Here's what cheezed me off today

Anonymous

When I first started this thread, it was a place to come and vent about the stupid, thoughtless BS we have to put up with on this crappy BC journey. And it still is. But like all things, this thread has evolved. I found the most amazing ladies through this and have made some lifelong friends. So now I hope this is a place you can come to rant, cry, laugh, share info, and get a little rowdy.

CHEEEZIN', BATTLING, AND SURVIVING!

Anonymous

Today, I was trying to remove the modern art swipes that the onco. said I could remove and the darn things stuck like.....well, Dermabond. And I had to avoid the blure +'s and little clear circles. I mean really, do I look like a canvas??? My onco and rad techs treat me like I'm interrupting their online poker games, so no tips for them! Simulation tomorrow and rads start Thurs. so wish me luck. And I hope everyone in the clinic gets up on the right side of the bed!

Anonymous

Found out today that I will not be through with RADS until July 15th instead of July 5th as originally thought. Oh and more chest artwork. Other than that, I'm good.

suebak

Cancer is a lot of work.  I am finding it very stressful trying to keep a full time job, be a wife, mother, grandmother and keep all these #$$# doctor's appointments.  The people in my life think I am some kind of machine, that never needs a break.  "Mom can you watch the baby, Mom can you come with me to find a new car, Mom can you pick up my dry cleaning, Lord knows I can go on and on.  I AM EXHAUSTED PEOPLE.  Why can I not say NO to people.  I know it is my own fault that the people in my life expect so much from me, I created the monsters.  But for God sake, they know I am battling breast cancer, they are all adults now, you would think they would give me a little brake.  I really need a vacation, all alone

dogsandjogs

Do it!  Take a vacation. They probably don't realize how dependent they are on you and if you are not there for a week or so they'll appreciate you more.

susie1999

Oh I have been the queen bitch. Today I decided that I am sick of defending that don't feel good. I haven't been on this board since December....had a a double mast, 16 weeks of chemo and start rad june6th. I need support. I don't have my energy...I hate the way I look, I don't work, stay at home mom. Chemo was hard ESP ac., got really sick after treatment 4. Blood transfusion, evening at er etc. Taxol has been much easier, but still hard. Can't feel my fingers and toes. Have had bowel problems, take mirolax and stool softener scared with sharp constipation pains there will be something else wrong. If chemo is over, why am I not celebrting? The six weeks of radiation, then 6 months to undo tissue expanders......and to top it all off I have "cording". Any one else? The pt is helping, but will it break up in enough time before the radiation makes my skin hard? Stage II prior to surgery....stage IIIa when I got out. 5for ten nodes....aux. Dissection. How do I begin to have faith that my boys and my husband and I will ever have regular days again. When does that ever happen, or does it?

Anonymous

Welcome sueback,srbreastcan,and susie1999! Ain't it great to have a place to bitch and not have to pretend all the time?! Suebak, don't blame yourself, blame Hollywood. I lost count of how many people said to me "Suzanne Sommers, or Sheryl Crowe, or ______ (insert celebrity's name here) had breast cancer too and they were back onscreen and looking fabulous in a month." Or "You're a strong woman, you can handle this. Christina Applegate did." Yeah? Well, you don't have the first flipping clue what you're talking about and if I had millions of bucks and 7 maids and a personal trainer, I'd be fabulous too, you IDIOT." As for the constant demands of your family, this is your turn to be mothered. When they ask you to be their slave, tell them the dr. recommended you not do that particular chore but speaking of chores I have one I need you to do for me. Then flash 'em your scars! And don't you feel guilty!!!!  If that doesn't work, take that vacation! Even if it's just a few nights at a Super 8!  Let 'em see what it's like without you for a while!

Susie1999, I had stomach hell too and found out that on top of BC, I have diverticulits! Diagnosed  for both in the same week! OH,Joy! Do you have fever and body aches with the stomach and bowel problems? Might not hurt to check it out with your primary care to see if it could be diverticulitis or one of it's cousins. D#*n, girl, you have every right to be the queen bitch! Embrace your inner bitch! I'm thinking of making myself a crown out of aluminum foil and wearing it around the house. Then when somebody cheezes me off, I'm gonna get a crazed look on my face and scream "Off with your head." Everyone thinks I'm crazy anyway since sleeping only a couple of hours a night have addled my gray cells.

And come on this forum and rant and rave anytime. It feels good to pour out all the crap we've been dealing with and keeping inside! And if one more stranger in a lab coat grabs my boob, I'm gonna start charging, damnit! 

Joviangeldeb

I'd like to join the bandwagon and scream out, "Why me?"  Not only have I had to battle cancer, but I'm battling Gastroparesis, which is a h*ll all its own.  in the past 3 years I've been diagnosed with the following and it blows! Just Blows!!!!!

Breast cancer, Gastroparesis, Primary Aldosteronism (from an adrental gland mass), Diverticulosis, C-Diff infection, Colitis, Hiatus hernia, duodenitis, esophagitis, gastritis, non-functioning gall-bladder

Not to mention I've had 6 surgeries since 2007( ovarian cysts and partial oopherectomy & uternine polyps removal, then 2 months later, a total abdominal hysterectomy.  5 months later a mastectomy, port placement.  Next year, gall bladder removal , and last year, a gastric pacemaeker inserted)  Not to mention,  3 colonoscopies, 2 egds . 4 hospital admissions and countless er visits. And currently have had to have the voltage readjusted 4 times in the past 3 weeks because I've had 'breakthrough' nausea and vomiting almost daily! Imagine feeling like you have the stomach virus 24/7 every day!

And I feel like I'm still expected to be the perfect full-time coworker,wife, friend, daughter, mother.  I'm expected to keep a positive attitude at all times.  And GOD forbid if I even contemplate becoming disabled.  Oh, no.  I've been told, how will you be able to keep your house, you'll be giving up, you've got too many bills.  yada, yada, yada.  And even though I know sometimes others expect too much from me, I still feel GUILTY!  Like I'm not good enough.  LIke I've done something wrong. 

Not every day has been hard, but I think I've had more than my share of bad days and illness.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel better now.

Take care,

Deb

Anonymous

Deb, Damn, Girl! If anybody has a right to rant, it's you! I've given up on trying to be perfect and pleasant because I found that people around me thought "it wasn't that bad and I was just being lazy". WHAT? When you ask me how I am, you don't want to hear the truth. And if I gloss it over, you think I'm exaggerating and just lazy. There's no pleasing people, so from now on, I'm not going to try. And look into disability. Have you seen the young, robust, healthy people on Judge Judy who collect disability because they're depressed? One even said it was because he tried to go to college and it was too stressful! Try having cancer, you jackhole!!! I know you're a BonJovi fan (can I get a WhoooHooo!) but, do you remember an old Journey song that said "Be good to yourself when nobody else will." Rant on here anytime, it seems to help to have somewhere to vent. If no one else wants to hear it, I do. Here's hoping you have an awesome weekend. Big Hugs!!

Joviangeldeb

Thanks, Rohanna.  It felt good to yell and rant and get it off my chest.  Thanks for the hugs and here one back. (((((hug))))).  I feel exactly how you feel about when people ask how your doing.  I tell my close friends adn family the truth on how I feel, even if they don't want to listen.  Normally they're polite, but I really don't think they get it all the time.  I am very vocal and I believe it helps me get through on a day to day basis.  My family is not the same. They keep it all inside. I'm different from them, I guess. One of my sister's is a breast cancer survivor also and she was very private about it.  Didn't want anyone around. Didn't want to discuss it that much.  Each of us is different and I found out there is no right or wrong way to cope. 

I dont' recall the Journey song, although I do love me some Journey. i recall seeing them in concert around 1979 or 1980.  The Baby's opened for them. It was an excellent concert. Thanks again and have a Great Memorial weekend.

susie1999

love reading all your rants! It really helps. Rohanna...I did call the docs to set up appointments to see what is going on (while I'm i the city for six weeks of radiation). Figure I should get everything checked while I can. I live in a remote area with a rural hospital. I had to lol about the hollywood comments, I have literally screamed "this is my cancer treatment and I need to handle it how I am because it is working for me"......but those that are touting the gloom and doom news and the comments don't seem to hear me. I read in one of those little coffee table books....another great line "if her diagnosis isn't the same as mine or worse with a better outcome, then don't tell me your story." But the one thing I can't stand the most is how many people compare cancer treatment to being pregnant? It is not the same thing. Hugs to all of you and thank you so much for all of your support xo susie

Anonymous

Comparing cancer to pregnancy?! Are you kidding me?! If someone says that to me, I'm going to reply, "The Village called and they miss their idiot and want you back!" I had a lady say to me that her friend has BC and you'd never know it because she never slows down. When I asked what kind of BC, what stage, what treatments, and what meds., she was like, "I don't know. Aren't they all the same?" AARRGGHHHHH! It's like Ron White said, "You can't cure stupid!" Hope you get good results on your tests and they can figure out what's going on with your tummy. As if we don't have enough to deal with!  Maybe we should have some Queen Bitch t-shirts made so people will know to leave us the *#+% alone unless they have something constructive to say. (As if.) Hope you're enjoying your weekend. ((Big Hugs))

DesignerMom

rohanna-  I just have to say I am laughing out loud.  I am going to steal your "village is looking for its idiot line".  OMG, how many times could I have used that this year.  Still laughing.  Thank you!

Latte

comparing cancer to being pregnant? must say that i haven't heard that one (yet). But i did get a lot of people comparing being on chemo to having the flu, which really pissed me off - give me the flu any day...

37antiques

Pregnant? Really? I had 6 kids, and 4 were delivered with no painkillers, but REALLY?  What great bundle of joy comes out with the tumor?

Suebak, my family is exactly like yours, I would love to go on a vacation with you and let them all fend for themselves!!  Especially since I am the only driver in the family, sometimes I would love to say Why no, I won't take you here, there, everywhere.  And for goodness sake, when did shopping for supper become a daily routine?  Do they think I have nothing else to do after working all day?

And can we touch upon all of the doctor appointments?  None of them are convenient, they all take an hour drive, none of them run to schedule, and the results!! Wait, wait, wait, go see another doctor, do another blah blah blah...

Yes, today I think I need a tin tiara!

Anonymous

DesignerMom, feel free to use the village idiot line 'cause there's so damn many  of them out there!

Latte, cancer and the flu? %*#* people are idiots!!!!!!!

37antiques, we pass the tin tiara on to you. Wear it proudly this week and if anyone makes stupid demands of you, yell "Bow to the Queen and go do it yourself. Now get me a mocha latte!!"

And as for the endless doctor's appointments, I'm going to start charging $10 a feel!!!  I think even the janitor got in on it last week.

Back to RADS tomorrow. #&*@$!!!! 

DesignerMom

rohanna-  Thanks for the laughs, and how would you know it was the janitor feeling you?  I have so many hands grabbing me, it could be anyone!  DH has to practically shout "helooooo" to get my attention, I am so used to being felt up!

Anonymous

DesignerMom, you made ME laugh! How DO I know it was the janitor? Could have been some guy off the street. My mom warned me when I was a teenager not to go to the drive-in theatre because that's where girls get felt up. She had no idea about what was in my future! Should have gone to the dang drive-in!! At least that would have been fun! TGIF!!

DesignerMom

rohanna-  I can tell you we did have fun at those drive-ins in the 60s!  Yeah, all that kind of fun, but also backing up an Econoline so we could all get comfortable eating huge slices of watermelon fun.  I think I saw Easy Rider that way.  Enjoy the weekend!

Anonymous

We have one drive-in theatre left here but I haven't been there in years. We used to meet all our friends on Row 7 and sit out on lawn chairs and eat KFC and drink Pepsi. Did you ever see people climbing out of car trunks? Sometimes they had dusk to dawn horror movies (the really cheesy ones). And oh, the Milk Dud wars!! Good times!

This didn't really cheese me off, but I have to share. We have a small changing room at the onc. clinic and it's unisex. Today I walked in and 3 guys were walking around with their open-back gowns on and they had all gone commando! Is a triple full moon a natural phenomenon? I guess we ladies aren't the only ones who just don't embarass anymore!

Anonymous

I was at church today and a lady who's never spoken to me before asked me why she hadn't seen me in a while. (Nosy old biddie.) After I told her I was going through radiation for BC, she said, "Ohhhhhh, well now you'll finally lose some weight at least." WTF Where's my stun gun when I need it?

DesignerMom

Rohanna!!!  There must be more than one village idot missing!  Call the village and get them to round them all up!!  Jeez, Louise, and this was a church-going lady?  I think she needs to go back to Sunday school (when she gets back to the village) and study the true principles of Christianity,not to mention anyone else's weight etc...is not her business. Truly a cheez- off moment!

Anonymous

DMom, I think I'll see if America's Most Wanted will include a missing village idiot segment. This woman holds her nose up so high, it's a wonder she doesn't drown when it rains! AND she's as big as a tugboat. Good thing we were in church or I'd have popped her!

When I woke up this morning, I thought nothing else could cheez me off. Now who's the idiot? THE MACHINE IS BROKEN AGAIN!! So this ordeal just gets longer and longer! ARRRGGGHH!!!

Hope everyone else's day went better.

Anonymous

GET OFF YOUR CELL PHONES WHILE Y0U WAIT FOR YOUR FAMILY MEMBER TO FINISH TREATMENT!!!!! I really don't care if you're inconvenienced,how bummed out you are to see all the sick people, how funny the waiting room smells, and how glad you are that you're not the one who's sick! Do you have NO common sense or social skills? Can't you at least discuss recipes, traffic, weather, politics? AAARRGGH!!!!

juliet62

i think when you get the diagnosis, you should get a stun gun too!   it would make life so much easier!

Anonymous

CATTLE PROD!!!!!!!

jteach

A PAINT BALL GUN!  That way you can stun all of the thoughtless fools and simultaneously mark them, like a scarlet letter for so many insensitive fools, the way our bald heads and fear filled faces marked us as easy targets.  Bitter, you ask?  Why, no, I say.  I'm just waiting for...THE BUS!!!!!!!!!!                    Janice

DesignerMom

Thankfully, my chemo ward had a no cell phone policy and signs everywhere.  It was SO easy to ask the inconsiderate bored "idiots" to take their calls outside! 

Anonymous

I LOVE the paintball gun idea!!!! And make it permanent and flourescent! Then we get to flush their phones!

Anonymous

Here's what I hate--Husbands who say, "I will be with you through this, I won't be an a**hole." And then turns into the world's biggest a**hole! Can't type any more, gotta go kick something!!!!!!!

ftblmom3

rohanna-i totally agree. My soon-to-be ex husband actually called my cancer a "baby cancer" i suppose because it was small, moved out 5 days before my surgery, (i told him to) and the other day stopped to get something, asked if i was done with rads, i said "uh no, not quite half way, its starting to get to me though, making me really tired" as i teared up the dumb ass said "well, its only ten minutes each time right?" F-ing stupid jerk. yeah just ten minutes, thats it, just go get zapped, thats all.GRRRRR, educate yourself!