September 2013 Chemo Group

Art123

thanks for all the wishes for nat. We're here early, waiting for the dye thing.

Starting to hit me a little that my wife is going to be different after this, but I don't want it to change who she is on the inside and her upbeat personality.

lighthouselady

{{hugs}} to Art and Nat. Hoping for a smooth surgery and a comfortable recovery. Let us know how she's doing!

LisaSp

Many good wishes to you Art and Nat. Hope everything goes very smoothly!

Art123

she's all done with the due injection. Surgery is at 130.

BetterDay

Best of luck to Nat!  She will finally get that crap out of her, which will be a great relief. Please keep us posted. 

LisaSp, looking good!  I can't wait to have hair like that!

Audra, I'm always interested in what supplements people take. My MO told me not to take anything, not even a multivitamin. Just eat well, etc, etc. I feel like I should be doing more. Question for you and LHL, what do you mean about doing stretches on a roll?

Simplelife, looking forward to when you can type more!

Getting my other drain out this afternoon!  Yeah!  I feel so lucky to have had them for such a relatively short time. 

BetterDay

Forgot to ask Simplelife and Knightzoo how Hair Watch 2014 is going. I have no good news to report. Last night DH and I are sitting on the couch watching tv, and I can see him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. Suddenly, he excitedly says, "Honey, I think your hair is starting to grow back!"  I said, "Really?!  Where?"  He pointed to my CHIN, and said, "right there!"  Months of hairlessness and it chooses to come back on my chin first?  What kind of mean and twisted joke is that?  

Anonymous

BetterDay-LOL about your chin hair, that could just as easily be me. My SO is having me wait until my drainage is <30cc/24 hours to remove my drain. Is that the case for you, too? I'm nowhere near that yet. It's been 5 days since my surgery and I haven't been able to get myself out of my pajamas yet. Maybe today? We're supposed to get rain from tonight through Saturday (a major, news-worthy event in southern CA), so I may never get out of these pj's.

Miss_Mama_Bear

BetterDay! Oh I know what you mean! I had a few dark whisker hairs and I just noticed they are back. I was secretly hoping they would be gone for good. NO such luck. 

LHL: I hope your son will get back on track. I had my PT conference with my 5 year old's teacher and she said that she has definitely seen a difference in him in that he is a lot more emotional and over-acting to things. I know it is affecting them so much. Hopefully things will be downhill from here and we will have the time/strength to patch things back up. 

Art: Best of luck to you and Nat! Let us know how things are going.

I got my drains out today! Hooray, I am so happy! I was over-doing things and I think I caused my drain to move. It hurt so bad last night I was nauseous and went to bed at 7:30. It is much better now but I'm not sure if it is the edges that is painful or the track from the drain that is really hurting now. MY PS said that I am going to have great results as long as I don't want stripper boobs lol. My first expansion is next Monday! I put on jeans for the first time and my "To Do: Kick Cancer's Ass" shirt because I have a Herceptin infusion and it is ritual...It is odd and a bit sad to put on a familiar shirt and see a different body underneath... but no worries, that will change in a week, and every week after that! I thought about putting on a bra and stuffing it, but I am just going to embrace it. I am going to put on some make up and hair in a bit and I think that will make me feel better  

I know a lot of you are struggling right now and I am sending you all my happy/peaceful vibes, wishing you all calm in the midst of your storm. Love you all

josgirl

Art - Sending you and Nat strength today...

BetterDay

clickchick, I needed to be less than 30 cc for two days in a row. My right one dropped below that pretty quickly and my left one just got there. Happy to hear you are getting some rain finally. Mama, I think you set the record for getting drains out. Sorry to hear it was so painful but happy they are out. 

hockeymommy

hi girls,  

Art &Nat thinking of you guys! hope all goes well! 

officially had a crying melt down today.  I have no clue why I am so emotional but I can't stop crying! I don't know if it's from the hysterectomy oqur it's just a build up of everything. I feel like I can't get it together today!  I am sick and tired of feeling pain and looking like a Frankenstein bride.  This surgery really took a toll on me and I feel like a helpless, crying ,rambling person who needs to suck it up and be thankful I am here to fight!  The last few weeks we have lost two children to the c word who both played sports with my kids and two more parent's of children we know are losing their fight.  All of this sucks!  Thanks girls for listening,  hopefully I can put these tears away soon!  Alisha xoxo

Anonymous

Try not to be too hard on yourself, hockeymom. We're all going thru that occasional unexpected surge of emotions and personally, when that happens, I'm just allowing myself to cry my eyes out, until I can't cry anymore. I think we've all had such profound loss lately, that it's amazing we are not walking around constantly sobbing. {Hug}

KBeee

Art, I hope Nat's surgery is going well.  Keep us posted.  I know her body will be different.  A healthy Nat is the upmost important thing, but you might be pleasantly surprised by her body when it's all said and done.   I work at a place where no one holds back...since we eat there, sleep there, etc...we tell each other things, and discuss things we normally only would with our family...and I have told them to ask anything.  That being said, my breasts have been the topic of several dinner conversations (which I did not initiate)...from detailed questions on surgery and reconstruction to comments, etc.  I mention this because several of the guys have commented on how good I look after reconstruction.  Granted they have only seen me with a sweatshirt on, but their remarks were not meant as sexist or anything; I know they genuinely think that I look good...which is very reassuring.  Hubby thinks they look great too...and he's seen them without the sweatshirt.

Alisha, You have been through so much physically, and now hormonally with the last surgery, how can you NOT have some meltdowns?  Vent away.  I was driving home from MO's office today and started crying because I was thinking of a good friend who died from leukemia a few months ago, and the last place I saw her was in the waiting room there.  Cancer just sucks. 

Mama and Betterday, Hooray for being drainless!  That is so freeing!

Betterday, My first thougth when I read that was that if DH had said that and I happened to be carrying a cup of ice water, he would be wearing that cup of icewater.  My renegade chin hairs are back as well, and I've had to dig out the tweezers.

Lisa, I love seeing your hair pictures.  I am almost exactly a month behind you, so I love the glimpse into the future.  You look great.  I am also so glad to hear that you can color your hair already.  I have never colored mine, but it's in my future since I do not much like the "salt and pepper" look that I have going on.  It would be fine if I were older, but I am not ready for it yet.  I also hoped that my hair would come back tamer.  It is barely an inch long, but it is already showing its ability to stand up and go every direction except the desired one.  I am grateful for ball caps.

 

 

Miss_Mama_Bear

So, since I have not heard anyone mention it, I am guessing I am the first.... I just started my period. Holy crap, I thought it was supposed to take 6 months! So, does this mean that I have massive estrogen?! I am ready to start Tamox then! Does it make your period stop?

josgirl

Mama, I have not gotten my period back but I don't think Tamox is supposed to stop it.  I did hear 6 months too but I am sure that is an average.  But ug - something you didn't need right now.

alfranco

Art and Nat  praying everything is well.

Mama I have not gotten my period since October.

Alisha sometimes it helps when we cry. We have a lot of mixed emotions that we try to control.

3 more rads to go.

PeacockGirl

well wishes to Natalie, and art you've been an amazing partner thru this! Hang in there hockey mommy that's a lot of surgery for the body to handle. You are amazing brave and strong. Mamastewart I'm not sure whether to be happy or sad about the return of your period I almost want mine to come back to level out my mood and help stop the hot cold madness. But I sure don't want the period from hell to return , the final one on chemo in October was almost 3 weeks long and bled me to death. 

Well tomorrow is my final rad. Apparently my emotional meltdown triggered the social worker as she requested a meeting with me today. She was actually lovely, kind and a good listener. I explained to her my frustration with oncology, my jerk of MO doctor, the year and a half old German shepherd we rescued 5 weeks ago who ATE the inside of my car at rads one day to the tune of $486, and the fact we finally moved out of our house in town to our 5 acres in the country a week ago on top of having a .2nd degree burn in my armpit and my meltdown suddenly made much more sense. Well that and all those horrible thoughts of reoccurrence that race thru my head daily :(she gave me a centering meditation exercise to try and it was great. Sit and notice 5 things, hear 5 things and feel 5 things. Then go to 4 3 2 until just one. I couldn't even hear 5 things so it did take my mind off thoughts and shift my focus, she said I could come see her anytime. Then I walked next door and changed my onco appointment on April 1st to the nurse practitioner ....don't want to see my jerk of an onco again.

In other news I have enough eyebrows ( now too many) I got them waxed yesterday and I colored my hair 2 weeks ago dark blond to hide the fact my roots are so white. Going without a hat often now. 

Wishing strength and peace for us all ...thank you for listening the other day I will try to be a better listener for you all as well! If anything the last 7 months have taken a toll on me but forced me to live in the moment, I can't predict the future but there's bound to be some more crap to come . That I can be sure of but I can handle it

PeacockGirl

lighthouselady

Betterday - my lymphedema specialist advised me to roll up a thin blanket or large towel (lengthwise) and lay on your back on it on the floor - you align your spine along the "ridge". That way your shoulders fall down toward the floor. To stretch my pecs, all I have to do is spread my arms out to the sides and rest them on the floor... I slowly push them higher toward my head every day. I'm not sure if this is what Audra is talking about or not. LOL at what your hubby said. Did you smack him????

clickchick - I had to have less than 25cc per drain for two days straight before my PS would remove them. I had one for 20 days!! Ugh. Five days is still really soon... don't worry if you're still putting out a lot of fluid.

mama - I had awful discomfort along the top outer edge of my left TE, right where one of the drain tubes went. It was almost unbearable the first few weeks. Once that drain got pulled and I had a couple of fills it got better. I bet that's the same pain you're having. I'm so happy you got your drains out already. That's quick! So sorry about your period, though. BLAH! I haven't had one since Sept and hope it doesn't come back before I get my ovaries out later this year. I probably just jinxed myself.

alfranco - Only three rads to go?? Woohooo!!!!!!!!!!

hockeymommy - Peacockgirl is right, two serious surgeries in 5 weeks is a LOT to put a body through. You're bound to have some ups and downs. {{{hugs}}} to you, my friend. One day at a time!

Peacockgirl - Congrats on your final rad tomorrow! What a milestone! And you have enough hair to color? I'm impressed! You look great! Mine's barely long enough to move when I comb it. LOL I'm glad you had a good visit with the social worker, sounds like it helped a lot. And yay for not having to see the MO.... the NP appointment should be much better!

Today after my PS appt I went to visit my friend in Dallas. She lived near me when our sons were born (12 years ago!) and was my first real "mommy" friend. She has been battling ovarian cancer for almost 7 years and has a hospice nurse now. It's so sad to think about. She's younger than me... maybe 38? We had a great visit, though. Only stayed for an hour because she was getting wiped out, but she looked really good. She's still able to go out & about some, sang at church last week and went to see her son get an award at school the other day. I thought I would be really sad seeing her, but we didn't shed one tear.

Art123

Nat's surgery was over around 730. I'm with her in recovery room. Her room will not be ready until after midnight.

Said surgery went well, they were able to get good fill. Prelim lymph node was negative.

SpecialK

art - excellent!  Know we are thinking of you both!

kjsimpson

PeacockGirl,
Great hair!  Sounds like your meltdown was well justified.  Sometimes a listening ear from a near stranger can be a good thing.  :-)  It also sounds like you had a LOT going on the past few weeks!  My goodness, just reading it made me tired.

Hockeymom,
Sometimes we just need to let it out.  If we keep all our frustrations inside then it can become pretty caustic.  Hope you are doing better and I am so sorry for the losses around you.  One thing is certain, on this journey we will feel more deeply the loss of those around us who lose the battle.  Sometimes I have to step away from things because it scares me to realize that there by some grace go I.

LightHouseLady,
So glad you could visit with your friend.  Also glad that it was a cheerful visit instead of a sad one.

Betterday,
I'm with KBeee... the DH would have been wearing anything handy to throw at him.  ;-)

Alfranco and PeacockGirl,
Way to go with Rads!!

Art and Natalie,
I hope surgery went well!

All,
Today I learned that a friend at work has uterine cancer.  She has children a little younger than mine and battled a brain tumor several years ago.  They are setting up the tests to stage the cancer and establish an action plan.  I feel so sad for her, but trying to be hopeful and helpful.

12 Rads down, 18 to go.

Intentionally Masking Reactions Today

Viji

Baby Ruth, I could not have said it better.

LisaSP, you do have a lot of hair! I am 14 weeks PFC and have nearly as much as you. It is straight and mostly grey. I am going to leave it like that.

Art, thinking of you and Nat. Great news on the nodes. Hang in there.

Lisa is right-as hard as things are at the moment, it will all get much, much better with time. Except the chemo brain lingers on for me...

simplelife4real

I'm two weeks post op now (LX, ALND, ruptured implants removal and "bilateral capsulectomies").   I got my ALND drain out yesterday.  Hooray!  It was really giving me grief.  I also got my bandage off and don't have to wear what I called the torture bra any more.  What  a relief.  I feel like I can stand up straight and take a deep breath now, not to mention being able to type without pain.  My surgery was different because I had to get 30-year-old ruptured sub-pec implants out.  When I saw the PS today he said the surgery was a lot more extensive and took longer than expected because the implants were much more degraded than he thought they would be.  All I know is that recovery from the surgery hurt way more than I expected.  I think it was from all the scraping he had to do to get the capsules around the implants out.  I'm just glad to have the drains out and the bandage off.  The bandage was like a huge piece of Tegaderm that covered my chest from armpit to armpit with holes cut out for my nipples....it kind of looked like some wierd looking fetish thing.    It was amazingly uncomfortable. 

Hockeymom....wow....two major surgeries in 5 weeks.  I can only imagine the pain.  I noticed my crying picked back up again  after my surgery.  I think being in pain  also makes us be a lot closer to tears.  Emotionally, we have a lot to deal with and then throw physical pain into the mix.....it makes sense that we cry. I've  probably cried at least a little every day since my surgery.  Gentle, gentle hugs.  

Lisa, I love how much hair you have at 4 months PFC.  That's about how long my hair was before BC.  It gives me hope.  I am glad yoga is helping you.  I'm looking forward to getting back to it and also some gentle stretch classes at my fitness center.  I have also gotten connected with two cancer support groups in my area.  They only meet once a month, so I'm not sure how much support they will be.

Betterday, Maybe we could start a list of things for husbands and lovers not to say!  Of all things for your hubby to notice....and then decide to comment on.    Actually, if my husband had done that, I'm not sure if I would have laughed hysterically or burst out crying.  Either way, I think hubby would have gotten an earful.  Congrats on getting you other drain out!!  That seems really quick.  

ClickChick, don't feel bad about the PJs...I love my PJs too.  I hope yours are soft and comfy.  

Mama,  I love that you wear a kick cancer's ass shirt to the infusion center.  Whoo Hooo on getting all your drains out.  I think I had pulled on my drain a little too and that was why it was hurting so much.  The day before they took it out, I could barely move and ended up taking pain meds which I hadn't needed for several days.   I hope things are going better with your nursing situation.  How much longer can your sister stay?

Peacock, thanks for sharing the visualization thing.  I'm really glad some good has come from your meltdown at rads....both for you and for the workers there.  Your armpit experience scares me.  My armpit feels so tender already.  I hate to think about how it's going to feel after rads.  Last night, I decided to wear my soft PJ top inside out so the seam wouldn't hurt so bad.  It's amazing how much better it feels to have the seam side out.  Makes me think I'm going to have to look for some really soft cotton shirts that somehow don't have seams in the armpit for rads.  Your lastest pic is wonderful  You have such a great smile.  Your hair looks awesome!  Actually, it's very cute with the cow lick in front.  I have one in the same spot.  It will be interesting to watch it grow in when my hair comes back.

Lighthouse, what a sweet picture of you and your friend.  You both look really good.  I'm glad the visit was a good one for both of you.   I'm sure she really appreciated it.

Art that is great that Nat's surgery went well yesterday.  It was a long day for both of you.  She is going to feel like she got hit by a Mac truck for a while.   Hope you both can get some rest. 

Cougarlicious

Yay Art!  I'm glad Nat's surgery went well and nodes negative. I got the same news yesterday. My BS said things could not have gone better, he thinks he got clean margins and the three nodes pulled preliminary tested negative. I got TEs shortly after and the team thinks I'm healing nicely and can be discharged today. I don't feel like it though - my chest still feels tight and it's really hard for me to sit up and walk around.  They have me on Valium and are starting me on Norco.  Is it normal to only be in a hospital for 24 hours for a BMX with TEs?

SpecialK

cougar - yes it is normal to have a one-night stay - some docs do MX or BMX with immediate recon as an outpatient procedure with a nerve block!  My surgeon does, but my insurance required at least an overnight stay.  You will continue to feel tight for quite a while, and it may feel like you can't take a really deep breath - this improves but for some it can take weeks.  The valium should help with the tightness, and some continue to take it when they receive a fill as it has a muscle relaxant aspect.

Art123

great news cougar:

Looks like nat may be going home later today. She was up and about, eating. Talking like her usual self.

Two of my closest friends came by yesterday for a few hours and my cousin stayed until I was able to see nat on the recovery room

simplelife4real

Great news Art and Cougar!

SouthernGirl1974

Congrats Nat and Cougar

Anonymous

I wish I had some good news, too. Pathology is back and, as my SO suspected, 2 nodes of 10 are positive. I guess we'll add radiation to my list of things to do. I can't tell you how sick I am of all the medical issues. After a lifetime with zero broken bones, I broke my ankle and fibula and needed 3 surgeries over 2012 and 2013. Two months after my last surgery, I got the cancer DX and have been nonstop chemo and surgery. I am so sick of medical appointments, needles, surgeries, you name it.

OK, I'm done with the pity party for now. Thanks for letting me vent.