Chemo May 2011

Katarina

Anxiety and Depression -- My doctor said these were natural for us and I know as I've fought these two battles for years.

Please ask your Dr. to prescribe anti-anxiety drugs or SSRI's if you really feel this Cancer battle is wearing you down. They can and will prescribe and treat you for these SE as they do for the more obvious chemo treatment SEs.

I started Prozac and Clonazepam (anti-anxiety meds) as soon as I got my diagnosis. They are really making this so much easier for me. During my hospital stays I am administered these drugs along with whatever else I need.

None of you ladies should have to suffer from these issues either.

(I especially get the anxiety when my Hospital tries to send me bogus bills and I have to get my Insurance company to admit an error.) 

Katarina

Patriotic - Keep us all apprised on how the neo-adjuvent part of this is working on reducing your tumor size. I hear this is the best way to find the best treatment protocol. Best Wishes.

Blondelawyer - Hugs and condolences for you. I really feel like life throws the worst stuff at us sometimes all at the same time.  It's just not fair and really tests us. For me it's just Time that has proven to be a good healer.

akofc

So glad to be reading and sharing with you all. It's amazing how one minute you can feel positive and other times just bummed out. My stomach feels lousy tonight but my energy is returning. Go figure. Thinking and praying for each of you tonite....

Cyborg

I am signing up for Look Good Feel Better. The class is on Monday. Looking forward to it.

blondelawyer

Had my second taxol treatment today.  I was pretty much a mess when I got in to see the oncologist.  I even ended up crying in his office.  Last week was much harder than I expected and I am so missing my husband right now.  Not to mention some stupid family drama.  This week will be the 14th anniversary of my husband and I starting to date and the 13th anniversary of our engagement.  And the 7th month since he passed--all on the same day (this coming Thursday).  

 I'm not diabetic, but have a strong family history of diabetes and my blood sugars have been high during my blood tests.  None of the tests have been fasting and in fact I ate some pretty sugar stuff before some of them, so hopefully the highs are more related to those bad pre-testing choices and also the steroids.  The blood sugar results hadn't come back by the time I talked to my oncologist, so I am going to follow up with him tomorrow.  He mentioned that I might need to take meds for it.  I am so freaked out about getting a pre-diabetes or diabetes diagnosis on top of this.  I know that I need to lose weight and my oncologist has giving me the okay to do it during chemo as long as I don't do anything crazy, but I am completely stressing out about it!

Because I was so frazzled when I got to the infusion chair I asked for Ativan, which really did help.  Of course I was tired, but it mellowed me just enough to not break down crying.  I went to this treatment alone and I really think that is my preferred situation.  During the last treatment my best friend came with me but she was so nervous and my caretaker personality makes that hard and I focus on the other people.  Even when people aren't nervous, I find myself feeling like I should be entertaining them.  So today is was nice to just be able to sit there and zone out.  I had my iPad and watched a movie.

I got home around 6:30 pm and took a nap.  Then got up, took my big 10 minute walk and ate cereal for dinner (I know, not a great choice, but all I could muster tonight).   

Cyborg

Blondelawyer.

You are going through so much. All of those anniversaries coming together at the same time are painful. Us girls ( and maybe even a guy or 2) are here for you.

If there are any guys dealing with chemo this month, please join us.

Patriotic

Just got back from the dreaded "chair." #5 Taxol. So far, so good. Hair thinning drastically now. So, I am going to chop it tmw.



I saw the Onc today. My tumor size has reduced in size by 50% so, I am happy as can be! Praying for a complete response by the end of this nightmare! I also received Mammaprint test results, which were "low risk" for metastasis. Hopefullly, the test is accurate. Anyone else have this test done?



Blonde lawyer, you will probably have your tumor measured after the 2nd treatment but, maybe you'll feel it reducing on your own, too. It's pretty exciting. In a very twisted way, I now look forward to chemo. Now, that is bizarre!!!



Maybe, the meds and the stress are artificially increasing your glucose levels. Don't underestimate the negative effects of stress on the body. In the weeks after diagnosis and before the first treatment, my BP was through the roof, even on days I didn't feel anxious. It really scared me because I've never had high BP. But, I'd never been told I have cancer, either!!! LOL.



God Bless all of you. Hang in there and do whatever you need to do to get you through this. I cry less now but the possibility of death is on my mind way more than it should. I try so hard to stay positive but, every once-in-a-while, the fear creeps in. Will this ever subside?

Patriotic

Blonde lawyer, Happy Anniversary. I hope you have some precious memories to get you through.



Please ignore the family drama. You don't need the added stress right now.



Big hugs!

blondelawyer

Patriotic:  I also had the MammoPrint test, but came back as high risk  I haven't noticed any decrease in size, it actually feels like it is getting big.  I am having an MRI after treatment 3 as part of the protocol in my research study, so I'll know in just over a week.

Congrats on your reduction!  That is awesome!  Is Taxol your first chemo or did you have AC first? 

linda614

Just read some of these latest posts this morning.  Had my 3rd Chemo yesterday and and I'm a little lethargic.  For blondelawyer and others......Some suggestions that have helped me.  Make chemo day a treatment for yourself.  Get up and take a luxury shower with some really good liquid soap from your fav soap store.  Let the hot water (yes, splurge on extra water) run over your face, bald head (if at that point), shoulders.  Increase temp until it becomes a theraputic massage.  Massage lotion into your legs instead of just applying it.   Plan some shopping (I have to drive over an hour to a larger city for treatment) before treatment if there is time.  Shopping always works to raise my spirits.  Have a good special breakfast.....one you can't resist eating even if you don't have much of an appetite.        I have also been an avid bike rider....I plan a long bike ride the day before treatment (when I feel my best).  You would not believe how this boosts your endorphins.  Monday I did 20 miles and it was wonderful enjoying the views of the vineyards, lake Erie, and animals running about.  Even saw a turtle.     If you are not that much into physical, you need to start.  Plan a day at a gym and start small...20 minutes on a treadmill can work wonders (that's how I started and I remember it being a struggle).  I am now looking for beginning Yoga classes (my daughter suggested these for meditation, flexibility, and mental well-being).  Bottom line.....BE SELFISH!  The family drama be dammned, other people's petty questions can be ignored.  This is a time to be good to yourself and you have a darn good reason!!!  Some might see it as rude, but who the hell cares.  They are NOT in your shoes (or slippers as the case might be!)

In response to telling people though.....I have told anyone who wants to know.  I'm very candid and that too has been theraputic.  If you can imagine, I went into classrooms full of students a day after diagnosis and told all of them! Mind you, I teach high school.  They needed to know why I would be out, and they needed to know that there was a face attached to all the "fun" they have on "Go Pink Day" every October.  I reminded them to tell their Moms, Aunts, Gramas to have their mammograms (that was how mine was detected).  I have an outpouring of support from parents, faculty, staff. Kids hugged me, daily ask how I'm doing, handmade beautiful silk scarves forme, asked to run Susan G. Komen in my honor.   Our cafeteria workers took up a special fund to dontate to my bike Ride For Roswell (my cancer institute's yearly fundraiser---ironic how it's helping me now!!).   I've told the adult women in my life and answered their questions honestly.  I've even started a weekly email for a select group of friends that has turned out to very theraputic for me. 

My feeling is the more you hold inside the more you have to deal with alone. 

Steff66

Dear all, I have been reading about cancer for hours now and feel really stupid about allowing it taking over this beautiful day. But I feel better when I read your posts and see that there are others out there struggling. Had my first FEC 60 chemo Friday before last. No real bad side effects so far. Actually, physically I feel fine. But I am really depressed these days. I have ILC but a really high ki67 (40%) and all I read is that I have a poor prognosis. I wish I would not do this to myself and stop reading, but I feel like an addict. I so much hope that chemo will kill this beast, but ILC does not ususally respond well to chemo. So I feel like I am left with no real hope.... sorry to sound so depressed but that is what I feel right now. Husband wants me to cheer up, especially since chemo is not bad so far. But all I can think about is that my life will be cut short by this. I wish I was 15 years further down the line ... I am full of fear right now.

Sue53

Steff, In the beginning I read a lot on the internet and it only made me sad, anxious and depressed. I try not to do that so much anymore and stick to a couple of threads here.  I try to stay away from the stage IV threads too.  Not because I don't want to support those wonderful women but it kept taking my mind down dark paths that I don't want to go to yet or ever.

Now if I have a question I save it for my onc.  I also have a script for anxiety (Ativan) which I take only occasionally but it helps.

Good luck and we are all here for you. 

Sue 

Loviesmom2

Steff66 knowledge is power but when you over do it, the info can cripple you with fear and intimidation. Know what you can about you and this condition, then go and pursue the rest of your life with everything you've got. Your destiny is so much greater than this roadblock breast cancer. Knock it out then move on. The numbers are there and they say what they say but you don't ever agree with numbers that are not in your favor. If they say you win, agree...but if they say it doesn't look good, you prove that you are part of the OTHER percent. Give the students something to do other than gather statistics. Fear can cripple you! When it comes...and it always will, shake it off asap then move forward. Let your docs worry about numbers and stats, you worry about missing all that beautiful sunshine while getting tmi ,too much information. You decide that you win, not the numbers. Blessings.

neecee

linda614 - I too tell anyone that wants to know.  At first, I was going to tell only those that "needed" to know.  I have found that the more I share my story, the lighter the burden of it gets!

{{{steff66}}}

rondajean

Linda614, exercise is so wonderful, i agree! I lost 40 pounds and thats how I found the lump(s), THANK THE LORD! At 39, I have always been active but forgot about myself a little as the kids started to get busy.  I had my first AC yesterday and I keep telling myself NO SE FOR ME! and so far it is working.  I believe in mind over matter.  Take care and keep up your routine.  It sounded wonderful.  {{hugs}}

neecee

Just got back from my first lab work since treatment.  Everything looks good - WBC, RBC, platelets all in normal range.  Happy dance!

rondajean

I did read a lot of in the internet and boards like this before I knew what my treatment was going to be.  I know that I must have read lots of useful information but due to my anxiety and fears, I forgot most of it.  If your new to these boards, don't fear the unknown.  Everyone is different and everyone handles things differently.  Find a few supportive friends local and online and build friendships.  I worried all the time after my MX and I think it actually made me sick and id hate to see anyone go through what I did. 

Ronda 

Sue53

I agree, Ronda...the internet searching was consuming me and bringing me down.  I stick to a couple of threads here and am doing much better, mentally!

Sue 

DebRox

Steff:  I totally relate to how you feel.  I am sure many of us here have felt the same way at some point.  I also paralyzed myself with fear reading too much at times, but I try to gleam what is important to my situation and move forward.  It is hard, I still cry, sometimes for a few minutes everyday.  I feel the same as you, why not 15 years down the line?  Why are so many young women getting BC?  Look look here and see how many women are in their 40's, their prime of life.

At this point I am making changes in my life that empower me, to give me a sense of control.  I now look at food as nutrition with important properties for healing.  While I ate good and exercised before, I have ramped it up quite a lot.  I will do all I can to give myself the best outcome possible and I will win!  I always win!  Thats not to say I will have bouts of sadness as I go through this journey, it will be hard, but I will get through it.  BC cannot take my spirit or my will, it will not take my joy or happiness (although I am sad right now), I will get back to feeling normal again.  You can too!  We all can!

And like Loviesmom2 stated, numbers are just numbers.  We can prove statistics wrong.  That is by taking charge of your life, educating yourself, implementing healthy changes.  I recently read the book Anti Cancer by David Servan Schreiber which is very inspirational.  I highly recommend reading.  There are simple changes you can make that enable to you feel empowered and in control.  If you feel like you are in control, you are in control, again it is mind over matter.  Our minds control our bodies.  The mind is very powerful and use it. 

Blondelawyer:  I am very sorry you are going through this and have suffered so many losses this past year.  Please know you have the support of the women here.  Don't stress about being pre-diabetic.  I know this all too well, as I was dx'd with pre-diabetes at the same time as my BC dx.  I researched this in depth and there is a link between insulin growth hormone and excess sugar and BC.  There are some white papers coming from Canada linking pre-diabetes to BC.  I am not overweight, but have very high fasting glucose and have a hard time maintaining my glucose levels with diet and exercise but I am not a full blown diabetic.  I strongly feel if you can control your circulating elevated blood glucose you can control cancer - my opinion, but look at some of the studies coming out of Canada by Dr. Pamela Goodwin.  I would definately talk to your MO about this.  Or make an appointment with an Endocrinologist. 

NeeCee:  Congrats on the bloodwork.  I am going in this afternoon and meeting with my MO tomorrow.  Hopefully I can say the same.  I feel very good and I hope my WBC and RBC look good.  I have been very cautious - again I am not on neulasta so have been staying in.  Maybe I won't need it. 

To Everyone:  Keep exercising!!!  I am sure it helps move the drugs through our bodies and keeps SEs away.  I reviewed my journal, my memory is a little off these days, but I hiked the canyons an hour each day post my first TC treatment.  I had to stop and catch my breath for a few minutes and let my heart calm down (normally I can walk without stopping), but I did it.  My SEs were minimal.  I firmly believe exercise kept them at bay. 

Well I am off to the Look Good Feel Better program right now.  I heard the make up kits they provide are awesome so looking forward to a little freebie, some tips on wearing scarves etc.  For everyone who doesnt know, it is a fee program offered by the American Cancer Society.  I provided the link in an earlier thread.  Please sign up and go. 

Take care everyone!!!  Debby

40-years-old-now

I finally have a treatment plan.

Radiation on arm and leg for 10 treatments starting June 2

Chemo of Taxotere (docetaxel) and cytoxan (cyclophosphamide) starting June 2 - 6 doses every 3 weeks.

I am so happy to have a plan.

Sue53

Candice, that is great...moving forward is good.  I feel so much better than I did back in April now that trt is underway.

bak94

Getting the pre-chemo butterflies! It will be round 3 of my 24 hour drip of ac starting tomorrow.....

blondelawyer

About exercise:  My clinic has a program called ACTIVE (Addressing Cancer Through Individualized Exercise).  I saw the main doc before my chemo and see him again next week. I also meet with a physical therapist.  They have me at such a low exercise rate it is embarrassing!  I am a triathlete (though I haven't done a race in a few years because I had leg issues and needed surgery and then my life fell apart).  I am hoping they start letting me do more because I think that I could really get some benefit out of a hard sweat session now and then!  They have walking at a low-moderate pace for 10 minutes a day, 4 days a week

 I too want to try getting into yoga.  I am considering the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program at my center that uses meditation and gentle yoga, among other things, to help reduce stress.  My only concern is that the date happens to fall on what was my worst day for my first cycle of chemo.  I'll see how it goes this week and talk to my MO and the ACTIVE doctor about it too.

 We are doing a fasting blood glucose test for me on Monday and the results will be in by the time I meet with the oncologist pre-chemo, so I'll talk to him about it then.  I also sent an email to my primary care naturopath today about my concerns.   

---

Hi Everyone!

I have been off the computer for 5 days and tried to catch up reading the entries I have missed.  This is my "up" week from my #2A/C last May 23rd.  I am feeling like normal now except from getting too tired easily.

And just when i start feeling better, I am scheduled to be back for my #3A/C on Monday, June 6th.  Sigh.

I have also lost 90% of my hair now.  I wish everyone a good day.  For those who recently had treatment, rest up and hydrate.  For those joining me in the chemo chair "yet again" next week, goodluck.

Take care,

Laureen

Beaglesgirl

Laureen, i was just about to pm you, was getting worried that I hadn't seen you in a while. Glad your having a good week. I am in the throws of the tx week

Katarina

Patriotic - Congratulations on great results for tumor reduction. That's a huge drop. Thanks for sharing and giving everyone else hope and optimism.

Blondelawyer - you are still strong and I can tell this by your emails. Your going to get through this and remember it's all about you now and no family drama is as important as you and your recovery.

Laureen, nice to see you online again. You got pretty far along before losing your hair. Just goes to show how everyone's story is a bit different yet alot the same.

I'm attending the Look Good / Feel Good session on Monday then back in the chair on Wed.

Hugs 

Cyborg

Tomorrow is the day for the second opinion for the vaginal mass. I am telling you, I had to advocate like crazy to get that. As for the first group of doctors they think that it may be a urethral diverticulum but they really don't know. They are taking a wait and see approach. I'm not going for it.

Steff- you sound strong in spite of your fear. You are stage 1. You also have 0 out of 3 node involvement. Hang out with us.

DebRox

Cyborg, I was just thinking we haven't heard from you in a while. Glad you checked in. Hope you're feeling well.



Good for you for being an advocate. I completely agree. We are our number one advocates! Wishing you the best tomorrow.

Cyborg

Hey Laureen! Good to see u back!

Yay, Patriotic. Good Luck tomorrow with the tx.

Candice- on with the plan!

bak94

I agree Cyborg, good for you for not going for the wait and see approach! I would want it checked out now also! AC # 3 tomorrow. I know that some others are due for treatment tomorrow....