Reconstruction for women 40-60ish???

kelben

I thought it would be helpful to get some input from others about the worries about reconstruction for women who society may think are "past all that" body image things.  I have had absolutely NO support from family or friends re: DIEP reconstruction.   I am TN, 62 years old with a right masectomy and beginning to feel foolish for wanting to go through with this surgery.   What do you feel?

lago

What! 62 is not old. (I'm 49). If a woman wants reconstruction and she is healthy enough for the surgery then there is no reason for her not to. I don't even care if she is even 10-15 years older than you. If she's healthy enough and wants it she should get it. Age should not be a factor in this. You think a 62 YO guy would not get penis reconstruction if he had some kind of issue?

If it were your eye that was removed would you think you're too old to get a glass eye?

Go for it girl. Just look at Raquel Welch! Sex symbol still at age 71!

kelben

well that was what I thought, but was not receiving any kind of positive feedback.  I thank you for your opinion,

sex symbol eh???  hmmm   

SusanAnn

I was diagnosed on November 16th,2010 with IDC of the left breast at the young age of 63.  I am scheduled to have

a mastectomy and reconstruction on January 11, 2011.  Just like you I thought I was way too old and some family members questioned if it was WORTH going through! I thought about it long and hard and decided that I was WORTH it!  Its your decision to make for yourself.  If you do decide to get reconstruction its going to be a long and difficult road to recovery, but think how  happy you will be when you reach your goal.

Its very hard for women to put themselves first - we have been doing it most of out lives!  I  have told my family that right now its all about me. I hope that my feedback helps you to make a decision that is right for you.  My best wishes for a speedy recovery.

 Susan 

Paula1231

Hello,

I am 54 and really looking forward to getting exchange surgery, then surgery for symmetry, nipple reconstruction and finally a perky boob and foob.  No matter if I were 64 or 74, after the MX and the Chemo, I need to look forward to beginning my life again with a nice looking chest.  I do not think your family can really understand..Do what feels right for you..for me, this is the right choice...looking great in clothes and in a bra, and putting the mx behind me.

kelben

thank you Susan your post was very helpful.  I think I am worth it and I know I will get through surgery dispite my age.  It isn't really the physical stuff that is standing in my way, but mental.  I knew you guys would help.  thanks

karen1956

I don't think it matters what age you are....if you want recon, then go for it....it is important to feel as good as we an about ouirselves....I did expander/implant recon and had 2 revisions...I know people thought I was silly when I did the 2nd recon, but I did not like the implants that I had and the BC side had fallen a bit....(it had really fallen at time of first revision)...it was not that noticable, but to me it was and thats all that mattered...at the time of the 2nd recon, I had both implants swapped out for smaller ones.....It matter to me, and thats all that was important....So...if you want recon, go for it!!!

Flopsie2

Every woman has the right to be who they want to be - with or without reconstruction.  I was just diagnosed this week and the recommendation was for a bilateral masectomy.  I just turned 60 a month ago and I got cancer again.  Left breast is DCIS and right breast is an ugly combination of invasive lobular and 2 additional cancers.  Lucky me, I've already had anal cancer and thought I'd never have to experience this beast again, but my conviction to be the best I can be no matter what has gotten me this far, so I'm ready for battle.  My sister, son and daughter all feel as I do about the bilateral masectomy with reconstruction, but my husband thinks that I should consider a more conservative approach - my docs disagree with him.   I'm totally in your corner and you do what's right for you because that's the most important person here - just you and your body!!! 

mrsnjband

I thought I might do recontruction at the beginning of my journey but have no desire to do it now.

But it is your body & your decision.  You do what is best for you!  NJ

Flopsie2

One more comment:  My age never entered into my decision process to have or not have reconstruction.  I've been reading so much about the entire process to be considered and the types of reconstruction, hours of surgery and months of healing, my age - heck I've got plenty of good years ahead of me.  I dream about being a grandmother some day. 

Flopsie2

I'd love to hear from anyone who is working and has had bilateral mastectomy with immediate  DIEP or TRAM Flap reconstruction.  I'm having a second opinon on Friday and need personal insight on the "real" issues that I need to consider - how long does it really take to get back to work without pain and a reasonably normal life.  I've already had 3 surgeries since November 3rd so I've missed a lot of work. I'm not sure about how long my job will be affected or my health insurance - I carry the primary health insurance for myself and husband - then my income will also become an issue so lots of decisons on many levels and I'm scared. 

PS Ladies, I'm sorry about the previous spelling of mastectomy. 

abcd

 Hi,  I am in the same boat.  63 yrs, recenlly diagnosed, grade3, invasive, 6 lymph nodes ductal ca . SameQ as yours.... but please tell me what could be the negative effects for having reconstruction?

I certainly do NOT want to look uneven and want to look the way I look now.  When is the best time?  Soon after mastectomy or ?   Anyone had recurrence and unaware because of reconstruction?   Help me!

lago

acbd it's always scary when you read about people having problems with reconstruction. Yes many of us might have some revisions etc. but not all of us have unfavorable outcomes. The trick here is to find a good plastic surgeon that you trust. I know the first I met with I did not care for at all. He's done quite a lot of these procedures, and I know women that just love him but not for me. He was also right in them middle of being board certified.

I am much happier with the 2nd surgeon I met. He seemed to understand what I wanted and respected that. I trust his experience/credentials and I know that he will do the best job he can. I am having implants so there can always be issues with capsular contraction but we discussed that. Yes you need to find a surgeon that will talk about the "what if there are problems". 

Be sure you get to see several photos of their work specific to the procedure you are considering.

kelben

I am going to PS for consult on DIEP flap.  After reading all the posts here of how happy people are with the outcome, I think that is for me.   The down side of DIEP is length of surgery and recovery time is close to 6 weeks depending on the person.   I have decided that my last day of work will be the day before my surgery.   If I am going to be doing battle with this beast, I want to be able to relax inbetweeen, not thinking about how soon can I get back to work.   I am 62 and I have worked since I was 15, I need to think about me. 

Thank you guys for your input, it IS about you and you are the only one who has to make these decisions.

dfwgal

I will have to agree with the group. I am 48 and did Diep reconstruction. I would recommend to anyone at any age if you decide (or must do) the Mastectomy, whatever will make you comfortable post op is the way to go.  Family and friends should respect and encourage you to complete any process that will make you feel like yourself again.

kelben

Thanks dfwgal:  How long were you laid up with recovery?  Did you need a lot of help?  How long was it before you could use your arms efficiently?   Sorry for all the questions, but I am looking for any info.

Bonnygg

I'm right there in the middle. I'm 54 and go for yet my 3rd consult for reconstruction. I keep thinking I'm being overly vain but I've been pretty much a tomboy most of my life & have worked in an all-male professions for nearly 30 years. I'm a big gal, 6' tall & 215 lbs. I'm determined to get new boobs so that I can hang onto what little bit of feminity that I have left.

My size prevents me from doing implants & I have plenty of belly to make a couple of new boobs courtesty of DIEP.

Yet, I still have this nagging feeling that doing DIEP or any reconstruction is selfish and just crazy. But, I'm going down the DIEP path. Do I sound like a split personality? I'm all torn up on the inside & barely let my hubby know the crazy inside-my-head discussions about the do or don't do the DIEP.

Six years of this crud is just too long. I'm hoping to get my DIEP in the next month or two. I just gotta get over all this and be done.

My one saving strength... When I was dx'd with the BC, I swore that I would do everything I could so that at the end of my jounery that there would be no regrets. No looking back over my shoulder saying " I should have.." I even took chemo when I was alergic to it. Wasn't that fun?!?!?

 I watched a What Not To Wear the other night. The young gal had a double mast & no reconstruction. I found her to be very brave to face the world without boobs.

 Reconstruction or not is such an individual decision. There are so many factors that come into play. It's hard to even find a rule-of-thumb to help with the decision.

Good luck with your decisions.

annettek

It is such a personal decision and for me, mine to make. Fortunate enough to have the option of immediate reconstruction with TEs, I find that hacing something to look forward to on this sometimes hellish road of BC is a good thing. I had my second fill today and have walked around patting my chest all night. It is funny, I was never overly in love with my breasts, and became downright angry with the right one for hosting the tumor. Off they go. I said that before diagnosis. Adamant. My hubby thought I was being a bit rash and thought I should weigh options until after I even knew if I had BC. I said no, if it is, I know me, I know my mind and I will worry too much. Off. I want them gone. I did, I am glad and like I said, I am patting these funny little things (halfway on the journey to implants in late February). Breasts do not make a woman. But, in my case, I wanted something there I did not have to put on. I actually like them. I have a great PS Dr. Shanaq. Beyond his skill is his ability to see past the disease to the woman. I never dreamed I would be in a universe looking up from flat on my back to my husband and another man (PS) staring at my chest while one looked for the expander fill port with a "stud finder" ( as I call it). I started laughing so hard they both thought I was nuts. I am now scared that after having my chest exposed to so many through this journey that once my implants are in, nipples built and tatoos on, I will become a 54 year old flasher! Throwing open my blouse to anyone I think might need a look!  And that is definitely not how I was before BC:) As it is when certain women who know what has gone on with me ask about it, I have been known to go in the restroom and show them. I let them poke and touch- I don't care, as I never knew before all of this started what any of it was like. The ONLY thing I take exception to is when some idjut (my spelling) says it is nothing more than getting a boob job. That makes me a little crazy...no, actually a lot. Someone said that to my husband and he blew back at them saying, "uh, she had breast cancer, it kills people, she had parts of her body taken out to fight it, she is not augmenting anything, they have to build it from under her chest muscle, it has been hell, it has all hurt her a lot." He was really upset and he is usually a pretty laid back guy. I never loved him more than hearing him. meh- I guess sometimes still waters run deeper than we think.

(This was not meant to be a portrayal of the perfect life, it is not, certainly not all wine and roses, but I am learning to appreciate and note the good a whole lot more than I used to....)

kelben

I felt guilty after I made the decision to have a mastectomy, I felt like apologizing to my body.  The decision to have DIEP surgery has helped make peace again... see??? it's ok, we'll have our breast back, and the fact that the breast is made from our own skin and fat, it makes it more personal.... not that there is anything wrong with implants, but I feel more comfortable with DIEP.

karen1956

After I had my exchange surgery, some bimbo I worked with said "lets see"...she wanted me to stand profile and puff my chest out like a bird to show what my boobs look like!!!! a whole bunch of the staff equeated my exchange as the same as some teacher we worked with who had implants because she wanted big boobs!!!  DUH...geeze....small chested and want boobs...to have boobs sliced off because of BC and then do something to get back a little sense of "normalcy"....I'm all for recon when its what you want...and all for doing whatever type of recon makes you happy....isn't thats what its all about....doing what makes us feel better after going down this darn road!!!

kelben

Karen that is really unexceptable behaviour.  People who have never encountered cancer have no idea how it makes us feel.  Our bodies have been through intense trauma and we don't know how to react when someone minimizes it with "lets see your boobs".  Normal has a whole new meaning after mastectomy. Feeling good is a hard road for us and recon. is only a part of that.

Anjanita

I think a woman should do whatever she is able to do to feel her best.  If you will be more comfortable having a reconstruction, then that's what I would support you to do!

 I'm sixty-two and have been married to the same man for nearly forty-three years.  And while I haven't asked him what he thinks I suspect he'd tell me to do whatever would please me the most.

 It hasn't been something I've thought a lot about, being in the very early stages of healing from the lumpectomy. My breasts have never been my best feature and, in spite of spending my teen years listening to the "Oohs" and "Aahs" over Bridgette, Marilyn and Gina with some degree of envy and worry about being able to find a suitable spouse without their attributes, somehow that all seems very distant.

 How that can be is beyond me as it appears as though there is even more cultural emphasis on good breasts than ever.

 Perhaps there will come a time when I'd like to have something done.  At present one nipple is nearly two inches higher than the other.  And I've joked to my daughter that perhaps I could find a lopsided brassiere to emphasize for others what I've experienced.

 But so far it appears a quality bra with a little padding will serve it's purpose and maybe that will be sufficient to satisfy me.  Time will tell.

 In the meantime, those who want something different (or more the same) - go for it! 

karen1956

I'm not one to flash my shirt...but the start of the school year after I finished chemo and rads, my principal (who was not a very nice person...and thankfully I don't work there anymore) made a comment about them getting the "short end of the stick" when I was out sick...I was so ticked off, I so wanted to pull off my top and say "who got the short end of the stick"??!!!!!

Yes, yes, yes...Recon is all about making us feel good (better) about our bodies after Mx.....or should I say the choice to do recon and the type of recon is all about what makes us feel good.....no one is too old to make this decision!!! 

elimar86861

Good topic.  It seems like people expect the younger women to automatically go for reconstruction, and the older women to be past all that like you said.  I FEEL EACH WOMAN HAS A RIGHT TO MAKE UP HER OWN MIND about surgery, treatment and reconstruction, regardless of age.

kelben, I know bringing this up in a forum of similar aged women will give you a change to hear how others feel about thisand willhelp you reach your own decision.  Good Luck!

ScienceGirl

elimar,

I agree with you totally.  I had my BMX when I was 44.  I expressed to my breast surgeon that I didn't want reconstruction.  He insisted that I see the plastic surgeon he works with and even called and made an appointment for me the same day!  I'm sure if I was older he wouldn't have pressured me.  Every woman needs to do what is best for her and what will help her get through this journey.  I am very happy with my decision and actually feel kind of "free".  I wish everyone peace with whatever  they choose.

tamgam

Kelben- IMO you are a woman. Period!  You have every right to do anything possible to preserve your femininity.  We are not defined by our boobs but they are a part of us and wanting to feel complete surely brdiges all age groups. I am at the "younger" end of the spectrum but this beast is an equal opportunity disease.  You deserve to feel whole at any age.  Sending posotive thoughts your way and hoping for a wonderful outcome for you, love! ((((   )))))

hymil

Flopsie you mentioned the whole thing about muscle strength and back pain after reconstruction and the need to be fit to work, i think if i was ten years older and retired i would be more likely to go for recon. and as you have chosen to quit work anyway - great plan, btw - you go for what's right for you! Hope your meeting on Friday went well.

Kelben 62 is not past it! Look at the world leaders, how many of them are under that age, apart from the good Mr Obama? I can't imagine any of them refusing glass eyes and going around with patches looking like pirates, what a super comparison!

kelben

excellent comparison hymil.... I knew you guys would help me.  I totally feel like I'm making the right decision.  I am planning on leaving work this spring and then I want to do lots of things, and I don't want to feel so self conscience I won't leave the house.

tinataillon

I am 43 and it was the hardest thing I had ever done but I do honestly think if you want the surgery you should do it. Do it because it will make you feel better about you!

crusader1

I had a right mastectomy at 62. I was not able to have diep so I chose to have a TE put in. I definitely feel that it makes me feel whole. I believe that when one looks down and sees a breast instead of a flat scar one feels much better about oneself.

I must say that I had nine reconstruction  surgeries due to infections, complications  etc. but I have no regrets at all.

Do what feels right for you. Remember DIPE is a hard surgery.

Hugs,

Francine

njbhwgirl

I am 56 and just had reconstruction surgery this past November. I chose saline implants only because the waiting list to have the DIEP surgery was 6 months and I wanted this whole expeience over with.

 for me, I would of reconstructed if I was 80 years old. It is all about what makes you feel good about yourself. for me it was having breasts. Are they the same as my original breasts.. Heck NO... they feel and look different but visually they look the same as I used to.

 For me it was important to come out of this whole nightmare looking somewhat like I did before I was diagnosed. 

Now if only all my hair was back...(lol)