Do I scare you when I offer advice?

Options
jenn3
jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
edited June 2014 in Stage III Breast Cancer

I've been on the Stage III boards for a long time now and I feel like I have such a connection here that I don't want to scare off someone who may see my signature line or dx.  I was reading through some of the topics, just responded to someone and was getting ready to respond again to another when I realized that I'm telling someone who is IIIA, it's okay, don't worry, etc and here I am a recently dx with mets and now at Stage IV. 

Am I right in that it may not be a good idea to offer assistance in those type of situations?  Please be candid - I really want your honest thoughts on this. 

· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
«1

Comments

  • diana50
    diana50 Member Posts: 2,134
    edited February 2011

    i think the most important part of all of this is The Connection.  none of us know what will happend with our BC.  also, pathology...treatments.,.response...history..all of that influences outcome. 

    we all have to come to terms with our cancer.  connecting with others....talking about our experiences and feelings is part of that connection.  reaching out to others on this board...or this website is what it is all about. reality is reality. 

    we need each other.  each of us has something to offer....in so many ways. 

    this is what i think.  and that is all i know.

    hugs

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Titan
    Titan Member Posts: 2,956
    edited February 2011

    Jenn...you had better stick with the tn thread too..we NEED you.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Laurie09
    Laurie09 Member Posts: 313
    edited February 2011

    I agree with Diana (great post), which is also why I am glad we can read the stage 4 threads among others.  

    Your progression doesn't change the stats and doesn't affect someone else's outcome.  Your support I would think would still be very welcome.    

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2011

    Thanks, I'll continue to stick around.  I just don't want to scare the $#!^ out of someone who is worried about progression and the what ifs that come with this. 

    We do have some pretty good threads over here and we are a great group aren't we Cool .

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited February 2011

    Jenn - we are all scared to death - which is why we need eachother.  don't go. we love you.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Bugs
    Bugs Member Posts: 1,719
    edited February 2011

    Jenn,  how did I miss this?  I am so sorry! 

    Of course you staying here! Once a stage 3 sistah, always a stage 3 sistah.  None of us know what the future will bring and yes, we love you :) 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • TAR423
    TAR423 Member Posts: 12
    edited February 2011

    I would like to say hello and also, I t hink most input is great..can it be scary, sure? Are you lying? I don't think so. I'm new...diagnosed 2 weeks ago today but I have to say there are sooo many wonderful people here, I don't know what I would do without this site....so many people have wished me well and told their horror stories but its good to hear cuz they ar still here to tell them. So I welcome good and bad and I thank you all for sharing and supporting!!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • imbell
    imbell Member Posts: 659
    edited February 2011

    From what I have been reading better to respond then let someone feel ignored.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mcsushi
    mcsushi Member Posts: 174
    edited February 2011
    Wouldn't be the same without you Jenn! Laughing
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Gitane
    Gitane Member Posts: 1,885
    edited February 2011

    Jenn,  I hope you will come here, too.  The fear lies in the unknown, and it's normal.  Sharing what we know is a way to shed light on what is happening to us and lets us support each other.  A stage does not define us.  Personally, I feel we all benefit when we are open about our experience.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Celtic_Spirit
    Celtic_Spirit Member Posts: 748
    edited February 2011

    During treatment, I worked with a lady who was (and is) stage IV. She originally was stage II. She didn't scare me, was wonderful to talk to because she understood everything I was going through, so, no, you don't scare me either! Please stick around.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • karen1956
    karen1956 Member Posts: 6,503
    edited February 2011

    You're one of us.....don't you dare go anywhere....you have valuable advice to share....I saw the post you are talking about and thought it was great.....and as Sherri said, we are here for you too....Once a stage 3, always a stage 3 sista :)

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2011

    Jenn, I was just thinking about this last night. How someone goes from Stage III to IV and then we don't get to "see" them anymore. I'd miss you if you left....Smile

    Please stay here as long as you feel you want to. We love you!!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • JacquelineG
    JacquelineG Member Posts: 282
    edited February 2011

    I agree -- keep posting here please! I know I would want to if I were in your shoes, and any of us can be in your shoes at any time.Your concern shows how thoughtful and considerate you are...

     Jackie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jennyboog
    jennyboog Member Posts: 1,322
    edited February 2011

    Don't bother me a bit, I just love to talk to other's with bc.  Whether someone is a stageI or IV doesn't matter, we all got our world rocked and the "poo" scared out of us.  That's what this site is for...support and info.  If you leave we'll just have to follow you over there :) 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Pure
    Pure Member Posts: 1,796
    edited February 2011

    ummm Jenn your not a number...Your not a stage..Your Jenn... I was thinking yesterday that I couldn't believe how well you seem to be handling your new situation-if anything your inspiring us stage 3 girls.

    I think the whole stage thing is silly..We all have hope no matter what stage we are.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • kathleen1966
    kathleen1966 Member Posts: 793
    edited February 2011

    I have liked what you have to say for some time. Yes, it scares me that you have had a recurrence. Especially when we are the same age, with the same amount of nodes, roughly the same size multifocul tumors AND large involved lymph nodes. But, and I know I don't know you, but I would miss seeing you giving advice on the stage III forum (and elsewhere) and I would love to still hear from you. The fear of recurrence is just something we all have to live with and it is very helpful to hear from someone who has had this fear and is now dealing with the reality...and still giving advice (emphasis on the GIVING part), still helping, still being positive, still living their life. It is very helpful and needed.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • AnacortesGirl
    AnacortesGirl Member Posts: 1,758
    edited February 2011

    Lose one of our most supportive sisters?  No way!

    But I also understand what you are saying.  I know you because we've both been here the same amount of time.  So what I think you're really asking is what about the newbies?  Well, when I think back to when I was a newbie the thought of stage IV lady responding to me did not scare me at all.  Experience is experience and cancer is cancer. 

    But, on the other hand, it was that same concern that has stopped me from replying to ladies in the newly dx'ed forum.  If they don't list their stage as III then I don't post. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Annie62
    Annie62 Member Posts: 1,081
    edited February 2011

    Hi Jenn,

    I was recently dx with a recurrence and I've felt the same way. Although I haven't posted tons to this forum I also didn't want to scare people and have held back now that I'm visitng bco more again. Thanks for starting this thread.

    I'm sorry to hear about your mets dx. Totally sucks.

    Best,

    Annie

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • apple
    apple Member Posts: 7,799
    edited February 2011

    I had a hard time leaving the stage III board. 

    After a while I felt that it was detrimental for me to post here.  Having hope is so important.  I'm sure many of the stage III people would disagree.. that connections and friendship are important.   What is appropriate kind of reveals itself.  the stage 4 forum is awesome.  I still post all over the place.. I'm just not a cheerleader.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • everyminute
    everyminute Member Posts: 1,805
    edited February 2011

    apple - I still think often about your daughter praying for "Everyminute Mary"  - you don't have to have pom poms to be a cheer leader!

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • KerryMac
    KerryMac Member Posts: 3,529
    edited February 2011

    Annie and apple, both of you, please, please, feel that you can keep posting here.

    So many of us are so fearful of that dreaded recurrence, but having someone you know go through it shows us all how life would actually go on if we reoccurred or progressed.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Lowrider54
    Lowrider54 Member Posts: 2,721
    edited February 2011

    jenn..as someone told me when I was posting on the lower stages and being a stage iv (this site was not here when I was dx'd he first time around) - I was always fearful of scaring someone or dashing their hopes...I kinda asked the same thing...

    The one response I got that stuck with me was "someone needs to tell us the truth - the oncs don't".  I thought about that and realized, they didn't tell me the truth either - I was told when I hit the 5 year mark without a recurrence, I could consider myself 'cured'.  That was a lie.  There is no cure.  At a real early stage there is the possibilty of removing it, ALL of it and being cancer-free for the rest of one's natural life - some consider that a 'cure'.  I call it successfully treating the disease - it was cut out, not killed, halted or 'cured'. 

    As you have seen, they love you - keep posting - while the stage iv forum is my 'home' - I post all over the place on things that interest me or things I think I may help with or any good rant and yes, I am a former cheerleader - still have my saddleshoes and pom-poms in my Halloween costume tubs...LOL 

    Anyhoo...sorry you had to join us over on the Stage IV Cruise Line but feel free to exit to any of the ports of call...

    Hugs...LowRider

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • jenn3
    jenn3 Member Posts: 3,316
    edited February 2011

    Thank you for your kind words of support. 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • DCMom
    DCMom Member Posts: 624
    edited February 2011

    Jenn- Once you've been diagnosed I think we all are on the same boat so don't jump ship on us now.  It's always wonderful to hear from experience.  The important part is that we all know we are not alone.  Diana said it so eloquently..it is about connecting.

    I have been one who has been flustered by some postings from lower staged ladies, but that is only on my crappy days when I just want to lash out.  Sometimes I can take the news and sometimes I want to hide my head in the sand, but I have never want to exclude any of our sisters.  This is a crappy journey and I wouldn't want to be thrown overboard by my online friends just when the going gets tough.  As a matter of fact it will be wonderful to see you continue to post for years to come as you conquer this part of the trip as wellSmile.

    I remember when I first joined and I related very strongly to Fitwins story.  Shortly after she changed stage, but I still see her posts and her positive attitude...years later.  There's still alot of living to be done at stage IV. Now there is nothing negative about that, but at the time I cried hard and it did rock me.  Would I change having followed her story?   Absolutely not.   Janice if you are reading this now you know how much your journey has impacted me and I give you so many kudos for what a wonderful person you are.   

    I truly care about all of you ladies (caution it's getting thick) and it is heartbreaking to hear when things go awry, but isn't that how it goes among friends?   

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • littletower
    littletower Member Posts: 333
    edited February 2011

    Well said DCMom! Jenn, stay with us...we'd miss your voice.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • kim40
    kim40 Member Posts: 904
    edited February 2011

    Please stay Jenn!  We would miss you!!  I just returned from vacation, so I'm just playing catch up on everyone.  Sorry to hear of your progression, but please stick around! 

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Anonymous
    Anonymous Member Posts: 1,376
    edited February 2011

    Jenn,  Please don't leave us.  We are not an excusive community here.  It's just a place I come to where I know other's can relate to me being stage III.  I love when stage IV girls visit us.  We all need each other.  Please don't stop coming here, Jenn.

    image

    Barb

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Latte
    Latte Member Posts: 1,072
    edited February 2011

    Jenn, please feel free to keep posting when you can help. I think it's great that we all try to support each other where we can.

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • wannaBnormal
    wannaBnormal Member Posts: 26
    edited February 2011

    I read this forum for months before finally joining and posting.  I'm not comfy in a "live" support group.  I had and still have a lot of questions, many in the "what if" category.  My onc and crew are not real forthcomming with info unless I specifically ask.  I am not stage IV but have read there too.   I guess I would rather know than be blindsided, even if what I read and learn about is not good news.   My mom fought BC for 12 years before it came back a final time with a vengence.  So that is very much in the back of my mind anyway.  For what it is worth, for me, I'm already scared.  Reading advice from someone that has been there done that is actually very helpful.  

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Categories