INSOMNIACS place to talk in the wee hours

M0mmyof3

Sorry I haven't been here in a bit, but its been plain crazy here lately. My Avon business is still doing okay, despite pressure from my District Sales Manager for me to build a team (don't have the time or interest in doing that) and to increase my sales massively (she wants me buy the brochures and then take orders from people the old way and put out the money and then wait for me to get paid. Wrong!!!!!!!!!!! Not doing that either).

Other than that things are finally slowinng down so I'll be here more

Chevyboy

Morning gals! Such good news today for the families of that Theatre Massacre! 3 years ago, this moron went into an Aurora theatre, and shot up the place, and as many people as he could.... GUILTY in the 1st degree! Still have to decide if it is the death penalty, or life or whatever. So much for those victims and families to go through! He was even charged for injuring people in the adjoining theatre, when the bullets went through the walls!

It was sheer chaos! We all thank the jury folks for having to go through this, and re-living what this mad-man did. I just can't imagine....

Also, Sass, I forgot which vibration you used? Loverly, did anything help you, other than getting used to it?

Sheri got home late last night.... She and her Sister and one of our Grand-sons are meeting in San Francisco in September to see AC/DC! Then driving down the coast to San Diego.... !

queenmomcat

Wren: the visit itself wasn't bad--no substantive change in diagnosis. It's more I'm strugging to accept emotionally the treatment that I can accept intellectually.

Jazzygirl

Good morning ladies!

Queen- hope your apt went well yesterday. Keep us posted on next steps as you would like to!

Chevy- I saw the news about the Aurora trial. I am sick of people going into public places and mowing others down.

Mommy- nice to hear from you. Too bad the Avon people don't get you are not looking for a "management" job and that you are not interested to build a team.

JWoo- nice to hear from you and enjoy your time with family!

I have a busy few days ahead with professional and personal things. Wishing you all a good day and good weekend!

queenmomcat

Jazzy: sorry, still trying to process everything. This was a fairly brief followup appointment: and the short version is "diagnosis essentially unchanged. Treatment unchanged (radiation and tamoxifen) Make an appointment with the RO to set that up, and appointment with me after you've finished that.."

So now mainly work on alleviating the symptoms of stress (sleep disruption, loss of appetite, mood swings/lashing out/tears) without being able to remove the underlying cause. To follow up on a previous question: my stepfather did contact a colleague of his--not a full-blown official second opinion, but simply a second set of eyes to evaluate the information and he confirmed the treatment plan as appropriate.

M0mmyof3

Thanks Jazzy.

Jazzygirl

Queen- sounds like a good meeting and know there is much to take in. Hugs.

queenmomcat

(snorts) I just wish my subconcious wouldn't wait until bedtime to start dredging up all the Horrible Whatifs.

Loveroflife

Good morning lovely family.

sas-schatzi

Did a new thread yesterday. The topic box will explain. It's one of those things that has been need around here for along time. It may not be useful to you at all---maybe never. But it's there in case

https://community.breastcancer.org/forum/102/topic/833446?page=1#post_4441865

sas-schatzi

Morning Owlies, lot's of stuff going on. I need to do stuff for DBF today. I will catch up later. Loving all of you. You are all important in my life. Thanks for allowing me to be in yours Bless you all.

A quick helllllllllloooooJwoooooooooHooooooo in case you see this before you goooooooo. Have Fun (Waving) sassy

Loveroflife

Queenie, you are on the tough part of the emotional roller coaster ride currently. Like I mentioned before, I couldn't sleep, eat, or concentrate after I heard the "There are microcalcifications and it (the lump) looks suspicious. We need to do a biopsy. Do you have time?" Sitting in that cold semi-lit room, I remember clearly the nauseous feeling I had in the pit of my stomach. Tears rolled down my face as I thought about my children and aging parents. I had never felt so alone. Waiting for the result was the worst...not only once (biopsy first), but twice ( then pathology report of tumor). Biopsy came back DCIS....yay, it's not so bad right(?) because it's "contained" .....on to removing the "monster" out of my tiny breast. Lumpectomy or mastectomy?? Decision, decision...more stress. With lumpectomy, I will need radiation. Radiation near where my heart is...hmm?? Plus, there will be very little tissue left in my already really tiny bosom.That doesn't sound good. Ok, Mastectomy then. I just want the little monster (well actually not so little-3.4cm per ultrasound) out before it morphs into the devil. No opening for 3 weeks???? Ok..sigh..I will wait. What else can I do? While waiting...What if this comedonecrosis (high grade) cells figure out how to jump out of the encasing membrane and invade the surrounding areas? More sleepless nights and stomach troubles. Mind tends to wonder at night when it's quiet and you are not distracted with the busyness of life. Queenie, are you bored yet? Ok...fast forward to waiting for result(it seems like the more you know, the more you worry). Phone call from surgeon..heart is beating really fast....."your nodes are clear, pure DCIS,and we have clear margins". Happy dance for a few days. But, wait,I still look like a freak with one boob!! Unicorns are pretty, not Uniboob. Forget about intimacy with my poor self image. Poor DH. About 3 weeks later, another phone call from my sweet surgeon... " They did a revision on the tissue and found microinvasion. I am really sorry I need to refer you to Oncology as your stage has changed. The good thing is the microinvasion is very small." Oh shoot, does this mean I need chemo now? How could the pathologist missed it the first time? Back to the peak of the roller coaster ride. I think you get the picture of the emotional roller coaster ride, yeh Queenie? Thank God the invasion was very minute and chemo was not warranted.

On the one hand, I am grateful I was/am spared the chemo, Tamoxifen, and Herceptin. but on the other hand, I worry about risk of recurrence because of no "insurance" and the characteristics of the cells (Her2+ and grade 3). I think most of us developed some form of PTSD afterwards. The one thing that really have helped me to get me through this nightmare is my faith in God. What I have learned for myself is that I need to give up trying to control things that I have no control over; otherwise, it will eat me up inside. I have to admit that it is a very hard thing to do as I like to be in control. I wish you find peace. Hugs to you.

luvmygoats

Still trying to catch up. All have been busy and I see lots of pretty faces even thru difficult times. Lovely - I love your pictures. I saw the tree tunnel one last night.

Unfortunately no time to catch up this morning more than maybe a page or 2. Yesterday went to the colon/rectal surgeon for my hemi's. Liked him even though he is way older than most of my docs. Says yes they are bad, prob. getting worse but not banding or sclerosing ready. TMI I know. The drill of course, less sitting, more doing, more fiber. Some suppositories that he just knew I could get at CVS/Walgreens. No - after DH and I made 5 diff. ones on the way home. Can you say DH was ticked off at me. Yes can be ordered on Amazon (DH sprang for AmazonPrime recently) but not advised during hot weather. Did find a compounding pharm I knew of in town that will order them. Now to try my local grocer pharm. Know of another compounding pharm just up the road. May call them.

BUT - I need prayers for my doggy Terra. Not sure what is going on with her. Now having intermittent bloody poop. Have vet appt at 2 in the awful heat. She's in no distress so I've been putting this off. She is a terrible grass eater which I know means something's not right. Periodically will not eat, even treats. Acted like a young pup when DD was here this weekend. Whatever money I saved on as DH calls him "butt doctor" I guess will go to the dog.

Love you all bunches. Wish I could meet up with some of you. Seems nobody lives in North Texas. Gads - asked DH how long a drive to Austin. They have a great group meetup regularly.

Queenie - It will get better. Just tell yourself I only have to get thru this minute then the next minute, one foot in front of the other. I apologize for not being too exact about your circumstances, my bad for not keeping up. Rads was not the most pleasant of things toward the end but easily doable and knew that's what I had signed up for from the beginning. You'll get the routine down pat soonest you start. I hear a trip is in your future. Enjoy and put any ol' BC thoughts outta your mind.

On to DH's laundry pile. And locating dog's travel crate in the garage. I had the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen in there the other day. Not that there are hundreds of places she can hide lol.

queenmomcat

Lover: hanging onto that thought like a lifeline--it's worst in the beginning. But you're right. That roller coaster may last through the entire treatment.... Also to the chitchat of normalcy, music, pictures, concerts, battery operated toys.

I've often thought in the last year that I wish psychological support (in the medical sense) was offered from the moment doctors need to set up diagnostic tests, like that first biopsy. I really appreciate how the radiologist handled the abnormalities in my baseline mammogram; I can't remember exactly how he phrased it, but something along the lines of "Right about now, you're freaking out, because that's how pretty much everybody reacts to the suggestion that they might have cancer. As soon as you leave here, you're going to rush out and read up on breast cancer, and get more upset. But what I want you to take away is 'Although this triples your chances of getting breast cancer, all that means is you've gone from 2% to 6%'. Part of the problem now is that we have nothing with which to compare this, so we'll schedule another mammogram in six months. Until then, you can put this aside and get on with life."

Some people really do get diagnosed with their baseline mammogram, or why I'm glad that the guidelines got bumped down to "start screening mammograms at 40'. But that wasn't the case for me.

Freygea

Sending positive energy your way for you doggy Luv. Hope all is well.

Smaarty

queenie, from one DCIS sister to another, I'm so glad we got the kind that's not going to kill us. That's what I had to tell my 87 year old Mom. I think that was the hardest part for me. She now worries excessively about me. I can't help that. That's the part to remember, especially stage 0.

What I hate now, is every little thing that's comes up now I worry will be cancer. Can't seem to stop that. I think that's part of what we lose, the innocent we had before BC. I had a few friends that had BC but it didnt really sink in until it's my turn. CRAP. Wish I had been there for them more.

On a better note, I'm in San Diego now, got here on Wednesday. Sewing convention. Helping my friend in the classes and booth. Been busy and my feet already hurt! I just might treat myself to a new serger, have to check out types and prices. Our next sewing trip will be to outside of Detroit in September. Anybody around that area? I'll get some pics today.

Everybody have a good weekend

Smaarty

oh yeah, have you seen the news articles about docs wanting to elimate mammograms? Panel of experts.REALLY!!?? Says it causes more procedures and isn't saving lives like they thought it would. Now a days because they can keep you alive longer with the new drugs, even those with stage 4, that it isn't worth still doing mammos once a year or every 2 years. Don't think that's going to fly. Too many women know someone with BC to take the chance to not find it early.

queenmomcat

Smaarty: (waves hello) Working on being glad about that myself. And that's pretty much what I told my father; "This one's not going to kill me." (The implied "That one" being last year's possible diagnosis of ovarian cancer, what killed his beloved sister.)

luvmygoats

Smaarty - How about a sewing convention in Dallas?

I have 2 friends who have sailed thru BC, one is at least a year later than my DX. She is leading trips to France and Italy at age 68. I can barely walk around the mall. And yes she's on an AI.

Oh Queen - how sad. No wonder you're questioning about ovarian CA.

I like the story that sitting causes cancer. Sorry if you're a computer operator or secretary, you're doomed. Kinda get the drift of the story but as usual an attention grabbing headline that is untrue to the story contents.

Smaarty

lmygoats, the ASG group does meet in Houston once in awhile. Hopefully they'll be back there in 2017. 2016 is in inndeapollis. (Sp)

Sorry queenie, you did say something about ovarian. But you didn't have it, right? Just a really crappy scare. That means they did sx? Yikes!

M0mmyof3

Just got notified by my District Sales Manager that I hav some goodies from Avon coming my way because in June there was a contest to see who could accomplish as many goals as possible for that month. That was my biggest month for sales and increasing my customers, in addition to accomplishing all of my goals I had set out for that month!

queenmomcat

Luv/Smaarty: thankfully, THAT cancer scare came to nothing more than a crappy scare--the radiologists picked up an/my enlarged ovary during an MRI for my disintegrating back, and I was instantly diverted onto the 'cancer track' (can't remember what I've mentioned on what thread) I ended up losing only one ovary, and considering myself lucky at that; it turned out to be "only" endometriosis. Qualified because I was completely asymptomatic: no menstrual pain, beyond an occasional cramp, and no irregularity before the ovarian surgery..

But it's is rather why I wish oncologists started the psychology intervention at the point when the diagnostic process starts. Not necessarily a referral to mental health professionals but at least an acknowledgement that this is an inherently stressful process, and patients will start worrying before the cancer's been confirmed.

Sitting causes cancer? (bursts out laughing) We should all be dead! Is there any scientific direct correlation between the two? or is this on a par with underwires causing breast cancer?

magdalene51

Sassy, I will just have to see Essex vicariously through your oh-so-vivid posts! DH's problem is probably the NASH, fatty liver disease, or whatever it is that he has. Good news on that front is last week's blood tests show liver enzymes close to normal and he is behaving himself on the diet stuff.

Jazzy, I am also a big fan of Diana Krall. Never got into EC tho. I have very eclectic tastes in music. My playlist includes opera, classical, jazz, musicals, folk, rock, and blues. And some that defy classification. I have close to 2000 songs on my phone, and a lot more on the computer, not to mention boxes of CDs not ripped and a collection of vinyl. I almost always have music on. DH is going to get a Bluetooth speaker for the shower, of all things, and I know it's for me because he doesn't listen to much. He's more of a tv addict. Not that he pays attention but it's always on. White noise I guess.

Queenie, please share, if you will, about your brush with ovarian cancer, because I also had one.

LMG, OK is not that far from north TX. Although, I still do not have wheels. I wonder if DH thinks I will take off and never return? Fat chance! But I think he does like the fact that he always knows where I am. Oh well.

luvmygoats

Queenie - I think the article (a Yahoo one I think, even worse at being "real") linked it into sedentary lifestyle, weight gain, estrogen.

https://www.yahoo.com/health/sitting-down-for-this...

But lots of other link are available also. This was just on my Yahoo feed.

http://www.webmd.com/cancer/news/20150714/too-much...

Actually lots of link to "sitting causes cancer".

I had been thru 4 years of being incredibly active - had gone back to nursing - when I was diagnosed. Maybe mine was fed more by stress than the sitting I wasn't doing so much of - pardon my sentence construction. My surgeon I and had a talk about sitting yesterday. His alternative was leading the old fashioned farmer/rancher life and then launched into discussion of gory farm accidents. His theory is most people didn't survive long enough to get CA.

OK up to clean out dog crate with lots of icky spidery stuff in it. Dog is already suspicious of what is happening.

Mags - see your post. Eclectic music - I just ordered an Ed Ames Christmas CD. DH will be sorry he got that AmazonPrime. No OK City is not that far. Driven myself to Norman from here several times. Easy drive.

magdalene51

Oh Queenie, how funny that you posted that while I was asking!

My story is a little different. In my late 20's and early 30's I had several episodes of ovarian cysts, always on the left side. An ob/gyn discovered my left Fallopian tube was deformed. Fast forward to 2011, one day I had a horrible pain there which was exactly like what I remembered the cyst felts like. Saw my PCP and she ordered a vaginal ultrasound.

You know how the technician's face and voice and demeanor change when they find something that shouldn't be there? And you know something's wrong but they can't tell you and you just have to go home and wait.

It was a Friday afternoon, and I knew my PCP took Friday afternoons off. At 4 PM she called me and said, get thee to an ob/gyn, stat. That weekend I called my friend who is nurse to her ob/gyn husband. (We've known them well, for over 15 years. Their daughter interned for me. They're also who shepherded me through BC.) She said, come in first thing Monday morning. DH went with me. By then Doc had the u/s report in front of him. Did the exam. Sat us down in his office. "There's no easy way to tell you this. You have late stage ovarian cancer." We all cried.

They found me an ob/gyn oncologist and she agreed. They couldn't biopsy without endangering the integrity of the masses on the ovaries, which were estimated to be about 10-13cm on each side, and allowing the cells to invade the abdominal cavity. But 10 years into menopause, there was nothing else that would have caused it. It had to be cancer.

Surgery was scheduled and I went home to wait. It was a month from the u/s to the surgery. I wrote a lot. Worked through it all in my head. Found peace. No one ever (then or with BC) suggested a counselor, or psychologist, or anything.

Surgery happened. I woke up in the hospital bed, DH standing there smiling. Pathology found no cancer. Docs are amazed, both of them say it was a miracle. Who knows.

We know there is a link between ovarian and breast cancer. Now I wonder what all happened.

magdalene51

LMG – I love Ed Ames!

luvmygoats

I deleted part of my post but here it goes. Gyn has been pushing last year/this year for genetic testing. I read the guidelines last year, meet none of them. So this year he insists I ask MO;MO asks me #1 what age was I when DX (59) #2 any close relatives (?1st degree) with BC/OC - no no relatives with any those. Printed off same guidelines gyn did last year. Nope - don't meet them. Guess I need to message gyn and let him know. Gyn's only response to my ? of why test now was that there are so many more genetic markers out there now. Nuttin I can do about it. I hear a song - Let it Go.

I have one of those YouTube top tracks thingies for Ed Ames. Only trouble is they took a couple of my favs off.

M0mmyof3

My box of Avon goodies from the June contest came a bit ago and I am soooooooo happy. Got a few things that I can wear or use and a few business tools!

 

queenmomcat

Magdalena: (eyes large as saucers) Thank you for sharing your story as well. Yes, I absolutely understand the change in the technician's face. It was a month between the initial MRI and the initial consultation with my oncologist, but...at least she made clear that they weren't SURE I had ovarian cancer--the fact that I was so completely asymptomatic did push my diagnosis closer to the "something else" side. And this time my PCP did do a quick evaluation for depression, and offered to refer me, albeit after the diagnosis of breast cancer.

Luv: (boggles, then takes the Lord's name in vain in several imaginative ways) Well, my opinion of WebMD dropped even further. By that logic my PCP should have continued on the path of correcting my spinal issues! (I'd been in enough pain/dysfunction that I had trouble standing for more than a few minutes, though swimming was OK.) The connection between physical activity and general improvements in one's health is unequivocal, but shunting me to the oncologists was the only ethical thing to do.

Does your gyn. have a background in genetics?

Wren44

Hmmm. Interesting about the ovarian stuff. In 2000, they thought I had ovarian ca and did a complete hysterectomy. My ovary was twisted and becoming gangrenous. The surgeon was so sure I had cancer that he inspected every single inch of my intestines and washed out the abdominal cavity and sent that to the lab. I was very happy, of course, and additionally glad to have no more periods. That was also when I discovered I hallucinate on dilaudid.