Calling all TNs

mccrimmon324

bkj66 - I think our husbands are from the same mold!  Glad to hear he's snapped out of it and your glad your feeling a little better. 

blondelawyer

bkj66:  I'm glad your husband was extra affectionate and might be coming around.  I have been in his shoes in that I have been the spouse of person who is very sick and my guess is that he really just doesn't know what to do.  We worked at trying to figure that out for 13 years and I'm not sure we ever figured it all the way out!  What ended up helping us the most is talking about what we wanted/needed.  So, for example, in your situation, you would tell him, I need more affection and when you say this about money I feel extra stressed, etc.  And have these conversations at a more "neutral" time, not when you are in the middle of an argument or feeling emotional, etc.  For us, that was the best way that we were able to support each other during the most difficult times when he was sick.

I also figured out that part of it was that we both wanted different things when we didn't feel well.  For me, I mostly want to be left alone when I am sick.  So, my natural inclination when my husband was sick was to leave him alone.  He, on the other hand, wants someone right next to him when he is sick.  I wish that I would have figured that one out a lot sooner.

At any rate, I hope that it gets better.  This is such a stressful time.  Big hugs!

ksmatthews

Went to the surgeon today and he believes the chemo has got the cancer, said he would only have to go in and get a small amount and send it to path. I hope and pray he is right.  After surgery I will start radiation.  I will be so glad when this year is over.

I hope everyone is doing good!

riley702

Yay, ksmatthews! That's fantastic news.

Stupidboob

Hey Ladies,
I am really down these past couple of days.   My emotions are all over the place.   I was doing ok (not) until I found a small spot around the armpit area.   I thought I had a doctors appointment, but I did not.   The nurse let me come on in and did an ultra-sound on the area but since the doctor was not there all she could tell me was that she did not think it was anything to be overly worried about but you see my surgeon did skin sparing and tunneled up under the skin and since there is no incision and she don't know where he tunneled at she can't say for sure it is scar tissue.   I have an appointment on the 28th.    I finished my AC and I am glad as it has kicked my butt.   My hat is off to you that have not had to miss work.   I have not been able to even stand long enough to get any housework done.   I have no strength and I have not even felt like getting in my pool.  Then I feel this spot and think did I do this all for nothing.......:(.   I can't get death off of my mind and I am not sure I have the strength or the want to even keep fighting.   I am suppose to start Taxol in a week and like I stated before I AM TERRIFIED of it.   If this AC knocked me out and the Taxol is suppose to be worse with pain and weakness how in the world can I survive it.   I am sorry I have not been here, I have not even read responses to my last few questions.   Just don't want to do anything.......thanks for letting me have a pity-party.   I don't want to die ladies but I am so scared of living now.     I don't know what I want anymore.    Cancer diagnoses is NEVER over for us.   People keep telling me you got the hardest part over..........the surgery......NO WAY!!!  CHEMO has been the hardest for me.    Anyways thanks for listening

mamachick

Stupidboob-Hugs!!!!  I had TACx6 and I think most of my side effects came from the AC.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  I learned that I just had to do what I could when I could and the rest would be there for some other time.  I know that may sound cliche, but there were days I could barely get out of bed and care for the kids let alone get laundry and dishes done.  Thankfully my kids were self sufficient somewhat, because I am sure there were days that I didn't do all they needed done either. I understand I too have to shove the what if's away all the time. And I agree the surgeries were not the hardest part.  I ended up on an antidepressant during chemo, because the emotions got to be too much.  Hang in there, we are here for you when you need to unload.

Yeay- ksmathews!  Happy for the good news.

slcst12- I too have some of the same questions.  I saw my onc. on Friday.  I feel as you do.  They didn't want to do any testing and wait for me to have problems before they did anything other than bloodwork every 3 months.  I told him I was not comfortable with this due to I had 3 tumors and 3 pos. nodes before it was even found.  He was really good about it and ordered a PEt/Ct scan for Oct. when I see him again.  I know he would have done it sooner if I asked, but I was okay with waiting. Just hate the what if's.  I don't want to live that way.  I want to get back into life and not worry everyday if there is something there.

riley702

You're allowed to be down! And some people find Taxol or Taxotere easier than AC; it's very individual. You're very vulnerable to feeling down right now, with the AC being rough, dreading the T and worrying about the lump. Try taking just one thing at a time instead of all 3 ganging up on you. If you have any Xanax or Ativan, take them; if you don't, can you call your doc and ask for something for the anxiety? (((stupidboob)))

kathyrnn

Hi Everyone,

I don't post much, because I'm keeping up with you all on my IPhone, and posting isn't easy on it!

Wanted to tell you all, that you have been a wonderful source of information.  My doctor is now tracking my Vit. D levels, after I did some research into it, and listened to what you had to say about it.  (Forgot who posted that one).  I want to thank whoever also put the tip about being able to use Claritin instead of Benadryl during the Taxol treatments.  The benadryl was the only thing that was keeping me from being able to drive to/from treatment.  (I don't want to burn out my friends, when it isn't necessary).  I brought up the Claritin to my doctor and the research nurse (my girlfriend refers to her as "dumb ass reseach nurse", not one bit of info she has given me has been accurate) tried to stop it because she wasn't sure it "fit with the research study protocols".  I smiled sweetly and told her, "well I recommend you go check.  I'm in the control group and can be out of this study in a heartbeat, if it intefers with my health needs!"  All of a sudden it wasn't a problem any longer, lol

Tomorrow, I'm having my "Shave The Head" party.  It will be nothing but laughs and silliness.  I have decorations for all the guests to wear.  StupidBoob, I want you to know that you'll be there also, lol.  I have loved your screen name!  I'm having a Boob cake, and we're putting a sign above the R boob.......that says "Stupid Boob!"

Also StupidBoob, your experience may not be the same, but I'm finding the Taxol to be a piece of cake.  The only thing I have is some numbness in my feet.  I don't find it bothers me much, because I've had it off and on for years from my back injury, so I'm used to it.  I do treatment #8 this week.  The only other problem is that my liver function tests came back high this last week, so I don't know if they'll have to reduce the dose. (Anyone have any experience with this????)

Heidi, I'm still about 5 pages behind, so I don't know if you're back is any better???  If it isn't....get thee to a neurosurgeon for an opinion.  When I hurt my back in December, the MRI said it was just a bulging disc. (I've had those for 22 years, so I thought it was no big deal).  I kept getting progressively worse, despite sterod shots, therapy, chiropractor.  The pain was so bad, I lost 25 pounds in a month. (My doctor go really concerned then, my fat ass hasn't lost 25 pounds in the whole 20 years I've been his patient).  Turned out I had a disc that had herniated directly onto the root of my sciatic nerve.  I will probably always have a numb R foot, because it took so long to get surgery.  If you're not better, please get a second opinion. 

Love to you all

Kathy 

bak94

Thank you blondelawyer-my hubby and I do need to be more specific about what we need. I have told him not to bring up money issues when we are both already stressed, but he does anyways. My feeling is we will get those issues worked out, and I tell him that. So what if I am a week or 2 late on a bill as long as it is not the mortgage As long as we have a place to live and have food, the rest may have to wait!

It seems it has been a hard week for many of us, I just want to send cyber (or is it cybor) hugs to everyone.

Anonymous

Kathy- my back is fine now; thanks for the info though. I had an x-ray and MRI and nothing unusual showed up beyond age-appropriate wear & tear. Amazing that something that stopped me cold could resolve itself so quickly (@48 hours) though I am still being careful.I'm also looking into getting an Inversion Table.

In fact, I'm taking my horse(s) swimming tomorrow in a nearby river. Photos to follow!

MBJ

ksmathews:  Yay, I love good news!!

Stupidboob:  My surgeon tunneled through my breast to under my arm for my sentinal nodes and it's all lumps and bumps and scar tissue there and it always will be and I hope this is all it is for you, too.  Losing my hair and chemo was one of the hardest things I have ever done and a year from now things will be much better.  Hugs!

MBJ

Heidi:  I can't wait to see pictures of you swimming with your horses!  Glad to hear your back problems are resolved-sometimes it just needs a bit of time and rest.

Titan

Kris...love your good news!  Whew!  Good to hear after all the crap we/us/you/ have all been through that there is some good news coming out of this.

Hugs to all you ladies going through S*H..right now...chemo is a freaky thing..just the word chemo freaks me out...

Husbands..yeah..they are really scared for us..sometimes they just don't know what to do to make it better...because really they can't do that much...as much as they support us..and we support each other..it comes down to the fact that YOU have to do the surgery/chemo/treatments..all by yourself..it is happening to YOU/US/WE...no one else can do it for us..

Taxol..really..it should be better than AC..I think that the scary thing is that you know what AC does and now switching to another chemo is scary...my hair started coming back during Taxol..that was a good thing...maybe some tingleness in my feet..but I really think that it is easier to deal with than AC..my nurses said that they hit us with the big guns first..then the taxol....remember taking the taxol means you are closer to being DONE with chemo...

Have I said that Cancer sucks lately?

We are in a massive heat wave here in Ohio..and the Midwest..and I think pretty much everywhere....this heat doesn't help much either..with hot flashes...try to drink alot of water (and some wine if you need it..ha ha)...this hell will end..really...

FrancesC

bkj66 - glad things are working out for you... remember these sweet moments if you do get down again

Titan

bjk66...yeah..cancer costs alot of $$ even with good insurance...my DH still complains about the co-pay of seeing the onc every 3 months and the bs every 6...I've explained to him that this is standard of care...I think that maybe he just wants this to be behind us..well I do too but I've still got to see the onc.

Actually my DH isn't that bad about it...it is what is..it's not like I chose for this to happen to me...and I can't feel guilty about it..

AimeeMac

stupidboob,

I haven't posted to you before, but I think that many of us know exactly what you are going through. I have always been an optomistic person, but treatment turned me from an optomist to a realist to a fatalist, and there was a lonely gray day when I felt like not going on. The very idea that I had those thoughts terrifed me. Living in Seattle, the entire winter and spring were gray and rainy, and the loneliness and cabin fever really hit hard. I should have reached out for help but I was embarrassed to. I ended up getting more medication (lorazepam) that help quell the anxiety, and I would recommend doing anything and everything that you feel will help. I too have just this week found some lumps in my armpit and upper chest area, and was panicked all weekend. Today I had an ultrasound (the lumps were too high up on my chest for the mammo), and the tech and the radiologists both felt that they were just fat , but I am having a surgical consult to get a better idea. It seems like there are about 6 lumps, about the size of a lentil, and definitely new. You are right about the diagnosis never ending. I had a lumpectomy but now feel like I should have had a mastectomy to further reduce the chance of recurrence (if that even helps) I don't want to worry about every little bump or symptom for the rest of my life, while wondering how long that is. I wish I could be more of a cheerleader for you, but instead I want to tell you what you already know - that this whole process sucks, but some days suck less than others. From where you are it's probably hard to hold that or any thought or be optomistic, and keeping a brave face gets really old really quickly. Maybe the Taxol won't be as bad as you think - sometimes the worrying makes it worse, but it's hard not to. I hope you continue to post and come here for support - you are not alone.

Titan

Here's to just fat Aimee....!  You are not alone either..ok?

Paintingmywaythru

ksmatthewsThat is great news.

Stupidboob....down is  part of the cancer normal...some days it's hard to get out of bed.

Losing my hair..it freaks me out.

HAven't had a chance to pick up my wig yet.

Still hve mouth ulcers...pureeing everything. I hope they go away...really..they have to be gone by next Friday for chemo and they aren't.

 

Stupidboob

Susan did you get some magic mouthwash from your doc?    It helped clear mine up in one day.  They were not gone but so much relief

AimeeMac

Maybe I should change my name to just fat! Rereading my post, I am so sorry for being negative; didn't really realize it while I was writing. The good days will soon outweigh the bad, and I have been promised by people who know that someday in the future there will be entire days that go by when one doesn't think about cancer, I have also heard the outrageous rumor that those days can actually turn into a week. I hope the rumor is true!

Stupidboob

Thanks gang,
I always feel so bad coming here to vent when I have not taken the time to answer or even read all the post and be the same support I am seeking.   When I am down I tend to not want to say things as to make others feel worse when they may not go through the same thing.   With that being said though, it is good to know we are not alone if we have a certain symptom and we share it. 
If I can get the picture to fit, I will post my shirt for you all to see.   It says Cancer Sucks with the ribbon behind it and then StupidBoob over the left breast (removed).   I sure hope that Taxol will be easier on me.   I too get the pins and needles with a bad back, so hopefully it will be no worse than that.   What about the bone pain?   Is it worse?   I was also told that most don't get sick on it, did any of you?

Stupidboob

AimeeMac I know what you mean about being a realist.   That is what I told my hubby, I am trying not to be negative but being a realist has to happen.   I am not the type of person to just stick my head in the sand and pretend it is not happening.   So, many can do that and just take things as they come and I am trying my best to learn to do that, but it is just not my personality.   I was just telling myself the other day that I needed to make myself lose weight so that I could say that the things I feel are not fat.........:)   I have enough fat for all of us.

I sure hope yours turns out to be nothing as well...........I don't want to rush the appointment for me because it is also chemo day but I really want to know for sure.  

Stupidboob

I will try to answer more tomorrow..............calling it a night.    I did make it to the pool tonight.   I played around for about an hour and did some arm exercises.   Our feral cats and the neighbors had left us a dead frog, and they were terrorizing a baby bird.   We caught it but we can't get it to its mama and all the wild life rehabilators numbers were disconnected.    I will try to feed the poor thing in the morning if it is still alive, but tonight it was to nervous.   I was going to put the ferals in my garage but then there is the neighbors cats and so I just decided to put the bird in the garage and know that at least if it dies it will not be shred or tortured.    What a way to end the evening and I was so proud I made it out to the pool.  

bak94

No apologies necessary aimee! We all understand. I have apologized before for being negative and had others say apologies not allowed! I know this seatte weather is very grey, but being in the hat and wig stage I have been very thankful for the cool weather here!

Oh, I finally figured out the fat aimee comment! Hoping the lumps are just fat also! Gotta love the fat lumps:)

AimeeMac

I wasn't bothered by the just fat comment. I was lucky enough to lose almost 20 pounds with the chemo diet and am about 10 pounds from my ideal weight. Am trying (not very hard) not to let the pounds creep back on. I would love it if these little lumps turned out to be just fat!

blondelawyer

I think that it is important for us to have a place to be negative and let out those feelings.  This DOES suck--all of it.  And holding it in is not good!  I am not advocating being depressed or always complaining, but the truth is, we all have a lot to complain about and this is a safe place to do it.  Medication also helps

Hugs to all of you! 

slcst12

Hi girls! Thanks to everyone for posting their follow up stuff.
My follow up was pretty short. They just want to see me every 3 mos, and I will have a mammogram every year, next on in Nov.

As for everythign else...it's 'wait and see'...as in, wait till I break my hip and say, "Oh look--you have mets to the bone"

But--she *did* tell me that if there was some pain that didn't go away in a couple weeks, to call her...doesn't mean the cancer is back, but they would want to investigate. Other than that, I'm supposed to "get back" to my normal life, whatever that is...

She also said it's high possibility my chemo pause is permanent  

tnbcRuth

Lovelyface and Wren - I only had chemo and it started a couple of months after.  I'll bet its the poison being flushed from my system, since its an inside thing!  The cream I had did help, so I'll look at the label when I go upstairs again.  

I've had horrible neuropathy in my feet and legs just like you Lovely.  Worse at night, burning, aching....I've done VitB shots, adrenal rebuilder, and lots of other remedies, but I finally broke down and got a RX for Lyrica yesterday.  It has lots of side effects (I'm so dizzy!) and I've only had 3 doses (one 3xday) but I swear, the bottoms of my feel hurt less already.

Hope you have a good day!  

Kymn

Good Morning laides, so sorry for all everyone is going through I am almost 3 weeks out of last chemo and my body just doesnt seem to be rebounding this time. My whole body has felt like I have worked out for 4 hours straight with weights. All my muscles hurt and I get so fatigued I dont know why this isnt going away, every morning I wake up and get ready for work hoping that I will feel better, stronger, but I just dont, it doesnt seem to matter how much sleep I get I wake up tired and sore

Cancer sucks

Radiation called today wanting me to start on monday I was like jeez I need to recover before you start hitting me with this stuff, she asked how long I had been finished chemo I was thinking dont you have my chart???? So when I told her not ever 3 weeks yet she said oh no we wont start you yet so hopefully not till after the Aug long weekend. I would really like to have some strength back before starting this next leg of the journey.

Suze35

Hanging out ladies, but just feeling quiet these days.  Reading along though...

The Xeloda is definitely messing with my head - I started back on yesterday, and have a mild headache.  Not a migraine, but I'm keeping tabs on it closely.  It also makes me so tired!  I was falling asleep on the couch at 6 PM yesterday, that is not me!  But otherwise it isn't too bad.  Hope it stays that way.

Kymn - it took me a shockingly long time to feel better after chemo.  I remember going to NYC two weeks after chemo, and trying to walk around the Guggenheim - a "small" museum.  I thought I was going to die, I could barely go 30 feet without resting.  I had my surgery 3 weeks after chemo, so I was down from that too, but I can honestly say I didn't start to feel better until just about the time I started radiation - 7 weeks after surgery.  It sucks - but you have to give your body some time.  I tried to exercise/walk, even 15 minutes every few days.  But there are no quick fixes.  You'll get there.

bkj - I'm glad to hear you and DH have reached a better spot.  Hugs to you.

Stupidboob - vent away.  When you are up to it, you'll read and post.  When you are not, we are still here for you.