I say yes, you say no, OR People are Strange

IllinoisLady

Wow...Alexandria, Yorkie, Sunny.  So many people ( including me with )  sociopathic  siblings.  So often I thought I was alone.  My Mom came from a big family and a couple of her sisters had big families and they all got along so well.  For many, many years I saw it as my deficiency somehow that my sister and I did not get along.   She was all take and I was all give. 

One day, when I was almost totally played out.....it came to me.  She has no conscience and not one ounce of love for me or for anyone but herself.  I can quit trying to make a relationship work that has less of a chance than a snowball in he**.  I quit wasting my time and emotion, love and care.  She was not hurt by my actions one bit.  As I meant virtually nothing to her, I was not missed.  The thing I felt bad about was realizing I should have 'seen' it years before.  I recall my Mom talking about catching my sister ( we were both quite young then ) throwing the new puppy up in the air, and when she landed hard and squealed from pain my sister was getting a big kick out of it.  Of course, my sister was punished and the dog went on to live a good life, but even then the signs were there.

I am a little overwhelmed at the numbers though. 

Jackie

IllinoisLady

pupmom

There does seem to be a disproportionate number of us with these psychopathic relatives on the thread. Maybe the stress of being raised around such a person contributes to bc????

My sister was caught at about 8 setting a fire. My parents were scared she could have burned down the house, but they just thought it was a kid thing. She was caught shoplifting at 12. In her 20's she almost went to jail for a con she and some other people she was involved with tried to commit. My dad pulled strings and got the charges dropped. Once my mom said you just can't believe anything she says. She's been in and out of alcohol and drug rehab many times, never to any avail. Once she bragged how easy it was to fool the therapists trying to help her. She was just pacifying my parents and her ex-husband by having them spend their hard earned money to give her useless, and very expensive, therapy. Anything to keep the scams going and the money coming. 

But like you Jackie, I still wanted a relationship with her, until the horror with my elderly parents took place. That was the final straw.

bluedahlia

Mirapex can turn one into a psychopath.  

I'm thinking of crossing the border to buy some absynth.  Anyone try it?

crazy4carrots

Blue -- Do you mean absinthe?  You can buy it here at the LCBO.  Gin's naughty cousin!

QuinnCat

I wouldn't call my sister a sociopath, but I sure don't care for her.  I could get into specifics, but she's not worth it.   We long ago parted ways.  There's a web site "Rate My Teacher."  While I feel bad for her students, I get a little giggle that the student's assessments of her teaching skills are about the same as I would rate her life skills.

Yorkie - I wondered too - does having a bad sister cause BC!!  I think it might be somewhat common, though, for this particular sibling relationship.  My brothers were/are cool.

bluedahlia

Linda I know. Inside joke!  Feel like seeing some green fairies!  hahahahhah!

P.S.  Thought I had corrected the spelling but it didn't take!

pupmom

Kam, my stress regarding my sister started about 7 years ago. Before that the stress was on my parents and her ex-husband. But unfortunately at exactly the same time my sis started her final reign of terror, in which I was intimately involved, I also had extreme stress going on with my work, lasting 3 years until I retired. Pile on. I do think the enormous stress I experienced during those years created the perfect bc storm.

bluedahlia

I had constant stress in my life as well!  "Too many notes"!!!!!!!!!!!

alexandria58

I do think there's something to the idea of stress contributing to illnesses, including bc.  It is curious to me how many of us have dysfunctional or sociopathic siblings.  We know so little about genetics.  Perhaps there's some interplay of genes that cause cancer and genes that cause psychopaths - something like you have one of the genes - you get one thing, and both genes you get the other.  But I'm just going on - I'm not really versed in the science.    It is interesting.  I wonder, if we polled the general public, what percentage of people would have a sibling who is sociopathic.  

Anyway, here's to us for knowing when to call it quits on a bad relationship.

GatorGal

I do think stress had something to do with my getting BC.  Other than not having given birth (kids are all adopted), there were no other risk factors that I am aware of.   But stress, yes, and lots of it.  I am thankful that I have a fantastic sister who has always been there for me.  Don't know how you all got through childhood with your psycho sisters!  It is pretty astonishing how many on this thread have  had to deal with psychopathic siblings.  Unbelievable those who took advantage of elderly parents.  Just sick. 

I am glad my daughter confronted me about her feelings and we were able to work through the issues.  It wasn't easy admitting I said inappropriate things as a mom, but a huge weight was lifted when I did.  Making amends helped me as much as it did her.  I do think my daughter would benefit from spending some time with a psychologist but she doesn't think so.  She takes mood stabilizers and says that's all she needs.  She has lots of issues besides the ones with me and I wish she would seek help.  But again, her choice.  She's a big girl now (32) and I have learned to back off and keep my opinions to myself.  

Thanks for being supportive.  Obviously I feel comfortable sharing with you, my BCO sisters.  You all rock!

Glenna

crazy4carrots

I don't know the science either, but I remember reading that stress causes the production of the hormone cortisol, which causes suppressed immune function, which can lead to cancer.  Before I retired, I had a mostly totally fulfilling job which paid me well, but I was also at the mercy of a boss who thought he knew more than I did (he didn't!).  I never knew what was going to be thrown at me, and how I was going to manage to persuade him that his ideas stank -- without insulting him to the point that he would manage to get me fired  Major stress!  After 4 years of that, and then 4 years of retired, and greatly relieved, living, I received the BC diagnosis.  Co-incidence?  I don't think so!

Alyson

Hi all

Just came on, well a while ago now because in frustration I went over to see friends and have a coffee.. 

Australia and New Zealand are quite different the systems, here is much more in line with Canada. The big teaching hospitals are public and so are tops and one of our heart units is actually up there with the best in the world. The privates specialist actually work in the public sector as well. Private hospitals do a lot of elective surgery - hip replacements etc which you have to wait ages to have done in the public. Remember we are just a very small place of 4.5 million. We have insurance and have used it - for mammograms because I could and I had my Mx private - just felt that I needed the extra spoiling but if anything goes wrong you are sent back to the public hospitals because they do not have the emergency units. DH had heart surgery in a private hospital but paid for by the public - they didn't have enough operating theatres but because he needed more that seven days care he was sent over to the public hospital, which was great when there was a problem because all the staff were right there - when a similar thing happened in the private hospital there was only nursing staff who while wonderful had to find a doctor.

So I can arrive at a hospital and I will get treated no matter who I am. With cancer they must commence treatment within three weeks of dx and generally this happens. I go to whatever pharmacy I want to. If I run out of drugs any chemist will give me  three days supply without a script sometimes they will want to check which is fine. When I have to go to a specialist the GP will give me a choice.

OK our system is not perfect but that is because of size and there is human error etc.

Enough of that have spent really frustrating day trying to book things on line. When it works it if fine but sometimes I would really like to talk to a person.

pupmom

Glenna, my sister and I were great playmates when we were kids. The two incidents I mentioned didn't affect me. I knew about them, but as far as I was concerned it was her problem. She's the one who got into trouble. By the time I was in my mid-teens her meanness started to push me away. But again, I brushed most of it off, putting my attention into education, building a career, marriage and motherhood (the same path my parents took, as well most hard working people). She continued to drive my parents crazy with the legal and substance abuse issues. They were wonderful people who stood by their children unconditionally. Unfortunately, tough love would have been the appropriate way to go, but they couldn't do it.

suzieq60

Aly - the private hospital where I had my second operation actually has an emergency dept - not sure how that works

IllinoisLady

Glenna -- I think we all got on with our " touched " sisters in childhood because you haven't really had to take on the weight of the world yet.  In between the idiocy and sometimes very problematic events, there is a fairly normal life going on.  As well, most of us, I think, were EXTREMELY hopeful that some of what we saw was some anomaly that would pass if we just gave it a chance.  I did not have the ability to totally rationalize what was going on at a young age, only later definitely seeing a consistent negative pattern in my sis.  I think for me the idea became.....thank the good Lord I am normal and have normal feelings.

I do recall that my sis could say -- boy when they get theirs.....and really, really MEAN it.  And if and when ( and it happens that way actually to everyone generally at some time ) she witnessed a negative incident concerning a person she felt had 'wronged' her in some way she truly BELIEVED that it was retribution for what they had done to her.  Always amazed me that she seemed to give it little thought......and had great patience in waiting for them to be "struck" down.  I, myself, perhaps hearing it from her and a couple of other people older than me, used that phrase even a time or two myself.  Interesting thing was --- I had no patience.  If anything was 'going' to happen....I felt it should be instantly.  Instead, usually when anything happened -- to anyone, be it those my sister had hoped would get on the receiving end, or in general anyone, I was miserable and sometimes actually crying right along with THE person. 

That said, I'm sure there are a number of people who think I'm not too together ( used to see it on another web-site and its probably still there ) but it bothers me not at all.  When I was still VERY young I realized I wasn't ever going to be HAPPY when someone else got "their's  and even that far back I knew I was going to be ok.  May have some tattered edges, and now and then a sharp tongue, but if it comes to caring....I'm going to be there. 

Alyson, your system there sounds quite interesting.  Glad to hear too that you are more like Canada.  Nice to know there are some sane stereotypes when we finally get around to doing our health system correctly.

Jackie 

Bren-2007

Morning Peeps,

Beautiful day today.  Going to get a bunch of mowing done tomorrow.  Everything is starting to turn green!  Yay!

I'm off to the eye doctor, which terrifies me more than going to the dentist.  I've put this off for years and now I can't see a damn thing even with my old glasses.  I shake the whole time I'm there.  I hate that test they do when they touch your eyeball with the machine and they tell you not to move ... well I just start shaking even worse!

Hope everyone has a good day,

Bren

pupmom

I hate those tests too Bren! I was told a couple of months ago that I am developing cataracts. I need an additional test to further evaluate the cataracts. Don't even know what the test involves but I'm putting it off as long as I can! Fear of the unknown!

djd

off-topic...

anyone who is celebrating a stabbing, just because it did not involve a gun, at a school, has some serious issues

lassie11

exactly djd

208sandy

I saw that too - "issues" doesn't even begin to describe it!

Enjoyful

Agree.  Who is celebrating?

pupmom

OMG, that is some sick sheet! Don't tell me, I think I know where you read that.

pip57

Can't imagine people would suggest that because a knife was used that it shows that guns are okay.  Can you imagine the carnage if he had used a gun?

Spring is peeking at us here today.  If this keeps up, we may have NO snow in a week.  

bluedahlia

Totally on topic djd!  They are disgusting!

alexandria58

If anyone is celebrating, that's wrong.  But at least there's no fatalities.  That is something to be relieved about.  There are people who point to incidents like this to claim that there's no point in banning guns - that people will do terrible things no matter what.  But if that young person had had an AR-15 instead of a knife, how many dead, instead of injured, would there be?

We do have many problems in our society.  We have a society where we resort to violence to solve problems.  Also, the level of stress for young people is unbelievable.  I think it's gotten worse with the emphasis on standardized testing - with the lack of real job opportunities - with the level of what we expect children to learn in school. I taught for three years at a high school in a good area.  Those kids were so stressed.  I don't know the answer for any of it.  I do know it's not simple.  I also know that having readily accessible guns to kids who have problems just makes every worse.  Thank God this kid didn't have a gun.

crazy4carrots

Very, very sad.

But, if anything, this should actually make the NRA and its supporters shudder. As you have said, if the fellow had a gun, we know there would have been many fatalities.

IllinoisLady

IllinoisLady

Recap:

RetiredLibby