facing a divorce on top of chemo

Linda1966

Serenity, I'd check with your lawyer but I would imagine the best date you can use as the separation date - is the actual separation date. I also think that he may be committing a crime by lying to the courts? perhaps there would be a penalty or charges from that? I know my ex lied on the divorce draft by trying to say we had separated 3 years before we actually had. I had my lawyer change the date to the correct one and no way in hell was I going to sign a legal document with incorrect info on it. Australia is a 50/50 country, however as I had cancer and another health issue that was being investigated at the time (and cause he was being an asshole by insisting/nagging me all thru treatment for the paperwork) my dr's wrote a letter and my solicitor got me 60/40. Im confident he had money hidden that I didn't search for, but Im happy with the settlement and with him out of my life. He did try to stay in touch for a while but I didn't and don't need his bs in my life.

Shellies, this all happened for me over 6 years ago when i was 41, but I'm no more ready to date now then I was back when it first happened. Not because of the cancer, but because a/ how on earth would I trust another man again and b/ while I would love company sometimes, my life is mine and doesn't revolve around a narcissitic pig anymore and c/ thanks to hormonals - no sex drive so definitely no "fireworks" haha.

Life is wonderful, you are so right about them being able to twist everything to justify it. Mine was acting suicidal when I found out about the baby and long term affair. I was sooo sympathetic and supportive cause I thought he was in a major depression that it makes me sick to think about it. It was ALL about him and in hindsight, perhaps it always was and I just didn't see it at the time. Amazing how he couldn't even come over and mow the lawn when I was doing chemo.

Ladies, we've all been put thru the wringer and I hope like me you are dealing and moving on emotionally from the hurt. The men we had the bad fortune to have in our lives and who hurt us so badly are not worth a single more tear from any of us. There is a life after divorce - just make it a good one and to hell with the assholes that put us thru hell when we needed them. I do know one thing that will stay with me, no way would I ever say the words, in sickness and in health again - those words clearly have no meaning to some men.

grayeyes

It seems a bunch of us were cheated on during chemo.  Of course, my soon-to-be-ex swore he did not cheat on me.  I found multiple online personal ads that he'd placed secretly while I was battling cancer, including conversations with him making plans to hook up, but he swore he never followed through.  (lol)  Then, when he started spending overnights away from home, he swore that he was crashing at a friend's house (a total lie that he eventually admitted to).

Shellies and Linda - A group of us started talking about men and dating, etc., on this thread, if you'd like to join in.  There are many of us in the same boat.  We're on the last two or three pages of comments here:

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/99/topic/768339?page=6#idx_171

ziggypop

I am single & always have been, but I have had so many friends who have had relationships shattered at the hardest moments. I guess that there is a reason in marriage vows for the "in sickness and in health" line - from what I have seen, sickness is a hard test. The partner of whoever is ill is confronted with the illness to - confined by it, taken control by it - but he or she has it within their control to leave whereas the ill person does not. But I wonder how the people who do leave live with themselves afterwards. Can you really ever be happy knowing that you are not capable of loving somebody in the way that an illness demands?



I guess what I'm saying is that all the asshats out there that cheated on you lovely women, or left a difficult situation.. somewhere in their heads they have to know that they are essentially failures. And you all, well.. you are not.

grayeyes

Thanks, ziggypop.  There are some good guys out there who stick by their wives.  I have the same opinions that you do about the ones who don't.

TessaW

Oh my gosh honey! I'm so sorry.

My ex husband cheated and had a mistress throughout my pregnancy. Then he moved in with her weeks after my son was born. I understand some of those feelings.

My bf of two years broke up with me after my miscarriage this year.

He left TWO WEEKS before my cancer dx.

I can't say I totally understand because my cheating ex husband was before my cancer dx, but I did miscarry. Then my bf ( the father obviously) broke up with me two weeks before the dx.

So, I do understand going through this alone. ( For what that's worth )

I'm so sorry for everything you're going through and feeling!

Contact me anytime if you want to talk or just vent.