Calling all TNs

NavyMom

Gram: I asked my MO this question and she goes by DX date.  Which felt right to me, because that is the date that the word  cancer entered my  my life and my fight began

For gals currently in treatment or just finishing,  Hang in there and be nice to yourself.  We have all spent time in the "dark place"   I think its pretty normal to think of end of life issues.  I did have a brief conversation with my adult son....just so he would know the basics of what I wanted in the end.  I remember at one point, I was having trouble spending money....kept thinking I shouldn't do it.  Well, I had been saving for a backyard swimming pool and put it off after BC dx....thoughts of why buy it when I wouldn't be around to enjoy it.  And then one day I just said, what the hell.  Why should I just leave the money for the next wife...So I went that day and picked out what  I had been saving for.  When it was all said and done, all those thoughts felt kinda crazy, but they were real to ME.  So ladies, don't be too hard on yourself for having those bad feelings.  But do remember to pat yourself on the back that you are doing everything you can to beat cancer.  And find a little sliver of joy in each day.  Its in there somewhere, I promise. 

Have a great day.

slowloris

Navymom, I know exactly how you felt. My money dilemma was whether to buy a new car - why put out the money if I couldn't enjoy it for a period of time? Then, I thought , what the hell, I worked all my life saving for retirement, and damn it, I'm going to use some of my money!!! Now, I've swung the other way, and want to spend it all. Poor kids, there goes the college fund!!!

LPBoston

Cocker you certainly made my day - that is hilarious!!

BanR

thanks simple and ally. 

simple: skin is 50 percent back to normal! rads was very very very easy. 

ally: I see that your tumor is 2 cm yet not spread anywhere. I got a chemo friend in the hospital with the same diagnosis and the surgeon said that its rare to see a tumor as big as 2 cm but not spread..that means your cancer was a slow growing one..If you dont mind ,can u share your ki67 and SUV figures from Pet. 

cocker: that was one hilarious pooh!! Never asked you, do you own a pet dog of the breed cocker spaniel?

For the ones newly diagnosed, I can very much relate to you.. not very long ago, I was in the same situation like you. As Simple, very rightly said..the worst is dealing with the initial diagnosis. Next comes deciding on  a protocol, for me it was a huge decision what to opt first...chemo or surgery. Third will be chemo and the easiest will be surgery and rads! 

The point is, once the initial shock goes away, once the questions like why cancer now when I have children to look after and bring up, why cancer when I had no risk to get it in the first place... once the acceptance comes, then dealing with the disease becomes much easier. Tell yourself that you are not the only one...countless men and women of all age groups have suffered from cancer, so many children have also gone through this cancer drill..this disease is at least 3000 years old. We somehow need to fight it out till a cure comes....try and be positive and leave the rest to destiny!

Hugs to everybody!! 

Gramof2boys

Ban- you are right, once everything comes together it is much easier to digest everything. These last 8 months have turned my life upside down, but I did it. Diagnosis, chemo, siurgery and now rads-almost done. I'm still here, I worked through chemo and took off for 4 weeks after my surgery. I still have recon surgery to do. The newbies will get through it, sometimes it is tough but you will do it. It just shows you how strong we are and can beat this! Good luck everyone, we will beat the beast!!!

Cocker_Spaniel

All of you ladies were the strength I found. xx

Allydp

Thank you so, so much, ladies. I feel much better after reading all of your replies and truly appreciate the support. It's nice to know I'm not alone in these feelings. I'm also glad to hear a few of you mention it gets easier with surgery and rads. I've been trying to research reconstruction which hasn't really helped the anxiety. My doctors acknowledge the increased risks rads has on recon, but they still recommend placing the tissue expanders at the time of BMX and doing the exchange after rads. Everything I read says this isn't the best approach, so I'm a little nervous about all that. 

Ban - I'm embarrassed to say I don't know those stats. I've been too chicken to delve into my path report. I was afraid of seeing something that might spark further fears about recurrence. Your comment has given me some reassurance though. I do know that my tumor was 2.4 cm at the time of dx, but felt a smidge bigger by the time I started chemo almost a month later. My lymph node fine needle biopsy and sentinel node was negative, although my LVI was indeterminate. I'd been on a short course of steroids prior to dx for something unrelated that gave me swollen lymph nodes under my arms. My doctors feel that's why they couldn't get a clear negative on the LVI, but in reality nothing had spread. I sure hope you're right about it being slow growing. I will check out my path and get back to you. 

jramick

Cocker I love your quote! Hugs to Ally!  All the decisions, ifs, when, and just information overload can get exhausting.  It truly is a rollercoaster and not a fun one.  It's great news they did not find lymph node involvement. Your grade 3 which most TNS are, is an aggressive rating in the range of levels 1-3.

The shock of diagnosis....all the questions and fears I remember well.  I decided personally that instead of asking "why me - why now etc etc" that I would ask myself "why NOT ME". It really helped me through dark times.  I thought maybe it HAS to be me!  I might be the warning that saves another woman's life or even my daughter's by being an example of gettin checked out and watching for problems.  Maybe I will be a survivor that brings hope to other family members with cancer including siblings children etc.  Those feelings gave me more energy to turn myself around from dark dark days into being positive when I could.

Everyone goes through it so many different ways and no matter how you find peace none if it is wrong.  Just remember that you are not alone.

ltajik

I was diagnosed on 1/14/2009 at age 49 with stage 2a tnbc grade 3 2.5cm tumor clean nodes.  Had 4cycles of taxotere/Cytoxan after surgery and yes I hit my five year mark this year. Started with a unilateral mastectomy on left side however by the next year I was so scared I had the right breast removed.  I have had reconstruction expander to implant left side, lat flap right side as my skin was just too thin.  There is life after tnbc and yes it is scary.  I have had many biopsies however all have come back good.

FierceBluebird

Alicia, did you say that the steroids were to blame for the swollen lymph nodes? Sorry, just trying to clarify. 

I've also been a chicken regarding reports and tests. I just try to follow what they tell me to do. 

Itajik, congrats on your years under your belt!

jramick

Hi Fierce!

About steroids, I actually learned that cortisone injections (which are maybe a different form of steroids) cause white blood cell counts to elevate.  It happened so many times with me that I had to schedule out the shots to avoid messing with my numbers.  It makes sense that it could cause lymph nodes to swell too.

Scoobydoo

Itajik - Your stats are almost exactly like mine.  What was the determining factors to you deciding to get a masectomy?

Allydp

Fierceblue - yes, my doctors suspect a course of oral steroids caused the lymph nodes under my arms to become swollen and tender. They explained that although they're supposed to suppress the immune system, sometimes they can have the opposite effect and cause an overreaction of sorts. I was on 16 mg methylprednisolone daily for a month as part of an infertility treatment. The timing of it all is very coincidental, so impossible to say for certain if it was the steroids or possibly the cancer invading, but my doctors have reassured me a number of times they believe it was the steroids. I was dx at the end of January and had taken the steroids all through October. My lymph nodes were swollen off and on from October through the beginning of January. To me, the fact that they eventually went down BEFORE I started chemo, tells me my doctors are probably right and the steroids were to blame. At least that's what I'm going with.

placid44

Ally - my bs, ps, and RO all said do BMX/expander placement, then do the expansions, then rads, then exchange. That's what I did.

FierceBluebird

Ok, thanks!

Cocker_Spaniel

This really tickled me. He's either snoozing or listening to the story.  lol

lilyrose53

Cocker - Where do you find this funny stuff?  I love this photo!  My dogs think they are human and ALWAYS sit on the sofa!  How are you doing?

Hugs,  lilyrose

jramick

That's right!  Keep it up cocker!  Sometimes going through this we forget to laugh ..Laughter truly is the best medicine!!!!!!!!

Lookingforward66

Hello to all,

I have tried to be proactive & positive thinking. Been on a good overall diet. Avoided sugar. Now & then a slip (not often). 

Yet last 2+ weeks have had increasing pain in back & joints. Worse at night. If I stay active it seemed to subside but sit for a bit & it's back.  Long story short after discussion with MO I go for bone scan tomorrow. It is a long test as wait between contrast & test is 3 hours - with test being one hour. She & I are fairly certain it is something in my bones (cancer or arthritis). We just finding to what extent & what. We both know with my allergic reactions I am not a good candidate for chemo. With the added knowledge bone cancer is not cureable - I would pretty much be marking time if it is the cancer. 

I asking for prayers that it is arthritis not cancer.  This is the first time since surgery that I am truly concerned over a test. 

The metastic bone cancer is what finally took my sister-in-law. It was painful for her to the end. 

I am trying to stay positive but truly hard with the pain. 

Please jump in my pocket. I need you all!

Best day is today with prayers for tomorrow!

Marsha

Scoobydoo

Dear Marsha you are in my thoughts and prayers!  Wow I hate cancer!!  I am hoping it is arthritis and nothing else.  Sending you good thoughts.

DorMac

Marsha,

We are definitely in your pocket! Praying that it is not cancer. Gentle {{HUGS}}.

Doreen

simplelife4real

Marsha, we are there for you!  Count me in your pocket....I so hope it is "just" arthritis.  I'll be thinking of you all day tomorrow.  I hope you get your results tomorrow too.  Waiting is terrible.

adagio

Marsha - in your pocket for sure, and have already prayed for you. Hugs to you!!!

CatWhispurrer

Marsha - make room!   I am jumping into your pocket too and will say some prayers.   I hope they don't take long to read the scans.

FierceBluebird

Marsha, lots of prayers headed your way and it will be mighty crowded in your pockets. Everyone jumped from my pockets right into yours (including me) so you are not alone.

I have to have a PET scan also now. I'm really scared. But all we can do is keep the faith. Just ordered a meditation guide to try to keep me calm. Really falling apart all the time now. 

Cocker_Spaniel

Marsha,  definitely in your pocket too.  Many many prayers being sent from New Zealand.  Stay strong girl we are all with you. xxxx 

lilyrose53

Marsha,  your pocket is going to be really full as I am jumping in there too.  Sending prayers and good thoughts your way.  

Hugs,  lilyrose

simplelife4real

Fiercebluebird, we are special people and can be in two pockets at once!  When is your PET scan?  We can stay in your pocket for as long as you need us.  (((hugs)))

lilyrose53

Fiercebluebird,  I just saw your post.  Count me in to be in your pocket!  I just got home from chemo and am feeling kinda fuzzy.  I have a love/hate relationship with PET scans.  Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

Hugs,  lilyrose

lilyrose53

SimpleLife4Real,  how are you doing with your rads?