Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Fearless_One

Stop texting, too.   That is the same as calling.   I didn't realize you had texted him twice - once yesterday and then this morning?   

Dragonfly1976

No only once fearless, just yesterday morning is all. I agree Jainey, I gave it a shot with him. I will not call or text him again. It hurts but I am glad a lot of time and the physical part hadn't been involved. Thanks ladies for all your advice and listening

Fearless_One

Well, don't get too discouraged - he is working 2 jobs - that would wipe me out, that's for sure.   But I would still be hurt.   When I like a man, I like him to call me every day.

Dragonfly1976

That's what started this whole thing. The poor communication or unclear of his interest. If he stops calling altogether now then it's for the best.

sweetbean

OK, all is not lost.  BUT, whatever you do, no texting, no calling, and no e-mail.  Do NOT reach out to him.  He will get curious.  You were available, and suddenly, you are different.  He will be intrigued.  It might not happen immediately.  But it will very likely happen IF you don't contact him.  I can say this with experience - when a guy breaks up with me, I cut off all contact.  No begging, no calling, no nothing.  They ALWAYS come back for a second chance.  Suddenly, I am far more interesting than I was before.  (It's happening right now in my life and I am bald!)  Men always wonder what they are missing.  And they HATE to miss out on something good.  

 Now, when I say it might not happen immediately, it might take weeks or months for him to come around.  In that time, you might get over him or meet someone new.  Or you might gain some perspective.  But when he comes back around, definitely don't fall back into your I'm-super-available-because-I-understand-how-busy-you-are.  Remember, you're fabulous and if he can't get it together, he won't get to have you. 

Dragonfly1976

Sweetbean, excellent advice!!! I will not make any efforts to contact him. I do deserve more and someone that is emotionally ready and strong for me! I actually deleted his # from my phone so it's not an easy task to text him. I don't remember his # by heart. Time will certainly tell. In the mean time...... My friend made me sign up for that plenty of fish dating site a while ago. I recently updated it and have a couple people interested so time to get out and explore the options i suppose. Still hurts but wounds heal!

sweetbean

Good for you!!!!  Go you!  

Meece

I wouldn't have deleted his number because you may not recognize it if it comes up, if his name doesn't automatically show.  I would keep the number but enter "Do Not Answer" as his name. (I have several out, I mean inlaws' numbers in my phone that way.  Actually they say "Danger - ***"

It will hurt, but you will heal.  Your guy reminds me so much of the gy I thought I could help and change, which I could neither.

Dragonfly1976

I vaguely remember his # but I don't know it enough to text him. I know if it's in my phone I'd be tempted to call or text.



Well I am learning, like many of you I spent 10 years trying to change that guy. Obviously it doesn't work. So I'm glad this only went on a couple months! Big improvement. It does leave me with a wall up though so I have to be careful on that.

Meece

I had great times with the guy I was gonna change.  When we were togetehr we were active and had lots of fun, but when we were not together, it was as if I never crossed his mind.  When I finally realized what it was doing to me, and I made the break, I was able to get over it quickly.

Dragonfly1976

Meece that sounds all too familiar. It started off great, texting and calling a lot daily! Hanging out, he drove down here and surprised me that one day. Then it all started slacking off...... Like a bandage just rip it off, clean break, hurts less!

Meece

It was only after I severed the other relationship that I could look at the other guy in my life and say I was willing to focus on the relationship and see where it could go.  I told the "other guy" I was ready to see if it could evolve into a serious relationship, and the rest is history.

Dragonfly1976

That says a lot there. We focus too much on the wrong person while the right one is in front of our face!! I'm so glad you found someone



He didn't call this morning either! See ya

Meece

Have a good day, and concentrate on how you are going to respond to those who are interested in you online.

Dragonfly1976

I'm going to I'm determined to just let it go and move on, I know he's not sitting there stewing about it, so he doesn't deserve my energy either.

Meece

That's right.

Dragonfly1976

Thanks for all your help and advice, so much easier when you can bounce it off someone

Meece

You are so welcome.  I am not an authority, but I really over think stuff in my own life so I understand how important it is to hear an outside opinion.

Dragonfly1976

I really have a habit of doing that too, over analyze things, and speak too soon. So I've been really trying lately if it's something big to run it by a few people before saying or acting on it. It sure helps!

Meece

Good idea.  I have issues with the inlaws and have to really use restrain to think before I speak when it comes to talking with DH about them.

Dragonfly1976

How long have you been married? I still have issues with my ex-mother in law and we've been divorced for almost 3 years! lol

Dragonfly1976

Geeze, I don't know why my friends help get me more confused My one friend is saying that this guy doesn't know where he stands with me, or how I feel so that's why he's not calling. Neither of us are communicating... Dang it...

Meece

You have told him, Dragonfly.  He knows what you need.  It is not your fault!

I've been married nearly 6 years.  The inlaws have encouraged DHs children to treat him VERY poorly, and I won't stand for it, so I am the evil step-mother.

Dragonfly1976

Ok thanks, that's my worry is what did I do to screw this up, or did I? Anyway, I think his silence has spoke volumes.

What in the world, why would they encourage that? How old are the kids?

sweetbean

Dragonfly,

 He knows where he stands or if he didn't know, he would find out.  Your friend is wrong.  She would probably text him and call him too much and generally, that is what screws things up.  You haven't screwed anything up.  You are doing the right thing.   

Dragonfly1976

Thanks sweetbean, I guess I'm more ok with him walking away than thinking I blew it. But if he walked away this easy than he's not the one for me. I just gotta keep telling myself that

Fearless_One

Maybe I missed something, but what's it been, like 24 hours since he called?   Is that correct?   I really would not assume it's over.   Just go on the dating site,  continue seeing him when he asks, but let him initiate everything.  

How many hours does this guy work? You said he works 2 jobs?   Maybe I'm being too naive, but if I was working like 60 hours a week, I wouldn't much feel like going out very often.   Hell, I feel like that NOW, and I only work 40 hours a week.

Dragonfly1976

I assume that probably cause it's easier for me mentally, to just say yeah, he's done and he wasn't the one. I am trying not to sit here and watch the clock and wonder if he'll call tonight. Also because whether or not he calls he's always responded to my texts. Which he didn't do yesterday, not huge but I'm assuming the worst. We'll see right? I'm not approaching him any more for texts, emails, or dates no worries there fearless

He works 40 at one job and an hour or 2 a couple nights a week at his other job. 

Fearless_One

I don't mentally write off a guy until I haven't heard from him for 2-3 days (that means no emails or anything, either).

When my guy dumped me, I hadn't heard from him in 3-4 days.  I had sent him 2 casual emails during that time, and when he didn't respond, that's when I asked him what was up and he told me.

So this guy is still interested.   If he wasn't, he wouldn't be calling or texting you, PERIOD.   It's just too soon to tell, I think.   Anyways, that's my two cents worth....

Dragonfly1976

Well we'll see what your 2 cents is worth if I don't hear from him tonight or tomorrow lol