Access to the Picture Forum - READ 1st POST

Marcyv

Hi all!  I am new to the forum so I'm guessing I will not be granted access from what I've read.  However, I wanted to point out that although everyone says to read the first post, it and the few after that have been deleted.  Thought I'd point it out if no one noticed.

Thanks!

MNSusan

Marcy, the first post referred to is the first post on the very first page of this thread.  Just keep posting so the gals who administer the picture forum can get to know you.

I'm glad you're here.  You'll find all sorts of supportive and knowledgable women here, with wisdom and advice to share.

Marcyv

Thank you Susan!

Lilah

It's only the head that was deleted... the very FIRST post, Marcy, which is immediately below that -- is the one to read (I am posting this for others as well).

Just keep posting and sharing.   Write a PM to me or to Nowheregirl after you've been here for a bit.

hollyboo

Mamalyon,

I too understand this site's need to make sure we are women in need of help and to protect the vulnerability we all feel at some point, or all points, of this process.  I just joined the forums today and am reading like crazy.

I too am overweight and was told by plastic surgeon that I needed to get down to 30 0r 32 BMI (90 pounds weight loss) before reconstruction.  (Turns out he wrote "no reconstruction" in my medical file that radiation oncologist read.  Yikes.  But that is another story.)  

I wish I could remember where I found photos of before and after reconstruction.  I was disappointed that there were no heavier women, busty women so I could see what my possiblities might look like post-weight loss and post-reconstruction.  If I recall or refind those, I will send you a private note, as it was open to the public.  (And I had the same thought as the moderators......jeesh, would I want just anyone looking without sympathy at my breasts.  Especially since the PS told me that I would be "mutilated" with the mastectomy, which I had to have.  I don't think he liked me for some reason.)

Oh!  I see someone has posted a reply to you with links.

Yeah, I too feel guilty about being so concerned with the loss of my breast and how I look when I have a good prognosis and think I should just be glad I am alive, after two cancer surgeries in less than a year.  (Uterine cancer surgery last fall.  Took it all. And I appear clear currently.)  On the other hand, though I am not usually vain in general, I really did like my breasts.  And I miss my cleavage and soft round and a little droopy look.  I am 64, after all.  Still, wanted to keep both.

A friend wrote me a poem that made me cry and turn a corner about letting go of my left breast.  The general theme being that the two were friends for a long time and the one was sacrificing itself in surgery so that the rest of me could live.

HollyBoo

TinaT

HollyBoo - Your friend's poem sounds very heartfelt, thoughtful, and true.  You can add him/her to your "plus" column in addition to your good prognoses.

Your PS actually used the word "mutilated" (my jaw just dropped)?  I know it's difficult to consider when you're in the midst of things, but would you consider getting another opinion?  Sounds like you've got a ways to go and it might be a smoother ride with a PS with a bit more compassion.   

Best wishes!

VeganGal

I barely know how to begin this post. Dx in January 2012. BMX in April 2012 with TE's. Silicone implanted in Oct. 2012. I haven't been on the boards (except yesterday) in probably over a year. Heart on my sleeve . . . I'm in worse shape now that I have been throughout the my journey, and I think that a lot of it has to do with my reconstruction. I am desperately unhappy with my outcome. When I last met with my surgeon he basically said "well, it's not the best job I've ever done, but also not the worst". Seriously. WTF? I did not go foward with the nipples/tattoos . . . it is all such a hot mess now that I simply can't stand the thought of them doing even more crap to me . . . 

I feel like screaming . . . "leave me alone" . . . but, my PS did offer to re-do them. Oh goodie! More surgery!!!

So . . . sorry if I'm sounding really negative, and using too many curse words (yeah - you'll really want me to join your club now eh?? - Oh, yes, I am Canadian . . . LOL) . . . but I'm confused, and a bit screwed up . . . 

I do not know anyone in my life who has been through reconstructive surgery after BC (and I only know one other BC person), and I would like to "chat/meet" a few folks who have been through it so I can try to find some perspective . . . 

I really need to figure out if a) I should just "suck it up", b) I should get them redone, c) I should move forward with nipples & tattoos to make them look better, d) I should have them taken out . . . or e) ???? OK - I don't what 'e' would be, but likely there's an e out there somewhere!

Estel

Vegangal - I am so, so sorry dear one. Great big hugs to you.



I'd encourage you to visit whippetmom's thread: Breast Implant Sizing 101. I think she could help guide you and give you wisdom on next steps.



Absolutely cannot believe your surgeon told you that. No words...



Here is the link to the thread.



http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/44/topic/746448?page=285#idx_8539

VeganGal

Thank you. I will most certainly check it out . . . 

Are any of you in pain 24/7? 

My implants are no less uncomfortable than my TE's. I am still numb in my arms and cheast. Is this normal? My PS told me that there was nothing he could do about that . . . he basically gave me the "suck it up buttercup" line . . . 

I just have no reference point . . . is it normal to still be sooooo uncomfortable this long after surgery? I literally cannot go anywhere without a big mastectomy bra. I cannot even get out of bed without putting it on right away. Is that the same for the rest of you? I've read a few posts where women have noted that they can go "perky" and "braless". That is sooo not me. 

Any words of wisdom on that front?

Lilah

Vegangal -- I second Dawn's advice re: Whippetmom's Breast Implant Sizing 101.  Also: numbness after surgery of any kind in the area where cutting happened is normal.  In this case, the removal of tissue means the removal of nerve endings.  I had my surgeries in 2009 and am still numb... though the area of numbness is smaller. You do get used to it.  I'm sorry you are still in pain.  There is a syndrom called Post Mastectomy Pain Syndrome... and there is a thread here on BCO about that which you should also check out in case your situtation applies.

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/136/topic/747016?page=34#post_3650620

TinaT

VeganGal - It is not "normal" to be in constant discomfort.  That alone could warrant a revision, regardless of their appearance.  I would suggest at least getting another opinion.  It might give you a bit more peace of mind no matter what you decide.

3276Rebecca

Dear Nowhere girl,

I am about to have my exchange next week on 8/14.

My surgery was in early May and like many others on this site, the exchange surgery can't be coming fast enough.

My ps is recommending Sientra Cohesive Gel implants.

I would love to have access to the pictures/case study photographs to inform my discussion with him.

I have always been comfortable with my breasts - a small B - and am concerned about going too big.  He is recommending 400cc and I'd love to better understand the difference between the moderate and high projection, classic base vs round base.

Many thanks,

Rebecca

hollyboo

Is anyone here older, busty (40DDD) with one mastectomy and having reconstruction?  (Mine won't be for quite awhile but I want to get informed.)  I understand that inserts that match the remaining large breast are so heavy that breast reduction on the other breast is what is done.  

I really do not want the perky, tennis ball shaped breasts.  Hey, I'm 64!  I want a nice soft, older but healthy looking reconstruction nad breast reduction.  Do PS's do that?  And how?

exbrnxgrl

Hollyboo,

I am almost 57. I was not big busted when I had my bmx, but I can assure you they don't look like tennis balls. I chose to stay the same size, large B/small C. Although fairly youthful looking (as were the originals), there is some relaxed appearance, though I don't have to wear a bra if I don't want to. Plastic surgeons can do amazing things. In addition to implants there are several different types of flap recons which use some of your own body tissue. Check out the other recon threads for more info and good luck to you.

hollyboo

Exbrnxgrl, Thanks for your encouragement.  The photos I have seen before, well, the breasts would look very weird on MY body--out of sync.

VeganGal

Ladies - thank you so much for your comments. I had ever heard of "PMPS" . . . and I've seen on a few other threads reference to PTSD. I'd never thought of that. I saw my onco yesterday . . . total waste of time. Ug. She won't even talk to me about my implants . . . "oh, that's for your PS to answer" . . . blah blah blah . . . but my blood work was all good . . . I'll check out those other threads.

Rebecca - the only thing that I can share with you is that I understood that there 2 possible shapes . . . teardrop and round. I got the teardrop because it was the only shape my PS would do. So, truth be told - I didn't have a choice. Not sure that this helps much, but my PS basically said that the teardrop was more "natural" . . . not there is anything "natural" about them . . . but that's my very limited 2 cents. Not sure if helps . . . 

4-Leggers_Mom

Hi Gals. I'm newly diagnosed, heading straight to bmx with reconstruction. Things are moving quickly. All the photos I find online seem to be months/weeks later. Just wanting a reality check on what I'm getting into if I go with DIEP or implants. Meeting with PS tomorrow. Thanks!!

Blessings2011

Regarding access to the Picture Forum - I was very fortunate that I had a long wait after I got my BC dx. (I got sick and my BMX was postponed for three months.)

During that time, I joined BCO, and was able to read so many helpful posts here. I also tried - with my little bit of knowledge at the time - to be welcoming and encouraging to those women who were struggling. In other words, I didn't just seek answers, I tried to at least give a word of encouragement in return. (I requested, and received permission to join the Picture Forum before my BMX and recon.)

This is partially why nowheregirl and Lilah say there is no exact number of posts you must have on BCO before being accepted into the Picture Forum. All they ask is that you DO post, and HOW you post gives them an idea if you will be the kind of member who will actively participate and help others on the Picture Forum.

Please note that the Picture Forum is NOT just a "Photo Gallery."

It is photojournalism in its most raw form. We are telling not only our stories, but also showing - often for the first time - the breasts we had and lost and regained - or not.

Most of us would feel very violated if we thought our personal photos were up there just for anyone to come by and gawk. That's why all the precautions taken by nowheregirl and Lilah are so very much appreciated. 

Sometimes the stories and pictures are heartbreaking, and then the most wonderful unexpected outcomes appear months and years later. 

Because we have taken the time to live these stories along with the poster, we are invested in each woman's struggle to find health and acceptance along the way.

It's great when older members come back and post; and it's heartening to see more new members come join us.

What's sad is when someone joins, posts once or twice to ask a personal question, then 1) never posts any pictures at all, and 2) never acknowedges those who have bravely posted.

Yes, it's difficult to post. It can take time before you are comfortable doing so. But it can also be very liberating, and often helps you see just how far you've come in the months since your first surgery.

I hope I haven't offended anyone wishing to gain acceptance into the Picture Forum. I just wanted to offer a few more words of clarification.

(And yes - for complete instructions, just go to Page 1 of this thread, and even though it says "Post Deleted", just read the very first post underneath that for nowheregirl's guidelines.)

TinaT

Blessings - Thanks so much.  As one who has posted and shared on the picture forum I agree wholeheartedly with your post.  It is important to stress that the forum is NOT a part of or connected to BCO (and therefore not public), but a private site created and maintained by nowheregirl (and Lilah as second gatekeeper and moderator).  Nowheregirl covers the financial portion of the site and many of us make periodic donations to help keep it going. 

Thanks again and thanks to nowheregirl and LIlah! 

MondaysChild

Ditto for Tina's post and Tritto for Blessings'. (I completely made that up since Tina had already agreed with/dittoed her.)

4-Leggers_Mom

Message understood. My deepest apologies. My panic must have come across as insensitivity or lurking. I misunderstood the purpose of this board. Will find what I need elsewhere. Best to you all.

Rosesark53

I have not been here long, but am so glad that I found this place because I had no one else in my family left who had breast cancer. My mom is 87 now and my best friend, my little sister died from asthma a few months after her last chemo from having breast cancer. Her hair was just growing in, it was 2 inches long and so soft and curly (which she would have hated!!). So coming here has allowed me to see first hand , someome who can understand. I had to have cornea transplants a few years ago, and when I went with my mom or dh to eye doc, they always wanted to see them, which was ok. But now that I had a mx with no recon, I dont want anyone to see me..ever. the only one I am comfortable seeing me is my bc. I even have trouble letting my onc feel me up. Thats what it feels like hes doing. I just seem to not gel with him. My dh has never seen me, ever. I wont let him see this horrible ugly flat scar covering my chest and it has been 4 years. I finally have a ps here in town. I feel some light at the end of my tunnel. I have to do lat flap and have more scars, but maybe then I will be able to look at me and feel ok. So all of your posts, help so much and answer so many questions that some of us need to ask to someone who really, really knows and i am thankful and have a lot of respect for you ladies.

Rosesark53

I also have to add to this novel I just wroteabove, That when my sister had her mx, the law for women for recon wasnt passed yet, so she was having a real hard time with that because she was single and worried for any dating she might have done. She was 26. I was unable to completely relate because I didnt get diagnosed till some years after she passed. So I always wish I could have done more, said more. Then I got diagnosed, and I know now what she was feeling, and it at times can bring you to your knees. But I have the chance she didnt, to have recon, and I feel guilty about it. She and I would have laughed at each other through this. But I can come here and read the humor and the sadness and the hope for better and the excitement to be better.

Estel

Roseark53 - I think your sister would be happy for you that you can have what she didn't.  Don't feel guilty.  I think she is smiling down upon you.  Guilt be gone.  I know, easier said than done but try not to think like that.  I think she would want you to have this and be happy.  xoxo

Anonymous

Roseark53, Dawne-Hope said it better than I could have. If it means anything, it took me a while to make peace with my half-chest after umx almost 17 years ago, it took another umx to get me to finally consider recon. Many times (especially 1st time) I felt like many just wanted a feel or to see the freak. Felt like anytime I went for anything, they wanted a show and a feel (well, maybe not the dentist). Was put in that situation not long ago with a male PT and he was a jerk (I reported him to PS who gave me referral, the medical group, insurance, anyone who would listen because I felt like my respect & dignity were being violated). And, just for the record, my "DH" hasn't seen the scars or touched me since drains out from mx/recon since mid-November, you're not completely alone there. I've lost close ladies who had mx before the law for recon changed, they've been angels guiding me thru the process

Lilah

Blessings thank you for saying that so beautifully.

Rosesark -- I am so sorry for your loss.  I agree with Dawn that your sister would want you to have the best.  Guilt be gone indeed!

Rosesark53

Thank you everybody who replyed, I really appreciate it. I do feel lucky that I have gotten this chance to get recon, especially with finally getting a ps in this city. Only other place was Dallas, which was two and some hours away, so was not doable when I had uni. So I'm trying to sponge up all the info I can to try to prepare myself for what is to come, but I feel ready inside. And one of the things I am looking forward to the most....is getting this rubber form off my chest!!!!!! And back into the tops and bras I had to give away before mx, since I knew I would not be able to wear them for a long time if ever. So here I go into recon world. I wont miss this breast form which swung away from my chest every time I bend down!! Thanks so much

TinaT

4-Leggers - I sent you a Private Message....

Lilah

4-leggers -- I never saw your post (which you deleted) -- but please feel free to PM me if you have questions about the Picture Forum.

ellischestnutgirl

I would like access to the picture forum.  I was diagnosed in June with DCIS grade 3 in the left breast.  The radiologist told me the mass was about 11cm total and that I would need a mastectomy.  I then had my MRI and an asymetry was found on the right.  On biopsy the mass was thought to be benign, but suspicious.  I sought 2 opinions and one wanted no surgery on the right while the second expressed enough concern that she thought at least a lumpectomy on the right was the way to go.,  I elected to have a bilateral mastectomy.,  I did not want to worry about it again.  

I had a tissue sparing bilateral mastectomy on August 12.  Getting to the surgery was an awful roller coaster ride.  My surgery was bumped back 3 times.  They could not get enough OR time for me and this is the hospital I work in.  I am a registered nurse and could not have my surgery in my own hospital unless I wanted to wait until September.  I elected to go to JH in Baltimore and am glad I did not wait.  

My surgery went well, but I had severe allergic reactions to the first two antibiotics they tried on me, so I stayed an extra day.  I have my first postop visit tomorrow.  I feel pretty good and was surpirsed that I did not have more pain post op.  

I am surprised at how awful the breasts look now.  I have a lot of swelling on the right and areas where it feels hard.  Is this normal?  Path results in the moring.  I probably won't sellp tonight.