Have any of you found love after your diagnosis and treatment?

Meece

Then just tell him like it is.  You want to continue to have him as a friend because you enjoy his company, but you are working on changing your reponse.

sam52

I don't think you should make a big deal of it.....guys don't have the same ideas about communicating that we do. He is probably trying to put the brakes on a bit, as he realises that he does like you a lot and is just not ready for a full relationship.He will be getting the wrong message from you if you don't answer his calls. I would text him today and say you're sorry you missed his calls and hope you can catch up real soon.

He has said he wants to take things slowly - so concentrate on the fun times you have together and not put so much emphasis on the phone calls.He is obviously interested, or he would not keep calling.

Sam

Meece

Sam is right.  He will stop calling (and pout) if you don't respond.

Dragonfly1976

I suppose I'll answer his call tonight, if he calls and go from there. I'm sure it's not personal, but that's how I am taking it. So maybe that's my deal, not his. I just don't get how you can be in the middle of a conversation, stop answering and not contact the person for 2 days and act like nothing happened.

Meece

Honesty is best, you'll feel better getting it out, and he'll feel good knowing what's going on.

Dragonfly1976

I Tex him and just said thanks for calling, sorry I missed it. Talk to you later.

Meece

Good for you.  Now the ball is back in his court, but you made an effort.  Guys ned a little encouragement so they don't quit completely.

Yazmin

JeninMichigan: I love reading your post. It is truly heartwarming.

Dragonfly1976

Ok ladies since now it's like a soap opera and you're all tuned in.... I'm a stewer, I sit and think about this all day long. Did I handle it right, should I have not ignored his calls, did I blow it, should I walk away etc... So I wrote something up and figured I'd see if he calls or not tonight. If so then I'll see how it goes and I can bring it up then or save it for when we talk next time in person? He may not even call after all of this. Tell me what you girls think of what I wrote up. Now that I am sharing it here it sounds totally psycho and needy and I'm not happy with it... Man I need a drink

Hope you're having a good week.

You know how we talked a couple weeks ago about taking things between you and I slow? I was, and am completely ok with giving you time. I like you, and care about you, and have no problem waiting for things to progress because I agree, it's not something to just jump right into. I would eventually like to be more than just your friend. I think we have a lot of fun together, and I see something great coming out of this. Please don't get me wrong, the last thing I want to do is seem pushy or have you feel that I'm in a big hurry, because I'm definitely not.

I thought I had a clear picture of what "taking it slow" meant to you. Lately though, I feel like I need to make sure that we're still on the same page. One thing that bothers me is the inconsistency. For example the last couple weekends we were texting back and forth Saturday, then you just stopped answering. No big deal, figured you got busy or fell asleep, then Sunday not a word from you, Monday nothing until you called last night. So here I am wondering if you are ok or what happened. It's not major in the grand scheme of things, but something that is on my mind.

Meece

It sounds nice and all, but you are reiterating what you have already told him about communication.  he may feel like he is being scolded. 

Personnally, I would continue on with the "hard to get" approach for a little while longer.  See if he is the type who will put some effort into keeping the "friendship" going.

Fearless_One

I agree with Meece.   It's a really nice letter, but I think it will turn him off, to be honest.   Men like a little bit of a chase, at least I think so.  

Dragonfly1976

Ok, thanks I had already talked myself out of sending it since I posted here. I just figure I'll see if he calls tonight and go from there. I get these bright ideas and am glad I have someone to bounce them off of! Thanks!

sweetbean

Dragonfly,

Do not send the letter.  If I were you, I'd start playing SUPER hard to get.  And if he called tonight, I would either let it go to voicemail or pick it up and talk for 30 seconds, say I am super busy and have to go.  Be totally nice, but definitely do not be available.  Guys respond to distance.  If he likes you, he will pursue.  If he doesn't, it's his loss and you are now free to find someone else.  I have learned this the hard way - the letters/conversations/being-understanding-that-he-is-busy  just does. not. work.  Ever.  

Now, the important thing here is that you don't have to be nasty.  But you are fabulous and busy and MY, you didn't even NOTICE that he hadn't called.  You have that much going on.  That should be your inner monologue.  Let 'im wonder what you are doing.   

Dragonfly1976

Ok, so I ignored has call yesterday morning, last night and this morning. You think I should still not answer if he calls tonight? This is all new to me, playing hard to get I feel so mean doing it!

Fearless_One

Sweetbean, what a great post!  Guys DO respond to distance!   Like you, I learned the hard way, too.   And never be nasty - I don't think men like b*tches, contrary to the popular book out there.   But they do respond to distance for some reason.

Fearless_One

I find it fascinating how the longer you keep ignoring him, the more the calls are escalating.   I wish I had done this with the guy who just dumped me.

Dragonfly1976

I had no plans on being mean, or nasty to him but I feel bad ignoring him. That's hard for me when I'm doing it to just get his attention, not trying to end all communication. I hope it works, and I don't have any plans on telling him anything other than I've just been busy if he calls and if he asks.

Fearless_One

It is working, obviously.   He was going days without calling, now he's called 3 times in less than 24 hours.    Men are so predictable.  

Dragonfly1976

Time will tell, IF he calls it's usually around 9:00 here, so a couple more hours.

Fearless_One

Oh, he'll call tonight.     

Dragonfly1976

Want to place a bet on that, kidding

Fearless_One

Logic would tell you that he would stop calling after getting no response, but that is not how the male mind works, lol!   I have ALWAYS been too available to the men I like.   I think this has bored them and contributed greatly to the end of these relationships.    When you are not home (or that's what he thinks), this makes them crazy - they think you might be out with another guy and this just makes them want you more.

Dragonfly1976

Well I certainly hope you ladies are right and this is the fire he needs lit under him I always tend to make myself too available. But then again I was married almost 10 years and we were inseparable from the first date.

Dragonfly1976

Heading to bed here soon, he never called

Meece

But you did text him to let him know you saw he called.  He could have had something going on tonight.  If you not answering for 24 hours is enough to make him back off, then he is wanting someone who will be there when he wants, but not willing to reciprocate.  I doubt that's the issue, so give him the benefit of the doubt. 

You definitely need to get your mind on other things.  (I am like you and can worry something to death all day long.)  Then keeping trck of when or if he calls won't be so important.

{{{{{{{{{Dragonfly}}}}}}}}}}}}} Wishing I could make it all better.  Big Sis, Meece (offering unsolicited advice)

Dragonfly1976

Thanks Meece!! I was thinking if this pushed him away than wow he was never really interested. So we'll see if he calls in the morning. i did text him once this morning just to thank you for calling and that I was sorry I missed his call! If tomorrow comes and goes with no call I'll have my answer and not have wasted a ton of time but still will hurt.

Meece

Wish there was a salve for the broken heart, but then again we would not grow stronger or learn from our experiences.

Dragonfly1976

So true!!! I guess if by tomorrow I hear nothing I have my answer. He wouldnt be strong enough or man enough for me

Fearless_One

I can only say I am surprised - I really thought you would hear from him last night ....but you know you will hear from him again....

Jainey

Dragonfly .. hmmmm, from my experience I would say that if you Dont Like this type of behaviour then try to move on ... I do believe that this sort of thing will always be a part of a relationship with him. Some like this roller coaster ... personally I was always waiting for 'things to change' and they never did. Something that stresses you like this could be a carcinogenic. Find that Peace Inside Yourself and stay with it.