Lumpectomy Lounge....let's talk!

Nash54

Peggy...lovely pic. Thanks for sharing. 

octogirl

I also love the pic, Peggy. Would love to go to a Tigers game with you someday. Sending HUGS!!!

Molly50

(((Peggy))) I am so sorry for your loss of your dear husband. I am glad you were there with him. I will continue to pray for you. You are such an inspiration to all of us here and I try to have your words of encouragement in my head. I hope we can encourage you during your time of sorrow.

MJS1266

Peggy, My deepest sympathies on the loss of your dear husband. I'm glad his passing was peaceful and that you were by his side. Wishing you and your family continued strength in the days ahead. MJ

plumster1

Great picture Peggy!

keepwalking

Thank you for all the support. It helps tremendously to know that someone else understands the feelings I am going through. I feel somewhat embarrassed that this has thrown me for a loop, considering what some of you have been through and are still going through. As many have said, the unknowing is the worst and we have a lot of possible scenarios in our heads that won't leave us alone.

Peggy - my heart goes out to you in this time. Before, you could be objective and wanted what was best for DH. You were there for him and needed to be strong. Now, you are left with your loss - both the loss of your normal relationship with DH from the medical issues, and now the loss of physical presence as well. Take the time to grieve for both, along with your sons and family. Afterwards you will be able to focus on the joyful memories and take comfort in the lasting legacy that DH gave to you, your family, friends and everyone that he touched. In your pocket through these tough days. Gentle HUGS.

Midgiemoon

Peggy,

So sorry for your loss. You were truly a loving and devoted wife through the trials you both faced.

Much love to you and yours,

~Midgie

Molly50

I wanted to thank all of you for your kind words and support. I have been distracted trying to get the appointment set up for the second opinion but having to deal with insurance company is not fun. Anyway I hope to have the appointment set for next week. I have my first fill this afternoon. A double fill so I am going to take Tylenol before I go. I will catch up on all of you in a bit.

octogirl

Good luck today Molly and in your pocket! Hope it goes smoothly and keep us posted!

Octogirl

plumster1

Thinking of you Molly!

Ringelle

haha. Peggy. All your talk about being slim and small breasted, when I saw that picture I just assumed you were petite! Must be nice having those strong men around! I can picture you all together these past weeks. I hope today blesses you with some sunshine! Much love to you!

Ringelle

notdoneliving - I really haven't cried much! In fact I cried once when I first got my diagnosis and then again when I found out I had to have a mastectomy. I didn't cry again until 10 days after surgery and then again yesterday - 6 weeks post op. The last two crying episodes have come out of the blue and for no apparent reason but once I start I can't stop and I'm a blubbering fool who can't explain her tears

Horse girl - thanks for the reminder. I seem recalling giving someone the same advice. Always easier said than done! That's what I love about this group! I feel like I fit and I feel so supported even when I'm irrational. I've thought several times "why are you still in the lumpectomy lounge when you had a bmx". BMX or not this is my hom

Outrunning

Peggy - my deepest condolences. You have been in my thoughts and prayers and you will continue to be there.

Meanwhile. DH is clearly hurt and angry with me after our argument the other night. What I was trying to say then, was that I needed to adjust my expectations, based on what I know he can handle instead of being angry when he can't do more. And what it sounded like was an indictment of what he can and cannot do. (He's ADD but won't admit it, and can't handle being given more than one task at a time--similar to our DS who is diagnosed with with ADD and sensory issue etc etc. And if he's doing something and you need him to break away to help with something else. Not going to happen. Which is what the argument was about.

I needed him. He didn't come help. And predictable mayhem by children happened. I wasn't so angry about the mayhem, but he was. And when I told him to calm down about it, he didn't take kindly to me pointing out that if he'd come when I asked the situation could have been avoided. If he'd just said "point taken" the whole thing would have ended there. But instead he got all defensive and "why is it always my fault" And I asked him "Why is it never your fault? e.g. This situation clearly could have been avoided with more parental supervision."

Sigh we're so on the edge anyway. Guess on top of all the therapies we do with son and all my medical appointments we need to find a couples therapist. We did that before marriage to work on our communication skills and always ended up in a fight afterwards. Clearly it didn't work. But if we don't fix something soon I'm afraid we will be beyond repair.

PontiacPeggy

Molly, thinking of you.

Outrunning, I'm sorry you are having so many issues. BC is quite enough let alone everything else. I don't have any great thoughts or even a band-aid. But I can send you lots of hugs and we all can offer you our collective shoulders to lean on.

HUGS!

Molly50

Ringelle even with the lovely support of the surgery threads this lounge is my home as well even though I had a umx.

PontiacPeggy

This is my home, too. Probably because it's where I've been the longest and we seem to address a whole lot of things that BC throws at us besides our lumpies.

HUGS!

plumster1

Home is where the heart is

PoppyK

Peggy, My surgery sister! ((Hugs)) and prayers for you and your boys. It's a blessing to be with a loved one when they pass away, but it also so difficult. Wonderful picture of your family! I love you and am so grateful you took me under your wing!

Prayers for all of you who are in this lounge!

Regarding bras: I found some new, light weight, stretchy, soft ones. They are made by Hanes and I found them at Target, 2 for $12.99. They are racer back (which I normally don't care for) and are really comfortable.

Regarding pain in strange spots: I have tenderness/pain on the back of my arm. The lymphedema specialist (I don't have lymphedema, but I saw her to return range of motion) I saw said it was do to my nerves regenerating and that it can take years.

mustlovepoodles

Poppy, I have the same thing going on back of my arm. My BS said exactly the same thing--normal, nerves regenerating, takes a long time.

Just wanted to update about my seroma--The drain is doing its job and the fluid looks normal now. I was on Keflex, but when the culture & sensitivity came back on the drainage it showed Klebsiella and E. Faecialis, both of which are gastrointestinal bacteria. So now I'm on Cipro.

I'm seeing the BS about every 3 days. The drain is still draining about 50ml/day and that's going to have to be a lot less before she'll take it out. There is a 1/2" opeining in the incision and the edges are healing on themselves. In other words, it is not knitting together. She put in 4 stitches today, but warned me that if this doesn't work and the edges don't seal she will have to take me back to surgery to fix it. After all that has happened, neither she nor I want to have to do any more surgery! I asked her about just letting it heal on its own, but she said the space inside my breast is large and would have to fill in from the inside out, which could take months. She said the RO will not even consider radiation with all this stuff going on in my breast.

Yesterday I had my 2nd visit with the lymphedema specialist. She had me fitted for a compression bra and I have to say, other than the fact that it looks freakish, it fits well and feels good. In fact, I think if they had put me in this after the first surgery, maybe I wouldn't have had so much trouble (one thing has just lead to another for the last 4 weeks.) So the bra is on order and hopefully I'll get that soon. In the meantime, I'm doing exercises to rebuild strength and increase range of motion, along with gentle massage to the underarm and upper breast.

I will be very glad when this drain is out and my breast feels better, because I desperately need a full body massage. I needed it prior to the first surgery, but my lady couldn't fit me in. After all the stress I've had, I really NEED some relaxation.

PontiacPeggy

Poppy, Thank you, Sister-in-Surgery! I was quite surprised that I didn't find it difficult at all to be with DH when he passed. I was so relieved and happy for him. He had been suffering for so long. What DID surprise me is that #2 son who is very sensitive wanted to know exactly what his father's passing was like. Not hard to describe or tell him about. #1 son didn't ask, so I did not say anything but he is more matter of fact about most things (more like me).

Poodles, haven't you gotten to the point of wanting to hit things? I sure would have. It has been so much for you - nothing easy. I'm glad you've got the right bra. And I'm damned sorry that your incision isn't behaving worth a damn. I hope that it heals the way it is supposed to (make sure you tell it how you want it to heal - it might listen; if not you'll still feel better). Many gentle hugs.

Again, I love you, Lumpy Sisters!

HUGS!

queenmomcat

Peggy: I can imagine that his passing was as you describe--time for him to go.

PontiacPeggy

QMC, it was his time. I had rather lost his companionship a year ago when he entered the hospital, then rehab and finally a nursing home. That was hard. No one to share little things with just in passing. But you adjust and I did.

HUGS!

queenmomcat

Remembering something my neighbor (90) said after her husband of 63 years died (he'd been in a nursing home for a year and change): "At least I don't have to get used to him not being with me [in the house]." She was as devastated as one might expect--she visits his grave every day, at about the same time she'd visit him in the nursing home.

mustlovepoodles

Peggy, I think you might be onto something. I haven't thought about telling my body to heal itself properly.

I have to tell you a story (this one does not involve the cat, thankfully!) My second baby was running late and I was just huge and uncomfortable and miserable. My mother, an old L&D nurse, told me to stand in the moonlight and tell the baby it was time to come. I thought, "how ridiculous", but I did it anyway. I stood in the window, pulled up my shirt, and with the moon shining on my belly I said, "Come on, baby. We're all here. It's safe to come out now." I felt like an idiot. Well, I didn't feel like an idiot when I woke up at 2am in labor!

So, maybe you're right. Perhaps my body needs a wake-up call. It would beat the heck out of having MORE surgery.

PontiacPeggy

QMC, your neighbor was right. We've made the adjustment to living alone. I'm having DH cremated so won't be visiting his grave (though I really do like going to cemeteries). But that's a lovely story.

Poodles, no cat? That's a lovely story. I believe in that sort of mystical connection. You don't feel so silly when it works! As I mentioned, my mother ALWAYS told aspirin where she wanted it go to work. And it did! Everyone I've told about your cat stories has loved them. #2 son wants a cat as big as a bob cat. They are so pretty! Absolutely have a talk with your incision - besides feeling weird, what have you got to lose? Maybe you need the midnight exposure like for the reluctant baby

HUGS!

queenmomcat

Peggy: glad it could help, if only a little. (I knew exactly what she meant.) Where would you keep DH's ashes? Mom told [stepfather] to scatter a bit of her ashes in various places around the States and in Europe that they'd visited and loved, then at the end of that first year, take the QEII back, and consider himself done with official mourning. I don't know if he did exactly that, but her point was to get him out of the house and doing something constructive/active/positive to remember her...then move on.

PontiacPeggy

QMC, I think we (family) will scatter them in the lake at DH's favorite fishing hole. I mentioned that to the funeral director and he said he "didn't hear that" - apparently the State isn't real keen on that. So you didn't hear that here! He thought I might want to keep some for myself. I'll get an urn of some sort. I won't have the ashes put in a mausoleum here because I'd really like to move nearer the kids (same time zone would be nice). I'll have to see how I feel come May. I like what your Mom told your step-father. That was very smart and considerate of her. I doubt that you ever forget someone you've shared 50 years with, though. But I do plan to re-start my life and live. Thanks for sharing!

HUGS!

PatRN10

Peggy, condolences and hugs.

Pat

octogirl

MLP, I love the baby in the moonlight story! Both of my babies were REALLY late (as in ten month babies late..); wish I had thought of that! :-)

Peggy, I think scattering some of his ashes you-know-where and maybe keeping some with you sounds lovely. thinking of you every day and sending lots and lots of love and hugs as you go through all this!

I'd like to report back on latest visit with bs today: the one incision that didn't want to heal is finally well on its way to healing and she graduated me from seeing her every week to every two weeks. Given that it is a 60 mile drive each way to her office and I am also dealing with chemo, that is a big deal!!! Happy dance from me and my poor overworked little baby car!

xoxox to all

Octogirl

Outrunning

I have no mystical stories.

But I think I did figure out what the pain in my underarm sort of opposite the SNLB location is. I believe is is "Cording" i.e. Axillary Web Syndrome

I have a sore and bulging "cord" running away from the SNLB location and out my arm. I thought the surgeon had done something to a ligament before I found this article http://www.breastcancer.org/treatment/side_effects....

I've messaged it a bit and it is feeling better. I hope this resolves. I was upset thinking I might permanently not be able to fully straight my arm over head.

Good night my lovely LX ladies. You bring brighten to my days.