Things to do to help your wife during treatments

sas-schatzi

RUPE time for your wife to pick a name------it shouldn't be something that can identify her on the net----I learned this late, but the BCO system allows a name change, any posts made before then will automatically be changed. Be creative. The name I love the most is TINKERTUDE --she describes it as her love of TINK and her SIL description of her attitude hence TINKERTUDE. Mines just me and my dog. So, it's fun thinking about it ---be creative.

sas-schatzi

Rupe you acknowledged Judith and I(sheila) --------unwritten protocol for BCO, is that you acknowledge everyone that responds to your posts. That's important because they took time to answer your need. That's part of why I said it was to hard to keep up with more than 4-6 threads. It's hard to keep the players straight. Every person that responds to your thread should get a thank you, It's easier than real life. You missed Prayers tonight , but so did I. Go there and review several pages and see if it is a place you want to be . Also, suggest the garden with meece. 

The women responding to your site, carry a strong message that goes beyond your query. They are reliving what was best about their husbands. So, teach the husbands right to begin with. A simple response of X thank you for responding to my question -------will do.. You have great insight and manners, no real complaint at all. But this will be here for as long as BCO is and if there are Mates as wonderful as you,we don't want them finding out about protocol by trial an error. AS we all did.

Ang7

Rupe~

A favorite thing I had was a small blanket filled with lavender that I could heat up in the microwave.  You just put the whole blanket in and it was toasty warm and very relaxing. 

Another thing I enjoyed was my husband made a CD of all of my favorite songs.  I was worried that after chemo I would not like the blanket or songs, but I was wrong!!

The only thing I cannot have anymore is GINGER tea.  I drank so much of it during chemo that just the smell makes me feel a bit sick now.  It did help at the time.

Hugs to your wife...

sas-schatzi

Rupe I deleted my April 2nd post because it was just to * preachy. Thats not we need at this time.

Tiger_Blood

SAS,

 Not sure if I read the deleted post as we had some family in town and I was barely on the old CPU.  Please don't feel like you have been too preachy as I do really appreciate all the advice you have given us. 

Lowrider54

Hi Rupe

While I have not done chemo this time around - I do remember what is was like 12 years ago.

Smothering - it can be very bothersome...you seem to know her very well and try to read her queue's when she would rather just be left to herself.  I liked to try to do things myself as I was very independent and stubborn.  A constant barrage of 'what can I do for you' drove me nuts - from friends and family. 

If there is family wanting to help - make a list and let them pick what they like best - some like dusting, other would prefer to vacuum, accept a meal now and then and kinda 'schedule' their visits so your wife does not get overwhelmed.

You are already doing a fine job.  You can't go wrong with ice cream - just be sure not to overdo it - somehow, chemo makes you gain weight - I could never figure that one out since you have no taste - I would try to get stuff that 'felt' good in the mouth - I couldn't taste it anyway so there was no sense in spending a whole bunch of money of a good streak but scallops felt good in the mouth, easy to chew, very healthly and I loved them.  I saw folks mention oatmeal, that was a staple - and wiggley Jello and Jello puddings - again, a mouth pleaser and the Jello is fun. 

Clean laundry was a 'thing' for me.  My son was 8 at the time so he was always in need of clothes washing and I like clean clothes but it was hard to go up and down the stairs and even if I got there, I couldn't carry the baskets back up - they slid down the steps just fine. 

It would be nice to have a quiet time with her at the end of the day before she goes to sleep and give her a recap of the day - what got done - it will ease her mind so much, she may get a more restful sleep which is important.  Let her guide you...and just keep doing what you are doing. 

Oh, make sure she has a comfy place in the living room or family room so she never feels isolated.  Be supporting and comforting but don't ever make her feel like a child - and never, never making it seem like you feel sorry for her or pity her - she will for sure start throwing things at you...LOL. 

Read to her - I remember closing my eyes and drifting off into the world of a wonderful book listening to it being read to me - it allowed me to totally float out of the reality - this is a good one for a rainy day or after a particularly bad day with chemo - AFTER she has rested a bit. 

Just some of my thoughts...use them if you like or dismiss them is they don't 'fit'.

I can't wait to 'meet' her when she comes here.

Hugs to your both

LowRider 

Tiger_Blood

Thanks Lowrider, 

 And as others have advised I changed our post pofile. Tiger_Blood is the first thing my wife said to friends and family when she told them she had BC. "I'll beat this because I have tiger blood.  She gets a kick out of how weird Charlie Sheen is.  The profile picture is of a shirt a very generous person made for her to wear to here chemo treatments.  She has been lurking alot lately so she may be ready join me in meeting you wonderful people.  

 Rupe  

Snobird

There is a great cookbook called "one bite at a time" by Rebecca Katz which offers great recipes and ways to make old favorites Cancer treatment friendly. My friend whose's husband is fighting stage IV lymphoma couldn't eat anything until she started using this book. Now he is starting to eat well and looking better everyday after some pretty rough treatment. I got mine at Amazon.com.

Cat123

You sound like a sweet, loving, supportive husband!  I just finished my chemo and had neupogen rather than the nuelesta shots.  My friend had those but there is bone and joint pain with both.  I think the single shots are worse.  Anyway, my friend liked drinking smoothies and soup instead of eating and craved some sweets...like banana bread.  Also, hot baths.  Something to get her mind off things like dvds of romantic comedies.  With my last chemo, I have had quite a bit of joint/bone pain...I have taken Tylenol 3 (I'm in Toronto...not sure if it is called the same in the us) but I also have Oxycontin left after my surgery and although you shouldn't use it all the time it does relieve the bad pain.  maybe she needs stronger pain meds for a little while?

sas-schatzi

Rupe are you saying your wife has chosen the name Tiger blood--------well very creative---very strong---- says shes fighting mad ---good..... Why tiger blood again ------??? Love why people choose screen names because they have found something that means something to them in some manner that no one else may preceive--------no one said that to me, I used my real name and then found out there could be identity problems, Changed it real fast . I looked at my dog and that was it. If you just lurk there are so many fun screen names. If she has already chosen Tiger blood. She's out for meat and no one's going to mess with her. LOL. We definitely need her on OMG in the security detail with Meece and Becaad.

There was decent suggestions on the post I deleted . Probably should have edited vs delete. Choice is gone. Which leads to a preachy thing Tiger Blood, your fighting mad mama, keep it going.

Reread what Lowrider had to say she has much knowledge.

sas-schatzi

Ah Hah you have already learned how to change names. ---good and bad---Rupes thread was a husband thread that drew those that came to help him help you ---now he's history. I suggest if you can to go back to his identity unless it's to transparent to the world. and tiger you make a new identity--your own. Course it doesn't matter Tiger ----you're on the growl girl. Don't let anything stop you. Might want to get rid of the blood ---we all see too much of that, but Tiger is tuff,-------growl. HMMMMMMMMM. It says you are fighting -----goood very good

SunDiego

I've been on these boards for 9 months or so since my wife's initial diagnosis as well (Stave IV, age 33). Here is a link I just created based on a short 'white paper' I finished yesterday about using technology to be your own best medical advocate. Hope it helps some of you trying to help your wives (or for you ladies as well).

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/116/topic/767166

(cut and paste the link, I can't get it to work with the auto-link)

brenilea

You are a supportive husband and I am sure your wife appreciates it. My husband has been very supportive as well. With the exception of my first mammagram, of which he made the appointment for because he knew I wouldn't, he has gone to all of the treatments with me. Just knowing he is there is very comforting for me. I couldn't keep anything down, after I had my surgeries. He rubbed my back and helped me. He has done all of the daily chores. Our children are older and they have been very supportive and helpful as well. Best medicine!

sas-schatzi

Tiger blood-------ah just ignore what I said about the blood. I stick with the previous comment that your fighting this and thats all that counts. You might want to start jumping in and start posting . BCO has a 50 post rule --it's in the rules forget exactly what it says. They kind of watch what your posting at first. Underneath your avatar it tells how many posts you have. You have 9.

suppose somebody posts here and you feel an affinity to what they post you can click on their screen name and then follow where they have been. If you like the sites they were posting on then add it to your favorites list by licking ADD TO FAVORITES at the top of the page. And you can add them to you favorite members list by  ADD to favorite member list.

 There's a rules page I didn't read it at first and it explains lots of stuff. Makes it allot easier navigating around.

 How are things going?  Sheila

squidwitch42

Rupe,

Tiger_Blood, Excellent.. So she has a good sense of humor...Winning!!! (SAS, this refers to Charlie Sheen's public ramblings, and he says he has Tiger Blood, then drinks from a bottle labeled as such. )

Does your wife like comedies? I liked things to distract me...and when I was feeling my worst, I needed help with my sheets/blankets/pillows a lot. I would have trouble getting comfortable, or would kick them around the bed due to discomfort. I appreciated the feel of cool washcloth on my forehead/neck/arms and then found a heating pad helped with my back pain after the neulasta shot.

be prepared for wants and wishes to change, so you may be able to predict some things, but taste buds will be altered, and I actually had food cravings and deep "hunger" at times.

keeping juices, fluids in good supply....I would mix orange with seltzer and add a splash of ginger ale or pomegranate juice. cold pudding with whipped creme on top is delish too.

Wishing you and your wife all the best...

Do we have a thread for spouses to come on and share tips? discuss? (I'm sure we do, but maybe not active?)

Traci

sas-schatzi

Hey squid-------didn't know that about Sheen --the only interview that I watched I was watching his face mostly and he looked so wild eyed etc. I thought he has gone off the end.

Tiger blood came back here cuz I saw Squid posted---- She's special always has really good advice and justs lifts spirits to new hieghts.

 I also love her story of why she and how she picked her screen name.

I'm off to the insomnia thread((((H)))))))))sheila

Tiger_Blood

Round 2 was alot harder on her body.  But her spirits are still good.  She got really dehydrated on round 1 so she has been drinking alot of water and coconut water this time.  

Squidwitch she loves comedies.  Her sense of humor is so great.  We watched Grownups a few weeks ago and both hated it.  We thought it was so bad that we had to finish just so we would not feel like we completely wasted our time.   She later said that if she was strong enough to sit through that crap movie, chemo would be a peice of cake. lol.

 She still has no desire to post here yet.  I know its because she is tired of reading, talking, thingking all things cancer.  I'll pop in from time to time for tips and to add things that helped her.  

Coconut water is one she loves.  Regular bottled water tastes too mettalic to her.  Soups with a bit of spice (not to much).  

 We shaved our heads last week.  I don't recommend you shave your wifes hair.  Its not as easy as shaving your highschools friends hair.  I butchered it, but luckly the salon she works at was able to fix it into a sylish faux hawk.

Rupe 

sas-schatzi

Rupe and Tiger Blood------this just all sucks, but you have each other and holding on to each other as much as possible, wound in each others arms---a blessing---------

My son as a young one preferred a buzz. My husband was quite adept ---so off my hair came

Hair grows back-----------many people get upset. Well it's just hair. I preferred scarves over wigs, but I came of age in the late sixties and seventies,  and doing things with scarves was a fashion thing. The local chapter gives away so many scarves and wigs.  So, I'm doing all these things with scarves, by the time I was done, there were four women watching me, And they said"Where did you learn to do this" I said "The sixties" which really carried on to the late 70's. But it was more fun just saying the sixties--------------Sounded more like a FLOWER CHILD.

Tiger Blood -babe do what ever your heart guides you to do----------you don't want to lurk- I didn't.  It was months before I got to the discussion board at all---------no one suggested, it was months. Yes , I lost out on advice I could have gotten. Did it really hurt in the long run--------NO----------You and rupe are here , some of us keep checking on you. If you have questions as long as you know how to find us , that's fine.  if someones checking in with you, and you remember how to get a PRIVATE MESSAGE to them---Click on their name it will take you to there home page . On the top right of that page are three questions- 1.add as favorite member 2. send member a private message 3. block member.  If someone hasn't got an answer, they usually can make suggestions what threads to hit.

Still at this point , you will not/ or may not want to go to the humor threads.  OMG THEY FOUND A CURE FOR STUPID , I believe will become a Bc comedy classic---------it's because it addresses the ABSURDITY of this disease. So, in our own way we are taking something that is making our lives a clucking hell and trying to find a laugh. You are to new to this--- that your reaction maybe how can they make a joke out of this. It's our way of taking control of an insane situation. It is unique to us. We created it . It's ours. We get it. The stupids are the ones that don't get the pain to our mind, heart, soul, and self image. It's a place when some idiot makes a remark , you can go and say ---okay this stupid person said this. you can also, learn some comeback statements for those idiots.

I have no idea what your religious belief is, but on the CATHOLIC thread we have an ecumenical approach, if spiritual support is what you need. No matter what denomination you are, you will be welcomed.

TB Your on number two chemo and you have a great caretaker. Don't hesitate if you think you need fluids again IV just call them and say so.

I'm going to risk that you have a belief in God and go and repost something here that has brought me much strength, But I will have to go and C&P.  L&H&P's (love and hugs and prayers) sheila

sas-schatzi

Their is a nurse Karla on the Nurses thread who described that when she was on a trek in the Himalayas. She would observe the Sherpas greeting each other with hands as folded in prayer. Their greeting was Namaste. She asked for a translation. They told her it meant "I SALUTE THE GOD WITHIN YOU" After hearing that story, it so gripped  me, within the deep soul of me. The strength of the statement in analysis goes to the heart of our belief in God. For if we believe that this statement regarding God-- being within each person. Then he is a part of our being. If that be true, then we are each joined together with him, and therfore we are each apart of each other. So, what happens to the one, happens to all. Yes Paula, thank you for reminding me. A periodic telling of the story helps my forgetful mind. Namaste Sheila

Rupe &Tiger Blood If this offends you just PM me and I will delete it. Since Karla told us of the greeting, I have retold this story many times. I myself reread my own analysis of it. When at times, my analysis has gotten to an even deeper part of me, I have added maybe a word or a line. Namaste is a word used in this country in yoga ,but doesn't carry the same meaning. I prefer the Sherpas.

NAMASTE----------I SALUTE THE GOD WITHIN YOU-------sheila

Tiger_Blood

SAS, 

 We both have faith in God.  In fact, I would say it has strengthed my faith.  So many things have happened latley that have only added to that strength.  Once small instance: 

 While my wife was getting her IVs to rehydrate,  We were going to be there for a couple of hours so I went down to my car to try to do some work.  Idiot me left my laptop plugged in and drained my car battery down.  Car would not start.  No jumper cables.  I did not want to freak her out because she was stressed enough as it was.  I knew she was physically and emotionally drained and did not want to tell her.  I called a few friends cells and left messages.  We live 45 minutes from where she gets treatments so I was lost on what to do.  I decided to walk a few blocks in both directions looking for a car parts store.  With no Iuck I started back to the ONCs office.  I was desperatley praying for God to help me so I could get my wife home.  

Some people may call it coincidence, but I believe there is no such thing.  The ONCs office is on the 4th floor of a building that has a retsurant, hair place, and a wine and liquor store.  I turned around before going back into the building and a car slowly drives right by me (think slow motion movie scene).  I look at the driver, he looks at me ---Instant recognition.  I was saved.  

My friends fiance just so happened to be going to the liquor store at 3:30ish on a Wed to buy little bottles of liquor to sneak in for the Reds Opening Day.lol.    Opening Day in Cincinnati is a huge party.  He drove me to get some jumper cables, helped me push my car out, and charged my battery.  Little things like that always makes me feel like someone is watching over us.

Rupe   

sas-schatzi

AHHHHHHHH rupe ---yes --they keep us going. Hope TB is feeling better. Join us On the Catholic thread we have a novena starting tues,  will get final directions today where to post intentions. I believe it will be the Intentions thread and the List is going to be dropped off at the Basillica in Houston by Sagina Then that is to be followed by a novena to the use shrine to OUR LADY OF FATIMA and the list is being dropped off by KINDONE. Highly unusual. So , Just do it. We will then have the novena prayers on the site posted by our Theresa.

Novenas are nine days long --------concentrated prayer for a short period of time for minds that are overloaded. It works for our minds.

sas-schatzi

Rupe and Tiger Blood---here is the hyperlink if you want to add your intention to the novenas. We start Apri 28th

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/38/topic/760131?page=3#idx_89

The intentions page are being hand carried to each shrine by members. This very special.

If you go to the Catholic thread theresa writes about novenas and the prayers right before we get statred

.http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/38/topic/738190?page=216#post_2362651

sas-schatzi

Rupe and Tiger Blood ---------no response ---------so somthing must be up? Worried please reply

sas-schatzi

Ok Rupe and tiger blood ---what's up? Pm when you can I don't always check here-------worried?

sas-schatzi

Good to here from you-------family is beautiful

You still can join the novena i will be back with hyperlinks that I will add to this box. Be patient

first on has the prater to st.Therese-even though we started last Thurs, just continue for a total of 9 days

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/38/topic/760274?page=1#idx_28

2nd on is the Intentions page ---post your intentions soon . The member taking them to Fatima will be doing it soon. Say the St Therese prayer once a day. On the intentions if yo can start from page one and keep them in mind it would be wonderful. If you don't have time then, go back to ist mention of novena ====all of page 4 and maybe a wee bit pf page 3.

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/38/topic/760131?page=4#idx_110

sas-schatzi

this is the link to the Catholic thread----namaste sheila

http://community.breastcancer.org/forum/38/topic/738190?page=218#idx_6527

Tiger_Blood

Sorry for the alarm.  Been real busy with trying to keep some semblance of a normal life for a 5 year old.  We have been trying to get so much done before session #3 which is tomorrow.  

Tiger Blood is going strong.  She is not looking forwared to it because the moment she begins to feel "normal"  she has to start it all over again.  Not having the energy to go to her Zumba fitness classes is one of the most upsetting things for her.   After tomorrow she will be at the 1/2 way point of chemo.  The 2nd hit her hard so I'm hoping #3 won't be as bad.  

jennyboog

I'm sorry your family is going through this right now.  It is great that you're being so supportive and looking for info., my husband was my saving grace during this whole ordeal.  I was 34 at dx and have two small kids and he took over a lot for me.  Try to be at every appt, it means more than you'll ever know.  My taste buds changed, one round I could taste salt and no sweet, the next one sweet no salt.  When I could taste salt I loved the packaged ramen noodles and chicken noodle soup, and when I could taste sweets I loved fruits.  I personally got so tired of being tired but when I felt good I was ready to go.  So, be ready for the rollercoaster ride you'll be riding with her, it's so emotionally draining for the whole family.  This is a wonderful site and you're wife will find great support & info. here when she's ready.  Until then it does sound like you're doing a great job, my husband tries to "fix" everything too and this is one you guys can't so, be easy on yourself also and take it one day & one emotion at a time.  We're here for you, take care.

sas-schatzi

Party-------------------on OMG they found a cure for stupid pges 99 to 101+ Namaste

lindyw82

I am 29, I have a 7 year old, 5 years old and a 4 month old. I  was diagnosed 5 years ago and then just diagnosed with reccuent with mets four months ago. My husband is a godsent. I have the same bone pains, Hot baths help, my husband bought a hot tub and I am in the thing alot. I am also on oxycotin, which has helped a lot. Rubs help, helping out around the house is awesome. My husband at first was so overwhelem but has gotten the hang of it. hes very patient with me. Sometimes I cry, scream, and someday I feel like I can ge up out of bed. He is always there is make sure I take my meds. thats very important. For me the metalic taste and mouth sores makes it hard to eat. But I have found fresh fruit smothies, milk shakes, fudge bars help out alot. Soup always taste pretty good. grd gatorade and dole pinapple juice are things that still taste the same. Best advice is have her try different things to eat, find some that dont bother her as much and stick with them . Go get what ever she is craving. Brush teeth before and after meals and always chew gum. tell her she is pretty when she has nothing on her head. losing your hair is one of the hardest things to a women. remind her how pretty she is and how much you love her. My husband shaved his head for me. Althogh unnessisaty, it made me feel really good inside. Make a date night ona day she feels good. it help to get away. And ask her how she feels, but dont pry and always try to talk about normal issues not always cancer ones. One of the worst things is everything always was about my cancer. I just wanted a break from it. i wanted to feel normal again. So we go on lots of little day trips with the kids and never bring up the topic. Plus be patient if she blows up at you for what ever let it go. Its not you its the frustration she has with the battle going on inside her. Cancer makes you feel like less of a person, less of a mom and less of a wife. SHe may start to accuse you of cheating, its only the insecuity of not feeling as pretty. Dont take it personally, just reasure her you love her and only her.