STFU (Shut the F*** UP)

savgigi

GMA, I'm with ducky and would also bug the shit out of the office until you get to speak with the doc. Then tell him you were promised a callback days ago and need a better response than what you have gotten. You may find the problem is with his staff and not the MD. I would also start shopping for a new doc.

Just my opinion - but you have been very patient. I understand how it feels when you can't tell of you are overreacting or not because you feel so bad or are scared to death of the outcome. I lost a lot of my patience when I got BC.

Tomboy

Gma! YES! For sure get another pain doctor! it s quite barbaric that they should be treating you this way! YOU ARE NOT AN ADDICT! why are the treating you like one? Cant you go to a regular internist, or primary care physician, and let them know what is happening. Do you know that gabapentin was made as an antiseizure medicine? Not for pain, or neuropathy,, or any of the other multiple "off-lable" uses they try to give it to us for? i do try to stick to the simple opoids, because they have centuries of tried and true pain fighting abilities, and can be tapered off of. We do not know what neurontin does in the long run. I am so sorry that you are going through this. Good luck to find a different doctor.

Holeinone

Gma, my DH has a pain management guy, not a real Dr. But one that close. I go ballistic because they prescribe something that the insurance won't pay for, then do not return any calls for a week. I forced my DH to go pick it up anyway ( it was over $400 ). I am heartbroken for him because he has degenerate joint & bone disease. Could stem from a broken neck as a teenager..we live in a small community, no other options. He still works hard & try's to be active.

We all wish we could help you more, pain is just the worse, I have begun to start having really bad dreams, ( nightmares ) I think it is a result of the chemo, pain & stress..

Wren44

Gma, I don't know if there is another pain specialist in town. I would tangle with the office staff for sure. Not returning a call for days is unprofessional.

camillegal

GMA I agree and don't think u'r overreacting, u do have to think of the pain u'r in and need help.

Holeinone I have heard of dreaming crazy when going thru this stuff.

Wren44

Shells, had to laugh at your cold spell. We keep our thermostat at 67 and wear fleece. Every time I've gone to Hawaii, I get off the plane thinking 'none of the clothes I've brought are cool enough'. I've been there in the winter and know it gets pretty cool and rains.

GmaFoley

I'm not strong enough to fight them anymore. When my Wonderful Pain doc left town, I asked him to ask his associate if he wanted to deal with my "uniqueness". He said that he didn't want to leave me at the gutter and any doctor should find it interesting and challenging. I said ok and the first visit was ok. His personality was a bit different, but tolerable. The last visit, he was having issues trying to figure out what he wanted to do and changed his mind about 4 times while I was in there. Then looked at me like I would tell him what to do. We finally agreed that it might be the Gralise that was probably causing the issue (dizzy/nausea). But when it came to helping me with the withdrawals, I called him waited and never got "the call" so I called back and it was - "Oh, didn't you get the message? Did you try benadryl?" - What? Never got that message - then I said all it will do is lay me flat for 2 days. Then she went and talked to the doctor and he said to "ride it out" nothing else he could suggest.

I wrote my PCP just now and asked her to refer me and to see if she felt comfortable enough to help me in the meantime. At least with her, I can email her on the portal and she ANSWERS ME! Ok enough of my whining. Got to get back to work.

flat13good

I would do the same give them shit and if they still don't take care of you then find a better group if you can.  In the beginning when I found my lymph node swollen my PCP told me it was just an infection and all I needed was an antibiotc. He popoed me going to the breast surgeon - I was over reacting.  I went to the BS and was glad I did not follow my PCP advice that it was just an infection.  I tried to call him to talk with him and he did not return my call so I did not go back to him.  Have a new doc now and am much happier.

I take Gabapentin 3 times a day and if I don't I hurt like crazy - I like opoids better but I can't work or drive if I take them  My sister and I call Gabapentin the crazy girl pills because they make you jumbled in the brain.  Forgetful so I have to make a list for everything so I don't forget things.  I have trouble having a conversation and right in the middle I forget what I was saying.  I guess I will continue with the crazy girl pills for now so I can work ----so off I go back at it.  see you all later

Anonymous

(groan) What the hell did I do at the party? Wait, don't tell me. I have a horrible headache, I barf when I move so I imagine there isn't much champagne punch left. Also, there is a nekkid guy in my bed. You guys let me bring him home? After what I told you about the drummer that didn't go home for 3 months? At least this one smells pretty good. He better be able to make coffee and cook if he wants to stay, though!

GmaFoley

I wish there was a Like and Dislike smiley.... not thumbs up or thumbs down.

camillegal

Foley u are not hining plese, u'r actually talking to us with things going on in u'r head trying to think wht to do and it seems to me u did make a decision to talk to u'r other Dr. U know like Ducky said we can only go by our own experiences and some ideas--nothing is certain but I think I would definitely do wht u'r doing and talk to the Dr. on the internet. Tell her.him u need help and feel like u'r being brushed off. To me that sounds like  good idea--go for it, and sometimes it's easier to talk on the computer than on the phone or face to face--good for you.

Phyloho-ho-ho at least u got some one to go home with u and u'r ankle bracelet, that does scare some. And all of these guys can cook and clean--so go for it--No one came home with me.

4sewwhat

Phyloho!!  If you untie him or give him the key to the cuffs, he can leave or go make dinner!!!

Gma; I agree.  Raise hell, kick ass and take names.  I mean literally take names.  Call every hour on the hour.  I be the staff is a HUGE part of the problem.  I would sure find out what your other options are until you can dump them and get a new doc.  I would also write a letter addressed personally to the doc so he knows what the hell is going on.  Hope it gets better very soon.

FireKracker

GmaF,,,u r paying his salary

marywh

Oh Shells do you have your gloves and ear-muffs? It got up to a balmy 46 degrees today. Down in the teens tonight...I know its not as cold as some of you but this old bald-headed lady could use a break....

duckyb1

GMA....are you an HMO....".if you are,, report the office, including the Dr to the insurance company........file a grievance against the practice....

If it is another type if coverage report it to them.."they want to know these things...remember the squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Don't think your mega are (too young), but should you be call them, and make sure you document everything...

Especially document everything the 1/2 ass Dr's office says.......and tell them you are doing just that....names are important....when you ask the name of who your speaking with all of a sudden they become more cooperative.....you have to let them know your not playing........reminding them you are reporting their lack of interest to the insurance company...

Holeinone

ok Hoolies here goes my rant...I am 2 weeks post my final chemo, waiting for rads. Everyone expects me to be healed, I am talking back to my old self. You are damn if you tell them the truth, then you get the song & dance about being some f@:$%> warrior, survivor, pink ribbon cheerleader. So, I want to get back into the real world, socially, but I am so tired of the "pep talk", when they are clueless. Do I stay home, or put that plastic smile on my puffy, hairless face ? This might stem from losing my eyelashes. I really miss them...WTF is a girl to do?

Golf girl

marywh

This is what I told everybody and still do. I really don't want to discuss my problems with everyone every time I see you, so if anything changes and I need to tell you anything different, I will.

Alyson

Holeinone I used to say:

"Shall I give you the conventional answer or do you want the truth!" And at times I have told them what they can do with pink. It always gets them.Sorry you have to put up with this, it is one of the problems with all the pink stuff that is around, people do not realise what having chemo is like or rads for that matter. Look after yourself and hugs

camillegal

Maybe that's why I don't like the word survivor it kind of means it's all be hind u---well I call it a put up with iter--u still have a way to go  and even when it's over are u 100% what u used to be--If so that's wonderful, if not u put up with what u have to. But every so often I feel like really telling someone all we go thru and exactly what we're still going thru day by day--no one would ask again.

luvmygoats

Mary - You need to copyright that answer. STFU for sure.

Holeinone - Not having been in your shoes I guess it kinda depends on who it is and how much info you think they deserve. Maybe "still slogging thru treatments" sort of answer. I would definitely practice and yes in front of a mirror b4 I needed them. Sounds like both Mary and Alyson perfected theirs. Most of the public hasn't a clue what CA tx involves and frankly does not want to know; scared spitless. I wouldn't have know either 2 years ago what BC tx was other than surgery. I actually had a hospice pt (age 90) on Arimidex and we had a disagreement one day at a staff mtg whether that was chemo. I sure as heck had not a clue what it was b4 she became my pt.

Gma - all good suggestions. I would investigate as you are doing with your PCP what choices are out there. Hope he got back to you today b4 you're facing the weekend. Taking the names of the staff each time and letting them know that you're not an idiot and know exactly what is going on with them. "Oh so I know who to ask for when Dr. ___ does not call me back." Again like with Holeinone leave what you want to say by the phone. I've made actual dialogs out for sticky calls I've had to make. That may provoke a reaction between staff and him, a good reaction. Guarantee this is happening to others. Is he overbooked, sick, on drugs, staff on drugs? I have one med asst. I refuse to talk to at my PCP's. It may be the staff and then again it could surely be the doc himself. Seen plenty of those kinds. When you're done with him report him if just on some of those "Health Grades" websites. I read them.

Heck there ain't no healed. I pulled something on L side doing wall pushups for PT. Bet you booty not doing the L again just R and tomorrow is my last day. Don't want it renewed thank you very much. Oh they've been charging me a co-pay each time. Guess it's refund city; insurance EOB says no co-pay. Years ago I used to work for a psychiatrist and filed insurance the old fashioned way on paper. Know my way around an insurance claim.

luvmygoats

Cami - so right. And yet I have another friend had lumpectomy, rads, on some estrogen sucking drug. About my age early 60s. Establishing some kind of travel agency business - to Italy esp. Goes all the time, I mean ALL the time. I see her pic about once a month in the society pics (not so much high society but charitable things). Her lifestyle would KILL me. Maybe she just takes better drugs than I do HAHA.

camillegal

Foley I was just thinking, I don't know how Drs. and hospitals are there but ours is like all together and the hospital wants to know how u've been treated by u'r Dr. and the staff after u go--or during the time u go--even for tests they call or send a kind of report card--If that;s the case there u can call the hospital and tell them what u think. Why not it's time.

sas-schatzi

Golfgirl, there's no one answer. Every contact is situational. You will know when your gut will tell you what to do. Sometimes just the look with no response. Other times maybe some discussion about the realities of cancer. Then there will be the people that will move out of your life either after you tell them the truth, or those that think cancer is catchy, or those that think you made it happen and aren't positive enough, or those that advise you about some asparagus cure and are ticked b/c you don't join in.

You will lose some friends that you thought you could count on. Some folks will step forward and be supportive. Many surprises. Some will cause sadness. Until time has passed you won't know. Retrospection may give you a clue for future contacts.

Maybe this story will help in some way. As a 2y/o I got a wound at the left corner of the eye b/c the doc managed it wrong it formed a half moon scar. He was very sorry, but in retrospect it was a boon for me.  From a very very young age I was asked about the scar. Mom said at 5y/o I asked to talk in private and asked her about the scar. She explained it and said my response is was "is that all". Fastforward, form middle school on I started to classify people into three categories.

1. first type---didn't even know my name or it was a first contact and they would ask how I got the scar. My response evolved over time---I would politely not respond. As a teen to young adult, I came up with some wicked stories. Then in time I followed my gut and my response was all over the board. The lesson it taught me is that some people have no manners. That lesson help mold how I reacted to others that had no manners.

2. second type ----people would know me awhile then ask. The "awhile" varied, could be months to years. When the question came, it was at an opportune time for them to ask b/c of circumstance. The lesson for me was this group was curious , but had manners. Again molded my growth. These people I responded with kindness b/c they didn't let their own "something" get in the way of proper manners.

3. third type---those that never noticed. The lesson for me was that there are people that see only the inner person, that extraneous outward features didn't distract them. These people always coincidently were very good people in many ways

I was relating this to a friend on the phone when I had been married for 6 months. DH raised  his head up and said "What scar". I had to point it out. DH "Hmmm I never saw that". Me "Yes dear you are in category three".

There are literally thousands of stories b/c there were many in category one and two. Fewest in category three. Hardly a day in my life that I can remember not being queried.  Hope you find a pearl somewhere in here that helps. L&H's golfgirl    sassy

sas-schatzi

Foley, lovey we've talked of this often, I have nothing new to add. Cami's last post is the best approach as many hospitals have brought the hammer down on docs, managers, staff in any job description b/c public relations translates to patient referrals and ultimately $$$$$$$$. But it is more difficult when it occurs inside a docs office. A well managed practice realizes the "PATIENT IS THE CENTER OF THE PRACTICES EXISTENCE". The 1-10-100 rule applies. One patient harmed will tell 10 others . Those ten will in turn tell 10 more. I mentioned this when we were talking about the Hartford now quite a few pages back.

The insurance approach is also very good. Insurance companies starting back in the late 70's and progressing since have found that if they are actively involved in patient management it saves dollars. One of the best approaches is when they started to hire nurses that have a strong understanding of how hospitals work. To make best use of this opportunity always ask for a nurse case manager to be assigned to your overall care. When a disease entity arises like BC ask that another nurse also be assigned for consultation on Cancer related problems. Each company has a name they apply to this person, but all major carriers have them. If it isn't offered to you, ask. Just as in all relationships you may not click with the one assigned to you, if that occurs, ask for another.

Medicare is the most proactive in monitoring problems. What I've found in talking with members, this varies dramatically throughout the country. My Medicare HMO plan is very highly rated by patients for their responsiveness. Coincidently (by plan) they are also rated very highly by their commercial clients. I have considered changing to straight Medicare, but the loss of my customer service folks is what has prevented the change. Consumer report produces plan ratings once a year. Worth the read.

The suggestion on documenting calls and names works well also. My failure with Hartford would not have occurred as it did, had I kept better documentation. But I was in the basement at the time. Being in the basement blurs things. My hope now with Hartford is Ds can work some acceptable outcome. But I have hindered his work b/c I didn't do my work well.

Yelling at folks doesn't work. A doc is not required to keep you as a patient. The law only requires that they allow you time to find comparably qualified care before you are dismissed. This is accomplished as a last resort by a dismissal form letter that meets the law specifics of a given state.  As someone mentioned, simply not being responsive can get what to the doc is a demanding patient to leave.

This in no way is to imply or dismiss any of your concerns. I'm sure there maybe a misinterpretation by some if all is not read carefully. With my own PCP, there are seven in the practice. She is the only one that meets my level of expectation in all areas. I've suggested she can't retire until I die. Regretfully, she is only 5 years younger than me.

A DOC THAT MAKES THIS THERE STANDARD MODUS OPERANDI SOON HAS FEWER AND FEWER PATIENTS AND PATIENT REFERRALS FROM OTHER DOCS. OOps had caps on, but it is an appropriate oops. When a consultation doc doesn't treat you well, let the referring doc know. When staff within a practice doesn't treat you well let the doc AND the top manager know. Docs can be so caught up in their work, they forget to manage staff. That's why a call to the top manager may get the response you want. For example, I had a tech attempt an improper lab draw this year, the office branch top manager had her head up her ass, but I've had a many year wonderful relationship with the TOP clinical/office manager. She fixed it AND reinserviced all employees on techniques and consent law.

Foley you and I have talked of much of this. My fingers just kept typing. This is more of a blog for others b/c you have attempted do much and keep running into brick walls.

Holeinone

Mary, Cami, Alyson. Luvmygoats, thx for the dialogue & suggestions. I am not comfortable with the word survivor, either, & I would never use the "cured" word. Time will ease all these annoying comments

GmaFoley

Ducky - no insurance.

Mary, no, he didn't call back. I emailed my doc and she usually answers after her last patient.

Sas, yes I know your ideas, unfortunately, I need a doctor to prescribe them.. and/or some of them are problems for me.

We are having freezing rain tonight.

ROFL.. I just a too tired to fight it right now.

duckyb1

GMA........no insurance at all.....wow...that is tough.......what about the (please don't take this the wrong way).....the public assistance from the state.....will this Obamacare thing help you.........just stand your ground with the Doctor.....hugs

camillegal

Wait a minute, I missed something Foley u don't have insurance.--well there has to be something u can do like /ducky said-other people seem to always have it, somehow it has to work out for u. This is chit

GmaFoley

Nope - even with all my doctor bills, we make too much money and its going to cost us $1100 a month for insurance. We don't qualify for assistance.

Spookiesmom

I need to see my new PCP tomorrow. The vampire in his office is too full of himself. I'm going to tell doc my cow died, I don't need his bull. Have him back off, or I'm gone.

Shells, they just don't understand do they? 75 is coolish, 60 sends us for jackets.