Class of 2010

KatieMom

Well, my news didn't stay happy for long.  That message that I posted about came at 6:01 last night.   At 6:42 there was a second message saying that rad oc had talked to med onc again and now wanted to see the actual slides from my first surgery - lumpectomy before making a decision about chemo or no or even doing the oncotype dx.  Oh man, how much can a woman take before she breaks down?  So why not just do the darn test, give me a score and be done?  Why this waiting game????  

I had a third glass of wine last night after the second message.  I'm going to ride my bike even though rain is likely.  Thanks, girls.  I wish you were all here in my kitchen to drink coffee and smile and whine and vent and smile and tell jokes.

Katie 

jakhope

Dear Katie- I am so sorry you are going through such a roller-coaster ride!  

Hang in there kid, we all will get through this together.

Jeannie 

LauraM

Hi Katie -

 My thoughts and prayers are going out to you, I am can't imagine how you must feel with the doctors continually changing their minds.   Keep strong and know that we are all right here behind you!

Laura

LINDAGARSIDE

Hi Katie....man oh man...you're really going through it aren't you?  It almost sounds like a little doggy thing is going on...which doctor is right?  The oncologist or the radiologist?  It seems like you are caught in the middle of their little pissing match.  

Hey if it makes you feel any better...at least you get to have an ONC test. Here in Canada I have to pay $3,000 for it!  And, I have to wait to ask for it! 

So sorry you are on this crazy roller coaster ride....hang in there sister.  I've got the flag and it's still up.

etk02038

Katie-so sorry for this. ((((Hugs))))

Ellen 

Ezscriiibe

Wow, Katie, you deserve that extra glass of wine!

It never really stops getting overwhelming does it?

KatieMom

Thank you all so very much.  You are truly an understanding bunch.  I was reading some other posts on other forums and realizing how much we all hate having to think about cancer ALL the time.  I remember when I was pregnant, I woke up everyday smiling and thinking, "oh yea,I'm pregnant."  It was wonderful and the new baby in my tummy was on my mind absolutely every second of every day.  That was a nice warm but worried feeling (I was 43 when I was pregnant).  Now it is only a worried feeling ALL the time.  I can't seem to get it out of my brain even during hard exercise or work, it just seeps in.  I have to keep up a smiling mommy game face for friends and family when I am exploding on the inside.  And then I can't decide what I want.  Do I want chemo?  No, but I don't want any remaining cancer either.  Do I want rads?  NOt really but won't that signify that it is almost over?  Do I want all the doctors to say that it was all nothing and I'm fine?  I don't even think I want that as I don't believe them anymore.  Thanks LInda, MIchele, Ellen, Jeannie, Laura, and anyone I have forgotten.

Katie 

elle40

Recently dx @ age 40 / IDC / N0 / ER+ / PR+ / HER2 neg / Stage I / Grade 2/ BRCA double neg / 1.9 cm (borderline T1 T2) / Onco score 17 (borderline Low Intermediate) lumpectomy complete with clear margins now anxiously waiting apt w/onc and treatment recommendation: chemo + radiation or hormone + radiation. No family history of BC but many other types so contemplating chemo no matter what recommendation for satisfaction of doing all I can do

Teka

Hi! elle40,

Trust your gut feeling, and then try not to look backward.

Cinnamon69

Hello Pink Peeps.

I can honestly tell you I wish I didn't have the Oncotype test done.  They were so sure I would need chemo, so I convinced myself chemo was exactly what I needed to do to beat this, then two weeks later the results were a 6 so no chemo.  With a grade 3 tumor?!  I was shocked and felt like they had taken away part of my survival.  I could still tell them I want chemo but decided not too, they are the professionals right who am I to say they are wrong.  But I can't say I am 100% comfortable.  I start radiation this Friday.  My arm is still hurting alot, I just don't get it!  I have PT twice a week, do my exercises and I only had one node remove, WTF?  I believe they are fitting me for a sleeve this week, before the radiation begins.

Hugs to all!  It is nice to know you are all here sharing your stories so I know I am not alone.  I have a lot to be thankful for and great family and friends however, no one truly understand my feelings like our fellow pink peeps.  So thank you!

LINDAGARSIDE

Hi Pink Peeps...

Cinnamon, now I'm not so sure I will pay the $3,000 and get my Onc testing.  I'm the exact opposite of you...but with the same frustrattion.  I have a low grade tumor...and they suggest no chemo...but if I have an Onc test and it come back a high number...then I may want to increase my survival odds and include chemo...I have no idea if I am coming or going some days.  I guess we all feel like.that.

Back to the hockey game.  Canada vs USA...3rd period starting...GO CANADA GO!

jakhope

Hi my fellow peeps, Sorry elle40 you are joining our group, but we will be there for you with support and know what you are going through.

I had a day to distract me from my worries and admitted my Mom to Hospice. I spent the day with her at the hospital I go everyday to. She is on the Hospice unit for a day or two and then will be sent back to the skilled nursing where she has been, with hospice over seeing her care. I am not sure if she will make her 100th birthday this 4th of July. My brothers and I had a conference call to make this decision and they are planning to come earlier to celebrate her life, rather thatn waiting until it may be too late.

I've completed 15 rad's and feel fine. I am so afraid this all is going to come and kick me in the ass!

Have a good night my friends.

Jeannie  

jakhope

Hi my fellow peeps, Sorry elle40 you are joining our group, but we will be there for you with support and know what you are going through.

I had a day to distract me from my worries and admitted my Mom to Hospice. I spent the day with her at the hospital I go everyday to. She is on the Hospice unit for a day or two and then will be sent back to the skilled nursing where she has been, with hospice over seeing her care. I am not sure if she will make her 100th birthday this 4th of July. My brothers and I had a conference call to make this decision and they are planning to come earlier to celebrate her life, rather thatn waiting until it may be too late.

I've completed 15 rad's and feel fine. I am so afraid this all is going to come and kick me in the ass!

Have a good night my friends.

Jeannie  

LINDAGARSIDE

Hi GP....I am so sorry that you are having to deal with more than one big issue at a time. 

I have read what you've posted about your mom and am in awe of her accomplishments.  You and your siblings must be so very proud of her.  Thank you for sharing some of her with us.

God bless you and your family as you honour your mom....take care.  You are amazing, pink sister.

KatieMom

Oh Jeannie - you are so doing the right thing.  Both my parents were in hospice.  The hospice here in Los Angeles was not the best and I changed my mom from one hospice to the next as the end neared, but they were the only way to get through.  Death should be a dignified experience and should be dictated by she who is "slipping off the raft" as my parents said.  Please, oh please, Jeannie, understand that there is a circle of life and death should be a transition time, not an ending.  I am so sad to be without my parents.  Both were totally with it until the very end.  Both told me they were planning on leaving me within a day or two.  They were both correct.  They were done, they were used up, they were so well aware of how much we loved them.  Hold tight to her and support her and remember all the good times, they were too numerous to mention, I know.  XO

Katie, been there 

irish47

Hi all,

just catching up after my trip to Kakow, Poland.

Michelle, I am so sorry to hear about all you are going through at the moment.  We are all with you every step of the way and you will continue to fight and beat this like the true soldier you are.

Katie, you have been through the mill as well, talk about confusion..  My tumour measured 1.3cm and there was no talk of chemotherapy but that could change if the experience you guys have been having is anything to go by. I do know by the way that tumours when they are measured by ultrasound often appear smaller than when they are measured following surgery.

And we have more new enrolments in our class, sorry to meet under the circumstances but welcome to all (Dublin4 have you a connection to Dublin4?)

And Jakhope, God bless your mother.  It is a tough time for you at the moment with the cancer treatment and now dealing with this as well.  I lost my dad 18 months ago but my mum is 74 and healthy and well thank God.

Had a great time in Poland, great city, really cheap to eat out and shop and some fabulous sights.  Linda, big excitement about the Olympics over there as there are Polish nationals competing! The Auschwitz tour was absolutely amazing, so moving and emotional.  It was just portrayed as it happened with no commercialism.  Made me feel very humble and count my many blessings.

So - not too long to go now till I see my Doc, seems like ages and I am anxious to get my treatment moving along. Roll on Wednesday, the poor guy won't know what hit him as I have a million questions and am soooo well informed at this stage!! (Thanks guys)

Cora

etk02038

Geez, Linda. If I had to pay for the oncotype I think I would sign up for chemo and then take the $3000 and take a great trip after! lol

LINDAGARSIDE

Hi Pink Peeps...LOL...I would love to take $3,000 and go on a trip somewhere but the money is coming from the scant "profit" from the sale of our home in Nanaimo...so would be really robbing from Peter to pay Paul if you know what I mean.  It's such a drag...I mean to have to pay money to find out how bad things really are.  It reminds me of standing for a long time in a line up just to pay a bill or to put money in the bank.  We've got it all backwards haven't we peeps?  From now on no more waiting unless it's for a major orgasm.  LOL.  (hope I've not offended anyone but I honestly couldn't think of anything else I wouldn't mind waiting for).

I think I told you all that everyone in my office was going to have a mamogram done after I found out (just by absolute fluke/miracle) that I had breast cancer?  One co-worker had her mamogram done last week and just got a "call back" today from the hospital (just like I did) as they noticed "something" and she needs to go in for an ultrasound.  Another co-worker's mom went and had her mamogram and they found "something" and decided to take a biopsy after her ultra sound. She is waiting for her biopsy results now.   

Cora, welcome home.  I hope your treatment plan hums along nicely and things go as planned. 

GP...I'm thinking about you...and your dear mom.  Take good care of yourself.

Katie...which Dr is winning today?  Have you killed anyone yet? (Man oh man...I'd hate to be at the receiving end of your legitimate beef.....look out...Katie is armed and dangerous and can chase you down with her bike...you can run but you can't hide buddy) 

Linda
Diagnosis: 12/17/2009, IDC, 1cm, Stage I, Grade 1, 0/2 nodes, ER+/PR+, HER2-

KatieMom

elle40

Thank you all for supporting me and allowing me to feel part of the pink team, Although given the choice I'm sure most would prefer to join a different team it's nice to have others providing wonderful support, words of wisdom, relief, and knowing.

I have my medical onc consult Wednesday and hope to have my treatment plan recommendation presented as I am ready to continue my journey. It seems as if there is always "something", whether it be the next appointment or test results each week. Since my baseline mammogram 4 weeks ago, to the ultra sound, biopsy, lumpectomy, BRCA, ER, PR, HER2, oncotype, radiation consult, post-op...each step provides more info though on the road to beating this and I am ready to continue the journey with whatever is necessary.

jakhope

Hi Peeps,

I had this long message I was sending you last night and as I hit preview, pow! I was bumped off the internet and could not get back on. today I had to buy a new USB port wireless device, and bing it worked! I'm glad I did not need a new computer yet!

Linda- I had a good laugh last night from your post though. That was what I remember I was talking about. I forgot the rest.

I am getting more pinkness from my treatments. I bought some new bras today. No underwire , looser and soft. I bought two soft chamises too. All from Target. Not bad prices. I saw the nurse after today too, and she said to lather up more, so I will.

Mom is being transported this afternoon back to the Abbey and will have a nurse around the clock for two days. Hospice is amazing, and wonderful people. My brothers and wives are going to come visit Mom the end of march too. Not sure if she will make it to her 100th birthday in July.

I have a scan Thursday. The check half way through Rads. Kind of nervous about that.

Have a good evening my fellow peeps.

GP Jeannie here

LINDAGARSIDE

Welcome aboard Elle40!  Wow...you really have the BC jargon down quite well...and you seem to be new!  I found that part a little strange when I first joined as everyone seemed to be talking a secret language.

I still don't quite know what DH means.  I think it has something to do with husbands or partners but am not sure and am too embarrased to ask.  Perhaps it means "dear heart" or "dumb husband" or "designated hitter" or "dear husband" or "dirty helper"...or ????  I'm sure someone out there knows the answer to this one.  Thanks.

GP...thanks for the tips about the bras.  What are you "lathering up"...is this the aloe vera or are you supposed to lather up with soap or something else??  I hope your mom is comfortable and your siblings get some time with her before she departs.

Yikes...I'm getting nervous.  My appt with the radiologist is on March 8th.  I am also having an ultra sound on stomach and pelvis area on March 4th.  I've had a higer level of gas than usual and my husband says that some nights he thinks I'm just going to finally explode.  LOL.  I wonder what they are going to find in there?  I will be sure to get copies of all my reports.

Take care my fellow peeps...we're pink....we're perfect and we know it. 

elle40

Linda - I am pretty good with the jargon and the acronyms (military experience) but have not seen or heard of the one evading you. I cannot offer any aid in defining DH without seeing it used but found your possible definitions quite amusing and got a good chuckle out of the variety. Best of luck with your upcoming apt.  What causes the gas? I hope you don't explode. LoL

GP - I second the thanks on the bras and tops. I too have had computer problems and have learned to type into a Word document and transfer to avoid losing info. I have heard scheduling chemo on Fridays can be helpful to allow the weekend to recover some and also read that afternoon rad apts may help alleviate interruption for anyone working or carrying on normal routines during the day. Good to know your mom is receiving such good assistance in her time of need.

Hope all my pink teammates have a good week.

Ezscriiibe

Hi, ladies, just checking in to say hi and offer my cyber hugs to everyone!

I have had a freaking monsterous headache today, and while I'm taking alleve, it just keeps popping back.

Oh well.

Besides that everything seems to be going okay. My scalp keeps getting these weird sensations. I tried to describe them as tingles or like ants under the skin, but that really wasn't quite accurate.

I think I've settled on, it feels like my follicles are "puckering"!  LOL!

Nothing is coming out yet, but I'm guessing that "puckering" sensation means it's working on it!

Well, off to watch "Lost" and go to bed!

Take care of each other and wishing everyone well on their day tomorrow!

etk02038

Hi Ladies,

DH means Dear Hubby as far as I know from other noncancer boards. But I like the Dumb Hubby idea at times! Linda, I have started to worry about my pelvis also. I have lots of abdominal pain and gas the week before my period. Also prolonged periods. I think I better have that checked out before I begin Tamoxifen. I only started to worry about this since the cancer dx.

jakhope

Than you Ellen for answering that! I loved Linda's ideas. Hoefully all our new aches and pains having nothing to do with the ugly C. A girlfriend, who is now almost five years cancer clear, has warned me about that. How Any thing you feel you think is the cancer. she also warned me when we start weaning from treatment and the Dr says OK I will see you in six months. That is very scary too, as you feel anxious to go that long without being checked. 

I am starting to get the red itchy rash on my upper chest. most annoying. I am lathering up with the aloe, moisturizer, and now cortaid three times a day, but it is still itchy. Today markd my half way through rads. Nine more full breast, counting today, so the area that has the rash will not get treatment after the nine times.

Hope you all have a good day. Anxious to hear how all of your treatment plans are going.

GP Jeannie here

irish47

Hi all,

Back from the doc (surgeon) and he was pretty happy with his work as am I.  A funny story - when I was waiting to go to theatre I bought the morning Times newspaper to read.  I opened it up and there was a big article about my doc!  Turns out he is doing a major piece of BC research in conjunction with the Sloan Kettering hospital.  Good to be reading these positive things by someone about to cut me open!

Anyway he is referring me to a radiation oncologist and says I will get an appointment in the next couple of weeks.  He is also referring me to a medical oncologist regarding chemotherapy - says he doesnt think I will need it but that he, as a surgeon is not going to make the decision. Fair enough.

Linda, got a copy of all my reports.  Also got the book you recommended in the post yesterday. 

 Hope all you ladies are doing ok.  Am off out for dinner and a glass of wine with my husband and daughter to celebrate the positive visit (any excuse!)

Cora

Ezscriiibe

That's great news, Cora!

Raise a toast from me to you!

jakhope

Michele- when did you have your first treatment? I have been thinking about you.when do you go again? Wishing an easy ride for you.

Cora- great news. moving on. 

LINDAGARSIDE

Hi Pink Peeps...how are we?  I'm very pleased as Canada just beat Russia in hockey...go Canada go!

Cora...(aka Sherlock Holmes)...glad you tracked down all your records!  Sounds like you have a very good surgeon.  Score one for the Pink Peeps.

GP...hope things go as well as one can hope for with your mom...have been thinking about you.  Thanks so much for all your tips about lathering etc.  I hope you don't get too itchy or too red...sounds like it is starting to resemble a bad sun burn?  Do you have 9 treatments left, to the entire breast area...not just your old cancer spot?  I guess you are at least half way there..great news.

Michele...any further news about your staging?  I am thinking about you.  Take care of yourself and let's hope the news is good.  If Katie's experience is anything to go by, it seems the specialists sometimes are not too sure of what they are seeing or saying.  Seems quite crazy to put our lives in the hands of total strangers...and give them a high level of trust.  I guess we don't have too much choice. 

I mentioned the other day about my co-worker who has to go in for a diagnostic mamogram?  Today she is convinced she has cancer racing through her body (her mom and an aunt died of cancer...not breast cancer...ovarian and something else).  I told her to settle down and wait for the exam and go from there...but it's easier said than done isn't it?  It seems a life time ago when we first heard the dreaded words.  In fact, for me it has only been a scant two months. My time flies by when your'e having fun doesn't it?  LOL  (NOT)