Great saying about depression

Stanzie

Kate - beautifully said again- have You thought about writing. You and hopeful seem to be able to put words together in such a lovely meaningful and heartfelt way...

Oh Hopeful - Gosh wonder how far it is.... might have to look into that... also at some point, I'd like to know more about lat atrophy.

Oh 3 Jays!!! Not something else! I'm so sorry! I do agree with avoiding a hospital. When I was in for almost 2 months when pregnant every time my Doc would come in he would say a hospital is one of the most dangerous places for me to be...So hope the meds work and work quickly. Surely your hubby has come back around for you...

wrsmith- You know my Doc said the same thing even though I had already had 3 lumpectomes I thought... not sure if I'm going to believe that one. I'm sorry about the triple neg - I know that has its own set of issues... Do you know Kittycat? She is on these threads and really young - can't remember but I know she had a reoccurance her first year and she is triple negative also. She is also such an inspiring woman- even while she was going through so much she managed to find something positive. Anyway, she is doing Fine last time I read one of her posts.... 

I think you need to give yourself a break as reoccurance is always difficult so give yourself time to grieve and to deal with such a scare so soon. I also think you need to make sure your Onc's know how hard all this is... hopefully they can help to reassure you. I have read many times about Doc's not getting the margins they said they did so now with the mastectomy hopefully now everything is good and you will be able to relax and heal both inside and out. ((HUGS))

Delilahbear

Am so sorry everyone has to deal with these problems. I usually read this thread but don't post to it. I have been in a major funk for awhile and it was really getting me down after a few problems with my boss at work and then my husband having been hospitalized with deep vein thrombosis, twice (the last for a month). It became too much and I began seeing a therapist which has been a blessing.

Hopeful - I am sorry for what you have been through trying to have NSM, especially the infections. I had a graft for aerola taken from my upper thigh crease (where scar doesn't show) and the nipples made all in the same surgery. PS does it all at one time and I had exchange to larger implants at the same time. My areolas and nipples are the only thing that went correctly the first time around and they came out perfect. My nipples have about 1/4" projection and have maintained for 2/12 years. (hope this isn't TMI). So yes, they can be done in one surgery. I would love for Vinnie to do tatooing and will even be in his area in August, but my DH says NO! Since he is basically the only one who has to see them, guess I won't do it. I am sending you hugs and good vibes for revision surgery.

wrsmith - my therapist said I had to be on either Lexapro or Cymbalta. In researching I decided Cymbalta would be the best and my PCP prescribed it but it did not work at all. I have been on Prestiq for a month and have been doing better. Therapist noticed it as well as my co-workers at my part time job. It has given me a bit more energy and I have started to do some things I have neglected in my pig-sty I call home. I know not one AD works for everyone and often you have to try others and they do quit working after awhile. Good luck with any changes you make and hope they make you feel better.

Kate - I agree with all about your poignant posts. You have been through so much stuff, I hope you find relief soon.

3Jays - I am sorry you are dealing with yet something else on top of the BC and then to not have family support is very difficult. Sending you cyber hugs for your courage to face it all each day.

I want everyone to know that I cherish BCO and the outlet it provides for us to vent along the BC ride. I thought I had prophy BMX for papillomatosis and they did find ADH and some other stuff, but now my BS coded my chest X-Ray as BC so I guess they think there was something in there but not enough, thankfully, for chemo or radiation. I am almost 3 years out and finally think I have found acceptance with everything and have not had major surgery for breasts in over a year so am thankful. I think being on the anti-depressant is "better living through chemicals" and if it allows my to be a bit calmer at work and keeps me from being fired, I am happier.

Love and hugs to all.

Anonymous

Stanzie- Aw, you're so sweet!  Thank you!

Delilahbear- Sorry about your DH's health problems.  I know it's hard but especially that month in the hospital!  If you're like me you just never imagine you'd be dealing with multiple health issues on both sides so early in life.  It is very stressful and I'm glad you've found a therapist who is helping.  (((hugs)))

Hopeful- Forgot to say- I'd be honored for you to use my "ramblings" in your symposium!   

My DH just got a letter from Social Security denying his claim for disability for Parkinson's.  They said "Based on the job you had as an airline pilot we have concluded that you are able to perform this job".   WTH?  Hmm, wonder what the FAA would say about that especially since they are the ones that grounded him?  (Would you want to fly with a pilot with Parkinson's?)  Luckily, we have a liaison that his airline provides us free of charge who helps us with all this.  She warned us this would happen and that they always deny the first claim.  That in itself ticks me off.  Someone could have a legitimate claim (like my DH) but they're just going to automatically deny it?  It makes me want to scream it's so ridiculous.  

Elizabeth1889

Kate, I am sorry you have to deal with the Social Security denial on top of everything else. What a nightmare. It just is not right.

barbe1958

Can't BELIEVE the SS saying your DH could still do his job!!!! If the airline grounded him, wouldn't that be their first clue????

My insurance company for long-term disability had me file for Canadian disability. If they don't approve me, I wonder what happens? My insurance company said they'd have to pay me until I'm 67, but were hoping for the government to pick up almost half the tab. I've been off for just over a year and can't see myself going back to work ever again. I HAVE to lie down every couple of hours to take the pressure off my spine and hips. I can't even be a prostitute as I have no boobs!!! That's about the only job I could see needing to lie down for....

As for sons, I use the word BREAST when I talk about my cancer to my kids and their spouses. I save BOOBS for the jokes and the pubs. Keeps it on a more professional level. I'd be stunned if any of my doc asked how my boobs were!!

Hopeful, I can picture what your PS did! I see a pie with a piece cut out (1/4) and then he just brought the ends together and that made a smaller circle. Doi!!! As for the 'hip' graft, I'm pretty sure they use the darker skin of your inner thigh. Wouldn't it have hair on it? Someone posted above who had it done, but if I page-back now, I'll lose this post. Maybe that would be a good thing?

3jays, welcome to my 'kidney' world...sigh. I see my Urologist on the 9th, this will be interesting as I know some of my back pain is my kidneys. And that's pain that is breaking through 75 mgs of morphine a day!! I know I have a kidney perfusion defect; part of my right kidney is dying off and it goes into spasms as it dies from lack of oxygen or hamburgers, or whatever! I wonder if it's happening to my left side now...?

As for an AI, I have FM and constant pain anyway and don't think I'd handle it all that well. As well, if any cells escaped my masts, they would have had a long time to set up home and start to grow by now. Starting to take Arimidex now wouldn't kill those off, just stop any others from starting.

So, ultrasound Tuesday for the 3 abdominal masses with the follow-up on the 11th. Any prayers gratefully accepted!

ptdreamers

Barbe1958, Prayers and hugs coming right up.

3jaysmom

Hey Gals: ahhh, i feel like im "home again!!!"

   even though i find hope, and solace (and good friendship) on other threads, you guys UNDERSTAND!!!

   Because our immune systems started OUT wonky, we have the usual B** with the bc; but the immune stff will drive you bonkers, if you let it!!!

   welcome to wrsmith: im so glad you're here.. these ladies are "the bomb" here..

  Kate, you and some of the other gals have convinced me that it was a great grace that they wouldn't do recon on me originally.. with all mymedical issues, and the lies they tell, i would've died, or gone postal, and writing this from max security prison!!!

  the PS tells you the recons will be just as good as new, or better.. then, i see all you go thru , so many extra surgeries, and then, no sensation!!!

  ARRRGGGGGGGGGGHH  at least the ps told me i was too sick to have recon.  wanted so badly to be "normal" .. then, from you guys, i learned the sensations that i wanted back, wouldn't have returned, even  WITH recon..

  don't get me wrong. i think if you get recon, and they LOOK good, then, for you, its so worth it.. esp if your'e young.. i never can let my DH see anymore, when we're "alone" im wearing a prosth with a teddy.. all i can say is, i look okay, for the shape im in, and im an old fart, so my stripping days, or nude beaches is WAY past!!!

  add the extra 25 from hypo on to my overweightness bf bc, and well, i'm just not running around being "Perky" anymore..

  i'm actually ok with being flat, most days..lol

   i just grieve for you guys, with re dos and, all the tx you have with recon..but, so happy when the results come out (finally, it seems)

  im glad i missed that part of the journey. i knew, when i got dxed and taged, that my "weakened state" was only going to last thru one big surgery (God willing) and no more little ones. I did have the dog ears done a year later.. i couldn't stand to look, or deal with them, but everything has its' price.. thats' the spot the worst with le; probably bc they "messed with it, so much!!!

  I always say i'm in good shape, for the shape I'm in... IF?WHEN i ever get my immune system straight, i need to diet, and excersice, I KNOW my self esteem will improve expedientially with the size of my stomach (or lack thereof) and my strength levels.

  im a lucky gal, NED for 3 yrs now.. and, having Marybe (a member here ) as a friend, helps me make sure i remain positive, and grateful..

  wmrsith: she was dxed 24 yrs ago, with stage one.. then 12 yrs ned; followed with a dx of stage 4 after 12 yrs.. liver, bone and one other thing i can't remember right now...

  she goes to one chemo, to another, and fights this beast back.  She was just visiting me this month, from Cincy; doing visits in between her chemo txments.. she remains in great spirits, depending on her tumor arkers, and she works everyday as a dental tech!!!!she is a shining example to me, that even though i may have challenges, they don't have me!!!

  24 yrs of this crap is more than any person should have to deal with.. yet, she's out and about, looking wonderful, fit and trim..

   so, everyday i don't want to.. WHATEVER: i say a prayer for her when i wke up, put my feet on the floor, and start moving!(slow as it may be hahaha)

  Kate is right, we only know we beat the beast back, when we die of something else!!!

  i admire the ladies here, bc although we have "challanges" and bad immune systems, cranky husbands , bosses, kids, whatevers, and depression, we somehow (leaning on each other ) make it through another day.. Hopefully with some self esteem in how we look/feel, and some grace.. i've been short on "grace" lately, but one of the classes I took for my ms, they told me "doing it with grace wasn't a requirement: just doing it was enough"

  i think its inbred in me: never feeling good enough.. i had that low grade depression since i was a kid.. and i know thats' where all my problems with me lie..

  so, everyday, i have to remember, "i've met the enemy, and its me"  the gal i see in the mirror is only the PERCEPTION that is in my head.. not the actual person!!

  i learned a long time ago, that angeer was a great motivator for me, if i channel in to action, and not into resentment..

  well, tat's quite a lot of self disclosure / ranting /lecture isn't it?hahaha

  i like to keep things close to the chest , as it were, if it were.. so, coming here, and telling MY  truth is the single, most healthy thing i do for myself anymore..

   today, im glad we're all here, and doing the very best we can, for ourselves, and each other.. youj are the gifts God gave me, through the internet, no less...

  remember, easy does it, one day at a time.. etc.

 im doing ok, taking the keflex, drinking water, and resting. working on my garden, and visiting the grandkids are my single passions in life right now...3jays.

Stanzie

Oh 3 jays - you sound so much better. Oh I love Marybe - I "talk" with her on other threads, which ones I can't even say at the moment. But she seems just lovely! Will have to comment more when I have more time as I'm rushing off but had to stop...

 Barb - Always - huge long prayers for you!!!! Wish I had more time your post about not able to be a prostitute and the hairy nipples!!! Well just need more time for those two! Hang in there!

justagirl

barbe - only you could make me laugh out loud today - thinking of a career change as a prostitute? Don't let the 'no boobs' thing stop you - with your intelligence and sense of humor who needs boobs? I really don't have boobs or breasts anymore either (and I refer to them as my bumps) - I have two silicone bumps with 3D tattooed aureoles and nipples, which when my dear husband first saw said how wonderful I looked and he didn't even need the special 3D glasses.  Hmmm

In all seriousness, I am not a person to pray, but for you I will as you go in for your U/S on Tuesday.

3jaysmom: to me you are like the 'EverReady Battery Man' - you just keep on going and getting on with your life. Your spirit is unbelievable and I stay amazed of strong women like you and barbe and EVERYONE ELSE  here.

You all give so much to me and help me every day on this unknowing journey.  I can put on the 'Happy Face' with my son and husband and never mention BC and how I think and feel, but here, ONLY HERE, I can come and feel among friends who will listen and not judge me for what I do or don't do or how I feel.

I am grateful for having found all of you......

barbe1958

justagirl, your line about 3D glasses for 3D nipples should go down in the annals of bco!!! HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEE

justagirl

barbe, it's about time we all get a laugh out of having to deal with BC!

hopefulhealing

Kate the denial is ridiculous.  How can they make you continue to jump through hoops when they know in the end they will have to grant it!!!

Barbe good luck.  3jays you have it right.  We have to take control of what we can control. We have to open our eyes wide to the blessings in our life. Becuase the challenges could cloud and obscure our vision if we let it.  Yes it is hard and yes it is painful and yes it causes all the grief emotions. But we have the ability to learn how to live with grace and intent and joy. Okay maybe not every day but many days. We acknowledge the journey in all it's many parts and continue to put one foot forward everyday.

Delilahbear thanks for the nipple recon info.  I am glad yours has retained the projection.  I am glad you are feeling better with the med change. 

Ladies have a great week and for those in the USA have a wonderful July 4th.  Thank God we live in a country where we can be free in our beliefs and ideas.

Anonymous

hopeful- I don't know- it is so infuriating!  I did hear from my DH's cousin (whose son is Autistic) that once approved they have to back pay you to the first filing date.  I just find it appalling that they make people go through all this when they are disabled.  What I found maddening is they made my DH have a physical with one of their doctors on Father's Day afternoon, that doctor said it's a slam dunk as obviously he can't be a pilot with Parkinson's, and then social security says he can so what was the point of sending him to their doctor.  Grrrrrr!  If there's one thing I can't stand is the total lack of common sense in our government.  Happy 4th of July to us!  lol!

barbe1958

Kate, can I 'assume' your DH is getting SOMETHING from the airline for his disability? Insurance?

My insurance company has been paying me for a year. If Canada Disability (your SS I guess) doesn't accept me, at least I'm getting the full amount from the insurance company. I lucked out on having a job with benefits finally!!

Anonymous

barbe- Yes, he's got great loss of (pilot's) license/disability insurance and whatever we get from social security will be deducted from that.  But until his disability gets approved from SS we can't apply for benefits for our DS (he will get payments because his dad is disabled which will go towards college) so that's why this delay is so annoying.  We already have a college fund set up but the tuition keeps going up like crazy!

Happy 4th of July for those in the US!  Hope everyone has a wonderful and safe holiday!!! 

DiDel

Hey ladies! Its been crazy around here with that severe storm last week. Fortunately i did not lose power however i did not have cable for 4 days and booting up to see if internet is back. I hope everyone had a good 4th!!



Barbe how did the US go? Happy Belated Canada Day!!!



Its hard to type a lot on my phone so will be back when my internet is back. Stay cool!!!

Love to all

Diane

barbe1958

Kate, here, it would pay retroactively...does it do that down there?

Diane, thanks for asking, I see one of my docs on Monday and I'm going to have him look up the results. I don't see the Onc until Wednesday!

Had another bad fall yesterday. Fell off a 2-step mini ladder, no hands out to break my fall and my right knee took the brunt of the fall. Don't know if it is related to my Long QT Syndrome, but will certainly tell the cariologist when I see him next week. The fact I didn't have my hands up to break my fall meant I had no idea it was happening. Paint everywhere...sigh. Now we have to buy a larger rug to put over our carpeting in the bedroom...sigh. We had a beautiful embroidered rug there, but it got some paint on it too.

Stanzie

Quick question. I got stung by some flying insect on my right  thumb about 2 pm. My hand is now swollen a little over half way to my elbow. It is the side I had 1 node removed on... is this going to cause any problems do you think. It wasn't a yellow jacket which I know I'm allergic to and now other sign and been almost 3 hours so scary danger  just wondering... Thanks. More later- hard to type with sore swollen hand

barbe1958

Try Benadryl or some other antihistamine. Watch for infection!! Mark any red areas with pen to see if it is growing.... Good luck!

Stanzie

Thanks Barb, I did take 2 Benedryl. It is amazing how uncomfortable swelling is - I so feel for all of you who have LE and the swelling! My hand is just huge with little sausage fingers and my arm swollen to about 2 inches to my elbow. Wondering how on earth to cook dinner.. can't just barely type... Hope it doesn't get too much worse but at least don't think I'll need to make the hospital run!

Anonymous

Stanzie- Ouch!  Yep, swelling sucks.  I don't even have that much but it's amazing how much it hurts.  Hope the Benadryl is helping to bring yours down.  I don't think it's a big deal that it's your side with the node removed.  I've never heard of LE starting with a bug bite but watch out for any signs of infection.  Hope it gets better and take the kids out for dinner!  

We're having a few couples over for dinner and, of course, I had to have the house "perfect".  Why do I do that to myself?  Now my bad LE arm is swollen.  I don't know how I'm going to deal with this when I can't even mop my kitchen floor without triggering it.  Ugh!  My DH and DS have been wonderful, though, and really pitching in around the house.  Just feeling so depressed about the whole thing, though, as the realization hits that this is permanent.  

ptdreamers

Stanzie, with that amount of swelling I would be super aware. If it is red you will probably need some antibiotics as cellulitis might occur. Good luck.

justagirl

Stanzie, it will initially probably be a deep pink in colour with the swelling.  Repeat the antihistamines as the packet says.  Try and keep it above your heart and on a pillow.  An ice pack, with a kitchen towel around it for 5 minutes every half hour may help.  As said before be aware of the signs of cellulitis, which will be pain to the whole pink area, which might become more red, and you having a rise in your temperature.

Your arm is compromised as the removal of the lymph nodes takes away an important place they played for that arm, dealing with foreign elements, such as the poison from what stung you.

Take care................and Barbe....what the heck were you doing up a ladder!  Luckily you weren't hurt worse!

Stanzie

thanks! It is red and horribly swollen all the way to my elbow!!! Ugh so miserable  Read somewhere swelling can last 7 day! I'll in the nut house it if is that long.... why always on the weekend!!!

DiDel

Stanzie you poor thing! Ugh I am sure this heat is not helping to resolve the swelling. I would do some LE massaging to help drain the fluids out just to be on the safe side and take that benadryl around the clock. maybe if its not better by monday I would call the doc. May need prednisone. Hope it gets better!

Kate you need to take it easy!! {{{{hugs}}}I hope you get to rest up tomorrow.

I can't beleive this heat! Of course ...my AC in my car only works when I am driving about 65 MPH...so i have tried to run errands only when the sun goes down. My poor niece is at field hockey camp and she said today was brutal and tomorrow is supposed to be worse! I cant remember if I mentioned I was in Williamsburg last week for a field hockey showcase/camp. She did really well and it was gorgeous weather and its just a really quaint historic town. And to brag a little...Natalie got emails from the coaches at Temple, Univ of KY, Earlham and Univ of VA stating that they saw her playing and were impressed. I am so excited for her as it is her best shot at getting into a good college and she really wants to play in college. Now of course she is saying she wants to make the National Team and play in the next Olympics...I reminded her only 11 girls in the country make it but I was glad she has lofty goals.

Anyhow, I am so excited my internet is back. It is so hard to type responses and I forget everything that was writted and the screen on my phone is too small to keep scrolling up. OMG from those crazy storms last week I had no tv for 4 days. which if you know me it was complete torture. I always have the tv on for background noise and I can not sleep without the tv. We'll just say a lot of wine was consumed last week. I am glad to be back on my computer today for the first time in a week as well.

I hope everyone has a peaceful weekend.

Diane

DiDel

I am not getting my email notifications...anyone else having this issue???

Stanzie

   know any le excercises that might help

barbe1958

Diane, check to make sure your personal settings haven't changed "all by themselves"...

Kate and Stanzie, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but a bug bite can most certainly be the final trauma to your arm and LE can begin! That's why we're supposed to wear garden gloves.

Stanzie, gentle sweeping pats towards your armpit and across your mid-chest might help. Nothing heavy or aggressive or you'll just bung it up worse.

Why was I on a ladder? I've been bedridden so much this past year that I now HATE the colour of the walls I painted only 1 1/2 years ago when we first moved in. So, I'm changing them to a tint of pure chroma in a Tiffany blue/green and painting the trim white finally (was beige). Then I lay in bed with my leg up for 3 days and was able to admire and pretend to still like the new colour that isn't finished yet!! Went out today and got an 8'x10' area carpet to come off the foot of the bed that should cover the paint spills.....sigh. Only $100 though!!! A great bargain.

barbe1958

How do I paint when I'm in pain? Well, I could lie in bed and be in pain, or change my environment and be in pain. I chose change! There are days I can't do anything and I just ride it out. I work in 20-30 minute increments, then lie down. I used to be able to paint a whole room in a couple of hours. I've been working on this for over a week! Painting the trim (HATE) has slowed me down some too. As well, I'm painting all my white doors. The main doors are black - GORGOUS!!! And my closed doors (4) will be a golden tan to match the drapes. 

Anonymous

Stanzie- You really shouldn't try moving lymph fluid out of the arms until you've "cleared" the nodes in the surrounding areas. Otherwise, you can make it worse. There is a technique for this, and certain areas to do, and you should really be taught it by a LE PT. The best thing to do is elevate the arm. If you're concerned about LE I would schedule an appointment with a qualified therapist, be evaluated and have them show you what to do. Even if you don't need it now it's good information to learn. You can find a LE PT at stepup-speak out.org. Hope it's getting better, though. (((hugs)))