July 2010 Rads

changes

Well, I just got home from my bone scan. I am really freaked out. Although they have the results, they won't give them to me - say I have to get them from MY doctor, but also said they would probably not have them into the computer until the end of the day, so I'll likely have to wait until I see the oncologist Monday morning. What worries me is that they came back and took extra pictures of my head and my rib (it was my leg that was hurting). I'm not so worried about the head, because I've had some arthritis in my neck for years, and I know arthritis will show up on a bone scan. I am very worried about why they were taking pictures of my ribs, since that is a common spot for cancer to metastasize. Looks like I'm in for another horrible weekend of waiting. I halfway get the logic of why they want your own doctor to give you test results, but it really results in unnecessary suffering. I'd rather know NOW, even if it's a radiologist I've never met who has to tell me.

I know I may be reading too much into this, but when I had the mammogram, the waiting room was completely full when I went in, and by the time I left (with a cancer diagnosis), I was the only one left. The same thing happened today. Also, the tech who did the injection and started the scan did NOT come back out to take the extra pictures. She had been very friendly, but it was a different tech who came back out, and who avoided all eye contact. Again, I know I might be reading too much into this, but I don't have a good feeling about this.

I'm really hoping I'll be posting Monday telling you all I've turned into a hypochondriacal drama queen.

Karen

spendygirl

Sonia I laughed out loud reading about your father.  Doesn't it figure though that someone with his admitted lifestyle has reached his age and heathfully at that!  Just makes me believe even more that we are not in control

All the best to everyone for the weekend - still waiting for that cry to come out...

Hugs to all, Tracye

Houndmommy

Karen - I only have a minute but I wanted to say that I'm sorry you are having to spend the weekend worrying.  I would be worried too but I think we tend to think the worst and read stuff into things that aren't there.  My DH told me long after my surgery that when he first met the surgeon he was sure things were really bad based eye contact, etc. type of things that the surgeon did or didn't do.  Turns out that wa just the way the surgeon was and had nothing to do with my case. Also, I totally agree that we shouldn't have to wait over the weekend for results when they have the before hand.

Anyway, I will be thinking of you this weekend and I pray that you can keep busy and will get good news on Monday! Sending a big cyberhug!  Kim

pagowens

Karen,

I understand your anxiety and hope that you are being over sensitive and reading too much into your experience there.  I'll say some extra prayers for you and, please, post the outcome here as soon as you can after you know.

Hugs across the miles.

Pat

bailey1958

Hi Karen,

When I went for my scan they kept me an extra 25 minutes doing additional scans they initially said they didn't have to do. They said they were being extra cautious and thorough because of the cancer diagnosis. I was given my result after a week and I had arthritis activity in my wrists and neck. No METS - hang in there - I bet they are just being really thorough and cautious with you. Sending you a million hugs and positive vibes.

Sonia 

Julie50

Karen:  DEEP breath....Stay calm...(ok easy for me to say)....I'm sure they were just being very cautious due to your BC....

I will be saying a pray for you, it will be AOK I feel it..

Hugs

Julie

Julie50

I see my Onco on the 6th and yes I want the bone scan, don't care what he feels about it.  I have no much pain in my left arm, it hurts all the way down, using a brace at the moment.  I know I tend to worry more since having BC then I did -4.

I hope everyone is having a good weekend, cold here in Chicago, going to make a nice hot cup of coco and hit the couch, I just can't keep my eyes open anymore since finishing Rad on the 14th.

Hugs my friends

Julie

changes

Thanks to all of your for your support. I am handling it a little better today. I realized that if I had NOT spent so much time on breastcancer.org, that I probably would not have even worried at all about the leg pain. I would have just trusted what my doctors told me: Stage 1, low grade, low oncotype score = excellent prognosis. I've realized I'm acting like someone whose house got burglarized who reads the paper obsessively for crime statistics and thinks there are criminals everywhere. I'm scanning my body for any possible sign of metastasis, and things that ordinarily would not worry me at all are making me halfway crazy.

Sonia - if they make me wait a WEEK for my results, I will be completely crazy! That's just cruel that you had to wait that long! Thank you for your post - it made me feel better to realize that taking extra pictures does not necessarily mean anything bad.

Karen

Julie50

Karen-Waiting I think is the worst.  I just had to have my 6 month ultersound on my kidney due to a vary large cyst they had to remove in March.  The tech keep going over the same area, I was getting worried and she would not tell me a thing, Dr. did e-mail me the next day and said all looked GOOD.

So I'm waiting on the CT of the heart that was done over a week ago, I guess no news is good news, but I know the waiting can drive us up a wall....

Karen-Like you I had the same report as you, and was told excellent progress, but heck easy for them to say...Like my arm and neck pain I'm so scared it has gone into my bones...I like you try very hard not to worry but how can we not.....

Will be sending good thought your way...Hang in there..

Julie

Julie50

Ok DUMB question.  What are bone mats or any mats????? Trying to understand this

Houndmommy

Karen - how are you doing?  I hope you have found peace this weekend.  I think Sonia is correct - because we have had cancer we are looked at much closer but it doesn't mean anything.

Sonia - Welcome back!  Sounds like you had a great trip and that you have wonderful daughters!  Had to laugh at the story about your dad - has he survived the week? LOL!

Trayce - Sorry to hear about your friend.  HOw are you doing as you await more tests?

Julie - Loved your question about only x-raying one testicle if it were a man!  I may ask my doctor that question.  I think that would really throw him for a loop!  Actually I don't think it is our docs as much as our insurance companies.  That said, if the doc is willing to take the time to write the insurance company as to why they should pay, I think we could get it covered.  I spoke to my insurance company last week about whether a prophylactic mx would be covered and it all depends on whether the doc can convince the insurance that it is necessary.  Boy, was I mad!  A mx is a lot cheaper than rads and chemo if I should get BC in my other breast.

Julie -  In your post above, are you asking about metastasis?  If so, a very simple answer, is that it is when a cancerous breast cell gets into your blood or lymph system and then takes up residence in another area like your bones.  Keep in mind that not all cancerous cells are able to take up residence other places, many just die off/our immune system kills them/etc.  It sounds like you have a fun trip planned.  I hope you are able to rest, relax and reconnect!

With October approaching I am noticing more and more BC awareness "stuff".  I am not sure how well I am going to handle it.  I don't like being reminded about BC everywhere I turn.  I have managed to keep it out of my head quite a bit but I am finding it more difficult as it is on tv, in the newspaper, in the grocery store, mall, etc.  It is wierd how I feel.

Hope you all are having a good weekend!

Hugs, Kim

bailey1958

Good Morning Everyone,

Well today is the day - if I can get through it, I will have avoided going to prison for homicide. I know you all don't know me so I will keep all my mean inside thoughts on the inside so I don't shock you. But let me say this - my mother was a saint. Wherever she is in the afterlife - she has earned the prize for endurance (59 years of marriage).

KIm I am with you, I actually feel some anxiety about cancer lately given every time I turn around there is some public service announcement regarding cancer. I hope it's over soon. I went to a party last night with a large group of people = most aware of what happened to me - it was also very weird - people look at me with such pity - it makes me sad - almost like I want to defend myself - so I start trying to convince them I am going to be ok. It really sucks. This has been a tough weekend that's for sure.

I feel a lot of dread about the upcoming tests and doctor visits I will have to do in October. My surgical, radiated area is so itchy and it really has been 6 weeks since finishing. I am going to try and get all the tests and screening you all are talking about. Just hope things go well for all of us. I really have a knot in my stomach today - different than the numbness I was talking about - this is such a roller coaster. Enjoy your sunday - going to go find somewhere to hide in my one room loft apartment  

changes

Hi all,

Julie - I'm with you - waiting is misery. I hope you get your CT results back SOON!

Kim - I'm doing okay, thanks for asking. I'm trying to stay busy and keep myself occupied. I feel better than I did Friday. I would rather breast cancer awareness month NOT be coming up - not really ready for it.

Sonia - hope you make it through the day without killing your dad! I'm sorry you're having a bad day. You're right - it's a rollercoaster. I know I can be doing fine, and then something small just wigs me out.

Hope everyone enjoys what's left of the weekend!

Karen

bennybear

Yikes,   at least I haven't heard anything on our national news about Sonia,  but that must be hard on top of everything else,  I know my coping skills are severely limited.  But hey I didn't even lose it when our son spilled a whole pitcher of orange juice on the hardwood.  

Karen, I hope and pray it all goes well.

I was having such a weird week last week,   so I went for a massage with Reiki and the massage therapist said i was just vibrating and was I doing too much,  Turns out I was coming down with bronchitis,  Oh joy,  so it looks like I won't be doing the run for the cure next weekend,  and maybe it is just a well as I would be crying the whole time,  unless of course that is exactly what i need. 

So I told you they said my mammo was good,  but I got a letter in the mail on Friday saying they need to recheck something,  Oh yeah,   so I made an appointment with my family doc who did not have a copy of the letter yet,  and found it wasn't online yet.   So I hope to find out tomorrow what it all really means.

I am just feeling so overwhelmed that I too just want to hide in a little corner.   Eeeh,

I hope we all have a better week. 

Brenda

Houndmommy

Brenda,

Sorry you aren't feeling well and let us know what's up with the mammo.  They are probably just being extra careful.  Although I would find it frustrating to be told all was fine and then get a letter later saying something different. Maybe they already checked whatever was concering them but the system spit out a letter anyway. 

Kim

changes

Hi all,

Got my bone scan results back and I am FINE!!! They don't know what's causing the leg pain. The oncologist said it "could" be related to Tamoxifen and said I could take a 3-week "drug holiday" to see. I declined this, because I don't want to give the evil little cancer cells a 3-week break. I can live with the pain, as long as I know it's nothing deadly. I was so wigged out prior to my appointment that I literally nearly fainted in my kitchen (have never before come anywhere near fainting from stress). Thanks to all of you for your support - I really appreciate it.

(((((Brenda)))))) Sorry you have to wait to find out what they want to check with the mammogram. I can relate to wanting to hide in a corner. They are probably just being very careful, given your history. Hope you find out something soon and it's all good news.

I asked my oncologist for happy meds today, which he gladly gave me. I decided I'm done with being brave and strong. He assured me that everything I'm feeling is "normal" (sorry for that word again Julie!) and that it often takes to about the two-year mark before people really calm back down. He was actually very reassuring and it was a good appointment.

I hope everybody has a good week!

Karen

bennybear

Hi again,

I called and spoke to my surgeon's office and he reviewed it and it was scar tissue,  PHew...   your head goes all the wrong places and my poor DH didn't sleep because he was worried, course he didn't tell me til after.  

so I called the radiologist office and suggested they need either a new letter or to personally contact recent patients so they don't worry needlessly.  

Thanks Kim and Karen for the kind words,  this place is literally a lifesaver.  

Karen,  Congrats on the great news.   are you talking about anti depressants?  I hope they help how you feel.    I found that really interesting that it takes 2 years,  yikes,   I saw one of our cancer center counsellors and she was great,  I was thinking I shouldn't be feeling that bad, as my prognosis is really good and she said all the numbers and letters don't matter as you are still hit by the diagnosis of cancer and have to work through that.  I am so good at feeling guilty that I feel bad that I even need to go there once in a while. 

Sonia,   I was doing some surfing and I loved your phrase that your give a %#@$  is broken,  that is just too perfect and too funny,   and so perfectly NORMAL for us.   I can't tell if it is just my lack of energy or a permanent change, 

Brenda

Julie50

Brenda-GREAT NEWS....I'm happy it was NOTHING to worry about...

Karen-I'm also going to ask for some, I need something to make me happy again...

So, Jim and I are off on Wed to the B&B, guess what, I'm getting a friggin cold I can't believe this, Jim and I just can't seem to get a break, God must really not like me and Jim...:(

Saw the Rad. Onc today, told him about my arm pain, he was going to use the word "NORMAL" and boy he stopped himself fast...I did get a laugh out of that.  He told me to apply warm towles to the arm, he said this happens a lot of rad.etc.  He said it could be the nerve ends trying to heal, I just said "OK"...I will let my Onco on the 6th know about this pain, its awful at times.

Sonia-I can fully relate to what are you going through, I thought at one point when my mom lived me with I was going to end up hating her,  at times she could really push me,  I was her caregiver for the past 5 years and the last year she lived with me...It was hard, take deep breaths and walk away (for a long walk)...I feel for you...

Ok, going to drink so tea and eat a bag of cold-ez's..I have to feel better by Wed.  Even bought a new little outfit the other day, wine, etc, hopefully I will feel ok...I'm praying hard to my sister Sue, hopefully she is hearing me.

Have a great day everyone...Let the boobs heal

Julie

Julie50

p.s. He told me today no Mammo for 3 months, is that correct?????????????  Again I will ask my Onco and family Dr. about this....Then he wants to see me in 3 months, WHY...He really did nothing for me...hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  Oh, he said to let the breast heal and that having a mammo would do no good as its swollen and all....

pagowens

Hi Julie,

I had a unilateral (one) mammo ordered by my breast surgeon 6 months after the lumpectomy (Dec 09) & did that in June- of course the one was thebreast with the cancer tumor.  I have to go in November (1 year after diagnostic mamo last year) for a bilateral.  The one boob mammo was to see how the cancerous boob was doing - any more signs?  The two boob is my annual mammo, I guess.  And, I must say having a mammo with a swollen beat up boob was not pleasant.

And, we are more susceptable to colds/flu because of the tremendous changes going on inside our bodies - the chemo flattened out my white cells and platelets and the radiation couldn't have done my immune system much good either.  I've had a constantly dripping nose for the last year....two bouts with bronchitis...and a couple colds thrown in the mix.  Keep the tea going, and I'm be praying for you to stay well so you can go off and have some fun!

Pat

changes

Hi all,

Brenda - so glad to hear it's scar tissue (don't they kind of expect to find scar tissue on our mammos, though?) Yep, I asked for some antidepressants (and received them). I am tired of this emotional rollercoaster and it's starting to make it hard for me to do my job well.

Julie - LOVE IT that your rad onc is now afraid to use the word "normal" to you! You've got him trained, now My followup mammo is 3 months out from rads (the day before Thanksgiving!) I don't really get why we have to follow-up with the rad onc, either. My medical oncologist today said he thought I was being "overdoctored" so did not schedule me back until late January. Have a nice time at the Bed and Breakfast - hope your cold passes quickly.

Pat - I must say I am dreading the first mammo, both for emotional reasons and cause I know it's going to HURT. I don't like anything even lightly bumping against that breast.

Karen

bennybear

Hello all,  thanks again for all the positive thoughts, 

Julie I hope you are okay to go and have a good time.  You deserve it,  but unfortunately life continues to throw curve balls at us,   we had tickets to Mamma Mia on Saturday but I couldn't go because of my bronchitis.   So DH went with the only other woman I approve of our DD,  and they had a good time.  I am waiting for things to get back to normal  LOL 

Karen,   I was so confused about the mammo,   both my dh and myself were sure the doctor said in 3 months,   but the nurse gave me the form to do right away,  I even called back a few days later to make sure and then the sonogram technician questioned it at first too,  So most likely it should have been in 3 months.    I will let you know it didn't hurt as they were very kind and gentle, so I wish that for you too.

I hope the pills work for you,  I am still trying to use exercise and talk therapy but after all we have been through whatever works.   If anyone has a reason to feel this way it would be us.  I agree about the emotional rollercoaster,  I am finding it hard to reengage at work.   I sure appreciate that we can be so honest with each other.  

Pat, thanks for your comments,  I didn't really think about my immune system but I am sure that makes total sense.   Finally, the antibiotics are working for my bronchitis.   I haven't even had a cold in the last year or two.  

Take care, Brenda

Julie50

Morning-

Well Ido have a cold from hell..Fell like pure crap.  I am going to call the B&B, but I read there policy and we will have to still pay the $400.00 if you cancel after 7 days before your arrival date.  

So I guess I will rest as much as possible today, and just go and be sick up there, I can't believe this, I'm really beginning to think "GOD" hates me...

This will be really fun, sitting in a B&B blowing my nose while wearing my cute little outfit I bought..LOL  Guess my wild "Sex" night is out...LOL  and for once I was in the "MOOD"...LOL

I was so looking forward to this little trip, I hope they will work with me on this..

Yup Rad Onc, really watched how to spoke this time, I told him last time, use that word again and I walk out..."NORMAL"...LOL  It was funny when he went to say it and stopped himself..

The warm towel does help with my arm pain.

I guess I will go for my mammo around xmas time, I hate the fact, I'm already scared to go and find out what they find this time...The way my luck is going, one can only wonder at this point.

Ok, enough of me sitting on my pitty pot... Going to drink my tea, down my cold-ezzzz and watch t.v. all day...Was going to see my mom, but I can't be by her sick like this, she will be so dispointed but better then getting this cold...

Have a great day ladies and pray I feel better tomorrow..

Hugs to all

J

changes

Julie - Hope you feel better SOON!

Karen

spendygirl

Karen I'm so excited for your good news. Brenda - so happy for your news!!  Julie hope you're able to enjoy your trip

I've been in a funk since the ovarian cyst or whatever it is and polyp.  I guess I'm more nervous than I thought I would be.  I'm anxioius to talk this all out with the gyn on Thursday (endometrial biopsy on Thursday).

Even if I'm not posting, I'm checking on everyone every day   Hugs to all, Tracye

changes

Tracye - wishing you the best at your appointment on Thursday,

Karen

bennybear

Julie,  I hope you feel well enough to enjoy yourself,  YIkes.

Tracye,   Hope it goes well on Thursday for you.  I agree that I often check in but don't always write. 

My bronchitis is slow to get over,  I am worried about what I am missing at work,  Yikes this is not easy,  If I am not obsessing about my health I am about my work.  sometimes I wonder if I was really ready to go back as small details seem to overwhelm me very easily.  Which is not who I am.  I guess so much of our energy has gone into surviving this experience both physically and emotionally that we don't have a lot left and when anything else happens it can be too much even if it wasn't before??? 

b

Houndmommy

Hi Ladies!

Karen and Brenda - great news about your respective tests!  I'm glad all is well.

Karen - I hope the happy pills help you!  If you are taking "T" (sorry I can't remember) make sure they are compatible with it.  I know quite a few of the ant-depressants aren't.

Julie - Are you still going on your trip?  I am sorry you got this cold - I know you have been looking forward to this trip for a long time.  I hope you wake up tomorrow feeling much better!  Story about your rad onc was a hoot - you do have him trained well!

Tracye - I will be thinking of you on Thursday!

The big red square io my chest is almost gone.  I am still peeling in places though.

Like Trayce and Brenda mentioned - I check in here daily (sometimes several times a day) but don't always take the time to post.  I really enjoy your all's company!

Have a good evening!  Kim

MagPag

Hi everone,  Good to catch up on all your posts.  Our moden fried and took a few days to get the mess of wires re-connected.  Seems I have no patience to do tasks that are in the least bit confusing.  That goes for work too.  Mostly going through the motions.

Karen,  glad your bone scan was fine.  I wouldn't want to take a T break either.  Even though I hate taking it.

Julie,  Sending you positive thoughts for a quick recovery from your cold so you can enjoy your trip.

Brenda,  Hope you're feeling better too.  Keep resting and don't think about work.  It will all be there for you when you get back.

Tracye,  Sorry you have to go through this testing.  Praying for you and good results.

Does any one know how to get the discussion boards to work on your hand held?  I'd like to catch up on the train. 

Best to you all for a good evening.   Donna.

bailey1958

Hi Friends,

Been having a lot going on for the last couple of weeks. My daughter's were here visiting and we had a big birthday bash with friends and relatives given it was their 30th. My dad was very high maintenance but I survived and he is safely back in his own home. I feel as though I've so busy that I haven't been able to concentrate and focus on all of what has been happening in your lives.

I'm relieved you had a clear bone scan Karen. I can imagine the weight of the wait and know when I have to wait for results I always feel sick and suffer stomach knots. I think about that a lot now knowing how each of the tests coming in the next few months are going to be accompanied by that feeling of fear.  

Julie I am so sorry you aren't feeling well and all your preparations for your time with Jim are not going to be as fun because your sick. Get better and maybe you can spend the time curled up in bed with him resting and taking care of yourself. Also thank-you so much for sharing about your feelings for your mom when you were taking care of her. Sometimes I feel so mean saying what I do about my dad but he really is such a grumpy guy and revels in pushing people's buttons.Take care of yourself and enjoy what you can of your trip.

Brenda - I am so sorry you are sick. All you said about stressing about work and being sick sounds really hard. I'm find myself getting lost or vague around things that I would never had a problem with before  - my attention to details has been lost.  Sometimes I feel like I am such a different person, I feel really raw and tender emotionally and feel like I care so little about things that used to be important to me. It's been really weird.

Tracye - sending you cyber positives!!!

Donna - when I read your line  mostly going through the motions - it completely resonated with me. I feel as though some things don't even get near touching me. I feel so distant from things - it's not a not caring feeling so much as it just seems like so many things are so unimportant anymore and then other things seem so meaningless. I feel so disconnected from people who were my friends. I talk to friends and I feel so far away from them emotionally. I feel so unseen by them maybe??? I'm not sure I can't seem to figure this all out yet.

Sorry for being so rambly - it feels like I've been held hostage for weeks by aliens.

Sonia