MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN 40-60ish

staynsane

JustAmy- I'm so sorry you've had to join our BC club, but you've found a great place for support and laughs along the way.  My advice to all newly diagnosed people is to try to breathe, and take one step at a time.  The initial news given to me was devastating, and unlike you, my waterworks could have filled buckets.  Everyone reacts differently and processes things in their own way.  I thought I was given a death sentence, and my head was spinning as I searched information on the internet.

Now over two years post-diagnosis, I no longer think BC is going to kill me.  I only occasionally think about the cancer, more about how my breasts feel and look different after mastectomy, reduction and lift.  Life changing?  Yes.  A death sentence?  No, not for me.  Please be gentle with yourself and try to stay in the moment as you face each step along the way.  It can be a long process to put it behind you, but eventually you will have it in your rear-view mirror.

elimar86861

Welcome, justamy!   As you will read through the threads, you will see a lot of variation in women's reactions to the Dx and starting treatment...and as different as they are, they are all very normal.  (When I got the actual news, I went deaf for a few seconds.  I have no idea what the nurse said immediately after although I could see her lips moving.)  Like staynsane, I felt the need to gather up information for every step of this "journey."  I am guessing that you might have been doing the same, since you posted ~3:00 a.m.  We have all been thru' the sleepless nights!   From finding this website, you know you are not alone.  Everyone here understands and we are happy to listen and offer our support as needed.  What was the result of the genetic testing?  

Barbe, I didn't cry at my BC surgery, but years before I cried in the Dr's office when they told me I needed a surgical biopsy for questionable lump.  The looks I got!  Was crying really that much of an aberration at a BC Center?  One nurse said, "We didn't say you had cancer."  Way to invalidate me, eh?  Well, pardon me, but someone had just said that they would be cutting my body.  Should I have been smiling?  Finally, a nurse silently offered a box of tissues.  Finally, some humanity about it.  Of course, now that I have been thru' several episodes involving cutting cancer from my body, I look back and kind of laugh that I had been such a crybaby for what turned out to be a benign lump, but in certain ways the unknown was scarier than getting the known cancer out.

The Mods are so sporadic in their welcoming.  Why, a dozen ladies have made some of their firsts posts on this thread and The Mods didn't say boo to them.  I know it's an effort to have a presence sprinkled throughout the threads, but it always strikes me as an intrusion when they show up here once every year or two.  Don't worry mods I, for one, will never forget for a minute that you all are out there reading over my shoulder.  No reminders needed.

HomeMom

I just kept thinking "Why me"??? In my family there is just two cases of cancer period. NO breast cancer and of the cancer one was environmental and the other was my 80 something year old obese grandmother. My siblings were wild doing different drugs, smokers for a while etc. My brother is over weight and my sis never goes to the doctor and here I am with what I thought was my life in danger. I don't drink a lot, never really smoked (tried it as a teen and failed) and I keep my weight in the normal range. I eat well exercise and even have used sunscreen since I was 19 years old (no skin problems here). 

It was in shock and even now when I get in the shower and look down at my foob or on my drive home from work, I get weepy. It's been a long road and it isn't quite over yet, but as long as my docs are positive, I know now that it will be over soon and I can get on with my life. 

barbe1958

elimar, I am paranoid enough to think the mods are following ME to make sure I am being good. How sad is that???

Homemom, LESS than 12% of all breast cancers inherited. That`s a very small amount. We get mammograms to CHECK for cancer. At least we have that. There is no other cancer that we are encouraged so much to get checked out for, though skin and colon cancer are moving up the ranks rather rapidly!

HomeMom

barbe - I grew up in Daytona Beach and was a beach regular. I read an article when I was 19 in the paper about how the sun affects your skin. It scared the bejesus out of me and I started taking care of my skin. I guess I will be 55 in a couple years and will need to start the colonoscopy (sp) screenings.

barbe1958

I just had my first dermatologist appointment as my gene testing showed a deviant of unknown something-or-other on my BRCA2 gene and I was told to get my skin checked because of it. She is watching an area on my face and a tiny, wee dot on my arm. The area on my face I thought was just an age spot, but it is getting larger. It`s at the end of my right brow so I never paid it much attention. I see her again in December.

elimar86861

Barbe, So, has the moderating kept you good? I didn't even like it as a kid when I felt like Grandma was looking down at me from
heaven. Ahahaha!

HomeMom, The age recommendation is to get a CRC screening at age 50. The elimar recommendation is Don't Wait!
My own colonocopy is well documented on this thread (Mar. 2011,) as
is my Dx for CRC just 18 mos. later (Nov. 2012.) I am missing part of my colon and rectum now and only wish I had been screened at age
50, when it might have been as simple as getting a polyp out instead of a
full blown surgery. (While I'm wishing, I wish the doctor would have
been more competent NOT TO HAVE MISSED IT on the screening; but, if
wishes were colons, mine would still be intact.)

elimar86861

Took a while, but here we are at  posts.  Geez, you guys are so gabby!!!  How much is 28K?  Oh, about this many...

                                      

HomeMom

Ok, so I will add colonoscopy to my list for this next year!

justamy

Thank you for the warm welcome! 

barsco1963

Welcome Amy - you have found a wonderful place for support, encouragement, understanding, friendship and even fun. As jbok noted, no topic seems to be off limits (except the weather - that's a no-no).

Barbe - I didn't know that we couldn't cry for longer than 20 mins. Learn something new every day don't we?

I cried at the biopsy when the dr. told me she was sure it was cancer - thankfully there was a nurse holding my hand and my sister in the waiting room. I do remember my bs (at first appt after biopsy) commenting that my husband and I were handling things rather well (no tears) when she was describing the 3 areas of concern. What she didn't know was that my stomach was flopping around like a fish out of water.

Eli - 28,0000 - Wow. That is a lot of chatting isn't it?

Loral

I agree Eli, it's like big brother saying remember I'm still here...I got no welcome, but the welcome I received from my peers was priceless. Thanks for being here ladies.....

Footballnut

hi all!

Each day since taxol my fatigue has been increasing but thankfully no pain!!! Taste buds are disappearing and I too get hot at night. Ugh!

Since my birthday is Tuesday I treated myself with KFC, fries and smarties. Oh and a caffeine free Pepsi

No junk for another few weeks!!

Had band practice last night it was awesome!!!

Welcome justamy!!  As I near completion of chemo I still have times when I cry and think why me. Overwhelmed with info and opinions from others concerning what to eat, what to use for cleaning and washing etc etc. I'm tired of it all. 

I do my best to be positive while still having down moments and days. But I get strength from all of you and my friends and family and know that today's bc is so much different than yesterday's. It is not a death sentence and we all are super heroes!!

Hope that everyone has a great weekend!!

macatacmv

here are some "real" superheroes. We come in all shapes and sizes and have to get through each day as it comes. There is nothing super about me. I think the most important thing I have learned thru this experience is that I am not super and it is ok to let go and cry, wail and be angry. 

(I am not belittling your comment FBN!) Just letting ya'll know how I feel. I think this is a life altering experience and we get through it the best we can. I had to learn to let my business go, all my commitments and just concentrate on my health for a while. 

I went to my MO last week. She told me how proud she was that I had lost 35 lbs.  I told her that I have been having shooting pains in my breasts lately. She then says well, maybe it is because of the weight loss! I can't win! I said they told me I was gonna feel better when I lost weight. I'm still waiting!!! Oh well, come back in 6 months, my dear. When she uses endearments like that it hurts my teeth!!

elimar86861

It really is amazing how just a regular bunch o' wimmin can prevail and manage this disease!   Plow thru' it, or ask for help along the way.  It is up to us how best to navigate onward.

mac,

When she uses endearments like that it hurts my teeth!!

I hear you.  I live in a place where my Northern sensibilities are continually assaulted by the southern habit of someone (like a 28-year-old) calling me "Hon."  OMG, and yet somehow I have managed to avoid a murder trial.  Ha!  Let no one say I have no restraint.

glennie19

homemom:  I grew up in Miami, but we used to drive up to Daytona for vacation!  Love the beach there. My family is still in Miami and they still make the trek once a year for a few days of beach time. We are going on Aug 11 this year.

It's good you found out about skin care early. I had a lot of sunburns in my youth. I'm blue-eyed and fair skinned and no one used sun screen back in the day (I'm 55)  So I ended up with a basal cell on my leg at 38. Now I watch out. Big hat, sleeves, no sun-bathing!

And I would go ahead and schedule that colonoscopy. I had my first one at 50.  Just check with your insurance and make sure they will pay for it. Some of them balk when you are under 55, but with Cancer History,, they shouldn't.

And when I got diagnosed,, my Mom was like:  but how could you get cancer? You eat well and exercise, etc etc. 

Just the bad luck of the draw,,,,

Eph3_12

"sensibilities are continually assaulted by the southern habit of someone (like a 28-year-old) calling me "Hon." OMG, and yet somehow I have managed to avoid a murder trial. Ha! Let no one say I have no restraint."

Amen! 1 of my BIGGEST PET PEEVES.  People obviously younger than me (or people of any age) calling me Hon, Dear, Sweetie! AAARRRRGGGGHHH & yet I too, have somehow managed to avoid a murder trial!  HAAHHAHAHAHAHAH

elimar86861

I know we are not alone about that, Eph.  But if it isn't that, it's some other something.  Everyone has a pet peeve.

Glennie,  I was not aware that some cannot get colonoscopy coverage until age 55.  If the ins. won't pay for the screening, I bet they are paying for a lot more surgeries and hospital stays, although it probably has all been worked out by actuaries.  Don't you love how cost-effectiveness becomes a basis for our health? 

F-Nut,  Have to say your nausea is definitely under control if you kept the KFC, fries and Pepsi down.  Have you been able to maintain your weight on chemo?  In case I forget by Tues., I'll wish you a happy anniversary of birth right now.  Hope you are feeling up to having some fun.

                                                                     

barbe1958

Football, eat what you can keep down and don`t try too hard to stay positive. You have the right to be miserable. That POSITIVE myth is from people who don`t have cancer so they don`t have to feel guilty when you tell them all you`re going through.

About 8 years ago a guy at work was leaving (father of 4 darling little girls) and when I said goodnight, he said `goodnight sweetie`. I absolutely GLOWED for the rest of the day and still remember that incident to this day. It was said sincerely and I wonder if he even knew he said it to ME. (Like telling someone you love them before hanging up on a call and realizing it wasn`t your DH...ehhehe) So, ever since then I pass on the word sweetie here on bco when I am trying to give someone a warm-fuzzy. I hope I haven`t pissed any of yàll off, but I get it. I HATE when a young store clerk calls me HUN. I am NOT your HUN!!!!! When I drove tractor-trailer I used to use DARLING when talking to other drivers or workmen at the loading docks. I had only one throw it back at me (he was an asshole) and I told him I always called people darling because calling them asshole was just rude. 

elimar86861

It is very easy to tell when "Hon" or anything else is being used to mean someone less dear.  Rarely does it get used properly or with any real conviction outside the family or in situations not including loved ones.  Even if used genuinely, it can have the exact opposite effect on some.  I really think it should be avoided until a person is close enough to the other person to know how it will get perceived.  When used in a non-judicious way, to me it implies someone could care less about the other persons feelings.

I'm not always evil about it, and usually forgive if it is uttered in a mindless, habitual way. 

Footballnut

tx elimar!

Did ok with KFC, fries , coleslaw and Pepsi yesterday. Then had smarties!  Lol. I'm just starting to get a few aches - took 1 Tylenol 3 last night. Biggest thing is fatigue. Ugh. I hate it!

And all I feel like eating is junk!

So far I've maintainedy weight. Even lost a couple of pounds. Getting my gym membership turned back on. Woo hoo!

Enjoy your Sunday!!

Momine

Football, I had the same thing on taxotere - all I could eat was carby junk, like TGIF tex-mex. The stuff does a number on your tastebuds, but at least it doesn't give you nausea.

Even a little exercise will help with the aches and fatigue.

msmaples516

I am going to have my first mamagram on 8/5/14 since finshing with my radiation treatments 6 months ago.  I am little nervous. Hoping all goes well. I also have been taking Arimadex for the last 6 months. It has been fine. No side effects.  I am nervous.

 

glennie19

Hey, my next mammo is on 8/5 too!!  The first one since my MX.  I did have an MRI in March, but this will be the first mammo.

we can be mammo buddies.

glennie19

elimar:  My PCP wanted me to have the first one at age 50 as my father had died of rectal CA.  Course, he smoked and drank heavily and didn't take care of himself, and didn't get that until he was in his 80's,,, so honestly I didn't consider myself to be at huge risk for rectal CA.  When I saw the GI doc, he agreed, but said let's do it anyway.   Well, he had to use my family history to convince the insurance company that I needed to have it done at age 50. And so did my brother, but he was under 50 when he had his done. His doctor wanted to do him early due to the family history.   

elimar86861

glennie19, CRC is kind of like BC, in that most do not arise from family history.  The biggest significant factor for CRC is probably just age, being over 50, when things have had time to grow.  (With BC, the biggest factor is just being woman.)  With CRC, I seem to remember the question being, "Did a family member have CRC before age 50?"  That's a big red flag.  The other "rule" is that if a family member had CRC, then the kids of that person should get a first screening 10 years earlier.  Your insurance sounds like the usual tightwads, so I am glad you pushed to get it done.

msmaples516, welcome!  Ask them to go easy on the squishing, because most of us have still felt some lingering soreness at the 6 mo. point.  They might even listen to you, if you are lucky.

Good luck to you both.  I'll be watching for the results.

I'll be getting the mammo, US and a bonus MRI this coming Thursday.  A trifecta!

glennie19

Yes, CRC before age 50 is a major red flag! I don't really consider my family history to be that big a deal concerning it, but man,, the insurance company wanted it before approving the test.  **GAH*** they make me nuts. Like anyone WANTS to get THAT test done????   Not likely,,,

Loral

I get a TVUS on Tuesday, Mammo next Tuesday, must be that time of year....I need to get a Colon. too.

glennie19

I got my TVUS this Friday,, and the mammo the following Tues... Wow,, it really is THAT time of year.

glennie19

loral,, i really like your avatar!