I'd rather be flat than fake...I think.

DM-M

I LOVE this discussion!  I had a bilateral in November and opted to not have reconstruction or fill my RX for prostheses.  Other than my firsts (first day back to work,back to the gym, first bathing suit etc.) I have not thought about it at all. I work in a hospital - so coming back to work breastfree was noticed - everyone was super supportive and happy to have me back and healthy! I had to replace some of my wardrobe - some V necks simply dipped too low but other than that I wear "normal" clothes and stand tall. My surgeon had a bilateral 5 years ago and no reconstruction -  her motto was - if someone has a problem with it, thats their problem - 

Other than being Healthy - The Best part of being Breastfree - not struggling out of a sportbra after a sweaty workout!! 

Heres to the newly flat chested !

lisa-e

DM-M, I think it is very telling that your surgeon did not have reconstruction.

greenfrog

Loving this discussion. I have hated the pressure to reconstruct - not from medics but from non-BC people who read about this stuff in magazines and are suddenly experts! We need much more positivity in relation to living breast free. It isn't mutialtion, it isn't an end to intimacy, sexuality or femininity. Thank you to all the sisters who have gone before us and whose confidence is infectious.

Erica3681

greenfrog,

I wrote a blog on this subject (http://breastfree.blogspot.com/2009/11/dirty-words.html), but in one paragraph you summed it up better than I did in several. I agree that confidence is infectious. I'm so glad this forum is available as a place to reinforce our decision not to reconstruct.

Barbara

GG27

When I had my BMX, Jan 08, I said I wasn't have reconstruction, couldn't imagine going through all that surgery again, my breasts didn't define who I was. 

I struggled with the decision even the day before surgery, I wasn't happy with my flat chest, my clothes didn't hang right, I felt self concious, so I changed my mind.  I had a bi-lat lat dorsi flap with TE's in February & couldn't be happier.  I wish I could be like all the ladies here whom I admire for being so comfortable in their skin, but apparently I'm not.

This is not to say you should or shouldn't, I just thought you might benefit from my experience. 

Good luck in your decision,

Cheers, Dee

Suzybelle

Dee, thank you for sharing that - I doubt I do reconstruction, but if I do, your positive experience is one to remember!

 I'm finding myself not even a bit self conscious about the flat chest since I'm having to wear the stupid compression glove for LE.  I'll say this for breast cancer - it has really made me not give a hot d#mn what people think of me. 

GG27

Suzybelle,

I'm glad you don't care what people think, for me, no one ever made me feel bad, it was all me.  Although when I went to visit my parents, one woman went up to my dad & asked if I'd had a BMX, because I would look much better if I wore prothesis.  I wasn't wearing them because I had bad burns from radiation & couldn't stand to wear a bra.  She was trying to be helpful!

Cheers, Dee

LoriL

I LOVE not having to wear a bra if I don't want to! Before surgery I had deflated, flat little boobs (I had recently lost a lot of weight) that would flop into my armpits when I laid on my back. LOL I don't miss them one bit!  I have some little size 2 forms that I wear most of the time to work and church. But, the minute I get home, the bra comes off and I'm free! When I'm out running errands or working out at the gym, I don't bother wearing them. Occasionally I feel a little self conscious, but I honestly don't think anybody really notices. Even though it has been 8 months since I completed radiation, the cloth against my bare skin feels nice.  

barbe1958

There's an expression: What someone thinks of you is none of your business.

I live by that. If they have a problem with me, they'll have to let me know. I'm not going to try to guess or dance around anyone's emotions. If I think I may have upset someone, I'll ask, but if they say no, everything's fine (and it isn't really) I'm not going to play that game.

Dee, I am shocked by that woman's ignorance. I hope your Dad told her she sound better with a brain!

I, too, love the feel of some of the fabrics against my chest. It is very freeing. I work in sales in front of the public all day long and honestly, there are days I don't even think about being flat except when I am un/dressing. 

GG27

Barbe, the woman really was trying to be helpful.  She had a BMX many years ago & I guess no woman then would have considered going out in a t-shirt like I had on, without the benefit of prothesis.  My dad just kind of shook his head... 

I know what you mean about the fabric against your chest, it feels so good, my PS has assured me that I will never have to wear a bra.

Cheers, Dee

barbe1958

Sorry Dee, I still think it's ignorant! Of course we'd look "better" with a prothesis...more "normal"...but so what! I find it even worse coming from a fellow bilat survivor! 

Erica3681

Dee's story does bring up an interesting point -- years ago, when reconstruction options were poor or non-existent and cancer was stigmatized and prostheses were far less comfortable than today, women who had mastectomies tended to wear the prostheses and try to hide the fact that they'd had surgery. So, it doesn't surprise me that the woman Dee mentioned had the reaction she did.

My mother-in-law, who was first diagnosed in the 1950s, said she didn't tell a single soul outside her family about the cancer, since people still feared cancer was contagious (and she lived in an academic community, which should have known better, even then). Only much later, when she was in her late sixties, did she start going form-free. Even so, she was quite surprised when I opted not to have reconstruction. 

Today, since there are good options for reconstruction, those of us who choose not to have it are making more of an affirmative choice -- toward freedom, comfort, naturalness. Even though I mostly do wear breast forms, I certainly don't hide the fact that I've had a bilateral mastectomy and I love that women like barbe1958 go into the world without forms, feeling just fine about themselves.

lovemygarden

Although my inner Miss Manners thinks that woman's remark was rude/insensitive, I put it in the same category as what many of my (former!) hairstylists would say to me: "You'd look SO much younger if you'd do something about that grey." I'm 60 now,  but started to get the silver-frosted look when I was about 50. Of course a stylist also has an added agenda (making $$$$ from coloring) but I also got such remarks occasionally from acquaintances. Since I (a) have no desire to ever pour chemicals on my hair/scalp and (b) honestly prefer the way the grey lightens my brown hair against my pale complexion, I would simply shake my head and say "Nope, nooo interest!" accompanied by a wry smile over how much people's opinion of what constitutes a "physical attractiveness item" can and does differ, and likewise their perception of where the line between being "helpful" and "impolite" is!

barbe1958

Erica/Barbara, I've said it before and I'll say it again on this thread. Before my diagnosis was confirmed I did all my research on the web and read hundreds of posts on this Forum. It was the picture of your mother-in-law that you posted that gave me the courage to say what the heck. She looked like a beautiful woman and was a great inspiration for me. Thanks again!

otter

"...one woman went up to my dad & asked if I'd had a BMX, because I would look much better if I wore prothesis.  I wasn't wearing them because I had bad burns from radiation & couldn't stand to wear a bra.  She was trying to be helpful!    "

Oh, I don't know...  I guess I'm siding with lovemygarden, but my sympathy for the well-meaning woman is not as strong as hers.  Let's look at an analogy:

I have a distant cousin who lost his arm above the elbow in an accident when he was a child.  He's an adult now (in his 40's), so he can do whatever he wants to do about his appearance.  I've noticed that he seems quite comfortable, at least in casual, family settings, just pinning up the sleeve of his shirt.  I don't know what he did when he was younger, but there were "artificial arms" available even then.

Yet, I can't imagine going up to his father and saying, "You know, I think Robbie would look so much better if he wore a prosthetic arm!".

Takes my breath away, just thinking about it.

otter

precioustime

I am 4 months post BMX and will have to be honest and say that there are times that I miss my breasts -- especially when I am walking in the Mall past a Victoria's Secret store or really like a blouse and realize-- oh, that is not going to work with my flatness!   On the other hand-- losing my breasts were a small price to pay for living and I do not want to have to go through any unnecessary surgeries for others.

I could not believe at the Dr.'s office the other day- a girl commented to me after she found out I had a BMX that she would like to lose her large breasts!  I responded "oh no you don't!"    She probably said that trying to make me feel better?  Not! 

Probably the most challenging part of not having breasts for me is when I give my husband or son a hug I tend to not let them get close to my chest area because of the sensitivity feeling I have there-- or maybe it's a protection thing?  The other day for kicks, I put on a sports bra and stuffed it and tried giving them a hug that way-- and it worked! 

Hopefully in time after more of the feeling in my chest comes back-- I will not have this issue:)  Until then-- I am most Thankful to be here today with or without breasts!

Loretta

lovemygarden

otter, trust me when  I say that "sympathy" isn't what my feeling is for people who make comments like these about grey hair, booblessness, or what-have-you, LOL!    It's more like a recognition of the fact that they think there is a good reason for what they say, while at the same time managing to not really think of what it feels like to be on the receiving end of same.Quite a mental balancing act, that!!

I saw a great tagline once that I normally apply to politics but I suppose can often apply to comments like Dee received : "Never attribute to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity."

I too would never dream of giving unsolicited "advice" about an appearance-related choice to anyone.. no matter what my personal opinion might be about it.

GG27

All of you are right of course, she did speak without thinking of how it might come across, but the part that kind of astounded me, was asking my dad about it instead of coming to me.  But then I'm constantly amazed at the rude or intrusive things that people say to total strangers. 

It will be interesting to see what she has to say when we go back up there in May.

Cheers, Dee

barbe1958

Dee, she talked to your Dad instead of you because she knew it would hurt you. IMHO

Erica3681

barbe,

Just want to say that my m-i-l would have been so happy to feel she set a positive example for you. She was a beautiful woman and inspired me, as well.

Barbara

Kiki1965

I love reading all these comments.  A couple days ago I had a disastrous visit to the plastic surgeon. 

I have one nearly A breast on the left side.   After hearing about the flap & implant options from his resident, I asked about further reducing the remaining side just for symmetry.  

 The surgeon stormed into the room, expressed shock that I didn't just get a double mast even though ALL of my onc doctors say it isn't necessary.  And then acted as if getting a left side reduction was as insane as asking to get an extra hand attached to my chest.  He rolled his eyes and head without ONCE looking directly at me.  He huffed, said he was going to help with measuring me and left the room.  I got up, got dressed and walked out the door.

After I recovered from the shock of his rude behavior, I found I was more sure than ever about wanting to just be flat  - even lopsided forever or until I find a decent surgeon. 

I teach high school and have a pre-teen old daughter.  She is awesome - doesn't care about my bald head or missing breast, she just wants her momma healthy.  I'm not necessarily planning to show it off everyday, but if people notice, so be it. I want them all to know that woman can still look good, feel good without having to subject herself to further surgery.   Reconstruction is supposed to be a choice - not a mandate.  There's no shame in being just who I am.

 Until reading your stories, it didn't seem like there was anyone else who made this choice. It makes me feel more confident and less angry.   I bet I see women like us everyday.

BoobsinaBox

Kiki,

It is appalling that a surgeon would behave that way...but not surprising, I'm afraid.  I wish you well in your search for the best answer for you.  For me, flat (even concave) is my best option, and I am grateful that I got the bilat all at once and got it over with.  There are LOTS of clothes that don't have darts and look just fine on me!

Dawn 

ordinarymammal

Day five post op.  BS removed the dressings and I have steristripped lumpy incisions that the BS says should flatten out nicely.  He says he did a little cosmetic surgery to remove the extra fat (under my armpits, I think?) so I could be nice and smooth like I had asked.  Call me a weirdo, but I think it looks kinda cute.  I've always been HUUUGE (can you say "H" nursing bra?) and this is a fun difference.

The drains are hemovac drains, like two CD's held an inch apart by springs.  I pinned them up on the outside of my compression bra where breasts might have been, and put on bulky sweatshirts, and went out to lunch.  I got nervous when I was browsing in the bookstore, because I looked down and could see the outline of the drains under the shirt and thought I might get stopped for attempting to shoplift CD's.

I'm overweight and can't believe I never realized just how big my stomach is.  When I get the drains out, I'm going to start running, and I'm going to jump on trampolines, and I may never wear a bra again!

Sassa

Ordinarymammal,

Join the club of formerly huge breasted ladies that have been delighted with their new flat status (on the bell shape curve, being on the flat side beats hands down being on the other end).

LOL - I know what you mean about the stomach.  Looking at my fat stomach silhouette inspired me to push on the weight loss and exercise.  I am now 85 lbs lighter and in great shape.

And wait until you find out how delightful it is to be able to move without those huge flopping things getting in the way (besides the fact that going over speed bumps will no longer hurt).

Although after 2 plus years I decided to do reconstruction with implants, my firm instructions to the plastic surgeon was no bigger than a "B" cup size.

That is what I am now and I will still never have to wear a bra again (including those ugly iron maiden mastectomy bras that were worse than anything I use to wear to corral the beasts ( not a misspelling).

In any case, welcome to the "light" side of breast sizes.

BoobsinaBox

Ordinarymammal,

I had a similar experience with my fat stomach.  It inspired me to get back to the Y and start using the weight machines (very carefully and with minimal weights for arms), and I really firmed up.  I loved my dad, but having his profile was NOT how I wanted to be like him!  Good luck, and hold on to that fantastic attitude!  I'm 4 years out now, and it does get better!  

Dawn 

mollyann

I will save my pros for when I am appointed to the Supreme Court.

We grow up thinking everybody is looking at us but they really aren't.

franie

I realize everyone has their own opinions and reasons. God knows we have been through a lot and being alive is the important thing. I have posted before and understand I'm not in the majority. I am a bilat and did not want reconstruction. I am completely flat and wear heavy prosthetics. I hear about ugly and iron maiden bras. I think my bra is attractive, fits and feels comfortable holding my 2.5 lb each prosthetics. Yes I am large busted and they do bounce and at times get in the way, but I expect that and enjoy that.  I can wear my prosthetics in the pocket or against my chest. The bra is an Amoena 2242. I have the limitation on not wearing anything low cut, but otherwise for fake boobs they do very well. I feel totally naked and deformed without something on my chest. As I have said before I admire those of you that can go flat.   

BoobsinaBox

Franie,

And thank goodness for all the options we have!

Dawn 

daffodil45

I think it was Popeye that wisely said "Iyam what Iyam".... something like that! For me, it is a relief not to have a foreign thing in my body, I love not spending money on hair color, and I think that I am sending my teenage boys a powerful message (bmx, no recon) to really accept women for who they (naturally) are. BC is something that happened.... and I can get right back up, and go on! I am proud of the courage I have to remain breast-less. (Although my horrified MIL doesn't know what to do with it!!!!!) This is really such an uplifting thread!!!!!! You Go Girls!!!!!! Now... what to do about the belly.......

Sassa

Daffodil,

You go, Girl!!!