2012 sisters

Shari0707

Why am I still frightened... The Internet is the devil! It makes me neurotic...Am I crazy to b so neurotic? I am constantly scared and worried but let me tell you >I was told I have a90% chance of being cured. Cured! Or having it ne'er come back! It's hard to remember that at times but that was from my oncologist.. A doctor! I am doing pre chemo before surgery but they already biopsied a lymph node and it came back positive, so I know I have nodal involvement and my tumor is around 2.5 cm.... So with all this being known, my doctor staged me at stage 2 and then gave me my prognosis, which was pretty darn good I think. I have a lot of rough days still, because of what I read on the Internet, but I also know doctors tend to try and tell it like it is.. And she was pretty friggin positive... I am scared but it is also because I am going thru it right ow, and when I look in the mirror I have no hair and I feel like I won't get thru this... But I will... I am 31 by the way and have my whole life ahead of me! So try and be positive because I am trying over here too...

10/8/2012, IDC, 2cm, Stage IIb, Grade 3, ER+/PR+, HER2-

Outdamnedspot

Shari...It is so natural and okay to be frightened.  I can't imagine how I would have reacted at 31.  I know at the age of 56 how I felt, so you are entitled to be scared and worried.  We have all been there and we are here for you.

One thing I have done since my diagnosis is stayed off Google.  I found this site and this has been my 'go to' place for researching and knowledge.  Sure, there are a lot of sites to get info from, but sometimes too much is not a good thing.  If you can stay within the scope of your diagnosis, that may help lessen the worry as well.

You can do it and you are probably well on the way in your treatment plan and soon you will see the light at the end of the tunnel.  90% chance of no recurrance is probably what your doctor meant. That's where I'm at with my IDC.  I keep thinking positively that there will be a new drug or treatment discovered at some point that will makes those odds even better.  Drugs and treatments have changed so much in the last 10 years...so there is hope that this will continue.

websister

Hi Shari707 - the internet can be a scary place. There are some good books out there that give positive survivor stories, always reassuring to read things like this - one is Uplift by Barbara Delinsky. It can be hard not to worry or to look at the effects of chemo and wonder but I would go with what your doctor is telling you.

Karen - re: mastectomy vs lumpectomy - I had a previous lumpectomy (quadrentectomy) three years ago. Add what was already missing to what they intended to take this time with addition of a little extra to ensure clean margins and lumpectomy was not an option for me again.

McCook - hope you were able to get a good sleep last night and are feeling better today

Tazzy - good to hear from you again and thanks for the hugs

Hi to everyone else

Take care

Shari0707

Thank you outdamnedspot.. I know I need to stay off the Internet... I say it but don't always do

Joanne_53

Websister, I loved Uplift by Barbara Delinsky -- I bought it and suggested it to many ... donated my copy to the Wellness Library .... lots of good information but some good laughs too.

Shari0707, the internet has it's uses but try and stick to only MEDICAL sites and a place like this ... ask your doctors the questions and don't rely on "Dr. Google" (love that).

cowpower

Shari, we all have been where you are now. I promise this is the worst part, the waiting and worry. Once you are in active treatment, you will begin to feel more in control of your schedule, etc. Also you will able to feel more active, like you are finally able to do something. Remeber we are all here if you need us:)

Shari0707

Thanks you everyone for responding to my post.. I found this site and these forums are much more positive and uplifting than the Internet itself.. I have been in much better spirits and much more hopeful since I stayed on this site and less on dr. Google.. To outdamnedspot, Joanne and web sister thank U for giving me hope.. I know oncologist meant 90% chance of no recurrence rather than being cured since I know there is not really a cure yet.. Hopes for the future.. I guess what would get me scared are the stats that I would read based on stages and node involvement..or these case studies that would try and examine differet factors that effect the prognosis on bc patients.. those would get me scared too.. i would get anxiety attacks.. I know that the women on this site and reading their stories of the many years of NED are proof that the stats and case studies don't necessarily mean anything and I feel all in all this is something that I could beat... I just wish I could believe this all the time, and that may just be something that comes with time. And to have faith in my doctors and their positive and look and faith in god. That he wants me here for another 60 or 70 years!!! Till I am really really old and wrinkled!!!!!

Thanks everyone I finally feel I have a place to come for support

(And stress out my parents less )

mcook301

Shari- first of all big hugs! You have every right to be going through a world wind of emotions! It is normal as normal as any of this can be. When I was first diagnosed I remember feeling so completely over whelmed. We are here to hold your hand. The Internet is can be a friend or a foe when it comes to information over load. Just remember if you feel you have more questions for your doctors before any surgery, treatments etc then ask away. I had to go back and ask the same questions because I did not remember anything after they told me I had BC. Funny the only real thing I remember from my first doctor was when she came in and said, "it is not good news" I was like what the hell does that mean. I took my friends w me so they could write down everything because I just could not take it all in. If you feel you want another opinion then go with your instincts. This is your decision and you need the best information you can get to make those decisions. Of course you are scared! But you will continue to realize how dam tough you can be! I am sorry you have to go through this at such an young age! I hate that any of have to make this journey. Cus, scream, cry and try and laugh as it is great medicine. These websites are probably some of your best resources. The American cancer society had patient navigators that can help find some good information or help you or your family navigate through the medical system.

mcook301

Opps



Websister thank you and yes I did get some sleep the last few nights I am starting to feel a little human again today.

Scorchy

Hi folks.  I haven't been on the boards much lately.  Had some updates today and the very good news is that all of the lesions are shrinking.  Some have disappeared (in the lungs).  The lytic lesions in L4/S1 became enormous--a result of a Tamoxifuck flare (TFK indeed).  But while it got larger, the metabolic uptake was halved and that is the best news.

The not so great news is a reiteration of an overall prognosis: 2.5 - 3 years.  And everything beyond that will be gravy.  Needless to say, I'm saving less for retirement and traveling.  Knitting in England here I come!  On the postive side, though, is that everything is responding to TFK and that bodes well. 

I hope everyone has been well and in good spirits.  Hang in there, folks--you are all some tough broads!  Kick cancer's ass!

Scorch

Joanne_53

Scorchy .. Love the tamoxifuck



I don't know how to knit but I can learn .. We could knit a quilt .. A square a county ... That would be pretty darn colourful.



((Hugs))

Scottiee1

Scorchy, we will knit our way through every pub in the UK.....everyone welcome🍺



I'm an expert knitter so can also give lessons in between pints....lol

Anonymous

shari - hang in there! I recall that fear. For some reason, being partway through treatment and getting the clean pet scan gave me a lot of peace of mind. I too was diagnosed stage II and knew I had at least one positive node prior to surgery. Wound up with 6 post-surgery. But surgery got it all out. And I choose to believe completely in my mind that chemo and radiation will oblieterate any leftover stragglers that might have gotten away. It is the only wayt to move forward in any kind of positive way. You'll get through this. And we'll all be here for you!

scorchy - thanks for dropping us a line; good to hear from you. I love your attitude. My aunt died fairly young from scleroderma. After she got her prognosis - she planned a European extravaganza and took my mom with her. I was too young to fully understand it back then - but looking back on it, think it was a super idea! I say travel as much as you can!!! Sending big hugs.

I think juneau and a few others are having surgery tomorrow for squishees. Thoughts will be with you. Hugs!!!

stride

Scorchy, I'm hoping you'll have lots of gravy.

liefie

Scorchy, I'm with Stride - lots of gravy!!!! And lots of knitting!

Shari, it is so human to want to focus on the 10% chance of recurrence rather than on the 90% chance of no recurrence. We are suckers for punishing ourselves with the scary scenarios, aren't we? But you will find that one gets used to everything eventually, even cancer. I am living much more in the moment than I ever have before, because today is really all we have. Yesterday is gone, and we don't know what tomorrow will bring. So enjoy this day, this moment, and make the best of it. Life is given to us in 24 hour increments, so let tomorrow take care of itself. Ramols sets a good example - she finds something to be happy/grateful about every single day, no matter how bad things are. Now that's the spirit! This too shall pass. Hugs to you!

Mcook, I'm so glad you're feeling better, and sleeping better. Yay!!!

Juneau and the others getting their new 'girls' - best wishes, and may everything run smoothly with no complications.

mcook301

Scorchy- Travel away! I like Scotties idea! Can we all join!

Shari0707

Hugs to you liefie and hugs to everyone really. I can't say thank you enough. I finally feel good tonight.

Liefie-- you really said it so correctly about that 10% focus rather than 90% positive news.its just so true.

Anonymous

Liefie - thanks for the reminder. I've been forgetting to find my happy these days. Been sucked in by work and my 4 1/2 year old who has made it his mission in life right now to challenge me... I guess for today I would have to say that my happy was realizing that since the first time since this whole ordeal started - my hubby has put in his longer work days every day this week and I've managed nightime routine with the boys solo, and done it pretty darn well if I do say so myself. Go find your happy ladies!

Anonymous

Shari~I was totally Bummed Out the day I got my pathology report. We went in believing it was a 1.6 cm tumor with 1 or 2 nodes involved. Actually tumor was 5.6 cm and out of 16 nodes, 13 were positive.



A dear friend shared with me that day, that her aunt had the exact same diagnosis that I did, and same ratio of positive nodes. That was 20 years ago and she's still here to tell about it.



Get your fighting boots on and getting ready to kick some cancer butt!!!



Blessings

Paula

_Ann_

Karen, I will be doing lumpectomy as well.  It was not an option until chemo shrank my tumor.  I had been prepping myself mentally for either mx or bilateral mx, then when the BS and MO both said I could do lumpectomy I was really happy.  I will be a lot happier at the end of treatment with slightly mismatched boobs with the nipple intact than any other option.  I was worried about local recurrence, and BS told me if that happens than we do mx, and there's no medical advantage to doing it earlier.  I was worried about new cancer in the other breast, but BS told me lifetime risk for me is 10% now and even less after tamoxifen.  I can live with that.  MO told me (she's a bit blunt) that the thing to worry about is the cancer I've already had, not some possible future cancer.  So I was sold!    Also, remember some women get a choice of mx or lx+radiation, so some may choose mx to avoid rads.  Due to node involvement I get rads no matter what I do with surgery.

Scorchy, I'm glad the TFK is doing its thing for you.  I am wishing you a lot of good living in the near term and gravy, gravy, gravy when you get to that 3 year mark.

Shari, greetings!  Sorry you need to be here but as you've found this is a great supportive group.  It really does get easier mentally over time.  I was panicking and crying a lot for many weeks.  If you need it, ask for some meds for anxiety and/or sleep.  A cancer diagnosis is a trauma, it really is, even with such a good prognosis as yours.

marianelizabeth

Scorchy, nice to see your post and news and just went to your blog and so much liked reading it that I am now a follower!

liefie I too am finding a lot of happy moments. Yesterday at chemo there were two women proably in mid to 70's and both have had BC. The one getting chemo is in second round, the first 28 years ago. Her friend in 1996. Both are still dragon boating on "abreast" teams! Such nice conversations with them and so positive too. Dragon boating just may be a new goal for me down the road.

I am still quite happy that I chose lumpectomy even though mx and axillary dissection now in my future. My BS still thinks it was the right decision. 

Marian

Shari0707

Thanks and hugs to all who posted to me. You all are wonderful

juneaubugg

IV in; exchange/augmentation to commence in one hour. I'm excited, anxious and in need of coffee! Who's jumping in my pocket?!

mcook301

Juneuabug- got your hand holding it tight! Just logged on to see if you were here:) get that dam thing over! Hugs!

Chrisrenee77

juneau- I will jump in yours if you jump in mine next week! I'm so excited for you. New boobs coming your way.  Show them girls off.

Hoping everyone is having a wonderful day. It is nearing the end of the week and I have just a few short days to get everything done. Christmas tree up presents wrapped, stock the kitchen cabinets, get drugs... oh that comes Monday.

Love you all!

2FriedEggs

Juneau cant jump in your pocket because I have to jump on the table myself for my revision. I'll be thinking of you and praying all goes well! Mine is late today and I am dying for coffee!

juneaubugg

2Fried: It's going to go great!!! Mine too...! I'm getting so anxious! COME ON KNOCK ME OUT ALREADY! I want to text my dr since I have her cell phone #.

2FriedEggs

Juneau don't distract her; she might be in the middle of someone elses exchange and she'll put your implants in the other patient and give you some baby boobs lol Nah but waiting is the worst. This is the latest surgury I've ever had-without coffee the wait is tough!

websister

Juneau and 2fried - I'll start out in Juneau's pockets and then later jump to yours 2Fried. Thinking of both of you and those new girls you will be sporting.



Scorchy - good to hear from you and of your news, here's to lots of gravy in three years. Looking forward to your posts from England.



Liefie - glad you got your baking done. Rest up a little today and pamper yourself, you deserve it.



Ramols - glad you're finding your happy again



McCook - glad to hear it's going better



MaianneElizabeth - thanks for sharing the story about those ladies. Dragon boating sounds like a wonderful new area for you to involve yourself in



Shari - glad you found a home here



Everyone else - hope it's a good day for you

PaEaglesFan

Good luck Juneau & 2Fried!
My friend here at work just stopped in to visit, she's been back from her 11/13 reconstruction since Monday and was so happy that she finally got to sleep on her side again!  I wish you both speedy recuperations and perky B(.)(.)Bs!