July 2010 Rads

Houndmommy

Warning - major pity party ahead.  Feel free to skip.

I've come to whine and feel bad about doing it since I know everyone here is going through a lot.  I think I have finally fallen into the pit of depression that I have been trying so hard to avoid. Tha fact that I don't feel well (I think I'm on the verge of getting a cold) isn't helping.  I had my 6 month dental cleaning today and  almost started to cry in the office - the reason?  He says everything looks great EXCEPT there is an area under a root of a tooth where I had a root canal years ago that looks like it has some kind of infection going on (I am feeling nothing).  The xray this time is different than last time.  I will have to have another root canal but not sure it can be fixed that way due to already previous damage to the tooth.  Surgery could be done or we could bag it all and just pull the tooth and put in an implant.  I never saw this one coming.  I just want to crawl in a hole.  I don't think I can endure any more this year (I had a root canal in February already and also in February had a biopsy for uterine cancer - I spent the month of January and February thinkiong I had uterine cancer.  I was a mess.).  I still have my 6 month follow up with the surgeon in November and at that time I will have a chest xray and blood work. I have a really bad feeling about it all.  I am just sick of all of this!!!!!!! 

Thanks for listening.  Kim

changes

Sonia - I had no idea the bruising would be something they would consider stopping Tamoxifen for! I don't like it, but the alternative does not sound like much fun, either. For some reason, last night it caused me terrible leg cramps - kept me up a couple hours because both legs were cramping and would not stop. No idea why so bad, since I've been on it for over 3 months.

Julie - sorry you're still having trouble with your arm - hope they figure it out soon. Your radiation bill was HOW MUCH?? I have not yet received all the statements from mine - I hope it isn't that bad, yeesh

(((((Kim))))) So sorry about the root canal. And don't feel bad about whining - you have EARNED the right to whine a little after all you've been through.

Karen

Claire_in_Seattle

Dental work is the pits.  Worse than chemo even.  Whine away.  

Warning on implant.  They are a (literal) pain.  Fine once you get to all finished with crown on, but I will spare you the details working up to it.

So really hoping you can fix this another way. 

Kathy044

Bailey, are you taking fish oil supplements? That can cause bruising.

flopsy

Ladies,  I am looking for some answers---Has anyone had any sort of weird sort of bruised looking start during rads tx but not in area being treated.  I noticed after the 3rd treatment a small thumb sized pinkish area on my non cancer breast side where I had a drain after BMX.  Each time I have had a treatment it has gotten larger and gets very red in the evening after treatment.  I have seen 3 Rad Oncs and my BS and they all don't know what it is.  Definitely not shingles, infection, or rash but just a very discolored area that keeps enlarging and getting more red.  I am trying to figure out if it is some sort of bruise but it has been there for 2 wks and keeps getting worse.  It is a little tender if I roll over on it at night and occassionally I have a shooting pain through it but that is all.

If anyone has any info I would appreciate the help.  I don't know what to do about it.  I hope it just goes away like it came.   I have had 2.5 wks of rads so far and am doing okay except this weird skin discoloration.   Thanks for your time.   Ginny

MagPag

Happy Friday Everyone,  THANK YOU all for the support and good wishes.  When the doc call and told me benign, I truly felt cancer free for a few hours. 

Tracye, That's great news!   I have had a couple of lymph nodes on my neck swell a little since surgery.  It was around the time my DH had a cold and I felt like I was fighting it off.  In a few days they went down.  The BS did an exam of my neck and underarms and didn't feel anything unusual.  If it doesn't go away in a couple of days, have it checked out.

Kim, Whine away, we're hear to listen.  Tooth pain is the worst.  I hate when then discover something that is painful to fix and costs a fortune when it wasn't even bothering you in the first place.  Hopefully they can get it squared with the root canal.

Sonia,  I can relate to the cognitive changes.  It's amazing when I go back and look at my work how many mistakes I'm making.  Problem is, it's really not bothering me.  Just not important any more.  Cracking me up with the positive thought reminder shock collar.  I"m sure they make one in pink with a little ribbon tag (sorry I'm anti-pink these days) 

Julie, hope you get to the bottom of the arm pain.  I've heard it's rare but any lymph node removal can cause it.  I know a woman who has it and just broke her wrist too.  So pins, a cast and lymphedema, I really feel for her.

Brenda,  Happy Thanksgiving to you too.  Hope your mom is ok.  My grandmother had cataract surgery in her 90s and did really well, my MIL too at 85.  It's just a lot to keep up with the eye drops and follow-up visits.  Hang it there with her.

Patty, my BS called Tamoxifen a chemo pill as well.  My husband told me after I woke up that I had to have chemo and I fretted about it all week until the follow-up when I found out she was referring to the 'pill from hell'. 

Ginny,  maybe draw a circle where the bruise is now and take a picture.  If it enlarges outside the circle, insist they take another look.  Best to you as you go through your rads.

I'm going to miss you for the next week...on my way to London.  Take care and I'll be thinking of you all and hope you have a clear headed, test free week.   xoDonna.

Julie50

Kim-Please don't feel bad about whinning, my god we are all intitled to our day/week/whatever it takes.  We have been through so much....Try hard if you can to think of something "GOOD" in your life, don't fall into that "black hole" as I call it.

I've had 3 root canels done this year (I have bad teeth) plus 3 caps, I hate going to have my teeth done, rather have a mammo on the sore boob if you ask me.  Hang in there, it can and will get better....Cry away, its good for the soul.  BIG HUG.

Hey ladies go to www.cancermath.com  Very cool.  I went there and it said if I take the pill from hell it adds TWO years to my life...big deal....I'm still trying to decide what to do on this I have until Wed.

Yup arm pain is awful, plus my knee started, but I also have lyme and I know when under stress my knee will start to hurt that was the 1st sign something was wrong 3 years ago, then I found the tick, and it was a total mess from that point forward.  So I'm hoping the knee pain is from my lyme.  Arm pain well that is awful and I will not leave his office until he does something about it.

I've made a appointment with my family Dr. (been seeing him for over 10 years) and he is wonderful, he will not MESS around with this or say its "NORMAL" I can't take the pain much longer...Even my wine did not help last night..LOL

Donna-Have a safe trip and enjoy.

Ok write more later doggies are brarking up a storm outside and its only 7:00am

bennybear

Hi all,

Claire,  walking maintains my sanity, thank good ness for my old dog who goes with me.   I like your good wine rationale,  I think i haven't been partaking enough.  

I find going to the mountains or by the river or in the trees really helps me,  I am lucky we live beside a huge park which helps with solace,  I am hoping to take some time to bike down to the river today or tomorrow,  and we have had some nice sunshine which also helps.

My frustration comes because I don't feel I can get a break from things,  I guess I am trying to run away the fight or flight and I can't physically or mentally.   I also have read that when faced with a lot of stress we can also freeze which I guess would explain some of my weird emotions.  

I guess I never expected the after to be like this, I thought I would be DONE, but we are never done.   That is the new reality.  So I will come to terms with it but it is taking time. 

Patty,  glad to hear from you again, I understand the need to avoid as well.  I too agree that some people don't really want to know.  I saw some people from my last workplace this week and it couldn't have been more superficial,  I was happy to say I was Fine.  

Sonia,  good luck with what ever is best for you Not fun this.

Donna,  hope you have a great trip.

Julie,  I am  sorry you seem to have more and more,Yikes.

Kim,  sorry about your root canal issues. This is the place to whine,  I think we all need an ear that can hear us honestly,   I know I sure appreciate it.   I had one year with three root canals,  I was going to ask for a frequent visitor discount for the endodontist LOL.   Have you seen the thread on root canals and breast cancer,  Some think there may be a link.   I found it interesting as I had a lot of problems with the tooth that they spoke of on the same side as my cancer,  and it had to be root canalled twice and finally removed.  I asked my female dentist who also had breast cancer and she doesn't think there is  any connection.  But an interesting area.   Who really knows?

I am reading a book on after breast cancer by Weiss and Weiss and it seems good,   explains some of the fatigue, can't decide issues etc. It helped me feel more NORMAL.  (sorry Julie)  I appreciate all the other comments.  I read one by Dr. Marla Shapiro who had a television show in Canada and I liked parts, but didn't like a lot as it seemed too much.  

Well I hope to go and plant some tulips,  need to do something positive and then maybe I can get out of my funk.   I guess I am a bit depressed too,  we were supposed to go visit friends for thanksgiving and we couldn't,  maybe next weekend.   Then the next long weekend my mother has her second surgery booked when I had hoped to go visit our son who will be in New York.   I just want to run away from all of this, to somewhere NORMAL and since that doesn't exist I get frustrated.   

Brenda

bennybear

Hi  Take 2,

 More Magazine October 2010 article The Upside Downside also mentions a book called Bright-Sided written by Barbara Ehrenreich a PhD in cell biology who has breast cancer who discusses the relentless pressure to be positive and how that can be a burden like a second disease.  The article says that depression can be a result of the cancer.

Made me feel better,  I may have to find that book.

Tulips are planted, sun is shining off for a bike ride Brenda

changes

Ginny - I don't know anything about what you are describing. Hope someone comes along who has some idea.

Karen

Julie50

Brenda-NORMAL, what is that???  LOL

I will run with you, I'm so sick of getting up each morning and feeling a different pain and being told "NOT FROM RAD, or ITS NORMAL" I just would love an answer to one of my questions from the Dr.

I planted 140 Tulip bulds last week and guess what My hand swelled up, hopefully it was worth all the pain...

I hope all goes well for your Mom, praying for her.

I have not read any books on BC yet, not sure I want to it will just make my mind spin even more with all this.  Did anyone check out that "Cancermath.com" its pretty cool.

Ok, off and running to the nursing home to see Mom, have not seen her in two days and I have to admit the break was wonderful....

Have a great Sunday everyone....

Julie

changes

Hi all - hope everyone is doing well.

Julie - I have checked out CancerMath - I find it reassuring, until I start to think that I have a cosmic bullseye on my back (and then statistics just aren't that comforting). I think I am starting to feel a bit better though emotionally. Hope it lasts.

LoveCranes

Hey everyone. 

 Ginny - didn't have anything like what you described.  Sorry..  Hope someone can help you out..

Donna - Have a great trip.  How wonderful to get away. 

Julie - I'm so sorry that you're having so much pain.  I wish there was a way to make it all go away.

Brenda - What a lovely thing to do..Tulips.  My kids love planting things, mainly flowers and veggies.  Actually more flowers since they really don't like some of the veggies that I planted.

Kim - No need to apologize on whining.  We all need a place to vent or whine and personally, I feel that this is the best place, because one or more of us have 'been there; done that; feel the same".  I'm trying to get all of my appts done since I've met my deductible and don't want to 'deal' with anything next year.  Please please no surprises.  I've had enough.   I hope all goes well in which ever way you go on your tooth.  

I know about the depression.  I'm been fighting these feelings that I have and emotions.  Most days are ok, but I don't have the get up and go like I used to.  For me I think it's the fact that this whole journey is starting to settle in on me.  I was dx at the end of May; surgery in June; rads in July/Aug/Sept, Oct the start of the pill from hell.  I also lost my mom last year and my 19 year old cat.  Tough times.    I'm thinking about joining a support group, but that's not really my style.  I'm more of a one to one or a small group of friends.  I don't know, maybe I'll mention it to my GP to see what he can recommend.

 Well, today is my follow up appt with my BS and I know that he's going to prescribe the pill from hell.  I have my list of questions ready and hope that I don't forget to take it.  I still get the pains and hopefully he'll have some answer for me as to why or what I can do to ease some of the pain.

Hope everyone is doing better. 

Patty

bailey1958

Hi Ladies,

Got my blood test results about my platelets and all is ok. Doctor says she will keep me on tamoxifen and check my levels again in February. Glad I don't have to change anything. I have discovered something positive that is happening that I realized in the shower today - my leg hair has stopped growing. I think that may be the most positive side effect ever. I've been really tired, emotionally drained by the end of the day and happy to get into bed early. Feel I have to actively work to keep the negative thoughts from creeping in. Having these intrusive thoughts that I won't share so I don't plant ideas in any one's head but really don't like some of my thoughts. I know for those of you who are contemplating counselling or support group, that I really have appreciated seeing a counsellor through this process. She is a cancer counsellor and she really does have astute and helpful things to say to me. If you are unsure - give it a try - you may actually find it really helpful to keep a handle on the depression. I am going to go walk on my treadmill - exercise is one of the things I am having the most difficult time incorporating into my life. YUCK. Take care friends. You give me strength to go on.

Sonia 

Julie50

Sonia-So glad about the good news, its always music to my ears....

I found out I have lymphdima (however you spell it) so off to a specialist I go, always something or another....:(

Patty-I'm so sorry about your mom and cat, I know how you are feeling as I just lost my sister.  I so feel for you, you are in my prayers and thoughts. Support groups are wonderful you can share how you feel with people that know what you are going through.

I think I start the pill from HELL today,  seeing the Onco today at 8:15am so I better get ready to rock and roll.

Have a great day ladies

Julie

Houndmommy

Good morning Ladies!

Thanks for the support.  I am feeling somewhat better - mostly because I have decided to just ignore this whole tooth thing for now.  I am not in any pain.  If the dentist hadn't done the panoramic xray we wouldn't know anything was going on.  He did the xray cause he likes to do one every 3 -4 years.  I could deal with having a root canal, it is the fact that he said it probably can't be done and that I'll need some kind of surgery or extraction.  That is what has me freaked out.  I'd like to just leave it alone but I do worry about some kind of low lying infection messing with my immune system.

I wish I there was a good support group here.  I currently live in central PA and there just isn't much here.  I miss being near a big city (I used to live 30 minutes outside of Charlotte, NC - that is home and I miss it and all it has to offer).  I will tell you my support group story another time.  I was in tears at the time but now I have to laugh because the dynamics of the group was so typical of the social dynamics of this area (can we say unfriendly?!).

Julie - sorry to hear you have lymphedema but I'm glad you now know what is wrong and can get help with it.  140 tulip bulbs - your yard will be beautiful in the spring!  Good luck with the "pill".

Brenda - I have the Weiss book.  I bought it early in this journey.  I need to get it out and read it now.

Have a good day!  Kim

Chicago1018

Julie I am so sorry you have lymphedema!  Do they thinkt that is what caused your arm pain?

Chicago1018

Sonia - I am so glad they were able to get you tested and you can stay on the "T" for now. . .one less thing you have to think about changing up!

Julie50

So I went to the Onco today...I start the pill from hell this week...:(  Mine is Arimidex But I told him I want to wait as Jim is out of town until next week and I hate starting any pill due to all my allergies.

Ok, he does not think I have LE, but told me to keep the appointment with the LE Specialist.  He thinks I did something to the shoulder and elbow which is causing all these problems.

So I have to have a Bone scan done and Bone density due to the pill I will be starting plus an x-ray of the shoulder and elbow.  My god all this radiation, if BC does not kill me all this radiation will, it does have me worried.

I'm sick of all this ladies, Dr. after dr. I just want my life back to a normal life if that can be done...

Ok at work better log off, chat soon

have a great day

Julie

Chicago1018

Kim - I have to say you peaked my curiosity with teh support group story. . .I can't imagine not getting treated nicely at a SUPPORT GROUP!

changes

Hi all,

Patty - I can relate to your feeling about the whole journey settling in on you. I kind of feel the same way. Sorry about your mom (and your cat). Sometimes it's just one thing after another.

Sonia - glad to hear about the leg hair - nice that there's something positive (LOL). I think you're right about counseling - I just don't want to go to ANY doctor's appointments. This is the longest I've gone without seeing a doctor since this nightmare began. I'm determined to see no doctors until I have my followup mammo (the day before Thanksgiving). I'm finding it a bit easier to keep the negative thoughts at bay BUT I'm also finding myself more resentful toward family and friends who were not very supportive.

Julie - sorry they're having such a hard time figuring out what's wrong with your arm. Hope you get some answers soon. I worried, too, about all the radiation exposure, but what choice do we have?

I had a small, good experience yesterday. I was coming home from work and getting off the exit, and it just hit me, "I have cancer." I realized that for several minutes I had NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL, so much so that when the thought came back I was a little surprised to realize it. I'm hoping that the periods in which I forget about it grow and grow, and are not just a couple minutes at a time. I'm grateful for those couple of minutes, though.

Karen

bailey1958

Karen - I definitely have had long periods of time when I don't think about cancer. Hours for sure. I have a work password that is cancerfree and I've realized that I need to change it because every time I type it I am reminded and have realized I don't think about it as much lately so don't want to remember when I don't have to. I know???? what was I thinking when I set my password - who knows?? I thought it would be a positive affirmation but it actually has worked the opposite.  

pagowens

Hi All,

I did check out cancermath.net. -  not a positive experience!!  It told me that because of my status in BC, my life expectancy is shortened by over 9 years, that - on average - I have 17 more years to live...which takes me to around 74.  It was yet one more reminder that I am facing my mortality.  I would NOT recommend you going to that site.

Like all things there is a "curve" and I'm sure hoping I'm in the right hand extended part of that normal curve and not in the median or below median.  My husband looked at the stats and told me not to pay attention....yet, it certainly had some impact.

A bummer.

Pat

changes

Pat,

Sorry that cancermath was a bummer - don't take it too seriously. It's statistics and can't tell us anything about what's going to happen to any of us as individuals. There are women on the stage IV forums who started out stage 0 who went straight to stage IV (and that's not even supposed to be possible). We can only do the best we can to take care of our health and hope for the best.

And I swear, if I get hit by a bus tomorrow, my last thought will be "screw you, cancer, I win!"

Karen

bailey1958

I agree with Karen, Pat. I checked out that site early on and mostly just felt confused by what it was saying. Don't let it keep you down. 

I went to my counsellor today and told her about how disconnected and foggy I feel. She said most women who see her after cancer have the same description and that there is a new book she thought called brain fog that describes the phenomenon and suggested I read it. She said they are no longer attributing this effect to chemo but in fact it seems to hit most people and they say there may a number of factors that could cause it including radiation, hormone treatment, the surgery, stress and perhaps even something that the tumor releases. Crazy! Have a great weekend everyone. 

changes

Sonia,

I was lamenting the brain fog issue to some coworkers today. I have trouble finding words for things, can't multitask at all, forget the names of people I know, etc. I did not have chemo, so I can't blame it on that. I've been calling it "Tamoxifen stupidity". I hate it - wish it would go away.

Karen

Houndmommy

Interesting that someone is now attributing the brain fog to more than chemo - I'm glad.  I usually tell people (when I'm dealing with another stupid mistake I've made) that I have chemo brain without the chemo. I'm a mess without the chemo, I can't imagine what it would be like for me if I'd had chemo.   I'm going to look into the book.

Kim

bennybear

Hi Gang,

Well I got to my mindfulness class finally this week and surprise it really helped.  I have been feeling overloaded,  and it really did seem to help,  I slept soundly that night and before I went I had been pretty overwrought,  I just can't seem to make decisions or cope with more than the bare minimum.  I'll keep you posted.

Sonia,  thanks for the info on the brain fog,  sometimes I think I have it yet I too haven't had any chemo,  so that is really interesting,  I agree that counselling can really help.   I have seen a cancer counsellor as well and she has brought me some good perspective,  The hard thing seems to be fitting in everything we should do,  exercise, eat right,  connect with people,  do yoga, do meditation,  I am not  sure how this will all work.

Julie  hope they get to the bottom of what's going on for your arm.

Yikes Pat, thanks for the warning,  I wonder but I don't really want to know besides who really knows. 

Kim,  I am sorry about the support group thing,   that is sure why I appreciate you all here.  non judgmental and I can say what I really think

Karen, I too have been disappointed by some friends,   and I find myself resentful to some degree.   I also just plain find it hard to understand.  I am glad that I had some that were really good.  I also am so glad for the support of my dh,  but I am sure it is too much for him at times.  I am glad you are having some cancer free moments.  I don't think I have really wrapped my head around the fact that I have it,  I keep retreating to denial at least in my head.  

I guess that is why the after treatment bit is so hard,  coming to terms with everything. 

Mom has her surgery this week so I hope that works out,  I am hoping we can then escape for a weekend so my husband can go fishing for his mental health while I bask in hopefully some sunshine. 

My son is going to NYC for 6 weeks to do an Artist residency and I would really like to go visit him there.  But my mom's second surgery is scheduled right when I could leave work for a few days.  I feel frustrated and yet guilty.   Seems I can't seem to meet my own needs right now,  let alone anyone elses.   Mostly I think I am doing okay,  but it is hard at times.

Hope you are enjoying the weekend,  thanks for listening,

 Brenda

pagowens

HI Brenda,

((((((Hugs))))) - Sorry you're going through this while coping with your own BC.  Don't feel like you're disappointing your son - he has already enjoyed your love and support all his life.  I'm adding your mom to my prayer list.

Pat

flopsy

Well, Finally found out that the weird discoloration thing on my non cancer side is a large old hematoma from surgery that never resolved.  The rad onc thinks the pulling and tightening of rads on other side has helped this to resolve.  Maybe rads will kill stray cancer cells and help my messed up mast side on benign breast to heal.  Go figure!!!   Thanks for being there and trying to help.  I have finished #19 rad Treatment and have 11 to go.  Thanks again Ladies, LOL, Ginny