Bonfire of the Goddesses

1openheart

Hi everybody~  I already heard back from my doctor with the results from my breast MRI yesterday.  All clear.  Everything looks normal!  I really wasn't worried about it, but it is nice to know for sure.  

Now,my upper arm looks like horrible today where they stuck me 3 times to get the IV started for the contrast.  But, oh well....so glad that is all that I am dealing with today!!

Have a great day ladies.

jo1955

1openheart - Congrats on the clear breast MRI.  It is good to hear that.

                                  

badger

((Linda)) sorry about your crappy app't and the waste of your precious time.  I hate that feeling of why should we tell her anything, she's just the patient.  Sending love and light, and here to help you savor the burning logs.

1openheart, congrats on a clear MRI.

Anonymous

I need help throwing my depression into the fire. A friend of mine asked me if I felt that I have given up. She noticed. Yikes. Yes, I feel like I have. I have felt this way for 2 months. I didn't think it was noticeable. I am grateful that someone had the courage to speak up. I take antidepressants and speak to two counselors.

1openheart

Oh Veggy....((((Hugs))))

chabba

Love you Veggy!  Hugs

jo1955

Love you Veggy!  Hugs & Kisses.

If you don't mind me asking, what antidepressant do you take?  I am on Nortriptyline for nerve damage but it has also done wonders for my mood.

kathindc

((((HUGS)))) Veggy.  You are greatly loved by the ladies on these boards.

voraciousreader

Veggy.. Hope you start feeling better soon!! Toasting marshmallows for you and wrapping a cyber blanket around you too. Hope you feel the warmth...

Anonymous

thanks

FireKracker

Huggggggs.....in person.soon....forget that slap I promised to give u...xoxo

badger

((Veggy)) sending love your way.

((Linda)) thinking of you.

I'm finishing my after-supper coffee and going for a glass of wine.  ((hugs)) to all

Joan811

(((Veggy)))

sas-schatzi

Veggy(((((((((HUGS)))))))))) WE a love and need you !!!!!!!!!! sassy

gonegirl

hey, all:  i'm gritgirl from washington, dc. not sure if this will help, but i'll give it a try. i'd love to throw my cancer on the fire. i'd really love to do that. i'd also like to throw these overwhelming feelings of hurt, sadness and anger for having this cancer.  i am stable, but yet, i feel a sense of hopelessness.  now that the active treatment is done, i am alone again and frankly, feel like it would matter little to anyone when i die.  i am not a wife or mother, so don't have someone(s) tracking me or really caring. my two nephews love me, but they have lives of their own, and my friends are also busy with their own lives.  if i throw myself on the fire, do you all think that would help?  i don't know what to do. just started talking to a counselor and i hope that will help me work through all these tough feelings.

susan

voraciousreader

Gritgirl...you don't want to throw yourself on the fire! There are too many nasty things in there already burning...you don't want to contaminate yourself! Throw that cancer in! We will see that it burns and hopefully disappears for a long time! Can I make a suggestion to you along with giving you a hug and blanket? Can you volunteer at doing something that gives you pleasure? Perhaps doing something for others will help you and others realize how worthy you are. When I am weak, I find strength in giving of myself.... I wish you well...

chabba

Gritgirl - reader has a good suggestion.  I started volunteering at our Senior Center when I retired ib January 1994.  I have always found it fullfilling but it has become much more important to me since my DX.  That feeling of being needed and of helping others gives a real purpose to living even when you wonder how you are going to keep going.

gonegirl

That's a good idea.  Until the past few weeks, I've been in constant doctor appointments so haven't had time for anything else. The reconstruction put me into chronic, constant pain for months so finally found a physical therapy whom I saw two times a week for several months.  And then after the pain lessened, the brunt of what happened to me slammed into me. Things just haven't gotten much better.  I'll see if I can find some volunteer activity to do. I've got all the paperwork in place for end of life, so hopefully I can step away from that and maybe cheer up at this point.  Really appreciate everyone's feedback.

1openheart

gritgirl.....first of all (((((hugs))))).  

Secondly, I'm guessing from your name, that somewhere, deep down inside you must have some fortitude and grit.  There are times in all of our lives when our will, stamina and determination falter for a bit.  It sounds like this is your time.  Take some deep breathes, accept your feelings for what they are and be gentle with yourself.  You have been through a lot of trauma and this is your body's and mind's way of working through those feelings.  Cancer has a way of robbing us of our innate sense of well being.  I think that the way to regain our well being is to do things that bring us or those around us joy.  Volunteering for others is a wonderful idea and you may find that your worries and sadness pale in comparison to what others are dealing with.  I think I can almost always look around and see others who are dealing with more than I am and that helps keep my troubles and worries in perspective.  I'm not saying any of this to diminish what you are feeling.  Don't ever let anyone do that!  Only though recognizing and feeling our feelings can we move through them and into a new space.....hopefully a space where more joy is present.

But, and I think this is an important but.....maybe some counseling and/or meds are called for too if you can't move through these feelings on your own.  

I wish you peace and ease along with continued better health as you move into this next phase of your recovery.  Take care and throw some of those fears and negative thoughts onto the fire.  Burning those kinds of things are like throwing gasoline on the fire!! Burn, baby burn!!

Shellshine

You can do it GC. Many, if not most of us have a downhill period of depression that often hits after our treatments are done. Mine scared he crap out of me. I went to see a psychiatrist to find out what was wrong - turned out it was a common reaction that many survivors experience. I followed a strict regimen of daily exercise, getting out in nature, excellent nutrition, no alcohol and cut way back on caffeine, and practiced "sleep hygiene." I even downloaded some meditation tapes and spent 20 minutes a day listening to them. I pulled out of the spiral and haven't gone back, and surprisingly, I feel more peaceful than before this all happened.

Life really is a treasure trove of  experiences. You have the power to create that for yourself, and coming to bc.org to connect with one of the threads is a great first step. Good luck and know there is a community here who will support you.

gonegirl

I really, really appreciate everyone's support. I just haven't been able to catch a break so that's making it worse. I was seeing a counselor, but then he got cancer. With the two times a week physical therapy, I couldn't afford to see a different counselor. Now that I am down to every two weeks on the PT, I saw a counselor last week. She seems good so far. It actually really helps to hear from you all too. I've felt so alone lately, and it is good to not feel so alone. Thank you.

1openheart

You are very welcome!!  Feel better soon.

voraciousreader

You are not alone. Ever! You found us! Now you will begin to find yourself! The bonfire is a great place to come to...it's MAGICAL! Feel the warmth whenever you need it! Someone is always here to stoke the flames!

badger

hey Susan, welcome to the magical bonfire.  You are not alone!  We are here and we care.  Sending you some of the good feelings abounding in Wisconsin today as we realize Spring is finally here!

love and ((hugs)) to all

karynhelen

First off, Gritgirl.... YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Oh, my how the women here DO care. I feel it in every word to you!!!

Sometimes, even when we are surrounded by people, we still feel alone. When nobody understands how or what your are feeling, or when life goes on around you, and you want it all to stop, it all comes down to the fact that we ARE alone. But we can reach out and I am so glad you did!

A few days after my diagnosis I went out and got a dog. I have a 6 yr old daughter and felt like we needed a positive distraction from what's coming our way. When I started looking into which breed to get, I felt in my heart that it needed to be a good one for dog therapy... Dogs are so healing, and they are often brought into hospitals and rest homes to help spread some healing, lovely love, dog power.... So then I knew that a dog would be good for me too. Only been part of our pack for a couple of days, but as my appointment with the surgeon approaches, I can tell he is keeping me calm and lowering my stress level. Plus, he give me so much love!!! He is a Havanese puppy... don't shed, hypoallergenic,  great appartment dogs, calm and loving but also smart.

Think about getting a dog if you don't already have one, and if you do, get more doggie hugs.

Also, Gritgirl, I will be checking back here and looking for you. I care. 

Big BIG hugs heading your way!!!

Karyn

gonegirl

Thank you all so much. Means the world to me to get this support. I have 3 dogs actually, and they are a huge support. I left work early today. I've been working more hours to try and make up for all the doctor appointments. But I decided skip and left early to go see my eye doctor instead to get computer reading glasses. Wasn't much but it was nice to let go of the pressure and relax as I got yet another chore done. Oh, and I saw my tattoo artist about a tattoo to cover my mastectomy scars. On the left breast will be the word "Enough", as in enough, already, enough. Tired of this. Can I throw my breasts on the bonfire? If I had my old cancer-filled breast tissue, I would throw it on the fire. Damn those breasts.

badger

((Susan)) your breast tissue is probably where mine is, in a glass jar somewhere.

[edited to say, I like better the idea of it going into the bonfire!]

karynhelen

Gritgirl, Is the link to the blog YOUR blog? I clicked on it and love love loved it!!

And, I'm glad you have your dogs! 

And finally, I'm ready to toss my Ta Ta's into that fire too!!!! One of the girls has betrayed me, off with her head! And as for the other one? Don't want to risk it. Will see what surgeon says tomorrow....

Big hugs to you all!

Karyn

jo1955

gritgirl - Welcome to this magical fire.  Throw in all the things associated with cancer expect yourself.  Don't do that.  You have found us and rest assured, you are never alone. You have found a great group of sistas and we all have our stories and experiences to share.  It does help to talk about it.  Come here to vent, scream, cry, whatever you need to do to get those feelings out.  Don't keep them locked up inside.  

                     

gonegirl

Today I'm throwing my toxic father, brother, sister and nephew on the fire. Voice mail for them. My father's statement to me after my reconstruction was to tell me my implants wouldn't melt when I was cremated. These people only began to call me after my diagnosis. As a friend said to me, just because someone calls, doesn't mean I have to answer.