Glad you are enjoying life. It gives me hope that this funk won't last forever.

babs6287

Bigbehome. Great picture. Love that beach!!!

Babs

Anonymous

Twirp26 -- I was helped with EMDR as well. It is definitely worth finding someone who does that technique.

exbrnxgrl

So, maybe you have no children or grandchildren. Maybe you're not in a loving relationship (that would be me). This thread is not limited to those of us who have lived long enough to experience many life cycle events, but rather to the "normal" that we experience, despite stage IV bc. So enough of my cute grandchildren, here is my beautiful new water heater! Yes, after 20 years of service, the old one sprang a leak. So, many dollars later, May I present... Wanda the water heater!

bigbhome

Thank goodness for Wanda! A nice bath or shower are just the ticket for relaxing. Can't do that without Wanda!

Hugs and prayers

C

Micmel

That is a purchase that you just can't avoid. Nothing like a warm bath to bathe those grand babies in!!! Please keep posting lol. Wanda is lovely! ~M