The Hermit Club

blondiex46

Jazzy so sorry for what you are dealing with...we are here...

Laurie, someone people don't want to know anything , me I want to know everything so take in as much as you want at the time and can understand...we all get confused but this site is a great resource and the people on here know or have experienced different  things....

me....

chemo was ok they had a phillies party with hot dogs, potato salad, macaroni salad, chips, popcorn, sodas, baked beans, sourkraut, chili for the hot dogs, cake, brownies, cookies, veggie tray.......the oncology unit is so wonderful to us......got chemo down to 5 things plus zometa....slept from 8 til 12.30 am and have been up since then.nd now it is 407...will take benedryl shortly where I can sleep...they have the party every year, actually I moved my chemo til today cause of it, lol..

camillegal

Blondie hahaha--after a while u know what's the best day. On the day of chemo I usually ws fine and altho our daily buffet wasn't nearly as abundant as that was we always had them and I f someone didn't feel like getting up (no not me) the nurses wuld get it. And we'd unplug and walk around sit somewhere else to talk or just to go to the bathroom (often)...very casual. not Dr.like, but I do know some women that would be alone having it and I wouldn't have liked thst cuz sitting and talking, laughing made the time go by quickly and I'd go lone cuz there was enough to do there and there was a TV too. So it's not scary at all.

bgirl

Laurie, glad you found some answers.  I had this surgery done.  If you have any questions I would be happy to answer, you can PM me or post here.  Wire localization, radio-tracer for SNB, blue dye during surgery, major reparative changes from biospy etc., been there, done that.  Only difference is mine was IDC and so they moved a bit quicker from biopsy, to MRI, to surgery.

Jazzygirl

Laurie- I am a planner too so if there are things you can do to anticipate things in advance, it helps. Make your bedroom comfortable too as you rest and heal post surgery. That will really help.

Jinkala

Herceptin treatment today - hopefully they don't have too much trouble finding a vein.  I have such terrible ones but I think there's only about 4 treatments left to go so switching to a port seems unlikely (not that I want one).

I finally got the MRI appt - next Tuesday - I really don't want to go - hate the closed in feeling - hate the awkward position to lay in - hate having to take anxiety drugs that make me feel weird.  I do worry that they'll find something though there is no reason to suspect that they will.  I wish that it would take half as long having only one breast to do but I kind of doubt that it works like that. :P

SoLinda

Wow ... another member of the "burrowing" club!  At almost two years since completion of my last chemo., I am still tired and lacking in enthusiasm when it comes to going out to parties, clubs, restaurants, friends' homes, and or having people over to my home!  I have always loved my privacy, but now even more so!!!  I live in an extremely isolated place and for the past 10 years I have only been in contact with my closest "bestest" friends via internet (we are on different continents).  I now prefer writing than speaking.  Speaking is tiring and most people here just do not understand and I feel myself overexplaining what is going on with me and then feeling like a victim ...

I was worried that I was depressed, but do not feel that I am.  Just tired and still recuperating!!!  I feel sorry for my husband as he plays in a rock band (a hobby) most weekends and I just cannot make myself go and watch.  Way too noisy!!!  Does anyone else have problems with noise????????????? Fortunately, DH does understand that this is the new normal for us.  And thank goodness I have two lovely dogs who are thrilled to have my company as well   Thanks soooo much for this thread because I really was starting to think I was the only one feeling this way!

chocolatesalad

This is a great thread-- i'm a hermit(or loner) by nature but I also love to socialize when in the mood--share the joy of being. I tend to want to retreat from the world and just create when dealing with health issues-when energy is limited and i need to reserve it for healing. but when feeling up to it, i like to get together with friends for dinner or something low-key... no man/woman is an island, as they say. i'm definitely a social creature but i love my 'island time' for meditation and rejuvenation.

chocolatesalad

ps: yes linda-- i'm not a big fan of loud noise and large crowds(but i love small house concerts)-- just very sensitive to external stimuli--caffeine probably doesnt help!:)

SoLinda

Yes, Chocolatesalad - small house concerts are a good thing!  I do feel Grinchlike though when people smoke around me (especially knowing that I had a pulmonary embolism and am just a bit touchy about my lungs these days ...)  I do feel lucky that even though I don't generally feel like socializing much anymore, I still have some patient friends waiting me to show up at their home with a big smile.  Most of my friends here socialize by holding BBQs since the climate is hot all year round.  I get a lot of blank stares from other guests who can't understand why I always bring my own food (I have Vitamin K issues because I take warfarin) - coz it's usually only very salty BBQ'd meat with mandioca-plantain that is served, and maybe a little vinagrette salad) and lots and lots of beer.  Reading this over, it sounds like I am whining, but not really ...  just trying to get accustomed to life being different!  But still very good!

Jazzygirl

Dear Chocolate and SoLinda- welcome. This is a good place from the refuge of the world, the well meaning folks and those with too many questions too. I don't care to be in large groups, around noisey things, or anything else that feels draining. We all honor and respect each others right to share and also to remain quiet and private. All feelings shared her are welcomed, it's a judgement free zone.

Teka

camillegal

Wecome chocolate and Linda--WE ARE HERE and there are alot of us. Mor than we realized. I enjoy my alone time loads and I seem to pick and choose when I want it. I'm tired at different times and since I don't have a husband I don't need to even explain.

I like to think this is a very comfortabe thread and venting, ranting whatever is always welcome--we get it. All of it I think there are times when we just feel exhausted from whatever is going on and it's always hard to explain, cuz it's a little bit of a mystery to us to. /but healing is different for all of us, and I ove to hermit and just get on the computer or TV and not even talk.

Yesterday my cousin and his wife camup from Missouri and spent the day and evening here and I enjoyed it,we had some funn laughs and since I live with my DD and her DH and MY GS now everyone had a nice time, but Now I'm back into hermitude I hurt so bad cuz I didn't want to take much for pain while they were here so the weekend is all mine in my room. Only my GS is allowed in at any time LOL

Jazzy u've got so much enery just looking at u'r avatar this morning I'm tired..

SoLinda

Thank you so much for your input Jazzygirl, Teka and Camillegal - it really, really helps to feel so welcomed and that there are others out there feeling the same way!!!  Thanks again for listening   I'll be back ...

Jazzygirl

Good morning hermits! It is a warmer day here today and hope the winds stay down. I am going to an outdoor memorial service (2nd one this weekend) for a friend who lost an elderly aunt she was helping. Then to her home for the gathering. It will be good if we aren't blown to peices in the high winds that are typical of April here.

I went to the first memorial service yesterday for someone who lost their sister to cancer, and was very moved by it. I was kind of a sobby mess at times, but realize it was just a releasing of pent up grief from my own losses last year and all that has followed. 

And Cami is right, we love to rant here and it is just all okay!

Hoping you are all enjoying this spring where ever you are. 

camillegal

Jazzy u really have had a difficult week this week. I'm so sorry and now today too.

It is sunny out today, but still CHILLY so warm weather here yet. It will come, then it';; be about 100 degrees. So I'm not complaining about the chill in the air.

I hope everyone has a nice quiet day.

LaurieParr

Chocolatesalad, welcome! I can totally relate as all I want to do these days is isolate, write and create. Unfortunately life must go on and so I am forced to be in my very social world of hairdressing. I just try to carve out my hermit time as often as I can. We are all here for you. This is a wonderful place to just "be".



Jazzy, Camille, and ladies, thinking of you. Have a blessed day!



XOXOX

Laurie

LaurieParr

Bgirl...thank you! I will message you.

blondiex46

Welcome solinda and Chocolate we love new people....and I like Cam don't have a husband, been there done that (twice) not doing that again...

Jazzy so sorry you have to deal with no just 1 but 2....we are here...

It is 2 days after chemo went out this morning now am in the comfy bedroom, talking to you about to rest....have a good night, bbl...

camillegal

Blondie we both have had 2 hsbands---we don't learn fast do we? hahaha

I am so hermiting today--yesterday my cousins stayed til after 10PM so all day--I had my happy face on and feelin' fine act going. and don't even talk about how I feel or cancer. Now I' so exhausted with my usual pain so today I'm taking my pain meds and feel miserable. Don't get me wrong it was all good seeing them, but pretending was hard for me. My SIL  asked me today all u did was sit around and talk so why are u so tired.? I don't know--but I did sit without my legs up (stupid) and at the kitchen table too for a while (stupid) I know I have to sit, but can't around alot of people--I want to look normal not all creppy looking. So zI think I hurt more the next day.--but I know u guys get it so I'm ranting today. Whew see I feel better hahaha

But I hope u all had a good day.

Well they caught the Boston guy so that was good--what a horrible news week it's been and for the most part I wtched everything, It all was so sad and senseless.

Skittle

Welcome, new ones.  It doesn't seem all that long ago that I felt new, awkward and wondering...  One thing I love about all the hermits in the nest is we all understand, know when to laugh, and are able to cry. 

Laurie... Don't know what you have in store, but I had radiofrequency ablation, reverse node mapping (blue dye), and partial mastectomy/lumpectomy, followed with anastrozole.  If any of it sounds in your future, ask anything.  :-)   You are loved.

Camille... go get some strength back!  You put in a lot of energy.  It's hard on you! 

Jazzy, curve, markat, teka, blondie and all... hugs to you each.  Take care. 

Jazzygirl

Cami- your visits sounded tiring. I think it is hard to spend time around people when you don't feel well, especially with pain. I pray your pain is gone tomorrow and that you have a better day. I spend a lot of time pretending around things too.

The second memorial today was really nice. My friends aunt graduated from college in 1939, long before women went to college. The family just sat around and shared stories, which I thought was great. Another woman I think I would have liked to have known. This one was not quite so exhausting as yesterday, I think because this woman lived to a ripe old age of 98! I do find I feel some healing has occurred with letting myself feel a bit of residual grief from my own losses this weekend. And I am thankful for that.

Skittle- 

Going to relax for awhile now. Wishing everyone a good sunday tomorrow.

camillegal

Jazzy I'm glad u feel that way--and it did help u.

I want to live to be a healthy 100 and have my husband have to drop out of college for a year cuz he's so depressed.

LaurieParr

Thank you Skittle! Love to you Jazzy.....Camille and ladies, I totally get the "pretending". It's exhausting and draining.



I just got a message from my best friend of 37 years. She wants to come out for a few days and take care of me after my surgery. I totally freaked out! I love her like a sister, but I really don't want anyone but my husband and kids at home with me. I explained that it was just a day surgery and that my husband works from home and will be here, but she insisted. I practically begged her not to come. I tried to explain that everything has been so overwhelming and consuming with my clients and such and that I truly just needed to shut down and hibernate. I told her that I could not EVER relax if there is anyone in my house (I panic over house guests) and that I really needed to just be able to hermit. She didn't understand, but finally just ended things with, "please let me take care of you. Please just think about it". The offer alone is gift enough to me. I am so grateful that all of you hermits GET my panic and need for my shell during this time.



I feel anxious just having the conversation. We are so not like most people and people just don't know how to deal with us.



Going to bed now...it was a long day of pretending. Love you all....



XOXOX

Laurie

Teka

Sorry, your friend is way out of line.   Tell her, "Thank You but hubby wants to take care of me while on the mend."

curveball

ugh! I am having a pity-party. I went out of town last weekend to my niece's graduation, caught a cold and now my ears are all plugged up. I thought I was getting over it Monday, but now it seems to be be coming back, I had a temperature of 100.5 a few hours ago. I wonder if my immune system is still screwed up from chemo or maybe even permanently damaged . I don't want to be sick for a week from every stupid little virus that comes around, or not be able to leave town without getting sick! Wah! Wah! Wah!

cvmarilyn

Laurie - I had that exact thing happen to me last summer right before I started chemo.  My best friend called and told me she was coming. Period. I, too, tried to talk her out of it - but to no end. I was so stressed with the thought of it - and I love her dearly - I just couldn't deal with the thought of anyone but my family being with me. I finally thought that I had to be true to myself. I called her and told her that I truly couldn't do it. It was AWKWARD - but it was what I had to do.  It's been OK since - but a little weird. I think it's finally working out and I have explained. Anyway - one thing I have learned from this is that you/we have to be true to ourselves. If not now when? It's scary I know but this is about you.

lots of hugs-

Marilyn

cvmarilyn

ps - please read the Op-Ed in the Los Angeles times from April 7 - it's entitled "How Not to Say the Wrong Thing" by Susan Silk and Barry Goldman.  I wish we could hand it out to everyone we meet : )

markat

Hi all! Hope all are well. Welcome newbies. We are a very caring group.



Laurie you just have to say no to people like that. My friends kind of tried that and I told them no. They insisted...I laughed and told them I wouldn't answer the door if they showed up



I need to catch up with everyone! Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts for my mom. I'm still reeling but we had a good day and that's all that matters!!

bgirl

Markat, thinking of you often.  Wishing you a good week.

Laurie, between your husband and your kids it will be enough.  Maybe you can think of a positive thing she could do for you as a peace offering, but one that does not inolve moving in.

Skittle

  Curve... feel better soon.  We've all had pity parties and understand.  Fevers, too, are no fun.  Be good to yourself.

Laurie...one story suggested to me was "The Spoon Theory" on a site called you don't look sick...  It's a little long, but explains a lot.  Your friend loves you and will eventually understand.  If you put all your energy into a good front, you'll have no energy for the important parts.

markat... prayers continue your way. I'm sure First Communion was beautiful and happy.  hugs...

camille... curl up with a good Joey moment or two.  recharge those batteries.

Glad it's spring.