Starting Chemo July 2012

stride

Cyano, I hope you find that the recovery speeds up as you move forward. You were in such great shape before, I'm sure you will be again.

Itsalltemporary

(Get ready - here comes some pent up venting!!!) Chemo is wearing on me!!!! I don't know what is worse - the physical effects or the mental fatigue. I am so sick of having this chemo thing always looming in the background. Tired of having to think so hard about what to eat and what might taste good. Tired of having to remember to drink water. Tired of having to double and triple review emails at work because of foggy chemo brain. Tired of my wig moving around during the day. Tired of looking like a gnewt without my wig on, as my eyelashes and eyebrows thin to match my bald head. Tired of trying to figure out which weekend might be "good weekends" for social plans. Tired of having zero sex drive. Tired of being winded walking up a flight of stairs. I know I shouldn't complain - I have been so fortunate with side effects and there are so many of you that are facing so much more with much more grace! But I just can't wait to start working out again, can't wait to eat sushi. Looking forward to wearing cute hairstyles, being spontaneous and not being so connected to the calendar! (could I be any more shallow in the things I want?!) Just looking forward to focusing on things that are meaningless and unimportant!

Happy !!@%$! Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!!

mamabr

Vent away....right there with you itsalltemporary. I have been pretty tired with the Taxol. Even though it's not as rough as the AC, I stay in a very non-active state. I save my energy for the non-negotiable stuff and then hide out for everything else. Yesterday I stayed in my pjs until 5pm, only to get back in them at 7. Tonight we were watching the football game and I kept on commenting on all the pink things. My daughter reminded me that they did the pink gear every year in October, but all I could think was that last year was different......

MaddyMac

Hey there Ladies, long time no see. . .



I'm glad to hear so many of you are having less trouble w/SEs on Taxol than on AC. I wound up in the hosptal with pneumonia the day before I was supposed to have my first Taxol, had to put it off for a week. Since my treatment, I have had disabling bone and joint pain, it really surprised me as it started prior to neupogen injections. Sat in the bathtub and cried last night.



On a better note, I keep having these wonderful visions of us, one by one, flying or striding or walking down through the finish line as we each complete our treatments. Beautiful images.

Lifeonitsside

Itsalltemporary - I was there before my latest treatment. Done and done and done and shaking my fists in the air and just angry and frustrated and pissed off. I am so tired of being tired. That's my biggest thing. Just not being able to physically do what I want to do. Luckily, my libido has not suffered and I am so grateful. But I hear you. So rant and rave and vent. I cannot wait until we're all on the other side of this.

teeballmom

Itsalltemporary: Vent away! I share your same thoughts a lot lately.



Tomorrow it's Taxol #5 for me and Herceptin. Then Thursday I have an echocardiogram to see how my heart is holding up. Don't know why but when my ONC office called last week to tell me about the echo I got so emotional and fell apart. Luckily I was alone in the house so nobody saw me break down, but boy I'm tired of all this crap.



Take care.

Maddie57

Hi Ladies- couldn't agree with you more about all the chemo crap. I am so sick of it all- keep catching a glimpse of my bald head in the mirror and thinking - who is that? I also think I am going to burn this blasted wig after the chemo - how I hate it. It feels just like a particularly itchy horse blanket and is so hot. I am also tired of looking sideways at anyone who sneezes or coughs. My last Taxotere chemo is on Monday, and I think I would go crazy if I had to postpone it due to illness. My husband and I have booked to go to the Greek Isles 10 days after the last taxotere treatment. It is probably not the wisest thing to do with all the bugs on the aeroplane, but I am taking all the precautions I can, and can't wait to get away.

Stride and Ann- I also have found I can't do much physical exercise, and I was thrilled to hear quite a few of you have found you are breathless. I thought it was only me.

brKaren4 - Welcome!!!! So nice to meet(?) you. I have found our thread invaluable, and hope it helps you too.

Roadwarrior and SusanHG123. I am so sorry about your SE's. Ask your Oncologist if they can reduce your dose a bit - it REALLY helps. Roadwarrior you may find you are developing an allergy to the Taxotere. If so, it will hit you as soon as they start the next drip. I have to have hydrocortisone before every treatment now, and I can tolerate the taxotere fairly well. The second treatment I was pinned to the chair within 2 minutes. The pain was so bad in my pelvis, hips and legs, I don't think I could have moved if there had been a fire. Susan I do hope your pneumonia is better - thinking of you.

teeballmom - I am sorry the echocardiogram freaked you out. You will  have those fairly regularly now, as the herceptin can affect your heart muscle. They are just being careful. I hope your results are good.

Earlier in this thread someone asked about nail discolouration. It hasn't changed the colour of the nail that is already there, but this week the nails obviously grew a bit, and the discolouration is at the base of the nails- oh the joys! 

emilybrooke

Maddie agreed about the coughing and sneezing people around me. My sister gently scolded me because I do not have a poker face and the look of disgust I shoot people in public when they do not cover up is terrible. But too bad - eople need to cover up!

Road and Susan did you have the Neulasta shot after your 2nd round of Taxol? I had my second round yesterday and Neulasta earlier today. I had it pretty easy after round one of Taxol but I think the neulasta is what really brings on the body pains for me.

I had the radiation oncology appointment today. The doctor said that she is leaning towards no radiation for me: 1. the macroscopic (2.1mm) cancer cells in my sentinel are just above the cutoff of 2 mm. She said that the cells may have flattened after dissection when the pathologist put them on the slide under the microscope - weird explanation. 2. I had the double bmx, chemotherapy, herceptin for one year and tamoxifen for five years - I am doing everything possible so she thinks that should be enough.

Factor working against me: my age  The radiation onc did not feel confortable comitting to no radiation w/o presenting my case to the Tumor Board (they really couldn't find a better name?) which meets in the middle of this month.

I really thought I was going to get a definitive answer today and after being at the dr. office for three hours I wonder why I had to go in at all just to find out that I have to wait 2-3 weeks for an answer. Sorry for the mini vent - I too am tired of this =(

roadwarrior28

Emilybrooke - I always have Neulasta shot after chemo, but I feel like this pain is different than what I had with Neulasta before (during AC). Neulasta pain for me usually started the same day as the shot (in the evening) and lasted for a day or two. Taxol pain starts day 3 or 4 and it's mostly in my legs...while the Neulasta pain was around the hip bones.

stride

MaddyMac said: "On a better note, I keep having these wonderful visions of us, one by one, flying or striding or walking down through the finish line as we each complete our treatments. Beautiful images."

I looooove this! This is where we are all heading, even on the days we feel absolutely lousy.

I'm doing a lot better. I have worked full days for the past two days. Appetite's back with a vengeance, and everything tastes yummy. Last night my husband made the most delicious stew with pork, butternut squash and tomatoes. Today I had two bowls of Cheerioes, two pumpkin muffins, a bean-and-cheese burrito and a chocolate chip scone. I'm about to have a chicken burrito for dinner, on the theory that you really can't have too many burritos.

Last night I took a hot bath and thought, hey, I should do this more often! When you have been feeling bad for awhile, not feeling bad feels wonderful! All the pleasant little sensations are amplified.

SusanHG123

Today must be our day.....

I told my daughter I was just in a piss poor mood--and best leave me alone. Really alone. The next person that tells me "you only have 10 more treatments to go" best duck. Really? 10 more. Followed by surgery and radiation and oral chemo. Really? The every week is really hard. 

Taxol has been really hard and have not had Neulesta since AC. White counts stay lowish. Reds keep going lower--very short of breath. The pain has been surprisingly harsh. AND--broke a filling! So now need a crown--after obtaining permission from the MO of course. 

SusanHG123

Wigs--gave up on the fake hair and gave the 2 I ordered away. Sticking with scarves and hats. The "hair" kept getting in my face or twisting. And was so itchy! Do have a purple and hot pink wig--wear just for fun occasionally. When instead of Dean of Health I pretend to be 12--or a pole dancer....

Lifeonitsside

I guess I'm very lucky. I love my shaved head and many people think it's a choice as opposed to the result of chemo. I'm lucky that I'm an artist and director so I can get away with the bald shaved head. Oh, and I live in LA so nothing is surprising here.



Though I did get a cute wig that I wear only occasionally, when I don't feel like looking like a cancer patient. I wore it out last night and confused some friends I haven't seen in a while because I'm usually dark haired and the wig is kind of dirty blonde. But it works! And my DBF think it's sexy. So I only wear it once in a while so I find it tolerable. But I do get sick of the bald head and hats and scarves. Can't wait till I get my hair back, to be honest. My eyebrows are just now really showing wear and tear and I've lost about half my eyelashes. And the hair in my nether regions is completely gone, which is kind of strange.



I wish us all quick and speedy treatment so we can get back to real life.

_Ann_

Ugh, Susan it sucks you broke a crown in the midst of all this.   I have some purple wigs too, but not bold enough to wear them out in public.  

Tomorrow I dread-- I have MRI at one facility, then over to another for ultrasound, blood draw, finally my pre-Taxol consult with the MO.  Then back tomorrow for Taxol #1.  I plan to take an Ativan and an Advil before the MRI, hoping that will help with the IV.  The hubby got drafted into driving me so I can drug myself up with the Ativan.   I hope to be only semi-lucid for the next two days!  Then Friday a friend is visiting, she wants to do Reiki on me.  I hope it will be relaxing and fun to see her.  I'm trying to hold onto that vision of Friday to get thru the next two days.  

roadwarrior28

Talking about crowns...I think I may need a root canal. I was hoping it was just over sensitive nerves due to chemo, but it keeps hurting...

Ann - I've done Reiki several times and really felt better after. 

Maddie57

Hi Ladies- I feel on top of the world today. I think I mentioned my TE is badly affected by the chemo. I really thought I had capsular contraction. Saw the Breast Sister yesterday, and she says although she has not heard of this SE it is not CC. Can't tell you how thrilled I am - I nearly kissed her!!! She really liked the wig, so I said I will give it to you when I am finished and good riddance!!

Stride - thrilled to hear you could eat something. the butternut stew sounded delicious - fancied some myself!

emilybrooke - I am so sorry you have to wait so long for the verdict- that really sucks. I hope they decide you don't need radiation, so you will be finished with the treatment sooner. Good luck.

 Ann - good luck with your first taxol treatment. I am glad your hubbie is going with you. What is Reiki? I have never heard of it. It sounds relaxing anyway.

roadwarrior - my teeth also hurt. It is not just one, but all of them. I think it is the acidity in all the fruit I am eating. I have had this once before BC, and the dentist asked me if I was eating a lot of fruit. I was at the time, as friends with fruit trees had given me lots which my family and I were all ploughing through. If it is just the one, and feels like the root - I would go ASAP to the dentist. You may have an infection, and timely antibiotics could sort it out without root canal treatment.  

Maddie57

Stride - loved the image of us all finishing, and I can imagine it clearly. 

Susan - What an insensitive remark about only 10 chemos. I am sure thet are only trying to make you feel better, but 10 is a lot. My heart bleeds for you - hang in there! How are your mouth ulcers. Are they any better?

Life - Loved the image of you with your bald head, and no one commenting on it. You sound so creative and talented 

mamabr

Roadwarrior, I had a very bad toothache after my first surgery. It had been crowned in January '12 and I thought for sure I would need a root canal. The dentist gave me antibiotics and the pain went away. He didn't rule out a root canal. He said, if needed, we could take care of a root canal after I am finished with my current treatments. 

_Ann_

Hi Maddie, hey it's good to hear you're in a good mood today.  Gotta love those bright days in the middle of this storm.  To answer your question, Reiki is an energy medicine treatment, the practitioners believe they can feel and manipulate your energy.  It's also sometimes called "healing touch" which is funny because they don't actually touch you, they keep their hands some distance above you.  Anyway I'm skeptical but my friend believes in it :-)

I had a toothache during chemo as well.  I had gotten a crown on that tooth just prior to starting.  I'm not sure if the tooth died or what.  It's quit hurting now and I don't plan to see the dentist until after chemo, since I know I can't have dental work until that's all done anyway.   Would suck to need a root canal after paying so much for the crown.

virginiab

This morning I went back to my exercise group for the first time since my most recent chemo. Oy! It was really hard. When I was panting after wallking one block from the parking lot to the campus rec building, I knew this was going to be a challenging morning. I mananged to struggle through one of the 2 sets of each exercise they were doing and used the time while they did the second set to recover. Really, it just became my goal to make it through the session without fainting or puking.... so I guess I was successful. I hope the next session on Friday morning is easier!

Then I went to my first meeting with the radiation oncologist, which went very well. I asked about lymphedema and he gave me the best answer I've gotten so far about using my right arm. He said if you decide to do something like moving the sofa by yourself and it caused pain (damage) in your armpit/lymph nodes area, then don't do that thing again. This makes a lot more sense than the "never lift more than x pounds" kind of answers, which are totally impractical. 

I like this doctor a lot. He went on to ask about my insurance and to tell me I could get bras and a partial prosthesis to balance out my big breast/not so big breast look. 

Now I could use a nap....

mamabr

Yeah.....chemo was cancelled today!! I feel like I have a vacation. I am thinking of all the things I can get done this weekend, even if it's feeling just a little happier. The doc thought I would be sad because it extends the treatments, but I needed the mental break and apparently the physical break. I guess I shouldn't be on the computer, but it's still pretty hot outside, the heat really bothers me and I thought all of you could understand why I would be in a good/better mood. Okay, I'm finished tooting my horn, I'm really not a bragger, I know what we are all going through. Kind thoughts to everyone and let's hope the CA heat subsides. xo

SusanHG123

Didn't have Taxol today. Only Herceptin. Counts too low. No matter how much I hate chemo--I hated even more being denied. Back Tuesday for labs, hopefully Wednesday for Taxol and Herceptin. Then will start neupigen every day for 3 days after each cycle. 

Won't let me have crown. Calling dentist to sand off harsh edge.

Am so very depressed.  

emilybrooke

Road I think I am feeling the difference that you described between the Taxol and Neulasta effects. The Taxol is definitely in my legs while the Neulasta is all lower back.

Susan will they doc let you have the Taxol this week if your counts go up or do you have to wait for another cycle of it? My liver enzymes are elevated right now (2 days post Taxol 2). I have bloodwork scheduled for next Thursday to see if I can have round 3 of Taxol on 10/15.

I have been an emotional disaster for the last 24 hours. I did not have this problem after round 1 of Taxol. I think BC awareness month set it off. It's like every commercial, every newspaper, and every magazine is about BC - can't escape it. It's going to be a very long month if this keeps up.

Madelyn

Hey Everyone,

I just had Taxol #5.  Nothing like staying up all night catching up with the infomercials.  Other than that I have no SEs on Taxol, but I'm doing the weekly.  I had my Flu shot yesterday.  My MO wanted me to get it, as long as it wasn't the live mist one.  She wanted everyone in my house to get it too.  Anyone else  get their shot?  

I hope everyone gets back on track soon-- I hope counts go up soon.

teeballmom

Madelyn: We have only 7 more Taxols to go. My ONC gave me my flu shot last week and like you I was up last night watching tv. My favorite was the new coffee machine from Keurig. I had to stop watching because It made me want a cup of coffee really bad.



Yesterday the sweetest man (79 yrs) was there for his first treatment and was getting Taxol. OMG he had a reaction to it. I nearly started to cry I felt so bad for him. The nurses and doctors were all there with him immediately and he was getting the best care until the paramedics came to take him to the hospital. Everyone in our room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop and everyone felt so horrible for what happened. This disease just keeps giving.



Hope all is well. I'm getting ready to drive to the hospital right now for my echocardiogram. Hopefully it shows my heart muscles are doing good.



Take care.

_Ann_

Heading to the BGC for Taxol #1 soon.  I was dreading it but now I'm pretty psyched.  I got preliminary results from my post-AC imaging tests yesterday.  The US tech told me the MRI showed "maybe" a couple 2 mm spots left of the original 3.5 cm tumor, and the lymph nodes were all normal size.  This is the best news I've had since staring this whole odyssey.  We celebrated last night with cupcakes!

Lifeonitsside

Just walked away from my relationship with my DBF today. And it has nothing to do with my treatment. He's always seen our relationship as causal, I thought it was turning into something more. But a few things have cropped up lately - nothing major and I still think he's the most darling man ever - but I want/need a little bit more security, more...something and he's just not able to give me that. We had a really good, healthy talk about what we each want and he assured me that he never really saw me as "sick" and that he didn't stay with me just because I was sick. But we both want different things and I cannot deal with the casual nature of our relationship anymore. So I just walked away from something that has been so good and so wonderful because it was starting to hurt and I needed to go before it hurt more. I'm heartbroken more so because he cannot see what a wonderful man he is. His ex has him convinced that he's a selfish, ungiving narcissist who's just a bad person and I cannot convince him otherwise. He kept telling me how bad of a person he is and how terrible of a boyfriend he "would be". So he's cannot let himself be in a real relationship because I think he doesn't think he's worthy of it. That kills me more than anything.



So I will go on and go through without him. It'll be hard because I'm so crazy about him. But right now, I have to take care of and protect me. I wish him nothing but love and I hope I can let him back in as a friend at some point. But not right now.

PaEaglesFan

Sending you big hugs Life. It's hard when you love someone who doesn't think they are worth loving.  Such a shame he couldn't see himself thru your eyes and realize what can be.   

_Ann_

Good move, life.  I know how hearbreaking it can be to let go of "what might have been", but you don't need to be spending energy trying to push a relationship with an unwilling partner right now.  You're a strong woman and you're making room for better things in your life.

mssunshine71

Life - I did the exact same thing you did.  I spent 2 years with a man who never thought of us more than casual and good friends but I fell in love with him.  I had to leave him too about 3 weeks ago because it started to hurt too much. I feel for you but you need to spend your energy on yourself right now.  

Hugs to everyone feeling down